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Kristin doesn't get along with her own parents and the lack of respect has carried into the next generation. The boys completely act out and like their mother, have no respect for their grandparents.
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00:00Well, I am in scorching hot Mesa, Arizona,
00:05ready to take a look at a family that desperately need my help.
00:08Let's take a look.
00:09Hi, I'm Kristen Hollenbeck.
00:11My boys are Jordan, six, and Jaden, he's four.
00:14My name's Patricia. I'm the grandma.
00:16I'm Cliff, the granddad.
00:18Kristen and the boys have been with us for seven years now.
00:26No! I hate you, you idiot!
00:29I'm a State Hall grandma.
00:31You're not drinking that, are you?
00:32I do real estate here in the Phoenix area.
00:35And you're on the other one, aren't you?
00:37Jordan will just burst.
00:40I was talking too fast! I hate you!
00:43Screams.
00:44Flop! Flop! Stupid!
00:46Throw things.
00:48He's a tough kid.
00:50He has a lot of anger.
00:53Get over here and get your shoes on.
00:55There is no way I would tolerate that.
00:59No! No!
01:01What? That is not okay, Jaden.
01:04Jaden's got a potty mouth.
01:05This is stupid.
01:07He refuses to do anything.
01:09Get over here.
01:10Jordan and Jaden, they are kicking each other
01:14and hitting each other and pushing each other.
01:16Jaden!
01:17Jaden, get over here.
01:19We love the boys so much.
01:21But we are older and it's tiring.
01:24I hate you!
01:26It's also hard.
01:28Six minutes right here.
01:30Because Kristen makes it hard.
01:34I live at home with my parents
01:36and because of my financial situation
01:39I am not able to move out on my own right now.
01:42Hey!
01:43I need that!
01:44It's hard to be just the mom.
01:47I don't have anybody to back me up.
01:49Get in your room!
01:51Get in my room!
01:52In our household, I see myself as being the mom.
01:57Get your shoes on now!
01:59Kristen is a 10% mom
02:01and 90% of whatever she wants to do.
02:06Well, I'm glad you're busy.
02:07I don't respect my mom.
02:09I don't respect the way that she parents my boys.
02:13I ask all the time.
02:15No, you don't.
02:16I would like to be just the grandma.
02:19It's mom's responsibility to be taking care of her kids.
02:22He's in time out, you know.
02:25It makes it very chaotic here.
02:27Who gives him junk for breakfast?
02:28You.
02:29When you're giving breakfast.
02:31I mean, these ladies are clearly not on the same page.
02:36Go to your room!
02:38I don't see these boys going in a good direction.
02:42Well, we only have that stinkin' thing.
02:44I don't see a light at the end of the tunnel.
02:46You've got to stop being rude
02:48or you're going to spend the day in your room.
02:51Super Nanny, you're our last resort.
02:54Please help us.
02:55Bear with me, guys.
02:56I know things are out of balance right now,
02:58but I'm on my way.
03:00Hello.
03:01Hi.
03:02Pleased to meet you.
03:03Jo.
03:04My name's Pat.
03:06I was very nervous.
03:07Because I knew, you know, she was going to be coming in
03:09and observing our family.
03:10I'm Cliff.
03:11Pleasure to meet you.
03:12Jo Frost.
03:13This is Jordan.
03:14Hi boys.
03:15Hi.
03:16Pleased to meet you.
03:17Say hi.
03:18Pleased to meet you.
03:19Hi.
03:20Hi.
03:21Pleased to meet you.
03:22Say hi.
03:23Pleased to meet you.
03:24Hi.
03:25Pleased to meet you.
03:26Hi.
03:27Pleased to meet you.
03:28Say hi.
03:29Pleased to meet you.
03:30Hi.
03:31Pleased to meet you.
03:32I gather Kristen's at work.
03:34Yes.
03:35Yes.
03:36So until then, literally, you're at home with the kids.
03:38Yes.
03:39And you do that full time?
03:40Yes.
03:41I do.
03:42Pat isn't alone.
