Helleborine

Finally got around to reading this, and what a read. What a damn read.

Spoilers incoming----------

Even the things I initially disliked about the prose (like Stephanie's pompous way of speaking and Hellen's internet-speak) only made the story better once the reveal happens. I think it's easier for me to feel for Stephanie because we get access to her inner world, and we can guess the amount of religious guilt and self-loathing she's going through from the bits and pieces beyond the facade. But the circumstances of her relationship with Chrys are way worse than Hellen's.

 Hellen was a kid. A confused teenager. One who did endless harm, yes, but a confused teen nonetheless. Something I've always thought about a lot is when do we, as adults, start going from confused kids trying our best to navigate tough changes to people who are completely responsible for the harm we inflict upon those more vulnerable than us ? Is it the arbitrary 18 ? Is it when we reach higher societal power than our victims ? Or rather than going up, should we look down, and consider anyone above 15 as fully responsible for said harm too ? When do we stop ?

Obviously there isn't any clear cut answer. This is something societies still struggle with today, and will probably disagree on for the rest of human life. But there's one truth that remains when we talk about the standards of perpetrators : a victim has to exists for them to be called so. Someone was hurt. Someone was groomed, someone was bullied and harmed and pushed to the the brink. And because we focus so much on perpetrators, we often don't get to hear the victim's words. How they see themselves. How they lived through what happened to them. How they felt about it all. We as readers can guess about who Chrys was (I have many such guesses myself), but ultimately, we -- just like Hellen and Stephanie -- can only have an idea of who she was. The one living in our head isn't the real Chrys. Nobody knows the real Chrys but Chrys herself, and Chrys is gone.

I usually say something along the lines of "this was a joy to read" but was it ? I don't think I felt much joy reading this entry ; but I did feel very strongly, and I think that's everything when it comes to fiction. Thank you for making this beautiful game !!

This was the first of over 50 vns i've read this past month that made me cry.

spoilers below-----------------------------------------

The turns the story takes are so insidious and breath-catching. So eye opening to see witness the ways both characters covet Chrys. 

In spite of the circumstances, Stephanie and Chrys's relationship came across to me as genuinely sweet. It first soured to me when she saw through Hellen's ruse; the way she degraded Hellen's femininity, her dress, her makeup, everything she had previously internally praised under the guise of it being directed at a trans woman was suddenly regarded with disdain. The line where she asked if the friend was envious or jealous was so haunting in retrospect.

Such a fantastic job portraying trans women as the women of women; targets for both disdain as lesser or imitations of the feminine, of women, and sex objects to be possessed and owned. Finally, someone I, as a woman, can treat like men treat me.

I've been coveted in this way most notably by a former partner, and my father. The partner was bisexual, but lamented that she went from dating "one of the good ones (men)" to just dating a woman. She was affirming, but still expected things of me as though I was a man, and made my life a living hell when we split. Stephanie's cancellation of Hellen following her discovery stung; I wonder how she might have behaved if Chrys had rejected her. My dad's coveting of me manifested as a sudden shift to try to control me; to possess what he felt he was losing. My (his) agency over me (his son); things like my (his) masculinity being threatened, my shirking of my expected duties as the only vector of paternal lineage on his side of the family.

The ending fucked me up so much because I came close killing myself as Chrys did, and would have if I had been a bit younger, a bit less independent, a bit more vulnerable. It's so fucked that it's the cis women who get to persist; who get to have this bitter "happy ending," who get to keep raping Chrys's memory after she died by their hands, after she died for their sins.

Absolutely blood curdling that we will never know what Chrys was actually like. We only have the self-serving accounts of people who coveted her, envied her, were jealous of her too much to ever love her. We only hear Chrys's story from the people with her blood on their hands.

wow, amazing. a deeply brutal read. after i reached the end i went back and read through all the stories again… feeling it all click together horribly. really great work.

i think this also used the medium really well- little touches like the way you styled hellen’s text (and when it lost that stylization), the different colored text in the novel narration… it’s a simple presentation with a great deal of polish.

