The Bible is more like of you took HP, LotR, and 20 other series and mashed them together.

“Looking for a career? Do you have at least 6 months of experience as a cage fighter? Text WAFFLE to 123456”

You’re thinking of an ombudsman. An ophthalmologist is a grappling submission that uses your legs and hips to hyperextend an opponent’s shoulder joint.

No, you’re thinking of an ornithologist. An opthalmologist is someone who practices dark arts.

Sausage is just pre-shit.

I am considering challenging him to a cage fight.

I’m pretty sure you can donate to Mozilla, are you saying that donations to Mozilla don’t accomplish what we might want? I only know a little about how much Mozilla sucks so I’m ready to learn more.

tl;dr: the mistress’s vagina was deformed.

(I also have not read it)

You really think someone would do that? Just go on the internet and tell lies?

True visionaries.

I was in my late 30s when I realized the Beatles were not spelled the same as the insect beetles, and that their band name was a pun on “beat.”

Make friends with the legends who live downstairs.

If you’re clumsy, do a grappling martial art like wrestling or Jiu-Jitsu. After 6 months even if you still suck at that martial art (e.g., me) your nerves and muscles will know how to move shockingly efficiently.

I don’t know if this is true but I once read that people expected the cotton gin to improve slaves’ conditions because that part of the process was incredibly labor-intensive, so it would be saving them work. Instead it made cotton farming more profitable and boosted slave ownership. ☹️

Yeah baby, lay that pipe.

Thanks to alcohol, that phone is now the cleanest thing she’s had in her mouth all night.

I will die on this hill: Dude, Where’s My Car is actually a good movie. People just can’t see past the premise to realize it’s executed extremely well.

In the Midwest, obviously.