03:43At least 2.4 million grandparents in the USA
03:46live under the same roof as their grandchildren.
03:49All right.
03:50Well, let's have lunch now.
03:52Jaden, come on, sweetie.
03:56And this was one grandparent who had her hands full.
04:03Jaden, I'm not going to chase you.
04:05I want you over here now.
04:07You can eat as soon as you're done with your four minutes.
04:10Right there.
04:16Good boy.
04:17No.
04:18No.
04:19I followed the boys upstairs and got a chance
04:21to see just how violent they can be with one another.
04:24No.
04:25Boys, boys, boys.
04:27No.
04:28Boys, no playing on the stairs because this is highly dangerous.
04:32Kids like to rough house, but I was quite concerned
04:35with these boys that they might actually hurt one another.
04:38Jaden, you're choking him.
04:40No, that's not part of the wrestling.
04:43There's clearly no rules in this house,
04:45but when I asked Grandma and Grandpa about this,
04:47they felt that Kristen was to blame.
04:49Any time her and I get into it big,
04:53she'll say, when I move out of here,
04:56you will never see these kids.
04:58I was hearing some serious resentment,
05:00and Grandma, I'd only just started to open up.
05:03She does nothing in the house.
05:05She does absolutely nothing.
05:07Does she pay what we call rent?
05:08No.
05:09No.
05:10Kristen has always had a hard time being grateful,
05:13from minor little things to the major things.
05:17We basically provide everything for her.
05:21I'm right on cue. Mom came home from work.
05:24Hello.
05:25Hello.
05:26How are you?
05:27Very well. Pleased to meet you, J. Frost.
05:29How are you doing?
05:30Hi, Kristen.
05:31Good.
05:32It was awkward meeting her for the first time,
05:34but I was hopeful that she would be able to fix things.
05:38How was your day today?
05:40Good.
05:41Fair?
05:42Yeah.
05:43It's all right.
05:44Mm-hmm.
05:45Mum had barely spent any time with her family
05:48since she'd been home,
05:49and then she went upstairs,
05:50and that gave me a chance to talk to her
05:52about her side of things.
05:54What's going on?
05:55Me and my parents don't get along that well,
05:57and when I come home,
06:00it's just fighting and arguing,
06:03or they'll just say little comments,
06:05and so to get away from it,
06:07I just come up here so I don't have to hear it.
06:14What is it that has you most upset with your mom?
06:17I don't think that she thinks I'm a good mom.
06:22Do you think you're a good mom?
06:29I try my best.
06:35It must be rather difficult for Kristen to know
06:38that her own mother doesn't think
06:40she does a good job as a parent,
06:42but if you don't do much...
06:44What do you do when you're here?
06:46Like, being that mom that you feel that you are?
06:49I always give them a bath,
06:50I always get them ready for bed,
06:52you know, stuff like that.
06:54So how difficult is it actually
06:55having this conversation with me?
06:57It's hard.
06:59Because you know that you're not being truthful, or...?
07:01No, I'm...
07:12Later on, Jaden asked for candy,
07:14and the adults weren't in agreement
07:16whether he should have it or not.
07:17Hey, I told him no.
07:19No.
07:20Oh, you told him no?
07:21Yeah.
07:22Alright.
07:23Mom said no.
07:24I hate you, idiot!
07:25Turn this on, okay?
07:26Go to your room.
07:27No!
07:28Yes.
07:32Now you get another minute.
07:33I hate you, idiot!
07:34Now you get another minute.
07:35No!
07:36I hate you!
07:38Is that quite normal,
07:39that you would say yeah,
07:40and you would say no,
07:41and then you would listen to that,
07:42and then...?
07:43Well, if you came down and said
07:45that the kids couldn't have candy,
07:47then I would say no, I didn't know.
07:49What I would have said...
07:50What I would have said is,
07:51you know, I had already said no,
07:53but go ahead,
07:54because Grandma already said yes.
07:55And so...
07:57then I don't know what to do.
07:59All the adults have got to get on the same page.
08:01The kids are stuck in the middle
08:02between this power struggle
08:04with Grandma and Kristen,
08:06and the whole family is suffering for it.