———————- SPOILERS ———————-

you’ve truly performed an amazing feat to get me to hate the student as much as the teacher in this scenario. the end scene where they’re both remembering their idealized chrys… even with their dueling narratives we’ll never know what she was thinking. why she took her own life, how she felt about these two women… it’s so heartbreaking.

i also loved the way you depicted stephanie unraveling, the way she described herself and all her movements until they were out of her control… i don’t know if we ever reached something real inside. thank you for sharing.

bruhhhhh lmao

spoilers below

holy shit lmao i want to stress i mean this positively: this is like watching a murder mystery and getting to the end of the episode only for the detective to unveil the villains plan: a comically convoluted rube-goldberg-machine that takes 10 mins of explanation but you CANNOT take your eyes off it because of how crazy and entertaining it is 

truly insane, that was so so fun to read. i do also wanna say the prose within the prose and the lil animations were wonderful

I did wander in the beginning why Hellen would choose a random teacher with little experience in creative writing to be tutored by, so I knew something was up (that and having played Ride Home), but holy shit there is no way I could have prepared for that! And then the hits just don't stop coming. This is the first jam entry that made me truly squirm in my seat. Congratulations <3

So, same time next week?

What is there to say about Helleborine... What isn't there to say? Could words, in their limited, imprecise manner clarify the depth of human emotion that this visual novel contains? 

I acknowledge my incredible bestie bias, but I don't care, there's SO much to say and I shan't be held back by convention of humility.

I've commented and complimented Tabbie before on it's sublime ability to write, but manages with such an incisive purpose to draw out the sensation of having a panic attack in me so effortlessly. The horror, dawning realisation, and exquisite pain that Tabbie's writing can elicit is impossible to find anywhere else. With ease, the pacing of the story transitions between states of such gentle, heart-fluttering sentimentality, only to harpoon you with heart wrenching line after line. 

It's only been recently that I've become familiar with Porksbun as an artist, and as a first impression? I am entirely enamoured!! I'm always anxious and a little embarrassed to comment on art. I'd put it somewhere around "I have the taste, but not the vocabulary to express why I like this." Forgoing fumbling foolishly for some kind of faux-intellectual statement, I think it suffices to say that the visual language, the decisions made, the intentionality, and the vibe were all delicious.

gragrgharghrhgrg i need to chew on hellen like im doing tug of war with damp rag grhagrhgharhhahrgAHRGAHGRHAGHRHGRAHGHRGHHGHHH...

yay! well done! i love this!!! perfect fun for the whole family

this left me feeling so hollowed out by the end. amazing work.

(spoilers)

"I have a habit of finishing people's sentences. She had trouble finding the words to describe her emotions. We fit together nicely that way."

even when the things stephanie says are dripping with love, it's like she's taken a bite of chrys and slotted herself inside the wound.

after the first bits of the novel, i had a permanent grimace on my face. couldnt stop gnawing on my hand. wonderful, wonderfully sickening story... couldnt put it down. played it all the way thru in one sitting

I did not expect to detest both of these women as much as I did, christ. Even going in knowing there would be a "twist" I did not expect it to unravel like that.

Made me cry, something so rare for a game to make me do. beautiful work.

She was loved.

ow!

really good work. visual novel that makes you insane. the flower naming does it again. i don't know how to praise any one piece individually; the sprites and environments and music and text sfx are all crafted together so well. i am definitely going to read through this again and rotate them in my mind at incredibly high velocities.

I thought I had a handle on what this was and, even while it did appear to be that, the art and the kind of audio segmentation between the real world and hellen's stories were quite captivating. Once I realized I absolutely did not have a handle on it at all, it gripped me and even now has not really let go. Around then, I'd say things are presented in an increasingly unhinged way that kept me from really finding my balance. All in all, I'm left in a place that's very satisfyingly difficult to think myself to a resolution on with this other than to say I enjoyed it very much.

echoing other comments here - the first 50% had me curious and the last 50% had me HOOKED. I'm going to be thinking about this for a while!!

