Do you like music? Sure. Then that case you’re gonna love this. I was into these dudes before they got big. Partied with them all the time. In Napoli Where love is king Where boy meets girl Here’s what they say YAAAAAHHH GO! Wanna grab ass, listen to Akon We gotta leave, kid called in a bomb Stole a bottle of rum from my mom I wanna get fucked up at the senior prom Jersey prom! Oh oh oh oh oh oh Jersey prom! Underskirt and heavy breath Try to stand up, trip on your dress Crusty eyes and garlic bread Go smoke some weed on the back deck! Jersey prom! Oh oh oh oh oh oh Jersey prom! One knock on the bathroom door One drunk on the bathroom floor My drink’s too stiff, I overpoured My girlfriend just called me a whore Jersey prom! Oh oh oh oh oh oh Jersey prom! Put a hole in your ex’ door Give me something baby Give me more Watermelon, Smirnoff Jello shots, Coors Cuz I walk like an ape Talk like an ape All on account of the Malort! Sunday morning came and went Empty dreams in my pitched tent Told my mom the night was a total wash I should’ve stayed at home and just jerked off Jersey prom! Oh oh oh oh oh oh Jersey prom! Jersey prom! Jersey prom! Oh oh oh oh oh oh Jersey prom! (Quaaludes! Quaaludes!) I don’t wanna do the, Cha-Cha Slide anymore! (Non-narcotic! Non addictive! Bring back the fucking Quaalude!)

Ain’t caught a break in a couple of years I got a trash can full of beers My phone is dry, I got no fear I got a trash can full of beers My tongue up against your ears Cuz of my trash can full of beers You better volunteer To drink a trash can full of beer! Trash. Can. Full. Of. Beers! Trash. Can. Full. Of. Beers! Trash. Can. Full. Of. Beers! Trash. Can. Full. Of. Beers! Autistic gender queers They get a trash can full of beers Old dads still watching Cheers They get a trash can full of beers A jet black hatchback, empty rear It gets a trash can full of beers Character Actress Judy Greer She gets a trash can full of beers! Trash. Can. Full. Of. Beers! Trash. Can. Full. Of. Beers! Trash. Can. Full. Of. Beers! Trash. Can. Full. Of. Beers! I practice safe drinking, I’ve mastered risky sex I take fifty minutes to respond to a text I practice safe drinking, I’ve mastered risky sex I take fifty minutes to respond to a text It’s undebatable, I, I am undatable You’re, you’re unrelatable cuz I am undatable UGH Cuz I gotta Trash. Can. Full. Of. Beers! Trash. Can. Full. Of. Beers! Trash. Can. Full. Of. Beers! Trash. Can. Full. Of. Ar-e-o-las Trash. Can. Full. Of. Beers! Beers! Beers! Beers! BEERS! Beer! Trash can full of beer! I’m drinkin, I’m drinkin trash can full of beers in the basement with your mom Your dad is watchin, he’s not, he’s not drinkin He’s sober now Beer.

I might retire I’m crossing wires Nobody wants wants me To be their fire So freaking tired Can’t get much higher So rock your body And I’m feeling inspired Cause I’m losing the race I’m taking shots to the face Til I develop just a little bit Of social grace I’m shooting fish a barrel Wal-mart Lewis Carrol If they take another dollar I just might go feral And all I really want to know Is this the way that it goes? Is this the end of the show? Is it lights down curtain low? Is it too late now to say no? Is there a way to make the time move slow? Is this the end of the road? Hey! Hey! Hey! I don’t want to wait Hey! Hey! Hey! Four plus four equals eight I’m feeling dire Crown me a sire My girlfriend’s dog is Calling me a liar I’m going viral At David’s Bridal I boot and rally At the dance recital I’m trying to open my eyes I’m adding beer to my lime I’ll brew another pot of Coffee Just to pass the time And now I’m running late Moving at 28 But that’s the story of my life Shut the fuck up and wait And all I really want to know Is this the way that it goes? Is this the end of the show? Is it lights down curtain low? Is it too late now to say no? Is there a way to make the time move slow? Is this the end of the road? I don’t know where I’m going but I want a good time I don’t want a long time I want a good ole little short time I don’t know where I’m going but I want a good time I don’t want a long time I want a good ole fashioned short time Don’t want a long time, just give me a good short time Can only talk to people for like 15 seconds tops I don’t know where I’m going but I want a good time I just want a little good ole, short time, woo! And all I really want to know Is this really the way that it goes? Is this the end of the show? Is it lights down curtain low? Is it too late now to say no? Is there a way to make the time move slow? Is this the end of the road? Hey! Hey! Hey!