08:11Are you going to play one game?
08:12He's been playing games!
08:14He's been playing since we were off!
08:18He's been playing the game all day!
08:20If I want to press A, I can.
08:22I don't want to...
08:23Well, too bad!
08:25Look, come here, just stand back.
08:27We'll play the next game.
08:29Okay!
08:30No, let me...
08:31It's not going to be that...
08:34I could not believe the disrespect to Grandpa.
08:38These kids have learnt it from somewhere.
08:40Where is the gratitude
08:42and the common courtesy
08:44with your parents?
08:46It's not there.
08:48Why?
08:49Just...
08:50there's so many issues
08:52that we have right now,
08:53and...
08:56I don't.
08:57I don't say thank you.
08:58I don't...
08:59I don't think about it.
09:01Christian's just lazy.
09:03When I came downstairs,
09:04Grandma was on the floor
09:06tidying up after the boys.
09:08Hey, come help me pick up these airplanes.
09:10Jordan.
09:12I don't have to.
09:14So what?
09:16So what?
09:18After observing this family,
09:21I've realised that they've got some serious issues.
09:24And it starts with these adults first.
09:26They're going to be having a wake-up call
09:28when I sit down and have this family meeting.
09:30Let's talk about yourself, Kristen,
09:32and your responsibility
09:34and the fact that you're a parent
09:36to two young boys.
09:38What exactly are you doing?
09:40Nothing.
09:41No.
09:42Nothing.
09:43No.
09:44You walk around feeling like
09:45you don't have to lift a finger
09:46or do anything.
09:48You pay no rent.
09:50And you're damn lucky
09:51that you're not out on the street
09:52having to do
09:54what 200,000 young mothers have to do every day.
09:58Gratitude is something
10:00that you flush in the bathroom.
10:03Your parents have chosen to give up
10:05the second half of their life
10:07and put it on hold right now
10:09to raise your two boys.
10:11Boys love spending time with them.
10:13You are their mother.
10:15Your parents beside you
10:17are their grandparents.
10:19Quite frankly, it's disgusting.
10:22You're Harold?
10:2325.
10:2425?
10:25Seriously.
10:2625 years old
10:28and the mother of two children
10:30and yet you carry on like you're 12 yourself.
10:33Like, grow up and do what you're supposed to do
10:36because nobody else wants to tell you.
10:39Your parents are too scared to tell you the truth
10:41in case you walk away.
10:43In case you blackmail them
10:44that they won't get to see their kids.
10:47Do any of you have anything to say?
10:49Cliff?
10:50Pat?
10:51Everything you said
10:52is what I think we've wanted to say
10:56for a long time
10:58and have been unable to.
11:00Today, you better start owning up
11:01to what you need to do to step up.
11:04It's as simple as that.
11:07Let's talk about discipline.
11:10There is no discipline
11:12when it comes to raising the boys.
11:15You openly admitted, Kristen,
11:17that you were lazy
11:19when it comes to following through
11:20and doing things.
11:21But how do you expect to teach your boys
11:23the importance of behaving
11:25and being respectful
11:27if you don't teach them a consequence?
11:29It's not going to happen.
11:30No, it's not.
11:31I'm absolutely appalled
11:33and disgusted
11:35to see two young children
11:38think that it is okay
11:40to speak to their grandparents
11:43the way they spoke
11:45to them yesterday.
11:46Well, they need role models.
11:48There's turmoil in this house
11:51and it's breaking everybody up.
11:56Looking at the co-caring situation,
11:58has there never been any communication
12:01with regards to your responsibilities?
12:04If there is, then it's yelling
12:08or them saying that I'm not doing something
12:12and it's not ever brought up in a nice way.
12:15Have you guys ever sat
12:16and spoke to Kristen
12:17about your responsibilities?
12:19Um, we've never sat down
12:21and discussed that.
12:22The times that we did,
12:24it would end up into a...
12:25Argument.
12:26Argument.
12:27A shouting match.
