Member-only story
Our Inner Conflict
There are days when we wake up and feel like we’re not really here.
We move, we talk, we scroll through our phones — but it feels like we’re watching it all through a mirror, like someone else is living our life. Even our own voice doesn’t seem to reach.
Our thoughts and feelings feel clouded. We’re not sad exactly, not happy either, just floating somewhere in between, confused and overthinking random things… replaying past actions, wondering what we could’ve done better or where we should’ve stopped.
We try to tell ourselves, not once but many times — “You should get up and do something,” but we don’t.
Not because we’re lazy, but because it feels like we don’t belong to our own body in that moment. We just… drift. Do random, unnecessary things. And then feel angry inside, realizing our thoughts and actions don’t feel completely in our control.
We know we shouldn’t argue, but we keep talking anyway.
We know the things we’re saying don’t make sense, sometimes we don’t even mean them — but still, we say them. We get angry at ourselves for it, yet somehow we can’t stop.
We know we should sleep, work, or do something important, but instead, we waste time on things that don’t really matter, things our usual self wouldn’t even bother with.