She's into superstitions black cats and voodoo dolls I get a premonition that girl's gonna make me fall She's into new sensations new kicks in the candle light She's got a new addiction for every day and night She'll make you take your clothes off and go dancing in the rain She'll make you live her crazy life but she'll take away your pain Like a bullet to your brain Come on! Upside, inside out she's living la vida loca She'll push and pull you down, living la vida loca Her lips are devil-red and her skin's the color mocha She will wear you out living la vida loca Living la vida loca Living la vida loca Woke up in New York City in a funky cheap hotel She took my heart and she took my money She must've slipped me a sleeping pill She never drinks the water Makes you order French Champagne Once you've had a taste of her You'll never be the same Yeah, she'll make you go insane Upside, inside out she's living la vida loca She'll push and pull you down, living la vida loca Her lips are devil-red and her skin's the color mocha She will wear you out living la vida loca Living la vida loca Living la vida loca Everyone now you out living la vida loca Upside, inside out she's living la vida loca She'll push and pull you down, living la vida loca Her lips are devil-red and her skin's the color mocha She will wear you out She’s living la vida loca living la vida loca living la vida loca I Said gotta gotta gotta la vida loca Ya you gotta gotta gotta la vida loca Said you gotta gotta gotta la vida loca Ya you gotta gotta gotta la vi.

It was a Tuesday night and the beach was packed tight Bennys cutting rug We got Alex riding high And Gavys in the corner He’s risen up a show Everybody on the shore They were starting to glow And then a DJ came and he started up a mania Blood was boiling like a stage of Castlevania Lights a blinding that would jostle up your cranium Hands arose, and we raised them from the floor They did the smack They did the smack Oh everybody out there in the crowd they were doing the smack They did the smack They did the smack Oh everybody started throwing hands they were doing the smack Well bodies were attacking Hands they were a clapping Everybody smacking like a renaissance kraken Arms were elevating The earth was a quaking Everybody locked up in a state of smacktivating They were smacking with their hands Smacking with their feet The whole entire party was a smacking fever dream Waves they were a crashing Volcanos a ashin’ Winds a blowing faster then the lighting was a flashing Then a blow was thrown that would put you in the hospital Demons flew out of the bodies of the bacchanal Lava blew from the caldera of the volcano Hands arose as we held out for our own We did the smack We did the smack Oh we were out there fighting for our lives we were doing the smack They did the smack They did the smack A war was waged out there on the dance floor doing the smack Smack, smack, smack, smack Smack, smack, smack, smack Smack, smack, smack, smack Smack, smack, smack, smack Smack, smack, smack, smack, smack, smack, smack, smack woo! With our hands a blaze afraid the final blow was baking And cries a grinding through the aurals of the raging But a glass arose through the sensation of the patrons and Hands arose as we rallied for our souls Kicking it with these demons Once more, woah! Volcanos blowing to the heavens The smack was a dance of an ancient tiki legend Everybody laughing Everybody hanging Chugging back a zombie with the devils we were smacking Oh! Woah! Attention beach goers, please evacuate the area The volcano Bong Squad is conducting a controlled burn on Mount Marijuana I REPEAT Please evacuate the AREA The volcano BONG SQUAD is conducting a CONTROLLED burn on the VOLCANO We gotta keep the beach safe for the kids allright We’re patrollin’ for eruptions all day and night We turn volcanos into bongs and we fire em up And we’re chuggin’ down the smoke while the bong erupts Call up the Bong Squad! To get it under control Volcano Bong Squad! There’s no time to roll Volcano Bong Squad! We’ve got it under control Volcano Bong Squad! There’s no time to roll Looks like that bowl is too hot Johnny lost a lung Man it was Johnny’s first day and we promised him fun And we’re trynna hold on but down we go So you better find cover. She’s about to blow! Call up the Bong Squad! To get it under control Volcano Bong Squad! There’s no time to roll Volcano Bong Squad! We’ve got it under control Volcano Bong Squad! We’ve gotta roll Oh yeeeaaaaah IT’S HOT! Called up the Bong Squad! They got it under control Volcano Bong Squad! Gotta hear a bit more Volcano Bong Squad! We had to go Volcano Bong Squad! It’s about to explode! Fat man, Little hands, float away from magma land