12:28How could the co-caring situation
12:29be successful
12:31when there's been no communication?
12:33I don't have an answer for that.
12:35No.
12:36None of you have an answer for that.
12:37And unless you sort it out
12:41to the place where you guys have
12:44some respect and boundaries,
12:46you will destroy the family relationships
12:49between you all.
12:50That's right.
12:52So, are we ready to do some hard work?
12:55Yes.
12:56We're ready.
12:57Sorry, I didn't hear that.
12:58Yes.
12:59Sorry?
13:00Yes.
13:01Right, okay.
13:02I will see you very shortly then.
13:03Okay, thank you.
13:07The Helen Becks have no structure to their day
13:09and it's leading to the boys misbehaving.
13:11So, I want to put a routine into this home
13:13to help the whole family have more focus.
13:15So, let's start from the beginning.
13:18Who's going to get the kids up and dressed
13:20and ready for breakfast in the morning?
13:31Well...
13:32I don't know.
13:33What do you mean you don't know?
13:40Who do you think should be doing it?
13:41Me, but I want to sleep too.
13:43Excuse me?
13:46I do like my sleep.
13:50But I have to, so...
13:54These are your kids, right?
13:55Mm-hmm.
13:56Where's your mummy, Jordan?
13:57Where's your mummy?
13:58Here.
14:03Excuse me one moment.
14:04Let's go outside for a minute.
14:06I couldn't believe this, mother.
14:07I was totally gobsmacked.
14:10I needed to set her straight.
14:12You are bloody kidding me, aren't you?
14:14I mean, you're not being serious in there, are you?
14:17What's wrong?
14:19You're in there and you're stalling about
14:21getting the kids ready.
14:22You're like, oh, but I want to lay in and I want to sleep.
14:25I...
14:26Well, I'm telling you the truth, but...
14:28These are your kids.
14:29I said I'd do it.
14:30These are your bloody kids.
14:31I know.
14:32Exactly.
14:33So recognize what you've got to do.
14:35You've had it too good for too long with your parents.
14:38You're lucky I don't kick you out the backside
14:40until you get in there and deal with it.
14:42Like, seriously.
14:44Okay.
14:45Come on.
14:46Nobody handcuffed you, did they?
14:47And forced you to go out and have some wild sex somewhere
14:49and come home with a couple of kids.
14:50Let's be serious here.
14:52Come on.
14:53You gave birth to a couple of kids and you're like,
14:56hold on a minute, I want to have a lay in.
14:57No, that's done, girl.
14:58That's done.
14:59Pull your ass in there and get doing what you should be doing.
15:02I don't even know if Kristen was hearing me,
15:04but I was hoping.
15:06All right.
15:07Show me what you've got.
15:08Come on fire.
15:09Show me what you've got.
15:10All right.
15:11The kids get up between seven and eight.
15:13What are you doing?
15:14I'd have to get up at seven.
15:15Mum, kids up at seven.
15:16Between seven and eight, you can do what with the kids?
15:19Make them breakfast and get them dressed.
15:21Sweet.
15:22Mum seemed to have got it and so we breezed through the routine.
15:25And in addition, I gave them a clock to help them find more balance during the day.
15:30It's going to be hung up by the front door.
15:33Okay.
15:34So that when mum comes home and she's on duty as such.
15:38Right.
15:39You will be able to display mum here and pop that in like so.
15:43I think the schedule is a good idea.
15:46So my mum doesn't feel like she's being taken advantage of.
15:50It's been six years since I've actually had some free time.
15:54And I'm excited about, you know, just being able to do whatever I want to do.
16:01This routine is going to be a marvellous help for grandma.
16:05But only if Kristin can stick to it.
16:07You're going to have to see.
16:13Discipline is a real sticking point in this house.
16:15So I wanted to teach all the adults how to do my time out technique properly.
16:20You're going to do one minute per year of their age.
16:24You're going to walk away.
16:25If they get up, you'll place them back without any communication.
16:28You'll set the timer again.
16:30And when they've done their time, you'll come back and you'll explain for a second time.
16:33And they'll apologise sincerely.
