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Jo has a fiery face-off with a couple whose six out-of-control children rule the house.
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00:00So, let's see what I'm heading for this time.
00:03Hi, I'm Lisa Daniels.
00:04This is my husband, Steve, and we have six children.
00:07Our youngest is Brindley.
00:08She's two and a half.
00:10Ireland is four, and Allison is seven.
00:15Next is Alexis, she's eight.
00:17Alexis, eat and be quiet.
00:19Haley is 12, and the oldest is our only son, Josh,
00:24and he's 13.
00:25Steve works full time.
00:27All right, I'll be back.
00:29I own my own insurance brokerage,
00:30and Lisa's at home with all six kids all day.
00:33Shut up!
00:34Shut up!
00:35Don't know what I'm going to do with my children
00:38and the way that they're acting.
00:40Shut up before I kill you!
00:42I'll use mommy's skin, and I'll kill you.
00:46Seven minutes.
00:47Don't talk.
00:48They know how to push me around,
00:50and I just don't know how to control them anymore.
00:53Six kids and one mom who's given up.
00:56Haley's probably the most difficult of them all.
00:59You're stupid.
01:00That means you're fat.
01:00She's actually gotten to be very conniving, talks back.
01:07Actually, you're the .
01:08She has much attitude towards us.
01:10I'm going to stab you with this knife.
01:12You know what?
01:13If we're talking like that, I'm going to duct tape your mouth.
01:15No!
01:17Alexis is very high-strung, very hyper little girl.
01:22Tail two.
01:23Don't be mean to him.
01:24Alexis, I'm not going to chase you.
01:26She's like a wild animal.
01:28Alexis.
01:29A reptile.
01:32She says offensive things to people.
01:34.
01:36Oh!
01:37Oh, dear.
01:39Alexis, stop it.
01:41I'm just really tired of dealing with it.
01:44Well, when I come home, I feel things are out of control,
01:46and I'm always faced with having to deal with things.
01:49What's going on?
01:51Nobody knows what's going on unless you talk.
01:53I feel like I'm the one who's having to take control
01:55when I get home.
01:56No talking, just...
01:56How do you trust us?
01:58What are we going to do for dinner?
01:59I don't know.
01:59It's your night.
02:00You can do it.
02:01Dinner time is out of control every day.
02:03We never sit down and eat as a family.
02:06As soon as you're done eating, I'll start your timer.
02:08There's fighting, yelling, food throwing.
02:10Ew.
02:15Oh.
02:16What's with the food all over the floor?
02:17You're having a food fight.
02:19We're both at our breaking point with the kids.
02:21What do you think you're doing?
02:24Nothing we do is effective.
02:27We're spreading ourselves so thin that we can't give the
02:31attention that each one of them deserves to have.
02:33Shut up!
02:34Ally.
02:35Come on.
02:36This is sad, really, really sad.
02:40We've got a house full of people that are
02:41completely disconnected.
02:47I would love to get everything working together again.
02:51I wish you were dead.
02:53And just be a quiet, getting along type family with no yelling.
02:59Supernanny, bring it on.
03:01We need your help.
03:02We need somebody to come change the recipe for us.
03:04Because what we're doing is not working.
03:06Well, Mum may have given up, but I certainly haven't.
03:08I'm on my way.
03:09Hi.
03:10Hi.
03:11Hi.
03:12Pleased to meet you.
03:13I'm Joe.
03:14I'm Lisa.
03:15Hi.
03:16Come in.
03:18Don't talk.
03:19You're in your time out.
03:20Quiet.
03:21Having Joe walk in the house kind of made me feel a little upset that I had one in time
03:24out.
03:25A house full of children.
03:26Hi.
03:27I'm going to ask you to wear that today so I can remember who you all are.
03:28Studies show that less than 2% of American families are as large as Lisa and Steve's.
03:33They've definitely got their hands full.
03:34Six kids.
03:35So, Josh, what do you do with your days, then?
03:37Playing the computer.
03:38I don't know.
03:39Don't talk.
03:40Don't talk.
03:41Don't talk.
03:42You're in your time out.
03:43Quiet.
03:44Having Joe walk in the house kind of made me feel a little upset that I had one in time
03:48out.
03:49With six kids.
03:50So, Josh, what do you do with your days, then?
03:57Playing the computer.
03:58Go over to my friend's house.
04:00Yeah.
04:01Well, you've got quite a few sisters to contend with, right?
04:04Do you get on better with one than the other?
