fatal intoxication
A LOVE-LETTER 2 YEARS TOO LATE-FOR JOHN
heart pounding
breath fading
nothing new
2 years later, your voice still familiar
panic kicks in
knees become weak
your presence still so real as this daylight i see.
i said i was scared of you baby, afraid,
you said that can never be, no way honey;
i repeated to you if only you
had an idea how fast my heart beats
when your hovering face, taunting lips and musky scent
meet my feeble spirit after months apart
oh how i miss those lips!
you say how intriguing i can be
how could i ever have the nerve
to walk away from you when you’re trying to get close to me?
how can i call you up one evening and ask to meet
and you show up excited, heart on your sleeve
ready to sweet-nothings and get me to commit
only to have me look into your eyes,
kiss your lips and say goodbye?
baby, we both know i had to,
i needed to walk away from us, from you,
my demons, your demons that somehow became a family of its own
overwhelmed what we thought were two
hopelessly in love teenage souls
Get TOTI’s stories in your inbox
Join Medium for free to get updates from this writer.
loving you was suicidal, you know?
needing you was a black ball of blind hope
i needed to stop wanting you
craving you like a kale leaf with the sun
i was rightfully afraid that i would swallow you
and we know you already ate me up whole
like an orange light at a traffic stop
it was only a matter of time before we had to stop
there was no green light waiting for us sweetie,
we each felt differently
never wanting to but somehow able to
trust in the little good we had
honesty, something that existed separately
but to one another could never give.
2 years later i came back, i searched for you, did you ever?
2 years since that night you haunted me in my wake and sleep
2 years still high on your ghostly touch
drowning in the memory of that final kiss
1 kiss, 2 years and my love,
when i heard your voice again
a tsunami hit me and took my breath away
a flood came into me
a flood of fatal intoxication
we somehow left in the air that night
a flood of life, death; of love and lust; of desire and darkness
all wrapped into one.
it was us. we were the blade through one another’s hearts
even fate could never bless us with an elixir
because a fatal intoxication does’ngt have a redeemer.