16:36I sent grandma and grandpa away for a couple of hours.
16:39Because I know this much.
16:41Mum needs to get a handle on disciplining her own boys.
16:48I already gave you a warning.
16:49Okay, I'll stop it.
16:55I put you in time out.
16:57Because blah, blah, blah.
17:00Because you're using bad words.
17:01You're calling names.
17:03That's not okay.
17:19I'm going to stay for a long time, Mummy.
17:21Mum was working really hard, considering she'd never done this before.
17:25But I wasn't too sure how long she was going to hold out for.
17:29This is what you're going to say to him.
17:39You're going straight up to bed.
17:40Because you were encouraging your brother to name call when you know it was wrong.
17:45Now, you can go straight up to your room and put your pyjamas on and now you have to go to bed because you were instigating your brother to call names when you knew it was not allowed.
17:55He went mad.
17:57Go in here and change.
18:01No!
18:03No!
18:05No!
18:07No!
18:09Jordan!
18:11Jordan poured water on the floor and that was the breaking point for Mum.
18:15This is a good idea.
18:17Jordan!
18:20That was it.
18:21All bets off and she lost her cool.
18:23You are not allowed out of your room.
18:25You are not going to spill water.
18:27You stay in your room.
18:28I am done.
18:30I just pulled her to the side.
18:33I mean, let's face it, she's getting a taste of what grandma has to deal with every day.
18:37You cry, you let it out.
18:39Let it out.
18:41Because you're going to need that strength.
18:46Oh, you're there.
18:48You're there.
18:51Because he's got you at breaking point.
18:52But you know what we're doing right now?
18:54We're coming in here because we're just calming down.
18:58And we're doing the mature thing.
18:59And the mature thing is, is to walk away when you see him fired up and angry.
19:05Because this child needs to be with someone who can give him authority and that someone is his mother.
19:13Fortunately, after this whole drama of discipline and mum being totally exhausted, Jordan had fallen asleep.
19:21Well done.
19:23Now that Kristen knows how difficult it is to discipline her boys,
19:27I hope she's going to give grandma a break and step up.
19:39I really feel that Kristen lacks gratitude.
19:42Can you guys pick up the crayons on the floor, please?
19:45I don't think about it.
19:45She has parents who provide a roof over her head.
19:50And I don't think that this is recognized at all.
19:55And what I would like to do is to show her a place where there are people that just don't have that same kind of support for homeless shelter.
20:05I'm Candice.
20:07Nice to meet you.
20:08Good job.
20:09Nice to meet you.
20:11Our program here actually supports families with children who are homeless.
20:15So they're struggling through all kinds of challenges that can create that homeless situation.
20:19So our main goal here is to get them back on their feet.
20:23I didn't really know why Joe wanted me to sit there and listen to what this lady had to say.
20:31I didn't know what the point was.
20:34Let's take a look around.
20:38What's that?
20:39Sure.
20:40You're not feeling it?
20:42I don't care.
20:44Really?
20:44I mean, we can.
20:47It doesn't matter.
20:48You don't really care to look around and see about what this whole company does for other people?
20:56The program?
20:56Sure.
20:58What's the attitude for?
21:02No attitude.
21:09It truly is an amazing program.
21:11It gives these families an opportunity for a life that they weren't going to have before.
21:16Kristen is texting on her phone.
21:18It just appalled me.
21:20I was disgusted and highly embarrassed of her behavior.
21:25And so I wanted us to walk around the whole of that homeless shelter so that perhaps what she was seeing may sink in.
21:32We don't want the children and the families to feel like they're just a number in a program.
21:38We want them to feel part of a community.
21:40This is an old hotel.
21:43That's what these families live in every day.
21:45That's the shape and size.
21:47It's one room with a restroom and a bath.
21:50I know that people don't have as much as me, but I didn't think it was necessary for me to have to go to the homeless shelter.
21:58We've got mom taking a very slow walk around this property to realize that she's in a much better position than a lot of these families around here.
22:09And right now, her pride is choking her.
22:12The attitude is not appreciated at all.
