Deconstructing fear
A few tactics to deal this uncanny emotion.
For me, fear feels a certain way. I am not talking about the fear of being followed down a dark alley or being wheeled into a surgery room. I mean the more mundane feeling that sometimes comes up in my body on a random Monday evening, when I am not doing nothing much.
It often goes like this: my mind accelerates, I feel jumpy and impatient, and if my kids are around I usually snap at them. If there is (junk) food close by, I might gulp in too much too fast before I realize it. I may tremble and my heart may accelerate. After a few (or too many) moments, I stop and realize I am being taken over by fear.
Over time, I have created a few steps I use to deconstruct this fear.
1. The fear that cycles
Since I am a woman and I still menstruate, I will usually stop to think at what point of the calendar I am. Several years ago, before period journals became popular, I recorded my feelings during six months and correlated them with my cycle (a topic for another post if you are interested!). I learned that I was especially prone to the fear of losing loved ones during a certain moment. I don’t know how that will change after menopause, but for now it is really helpful: if I am feeling fearful and I realize it has to do with my cycle, at least part of it goes away with this realization.
2. Dealing with panic and other mental health issues
Get Yana Marmarilo’s stories in your inbox
Join Medium for free to get updates from this writer.
I started having panic attacks over 20 years ago, and have learned to deal with them in many ways. If I realize I am having a panic attack I will stop and do breathing or other exercises, or even take some medication (something I only accepted recently). I have also gone through periods of depression, and I also deal with fear during those times differently.
3. Discovering the fear trigger(s)
Regardless of whether the fear is mostly triggered by my cycle or by a panic attack, there is usually one or more triggers involved. At this point, I will try to find a quiet spot where I can be alone, breathe deeply a few times, and then trace back what happened before the fear took over. When I identify the trigger(s), I try to map out a few actions I can take to solve the issue that is bothering me. For me, it helps to make a list or journal it out. If the issue is totally under my responsability, I might stop there, or I might ask for spiritual help and guidance.
4. Seeking out spiritual guidance
If the fear is being triggered by something that is beyond my control, I will indeed seek out spiritual guidance. I might do that immediately, depending on where I am, or I may wait for the evening to take a relaxing shower and communicate with my spiritual guides before going to sleep. I have had a strong bond with my guardian angel for years and with what I call my spiritual team (yet another topic for a post), and I may communicate with the former, the latter, or both. I also have a strong connection with what we call nature and its elements, and I may draw support in that too.
5. Sometimes the fear comes from the outside
At times I may realize that my fear is not actually mine. If you are sensitive like me, you probably know that you will sometimes work like an old fashion radio antena and tune into other people’s feelings and emotions, including fear. Sometimes it is random, sometimes it is to involuntarily help someone heal. If that is the case I will follow a few other steps to desentangle myself from that.
A practical example
If you are a parent, one of your greatest fears is the loss of a child, and that was the kind of fear I was tuning into today. My eldest child (college aged) is travelling to see us in a few days and there have been a lot of difficult, practical issues coming up for this trip that have been hard for me to deal with. Thus, I descended into the more primal fear of losing him in an accident, and unravelling what was behind that motivated this post. Fortunately, just writing the steps out has brought me more peace.
And you, what are your tactics to deal with fear? I would love to hear them below!