I really wanna kill you But only in a cute way I really wanna kill you I don’t care what your friends say So fuck your mom, fuck your dad Fuck every girl you’ve ever had I really wanna kill you but I can’t Cuz killings bad

Alright... Alright it's 3 AM, I'm Barbie, I'm Ken Holding back your hair while you're puking in a bucket Acting tough, it's not enough Rip a whippet in McDonald's; sippin' soju in Nantucket Hot and cold and I got too old Waitin' on an Uber that I know is never comin' Wanna kiss you, I miss you, I wish you, you shih tzu, but Nothing's getting better and I feel like hitting something, so I've- Never really gotten in a fight Guess I'm gonna punch a wall tonight Ask me how I feel? Not alright Fuck! I fuckin' broke my hand! Alright... Alright it's New Year's Eve, I'm Adam, I'm Steve, Feel like Breakin' Bad, I'm just Malcolm in the Middle Drink the whole shelf, I hate myself Happens every time now I'm living in a shithole String my life along, hit the wrong bong Talkin' to the mirror like a discount Travis Bickle You fuck me, I fuck you, you fuck me, I fuck you No wait Fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU! I've- Never really gotten in a fight Guess I'm gonna punch a wall tonight Ask me how I feel? Not alright Fuck! I fuckin' broke my hand! On the corner of Pell Street and Mott She says “I don't do this” but she do it a lot She got a rocket in her pocket, half a baggy of pot She's like "I'm not like this" but she like it a lot, I'm like - “You wanna fuck? Why not? I'm feelin' cute and I'm feelin' hot” Five bucks, beer and a shot but I'm not a real man, I'm not a real man On the corner of Pell Street and Mott She says “I don't do this” but she do it a lot She got a rocket in her pocket, half a baggy of pot She's like "I'm not like this" but she like it a lot, I'm like - “You wanna fuck? Why not? I'm feelin' cute and I'm feelin' hot” Five bucks, beer and a shot but FUCK! On the corner of Pell Street and Mott (I've-) She says "I don't do this" but she do it a lot (Never really gotten in a fight) She got a rocket in her pocket, half a baggy of pot She's like "I'm not like this" but she like it a lot, I'm like - (Guess I'm gonna punch a wall tonight) “You wanna fuck? Why not? I'm feelin' cute and I'm feelin' hot” (Ask me how I feel? Not alright) Five bucks, beer and a shot but (Fuck!) I'm not a real man, I think I broke my hand On the corner of Pell Street and Mott (I've-) She says "I don't do this" but she do it a lot (Never really gotten in a fight) She got a rocket in her pocket, half a baggy of pot She's like "I'm not like this" but she like it a lot, I'm like - (Guess I'm gonna punch a wall tonight) “You wanna fuck? Why not? I'm feelin' cute and I'm feelin' hot” (Ask me how I feel? Not alright) Five bucks, beer and a shot FUCK!

It’s been a year A whole fucking year That I’ve waited, waited, waited For you to love me like before I’ve got mud on my jeans Yeah I’ve been down in the dirt But I would’ve dressed for the occasion if I knew I’d get this hurt Where did you go I can’t find my way without your light I’m losing control I just wanna know if you’re alright What do you want? What do you want from me? What do you want? What do you want from me? Do you like to confuse me Do you try to abuse me Cuz my heart and head and brain aren’t the same Since you’ve been gone I’ve given it all I don’t know what to do When you treat me like this but I still feel like All I need is you Where did you go I can’t find my way without your light I’m losing control I just wanna know if you’re alright What do you want? What do you want from me? What do you want? What do you want from me? Actions speak louder than words But you haven’t said much anyway Where did you go I can’t find my way without your light I’m losing control I just wanna know if you’re alright What do you want? What do you want from me? What do you want? What do you want from me? What do you want? What do you want from me? What do you want? What do you want from me? Fuck!