22:17You can decide what you're going to take out of the freezer and what you're going to cook your family that night.
22:21Our families, when they arrive, it's what is being prepared and what is being served.
22:27If you don't have the ability to prepare and cook your own meal, you really do take that for granted.
22:31I really had had enough of Kristen's behavior.
22:35Her whole attitude was disgusting.
22:39And when I said goodbye to Candice, I knew I was going to have some firm words to say.
22:44The whole point of this exercise was really just to come here and for you to understand that even though you don't walk in somebody else's shoes, that you would at least be able to see how other people live.
22:58I am grateful for what I have.
23:00You don't act like it.
23:01You don't act like it at all.
23:03I think you're spoiled.
23:05I think you've had it too good, and I don't even think you know what gratitude is.
23:09It annoyed me that she called me a spoiled brat.
23:11Let me tell you something.
23:12They are richer than what you are inside.
23:15That's fine.
23:17No, it's not.
23:18I'm hoping, Kristen, I'm hoping that our experience together is going to allow you to mature.
23:27Do you think you've got that in you?
23:30I'm sure.
23:38It's yet to be seen.
23:39I'll see you at home.
23:41I'll see you at home.
23:51I mean, let's face it.
23:53Kristen's short when it comes to gratitude, but I'm not going to give up on pushing her.
23:57So after we got back from the homeless shelter, I wanted to teach Kristen a new technique.
24:02I'm giving you this to make you really mindful of all the things that we spoke about today.
24:09The calendar is a small little gesture for Kristen to show her mother all the things that she's grateful for.
24:15So every day, if you're going to think of one, every day, just one.
24:23Do you want to read it?
24:24Yeah, why not?
24:25What do you want to do in sticking with what Trevor's taught us?
24:29There's been a lot of resentment built up in this family, and I know that it's not going to disappear overnight, but Kristen's note to grandma was a glimmer of hope, and I knew that she needed to read it.
24:42Pat, there's a wonderful note on there that she's wrote, which I thought you'd really appreciate reading.
24:53Sit.
24:54Sit.
24:58Did you read it?
24:59No?
25:00Want to try?
25:02My mom says what I'm thankful for on Saturday, my mom being strong today.
25:13It's sticking with what Joe has taught us.
25:17It made me cry.
25:19It still makes me cry.
25:21just to hear that Kristen is aware and is thankful she hasn't been in the past thick.
25:34I don't tell her that I'm thankful or grateful nearly enough.
25:41I made her feel good that I was proud of her.
25:46It's time for me to leave.
25:48All right, give me a hug. I'll see you in a couple of days, okay?
25:50I think that we're going to have a lot of work ahead of us.
25:54Nathan, say bye to Joe.
25:56Jordan, come give Judge a hug.
25:59Bye, Cliff.
26:00Bye.
26:00Keep your energy.
26:02We're going to get tested. I know that. That's just natural.
26:05Pat, keep it together.
26:08I knew she wasn't going to be back for a few days,
26:10and I was afraid that we wouldn't be able to follow through with things.
26:17I'll see you when I get back.
26:18Good night.
26:18Take care. Good night.
26:19I was very afraid when Joe walked out that door.
26:25Leaving this family right now doesn't exactly feel comfortable,
26:29because I know that there's still so much more work to do,
26:33and I don't know if Kristen's really up for this challenge.
26:36I've been away for quite a while,
26:50and I must say I'm deeply concerned whether this family have even accomplished anything whilst I've been gone.
26:56I hadn't even started, and I could feel that something was seriously off here.
27:10All right, so let's take a first look at our clip here.
27:13Communication.
27:15What are you doing with that rug line in there?
27:17It's got a big, nasty spot on it, so I didn't...
27:20Okay, so what are you doing? Were you throwing it away?
27:22It was clean. You could have just folded it up and put it in your closet upstairs.
27:24I know. I was going to fold it away and set it up on the counter.
27:28I don't need you to repeat it every five minutes. I understand.
27:35Okay, but I feel like I'm still on.
27:37Did you record over my thing?
