Hey man, I’m glad you’re able to have some honest introspection whatever the methods used to get there. Never be apologetic about sharing genuine emotions in a healthy way, life’s too short.
I grew up in an angry household too, I was the primary inheritor of my abusive father’s anger. My father lost his family because he couldn’t control his emotions, and watching that happen is a big part of the reason I mastered my anger after some missteps in my youth.
You’re not wrong in how you describe it, just being angry and letting loose is addictive in a way. I’m grateful I had people supporting me as I learned how to break the cycle, I hope you’ve got a support circle just as strong as mine was.
As for all you’re going through and what your mom is dealing with, I’m sending you a big brotherly hug over the internet, I wish you nothing but the best. If you ever need someone to lend and ear and talk to, please don’t be a stranger and drop me a DM.
I’m just glad to see a man in the process of bettering himself even when easy, cop out, answers are everywhere. You’re doing a hard thing but with that comes the knowledge that you’re doing it right, no shortcuts.
I could say to be a better person for your partner or your son, but honestly most of all be a better man for /you/ because you deserve to know what a fulfilled life is like and feel safe and comfortable in the quiet hours.
The journey may never end, but it definitely does get easier and more enjoyable if you just keep growing from what came before. All the best to you!