Tear up the foam! Tear up the foam! Tear up the foam! Tear up the foam! Tear up the foam! Tear up the foam! Tear up the foam! Tear up the foam! Go! Drop in the set I’ll tech your deck, Chet Don’t need a teacher To snap your neck In the tube in the tube The tube of course! Got my styrofoam steed Call Neptune’s Porsche I got the casa You the bonita Chilling villa margarita Drinking sangria Don’t need some benny To give a retorty Chug a forty on my boardie Malört in my shorties Don’t need to see, just need to be seen If you don’t agree, then suck my Hi-C WHY? Cause I Tear up the foam! Tear up the foam! Tear up the foam! Tear up the foam! Tear up the foam! Tear up the foam! Tear up the foam! Double Overhead? That’s what she said! Give me your head I’ll check the rear end waves to myself call that exclusive Tubi on your mattress all inclusive I’m soft like a pillow You’re hard like a dildo I got nine feet So you should chill bro! Standing on the port your motor roaring Rhyming orange with door hinge I’m out affording the mortgage Wipeout the crust from out your eyes What your ‘bout to see is super size Why? Cause I Tear up the foam! Tear up the foam! Tear up the foam! Tear up the foam! Tear up the foam! Tear up the foam! Tear up the foam! Wipeout the crust from out your eyes What your ‘bout to see is super size Tear up the foam! Tear up the foam! Tear up the foam! Tear up the foam! Tear up the foam! Tear up the foam! Tear up the foam!

How can I be enough? The one to go to when the going gets rough I can’t believe I’m the one Who’s standing there when all is said and done Cuz you’re so fucking special And I’m so out of touch Cuz I’d give you the whole world But I can’t give that much So I cherish every moment And I hold them all so dear That warm and fuzzy feeling when you here That a tattoo of your name Couldn’t ever feel the same You know it really isn’t fair The way it feels when you’re not there When I wake up and hear your cries The endless tears pouring out of your eyes There’s a part of me that died But you brought me back! If this isn’t love then I’ve been lied to Cuz it was so goddamn hard to find you If you go blind, then I go blind too Like I haven’t got a clue And I smile in every picture Cuz god knows how much I miss her You’re the only one to make me say That a tattoo of your name Couldn’t ever feel the same You know it really isn’t fair The way it feels when you’re not there I lie in your bedroom window Dream life on your nintendo These eyes will realize All that you fantasize Now a tattoo of your name (Now all I got is a tattoo of your name) Couldn’t ever feel the same (I’m bleeding out ink and it’s making me insane) You know it really isn’t fair (Standing on the edge of this game of truth or dare) The way it feels when you’re not there (You’re not there) Now a tattoo of your name (Now all I got is a tattoo of your name) Couldn’t ever feel the same (I’m bleeding out ink and it’s making me insane) You know it really isn’t fair (Standing on the edge of this game of truth or dare) The way it feels when you’re not there! (You’re not, You’re. Not. There!) UGH!