i feel like someone put their hands on my shoulders and would periodically vigorously shook me to the point of whiplash and concussion while i read this game. yes it was set up to be uncomfortable from the start, but if you had asked me the way this game would piece itself together, i would have not ever, ever, ever seen it unfold the way it did.

i'm enamored by the cream and teal scenes and how they feel like im peering into a memory of someone which. maybe i was. ?. a certain scene using a boiling line overlay was absolutely, undoubtedly, the moment everything truly became 50000x more insane. which is impressive because it was already incredibly insane prior to that part. awesome

Multiple times while reading this I thought to myself "I could not in a million years expected that it would go this way" and then it just kept happening. This one absolutely blew my mind 

This was an absolutely crazy ride from start to finish! The prose is superb. I loved some of the ways you used the text itself to convey things (e.g. the use of capitalization and lack thereof to illustrate a shift in the dynamics at one point of the story) - so fitting for the protagonist as a creative writing teacher. The illustrations are also really beautiful. Amazing job!

Used to be a creative writing tutor back in the day. I’m glad I have never gotten into this kind of relationship during my time. The twists and turns are very fun and tragic since they broached several intriguing ideas about being queer today. Liked it a bunch.

wow! setting this up like one kind of story and veering it into an arguably more fucked direction was masterfully executed. thinking back, there are so many little details that foreshadow the big twist that went unnoticed in my first playthrough. the last scene with hellen and stephanie made my jaw drop.

Had me muting in vc to focus on the game and exclaiming loudly at twists when I wasn't muted. I'm looking forward to replaying.

i feel insane, want to vomit, want to run into the woods. 10/10, amazing work tabbie and porksbun

Good job making a story where the punchable face dial is turned up and down on each character as time goes on (positive)

had me trying to claw my eyes out the entire time. great job.

They'll never make me hate you Stephanie.

The emotions throughout this story are gut wrenching and the transgender and racial dynamics add in so much to chew on, with so much prose to bask in. An incredible one on a second playthrough, to notice what my previous self couldn't catch. 

hey this lady walked into my library and asked for a meeting room what should i do

TABBIE YOUR PROSE ONCE AGAIN MAKES ME EXPLODE. THIS WAS AMAZING!!!!!! 

Helleborine was so wonderfully written and beautifully drawn. The CGs are gorgeous and fit the tone of Hellen's stories well (even with the added context by the end). I loved the feeling of dread that creeps up at you as they continue with their meetings and as Stephanie reads Hellen's stories. The way they both choose to "remember" her both before and during the sex scene was really well-done. They're both awful in different ways but it's in a way that's mesmerizing. This was such an amazing game.<33333333

ooooouh this had me squirming in my chair and feeling really funny feelings in my gut. really really good. I really greatly enjoyed the constantly shifting power dynamics eventually completely melting down into mutual desperation, and the shifts between the current moment and the storytelling were captivating!! also the sex was really hot. this is the kind of story that really needs the sex to be hot in order to stick the landing and I'm very glad to say that it succeeded

this goes insano style on so many levels as always your writing is so tight and cohesive and these characters are just the best. when stephanie frame one put her hand on her chest and stared hellen right in the face saying my pronouns are she her i immediately knew oh she has to die. really loved the cgs too that along with the story got progressively more detailed (until you can see hellen giving them the stink eye at the mall lol) the lonely dog boiling line effect complements the pencil sketch aesthetic that gives the (back)story scenes such an;;; idyllic quality. and that ending with the superimposition ????  cant believe how much you all killed it with this one

talented, brilliant, incredible, amazing, show stopping, spectacular, never the same, totally unique, completely not ever been done before, unafraid to reference or not reference, put it in a blender, shit on it, vomit on it, eat it, give birth to it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YALL ATE AND I LOVED THAT YOU LET ME PLAYTEST AND I CANT WAIT FOR MORE PEOPLE TO READ THIS!!! BEAUTIFUL VISUALS, BEAUTIFUL SOUND, HAUNTING STORY, EPIC SEX, THIS VISUAL NOVEL HAS EVERYTHINGGG!!