27:41I don't think so.
27:42You did. You recorded over it.
27:45Clifford, you should have freaking checked.
27:50Where's the breakdown of the communication?
27:52It's mostly me and my mom. That's where we have the problems.
27:55Kristen basically just doesn't want to hear from us.
27:58The lack of respect, where does it come from?
28:00Because I've got to be honest with you,
28:01to sit and watch you speak to your parents like that appalls me.
28:05I'm resentful for everything that goes on here.
28:10You know, I just want to get out.
28:14And yourself?
28:15I'm pretty angry.
28:16I'm pretty angry with Kristen.
28:18Right.
28:20She hasn't stepped up and done the things that you had put in place for us.
28:28But you obviously don't feel like that has been the case.
28:31Okay.
28:33If the kids aren't being taken care of, then who's to do it?
28:37But what would make you think that they're not being taken care of?
28:40I can see it.
28:40Mom gets up, fixes their breakfast, does their homework 90% of the time.
28:44She doesn't.
28:45Who sat down here?
28:46No, she doesn't.
28:47Right, okay.
28:48I'm here to listen to all of your points of view.
28:52Listening to you does allow me to see exactly where we're at with regards to that communication.
28:59And obviously we've not made any progress.
29:01All right, so let's take a good look at Mom and the Boys.
29:10Mommy, what are you doing?
29:13Um, kind of like a crossword puzzle.
29:16To fill in the words.
29:21Mommy, can you come hit it with us?
29:25Mommy, can you come hit with us?
29:27What do you mean?
29:29Hit the ball with us.
29:31Swing.
29:31You swing, and I'll watch.
29:33Hmm.
29:39Okay, guys, dinner's here.
29:41Daddy, no.
29:42You can finish after dinner.
29:44Yeah, we're going to wash our hands.
29:45Let's go.
29:45Mommy, do it here.
29:49Well, Grandma cares.
29:50Let's go.
29:52Come on.
29:53Do you think that your daughter cares about our boys?
29:55I think Kristen cares about Kristen first.
30:03Any comments, Cliff?
30:05I think she loves her kids, but I don't think they come first.
30:11Thank you for your honesty.
30:15We're talking about the truth, and it's hitting raw nerves and feelings.
30:19But we've been here already, and time has gone on, and we're still back in this same place.
30:25Which shows me that there are some things that certainly haven't been learned.
30:29And that's why, as human beings, you're all feeling very raw and disrespected and angry and hurt and a lot of pain.
30:38There's hope in where this can move forward.
30:44But you've got to be able to look at yourselves first.
30:48You've got to be accountable.
30:50You've got to be responsible for those actions.
30:51Let's move on to the next one here.
31:00Keep or sell?
31:01Sell.
31:02Keep or sell?
31:04Do you want to keep or sell this?
31:06Jayden, do you want to keep this or sell this?
31:09Remember, the more money that you get, the more toys you can get.
31:14You want to sell it?
31:15Jayden, keep or sell?
31:18All right, so keep or sell, keep or sell.
31:21What's going on?
31:22Just going through all the toys, what ones they want to keep for the garage sale.
31:26Right, and the reason why we're having a garage sale?
31:28Because we may be moving.
31:29All right, all of you?
31:31No, just me and the kids.
31:32And suddenly it became very clear to me what the dark cloud was that was hanging over the room.
31:43So where are you going to?
31:44We might move to Colorado.
31:46Okay.
31:47And the might, is that a slim chance or are you feeling good about that?
31:51Well, my boyfriend's there working right now.
31:52All right, okay.
31:54So for yourself, you're going to move in with him?
31:56Yeah.
31:57All right.
31:57So how are you guys feeling about that?
31:58I want to see her get out on her own and do the things that she is capable of doing.
32:09A little reluctant about moving so far away.
32:12If she runs into a problem or things aren't, it's, you know, we're not close by.
32:17The fact that I now know that mum's leaving with the kids, it means that I've got to think
32:23about Pat and Kristen and where their relationship is right now.
32:27I'd like to work on life beyond Kristen leaving here this afternoon.
