This is something that I’ve been thinking about for a long time, but I’m not sure it’s an issue…

Whenever I read something; watch something; engage with something; I find that I’m quite easily persuaded to the point of view of the author. This might be a mix of selection and survivorship bias – I tend to engage with stuff I’m interested in, and things I don’t end up agreeing with I tend to forget – but still, I think I change often. Not by a lot, necessarily, but I adopt these different points of view quite easily.

Is that bad, though?

I think there’s some odd honour to sticking to one’s guns, but, at the same time, I also think that it’s silly (and wrong) to be stuck in one’s ways. I should be able to engage with whatever I come across and judge it on its own terms! I should think for myself, and not let myself be guided by preconceived notions. Simultaneously, those notions were preconceived for good reason, much of the time… Relying on that notion, however, is something I feel I shouldn’t do.

I’m afraid of being convinced of things that cause pain and suffering. I think of the Nazis and how they convinced people to hate Jews, or rather, how they basically made people OK with being complacent while their fellow Man were being executed. There’s many such examples. Is it ever alright to cause such pain? To wage war? Mankind should be precious to Mankind, I think. I’m really scared that, if I read the wrong thing, I might be convinced of this or that and end up peddling something that leads to Man owning Man; to innocents being at the mercy of the ruthless. It’s not that I think I’ll ever wield such power and influence as to enact my will upon people, but I don’t even want to consider the possibility that whatever I support ends up leading to that, whether it’s actually executed or not.

I’ve heard something to the effect of “If you’re wondering if you’re insane, you’re not insane”. Maybe there’s some refuge there for me… If I’m wondering if I’d be convinced that such horrible things are good, I wouldn’t ever be convinced that such horrible things are good. Complacency, though, is permission for the reckless, and a plug on measure.

Maybe it’s a healthy fear. Maybe it’s good that I’m scared of this.

Bravery is a virtue. I want to be virtuous, and I want to be brave.

Does it follow, then, that I should face my fear and keep learning? Learning, reading, acting… Trying to be good, as much as I can, as much as I can! Is that virtuous, or reckless? To not do it, though, feels undeniably like complacency.

I watched a video, some time ago, about how propaganda – this was about Russian state propaganda, but I think I actually also read something similar by Jacques Ellul – wants to exhaust you into inaction. I guess, maybe, that gives me a direction: I should act. Whatever I do, I should act.

I hate when I reach a conclusion… Now, I feel I have no choice but to do something uncomfortable. But if it’s the right thing to do; if it’s the thing I think I should do; how can I live with myself if I do something else? Dang it…

Anyway, I wore my black trousers, today.