STAND-UP PHILOSOPHY

WHAT DO WE REALLY HAVE NO TIME FOR?

Or Why Some Things Matter Too Little to Do—and Too Much to Admit It

Good evening, ladies and gentlemen!

Tonight, we're investigating the mysterious disappearance of time.

It was last seen on Monday morning, when a man solemnly declared, “I don't have five minutes to spare!”

He then watched forty-seven videos explaining the correct way to peel an avocado.

The police have ruled out kidnapping.

Time left voluntarily.

The truth is, people rarely run out of time for everything. They run out of time for certain things.

And because we're polite creatures, we don't say, “You don't matter enough.”

We say, “Things are absolutely crazy right now,” as though things were a wild animal holding us hostage in the kitchen.

You don't have time to read ten pages, but you know the romantic history of an actor you don't even like.

You don't have time to walk, but you'll spend twenty minutes looking for a parking space outside the gym.