32:33Do you all still welcome that?
32:35Yes.
32:39Yeah.
32:41I look forward to seeing you this afternoon.
32:43I've left mum and grandma to work on the relationship so that they could both take care of these
32:53boys.
32:54And now Kristen has decided that she's going to move to Colorado and obviously take the
33:00boys with her.
33:01The emotions between mum and Pat are very, very raw.
33:09And I really do believe that they need to talk more about their feelings.
33:13And so I'm going to have them sit back to back first until they can have a decent conversation.
33:19If we were to cut through all the hostility, what's the primary thing that you are angry with
33:27your mum about, Kristen?
33:33Tell me why you're upset right now.
33:38Stay with me.
33:39Tell me why you're upset.
33:40For the things that she says.
33:47How do they make you feel?
33:49It hurts me.
33:51Okay.
33:52Pat?
33:54How do you feel right now with how Kristen's feeling?
33:58Angry, I guess.
34:00It's what I'm feeling right now.
34:03Slowly but surely, as mum and grandma started to talk more, they started to open up more.
34:09What did you expect from your mum that she let you down with?
34:13I don't think that she let me be a mum.
34:17What did you do to add fuel to that situation?
34:22I stepped back and didn't do as much as I should have.
34:25And the reasons why you chose not to do that?
34:29Being lazy.
34:31I'm not a perfect mum.
34:35I'm not a perfect person.
34:36But, you know, I have been working on it and I have been trying.
34:41So, Pat, what do you feel you did that added fuel to the fire?
34:47I jumped in and took over.
34:49If she didn't take care of the kids, I did.
34:51If she didn't get them ready in the morning, I did.
34:54I feel as though I need to control everything.
34:56Okay.
34:57That's a huge mistake.
34:58That's a huge...
34:59I had to take a real long look at myself and say, yeah, I do have this need to control.
35:13It's something I need to work on.
35:15Is there hope for the pair of you?
35:17I hope so.
35:18How do you think your mood will start to heal your relationship with your mum?
35:27I think that things will change and be better and a new start.
35:34I'll be able to take care of my kids and she can just be the grandma.
35:40These two are finally making progress.
35:42So, what I want to do now is give them an exercise so that they can maintain that communication.
35:49I'd like to give you these books.
35:52It's a weekly planner, yeah?
35:55What I'm really hoping is that the pair of you will take one of these books each
35:59and before you leave, that you will jot down times and consistently stick to them
36:07where literally you guys can correspond via web chat or on the phone.
36:14Is that something that you both feel that you could bring together and do?
36:18I feel I can.
36:20I'm looking forward to setting up that schedule and the web chat.
36:25I am definitely going to use the planner.
36:28I like the way we are right now.
36:31We're a lot closer than where we were half an hour ago.
36:34I'm sure that once we move, me and my mum are close.
36:40So, I'm sure that, you know, I want her to come up there and see the house.
36:49Can you get it to work?
36:51I'm trying to bust it all up.
36:54Kristen is moving with the boys to Colorado
36:56with all the tools that she's been taught.
36:59And if she uses them correctly, then she'll make fabulous progress.
37:05And that change will mature her in a way that will allow her to take responsibility
37:11and really connect with her sons.
37:16I'm going to leave.
37:17All right?
37:18You're welcome.
37:20Yes, I'm traveling going.
37:21All right?
37:22This experience with Jo has made us stronger.
37:27We still have a long ways to go, but it has pointed us in the right direction.
37:33I think Jo's methods are good.
37:36I'm glad that we got to meet her and get to know her
37:39and that she was willing to come and help our family.
37:43Hope to hear from you all soon.
37:45Take care.
37:46Bye-bye.
37:46Bye-bye.
37:47Bye-bye.
37:47If Kristen and her parents keep up their communication,
37:51then ultimately what they will do is start to heal those wounds
37:55that have kept them apart.
37:56And if they keep moving forward, it means it's going to benefit the whole family.
38:01And that would be a good thing.
38:03Bye-bye.
38:13Bye-bye.