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Today I Die
On Crosses, Coins, and the Grace of Daily Surrender
Today I die. A quiet death. No great scene. No drama. Just an aquiescence to my new reality — I cannot both keep my life, and gain eternity.
I think we all wrestle with God over this. I know I do. Every effort I have made to preserve my life has diminished my life. For all the running after “things” that I have done, “things” have constantly evaded me. I grasp at riches and end up empty-handed, for in fact, they are merely vapors.
Jesus was upfront about the cost of discipleship. From the very beginning, he laid it out plainly for all to see, but we don’t take him at his word, do we? I surely haven’t.
Jesus said, “For whoever wants to save their life will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me will find it.” (Matthew 16:25, Mark 8:35, and Luke 9:24) In another place, he said, “Very truly, I tell you, unless a grain of wheat falls into the earth and dies, it remains just a single grain; but if it dies, it bears much fruit.” (John 12:24)
I am not confused about this. I know that this is today’s death. Tomorrow, there will be another, and the day after that, another, and day by day, a personal crucifixion. On any given day, I may choose to live, to grasp, to throw my weight around, to tell God what to do with my life. On those days…
