Becoming
To know yourself is to truly live.
It has been a minute since I was on here, and this is me saying I successfully overcame the need to explain my absence and apologise for the long silence. When I decided to write again, it came naturally. There was no pressure, no deadline, no hurry; just an interest in writing about relationships that popped up, again, one random evening. I know for certain that this is the first of many such pieces; the one where I write for no one’s validation and Abba’s glory.
The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want. He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters. He restoreth my soul…
I always thought the Psalmist was just chilling, relaxing somewhere, when he wrote Psalm 23, but the man was neck deep in chaos, and did not feel rushed, at least at the moment he wrote the psalm. I completely get that feeling. I am grateful that this does not feel rushed.
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While on my hiatus, I have experienced about 10 different seasons, all part of my journey to become more “ME” than I am each day. I have struggled and grown, taken steps back and leapt forward. I have laughed and cried, been heartbroken and pieced myself back together, soared and rested. I have truly lived while I've been away, and I continue to live in a world I only existed in.
I truly gained clarity the day I realised that no one was coming to save me; partly because I am already saved, but mostly because I am the only one who can make the moves to help myself.
Since I became aware of my journey, I have come to appreciate two things: the things I do because I choose to and the things I do because I choose to choose to. Do you get? To simplify it, it is discipline over motivation, just like enjoying going to that job you hate. You know you are stuck until you can move, and that it is best you make the best out of the situation. However, this might also be a trauma response from being Nigerian, so maybe take this with a pinch of salt.
These days, I appreciate the days I go on a walk because I said I was going to, and I felt like doing it, but I appreciate more the days I clock 10,000 steps because that was what I planned to, although I didn’t feel like it. Both sides are proof that I am living life, a life that I did not choose, yet choose to live. You get?
So far, this is my favourite chapter in becoming me, the one where I love fully, embrace the love I receive, forgive wholeheartedly, set up firm boundaries and learn from numerous mistakes. However, every year has been my favourite since I began taking stock. I will truly never have a better yesterday.
How about you? What chapter of your journey has been your favourite so far? I’d really love to hear how you’re embracing your own becoming. Share your thoughts in the comments, let’s grow and learn from each other’s journeys.
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