Separation anxiety is what happens when you can’t find your phone.

It isn’t true that my mattress is made of cotton candy.

Or sarcasm, even

Their comment history is literally just Fox News. Covers the full gamut from trans athletes to Hunter Biden conspiracies. I didn’t know these people existed on Lemmy

She is never happy until she finds something to be unhappy about; then, she is overjoyed.

Someone I know recently combined Maple Syrup & buttered Popcorn thinking it would taste like caramel popcorn. It didn’t and they don’t recommend anyone else do it either.

He would only survive if he kept the fire going and he could hear thunder in the distance.

Never understood this point. There’s no way you can move your account (including full history) to another instance, right?

He looked behind the door and didn’t like what he saw.

The opportunity of a lifetime passed before him as he tried to decide between a cone or a cup.

deleted by creator

Everything about this is disgusting, but I do find it interesting that one of his grievances is that Elon ‘stole his Nazi swag.’ I.e. that he was a Nazi innovator and Elon is terribly unoriginal in all his Nazi behaviour

The reservoir water level continued to lower while we enjoyed our long shower.

He was surprised that his immense laziness was inspirational to others.

We will not allow you to bring your pet armadillo along.

Buried deep in the snow, he hoped his batteries were fresh in his avalanche beacon.

I’m a living furnace.

She saw the brake lights, but not in time.

Harrold felt confident that nobody would ever suspect his spy pigeon.

This made him feel like an old-style rootbeer float smells.