Writing downstream
How can one commit to writing regularly when life gets in the way?
I have wanted to be a writer since I was in 5th grade. And the fact that I began with “I have wanted to…” already tells part of the story.
I kept a blog for years and contributed to other blogs. I journal regularly. I write A LOT for work. Heck, I even write in my own head for most of the day. So that begs the question: am I a Writer with a capital W or not? If not, what excuses am I using to avoid writing regularly?
About 20 years ago I had a Big Book Idea and for the first time I took concrete steps: I took a course on how to write a nonfiction book project. I began a blog in a the specific niche and grew a small following.
Then my career took a drastic turn, I had more kids, and I closed that window in my mind. I became the Poor Working Mother Who Has No Time to Write.
Time passed. I began thinking of fiction writing again. I wrote a few pieces and showed them to no one. At some point I committed to writing a story a week on Reedsy, and wrote a grand total of two stories in a year and a half. I tried to convince myself that the technical writing for work was enough (and I do enjoy it).
A few months later I committed to writing for one hour a day. It was supposed to be one of the first things in my day (a.k.a., after dropping the kids off at school).
More recently, I decided once again that nonfiction was my thing and started this profile here on Medium. My promise to myself was even more challenging: 2–3 pieces a week.
If you look at my profile you will see I am far from that. Yet the problem is not lack of commitment, but a few underlying “excuses”.
The fact is, when I first began thinking about writing professionally 20+ years ago I was a broke grad student with a kid to raise, and I did need more time to write and, at the same time, the extra money my writing might or might not bring. Today I am still not well off financially, but I have a stable job that gets me to the end of the month. Also, the kids have grown and my job is flexible enough to allow for me to write regularly if I choose to. So why haven’t I been choosing this path?
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Here is a very honest list:
- Fear of being judged
I would need to be very brave to write what really goes on in my head. Similarly, I would be appalled if people at work or extended family, etc. found my writing. This is going to sound stupid, but I also have a deep fear of becoming a famous writer some day. Unless it was some sort of technical, niche book, I would rather be an old fashioned recluse hermit writer, using a pseudonym and having no social media presence.
2. Lack of energy
The different mental health issues in my family often leave me feeling drained. And although writing helps quite a bit, that takes me back to item 1 on the list. On top of this, there are days I have very little energy because of perimenopause, and I can’t afford the luxury of using it up all on writing that is not related to my day job. I am often too tired to get up early to write, and I have to add endless housework on top of everything else (I work mostly from home, which means I keep seeing stuff to do).
3. Lack of time
Lack of energy and lack of time are close cousins. This may look like wanting to take a nap during any little break (and in my case, 15 minutes often become and entire afternoon!) and, consequently, having to work weekends or nights to make up for it. And that will lead to less energy all over again.
4. The challenges of monetizing writing
Using Medium is my first attempt at actively pursuing financial returns from writing. Like most writers, that would be my ultimate dream — to do nothing but write and get a good income from it. Even with my present job, earning some money on the side would be more than welcome. However, the idea of writing for an income makes me feel stuck. Sometimes I sit down to write and end up spending way too much time looking at other people’s writing and trying to think strategically on what topics people would want to read about. For instance, should I write about a single topic (or a group of cohesive topics) or giving a voice to all of the random ideas in my head?
These are — of course — reasonable excuses, or maybe not excuses at all. But they do not remove the fact that I still want to write regularly and earn some extra money through writing.
Part of the inspiration for this article came from a quote by Abraham/Esther Hicks on the likes of “living upstream” or “living downstream”. The idea behind it was that living downstream was to follow the flow of life and things that make one happy, whilst living upstream meant insisting on the paths that make one unhappy.
Thus I took the decision to “write downstream”. For now, I will write whatever I want and share what makes me feel at ease. I will not stress out with earning strategies, coherence in topics or increasing my following. I will prioritize writing as much as possible, and try to direct most of my best energy to writing. And I will never ever start the day by doing the dishes first.
What are your greatest challenges when attempting to write regularly? I would love to know in the comments below.