I bop it I pull it Twist it and I tug it And I flick it I lick it God you know I love it And I spin at I win at Everything I do I’m past it, I’m so zen I’m solid I’m platinum Trojan and I’m Magnum And I’m gin and I’m tonic Post mortem, post ironic And I care more I’m hardcore Won’t cover up my cold sore Piss drunk at The World’s End Go head and waste your education T-t-t trust fund queen Hedging a bet that you won’t ever forget Yeah I’m so fucking fake on the internet I’m so fucking fake on the internet I’m so fuckin fake. I am. I said it. I’m so fuckin fake on the internet I’m so fucking fake I’m so fucking fake on the internet I’m so fuckin fake. I am. I said it. I’m so fuckin fake on the internet I’m so fucking fake Bing Bang Boom I’m floatin to Mt. Doom I am a hobbit and a hermit Who’s just stuck in his room Can’t help but fixin on the bitches I’m pickin at my stitches And the only thing they wish is That I’d just fuck of and ditch it But I’m perfect I’m epic I’m drinking antiseptics And I’m rowdy Lip pouty No shadow of a doubty That I’m spastic Fantastic My brain’s made out of plastic All you ants ain’t better than me Masturbation, celebration M-m-m- muppet fiend Get what you get, and your so upset Yet I’m so fucking fake on the internet I’m so fucking fake on the internet I’m so fuckin fake. I am. I said it. I’m so fuckin fake on the internet I’m so fucking fake I’m so fucking fake on the internet I’m so fuckin fake. I am. I said it. I’m so fuckin fake on the internet I’m so fucking fake Get up, get the fuck up I’m eating hot dogs ain’t ever heard of In jorts you can’t pronounce Think you’re so cool and locked in Oh you’re fingers on the pulse? I just watched you spend 40 bucks on beef bolognese In a buca di beppo You don’t know SHIT I’m at this fucking networking event In a packed dive bar in buswhick This guys asking me “What kind of movies I been watchin lately?” I’m like “I don’t know man I’ve been rewatching Transformers: Beast Wars?” He goes “Oh seriously dude, you like Michael Bay movies?” I’m like “What? Bro, NO. I’m talking about the 1997 Hasbro Entertainment, CGI masterpiece TRANSFORMERS. BEAST. WARS. Optimus Primal Cheetor, Ratrap Fuckin Dinobot switching to the good side at the end? The shit was fucking shakespeare!” He’s like “I don’t know man. I’m really not into that kind of stuff. I’m in to cinema.” Bro. This. Is. CINEMA. You know what? Fuck you. You’re the type of guy to go to a fucking show Stand in the back with their arms crossed and go “I don’t know man, it’s just fuckin music” Why don’t you fucking dance? Dance if you fucking care about me Dance if you fucking care about me DANCE IF YOU FUCKING CARE ABOUT ME I’m so fucking fake on the internet I’m so fuckin fake. I am. I said it. I’m so fuckin fake on the internet I’m so fucking fake I’m so fucking fake on the internet I’m so fuckin fake. I am. I said it. I’m so fuckin fake on the internet I’m so fucking fake I’m so fucking fake on the internet I’m so fuckin fake. I am. I said it. I’m so fuckin fake on the internet I’m so fucking fake I’m so fucking fake on the internet I’m so fuckin fake. I am. I said it. I’m so fuckin fake on the internet I’m so fucking fake I’m so fucking fake on the internet I’m so fuckin fake. I am. I said it. I’m so fuckin fake on the internet I’m so fucking fake

Drinking Sunny D and vodka Yeah you know we got a lotta Problems we gotta figure out Silent driving from the sunset Said some words that we both regret But we’ll never own up to it You say you can’t make up your mind You say I’m changing all the time But honestly, to me, I feel the same So bleach your hair just one more time I hope it runs and you go blind And you can get your wish And never see me again Pretend we’re friends But you’re never gonna see me again Pretend we’re friends But you’re never gonna see me again I see you with your new girl You say that she’s your whole world But I can feel it in my heart That it’s still me And it’s fucked me up for months before You threw my trust right the door But you know what You can fucking keep it And I don’t care what your friends think Cuz they don’t know that their shit stinks And jesus christ, they just want to fuck you You’re always right but you still left You treated me like second best Now please accept your gift And never see me again Pretend we’re friends But you’re never gonna see me again Pretend we’re friends But you’re never gonna see me again Pretend we’re friends But you’re never gonna see me again Pretend we’re friends But you’re never gonna see me again Well you’ve gotta know That it’s irrational When you tell me to see The glass half full Well I’m fucking useless (I’m fucking useless) And I’m so fucking hopeless (It’s fucking hopeless) Well at least I know that I… I’m not a giant fucking cunt Pretend we’re friends But you’re never gonna see me again Pretend we’re friends But you’re never gonna see me again Pretend we’re friends But you’re never gonna see me again Pretend we’re friends But you’re never gonna see me a- Never gonna see me a- Never gonna see me again