Member-only story
MY LAWN, MYSELF
Welcome to My New TruGreen Lawn
Funny, I didn’t know I’d ordered one, considering my current yard is 98-percent winter‑killed regret
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Written with heart, humor and a stubborn refusal to stay silent
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I felt like a three-cup writing challenge today. None of that simple “I tried this and wife Tricia fixed it” stuff, or “AI screwed me so I’m screwing back.” That’s too easy.
No, I wanted a tough one for a change. The kind where the coffee won’t flow fast enough to help me through the slog.
And, to make it even more challenging, my laptop battery says it has 16 minutes of life left. Just popped up the “Your Battery is Low” warning and everything. That warning could talk about my computer or myself.
Today’s tough topic: This headline from an unsolicited ad in my mailbox: “Welcome to your new TruGreen lawn.”
I didn’t even know I had an old TruGreen lawn. Heck, looking at the carpet of dead crabgrass freezing in a Midwestern winter, I couldn’t tell I had a lawn at all.
But OK, it doesn’t hurt to dream, especially when May is just a quarter of a year away.
