me_irl

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me_irl
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> doesn’t mind watching the burgers for a minute while you go to the cheese shed to get the good cheddar
> wears an apron to protect the Sailor Moon shirt you gave her for your anniversary
> eats all the burgers while you’re in the shed
> throws four fresh ones on the grill before you’re back because she loves you

verbally annihilates anyone who makes fun of you for having a cheese shed

Damn, I want a cheese shed.

Man, than you haven’t truly lived!

Nor have I, by those standards: but I imagine that’s what “truly living” entails


Damn, I want a man with a cheese shed!

Perfect man

Goes out to the cheese shed to bring me sharp cheddar




OK, where are those women hiding, because I want to go out with one.

They are where the food is




• Isn’t already married to someone else



has pp

ahh, that’s better


Even “is nice to you” isn’t necessarily mandatory. Loves you, and loved by you are the only necessary attributes.

I mean I love some banter that I wouldn’t exactly call “nice”. Not mean, but definitely not nice.

Banter can sound mean without actually being mean. If you’re both into it and enjoying it then it probably isn’t actually mean.



> Enjoys romantic dates at Spatula City


*exists in real life.

One my favorite scenes:

Is she your dream girl?

No, she better, she’s real.



will beat your ass with the greasy spatula while you’re looking for the cheddar in the tool shed?


That’s like the bare minimum.


Practices anal douching


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