GraniteM, granitem@lemmy.world

Hopefully that’s not loo water.

What does Uncle Sam look like?!

I actually don’t really care if the assassination attempt was staged or not…

(For the record, I don’t believe it was, because I don’t believe this group of chucklefucks could successfully execute such an event without totally cocking it up somehow or accidentally texting their plans to the New York Times.)

…because I know for a fact that Trump has done so many horrifying things right out in public where we can see them that if there was any functional justice in the world he’d already be locked up for the rest of his miserable fucking life. Faking an assassination attempt wouldn’t even be in the top hundred worst things that he’s done.

And they scoop lard instead of vanilla ice cream

“[O]ur rights and our dignities come not from God, but from government,” he said.

Hmm.

Slaves, obey your earthly masters with respect and fear, and with sincerity of heart, just as you would obey Christ.

Ephesians 6:5

…and…

Slaves, obey your earthly masters in everything; and do it, not only when their eye is on you and to curry their favor, but with sincerity of heart and reverence for the Lord.

Colossians 3:22

Is that the God you want to derive your rights from, Clarence?

[H]owever much all this soothes my vanity, and however much I appreciate being vice-president of Mensa, an organization which bases admission to its membership on IQ, I must, in all honesty, maintain that it means nothing.

What, after all, does such an intelligence test measure but those skills that are associated with intelligence by the individuals designing the test? And those individuals are subject to the cultural pressures and prejudices that force a subjective definition of intelligence. […]

The whole thing is a self-perpetuating device. Men in intellectual control of a dominating section of society define themselves as intelligent, then design tests that are a series of clever little doors that can let through only minds like their own, thus giving them more evidence of “intelligence” and more examples of “intelligent people” and therefore more reason to devise additional tests of the same kind. More circular reasoning!

–Isaac Asimov, “Thinking About Thinking,” 1975

“Plague.”

Might get stuck with a small payout.

“What are the winning numbers for the next lottery drawing with a payout of over $500 million?”

Trump Only Fucks Up

I saw a straight-up depressing ad at my last visit to the theater. A couple of guys are out back of a restaurant talking, and a third guy joins them.

Guy 1: What are you doing with your tax refund?

Guy 2: I’m going to buy some recording equipment and start that podcast I’ve always wanted to!

Guy 1: Nice. I’m putting it back into this truck that I have so I can keep making money making deliveries to restaurants! How about you, [Guy 3]?

Guy 3: [Smiles ruefully, opens his phone to…]

And the ad is for an app that invests your money in crypto currencies. So the ad is shitting on the idea of pursuing your creative dream or owning your own real-world business, and endorsing the idea of taking all your money to the crypto casino.

Fuck. That. Shit.

Prostitution? Gambling.

Exotic dancing? Fraud.

Dealing street drugs? Gambling.

Marketing pharmaceuticals? Fraud.

Your stomach thinks all meals are smoothies.

Your tongue always knows what it would feel like to lick any surface you can see in person.

There’s no meaningful difference between eating a pound of crab meat and eating a pound of crickets.

I had garlic ice cream once. It wasn’t horrible, and I’m glad I can say I’ve had it, but I wouldn’t order an entire sundae.

She forgot that butts exist. And feet.

Someone remade Portal as a browser-based side scroller, and I fucking loved that game.

I played through Horizon: Zero Dawn and Forbidden West, and with how hard every NPC was flirting with Aloy, I wondered “Why isn’t this a post-apocalyptic dating sim?”

In Divinity: Original Sin II, there’s a game-breaking mechanic where you can plant tea plants in pots, grow new tea plants, harvest them, and then use the buffs from drinking tea to get infinite moves during fights. I actually got into the whole management of the tea farm, and I don’t want to totally throw out the RPG combat, but I might like it if farming and then using your crops to win fights was an entire game unto itself, rather than just a broken exploit.

And cliffs! Sheer cliffs seem to be much less geologically common than my childhood led me to believe.

At first I thought the American just couldn’t recognize short-haired flat-chested Scandinavian moms as women.

I became a knife guy. It started when I was visiting a government surplus store and I realized that I could buy knives that had been confiscated at security checkpoints at a steep discount. Then I started developing opinions about grips and blade geometries.

Now I’m wearing a neck knife every day, and I tell people that once you start carrying a knife, you’re amazed to find all the convenient uses you can find for the thing in a given day.