04:06Or do you get on with all of them?
04:08Um, I don't get along with any of them.
04:10You don't get along with any of them?
04:11No?
04:12Not really.
04:13Being the only boy in the house is boring.
04:18Can you calm down?
04:23Stop!
04:26So, Alexis' behaviour unfolds from hitting and slapping and standing on her sister's
04:34back.
04:35Don't keep trying.
04:36To spitting in her sister's face.
04:39Stop it.
04:43Hayley, does your sister spit all the time at you?
04:47Yeah.
04:48And that, for me, is just disgusting.
04:51It really is.
04:52Get out of my closet.
04:54Don't!
04:55Stop!
04:56I know that Mum and Dad think Hayley is a troublemaker, but from what I see, it seems that Hayley
05:03spends most of her time defending herself from Alexis.
05:06You're one sick.
05:07Ow!
05:08She's spitting on you!
05:09Out of Daddy's office.
05:10Get out!
05:11She's spitting!
05:12I don't know why you're running around.
05:13She's spitting!
05:14Okay, go sit on the couch.
05:15Okay, you're going quick.
05:16Mom tolerates it.
05:17And that's why Alexis is as wild as she is.
05:18Do it to do it.
05:19Stop!
05:20She's spitting on me!
05:21You girls need to stop.
05:22Hayley, you're grounded today.
05:23Didn't I ask for your help, Hayley, putting all this stuff away?
05:25Mom tells me that she keeps Hayley busy with chores so that she keeps her out of trouble,
05:29but what does she keep Alexis busy with?
05:30You could start with that to keep you busy.
05:33You need to grab all that and pick it up.
05:35Hayley, load up and rinse off the dishes.
05:37Sheets need to be folded, clothes need to be put away.
05:50That's your chore, Hayley.
05:51Do it now!
05:54Hayley's fully aware that she's being treated very deeply.
05:57Hailey's fully aware that she's being treated very differently
05:59to the rest of her sisters and brother,
06:02and she's now rebelling towards that.
06:04So what do you do in the house? Like, what's your responsibilities?
06:07I do a lot of chores. You do a lot of chores?
06:09Mm-hmm. Your other brothers and sisters, they do a lot of chores?
06:13I do the most. Do you? Mm-hmm.
06:16Yeah. How come you do the most, then?
06:18My mum usually gets mad, and so I help.
06:21Her mother tends to vent all her frustration out on Hailey.
06:24They're not going to be close if she continues to behave like this.
06:29Do you think your family's happy?
06:33When Hailey and I were talking,
06:35I saw Josh go up to his bedroom to be alone,
06:38so I decided that I would have a conversation with him as well.
06:41So what are you doing today? Anything?
06:43Huh? Huh? Nothing.
06:45Just your computer? Yeah.
06:48What kind of things do you do on the computer?
06:50Um, play a game with all my friends.
06:53You know, everything I asked Josh, you know, what do you do?
06:56Well, not much. I don't know, really.
06:58I mean, these kids are not stimulated mentally.
07:00They just kind of dottle around the house all day
07:02and put themselves in front of computers and do nothing.
07:07Towards the latter part of the afternoon,
07:10I realized that mum wasn't around,
07:13and I looked for her and found her in Steve's study.
07:19And she was very emotional.
07:21Right now, I just feel like there's nothing I can do.
07:25And I'm better off just staying, not dealing with it.
07:28I almost want to put them in boot camp.
07:31I hate to say it.
07:32I don't know if that'll even help them.
07:34I think they're beyond control.
07:36I mean, how crazy, really, is that?
07:38This mother's ready just to throw the towel in
07:40and just say, somebody else take them.
07:46Hayley and Alexis have been told that they're grounded.
07:50Who's in the pool?
07:52Is that Alexis?
07:53Mm-hm.
07:55But you're not allowed in.
07:56She's told you to stay out, Mum has.
07:58What kind of message does that send to the rest of the kids
08:01when one parent disciplines one and not the other?
08:05Mum, can I just ask you something, Lisa?
08:07Why Hayley's here?
08:08We had an issue with her mouth,
08:10so I grounded her forever from the pool.
08:13Grounding Hayley from the pool forever?
08:15I mean, that's an empty threat
08:17that mum's never going to carry through.
08:19The kids are never going to take her seriously.
08:21You just ground them for a few days, not forever.
08:24I've got another one out there
08:25that is not supposed to be in the pool,
08:28and she's not listening to me,
08:29so I'm going to wait on Daddy when he comes home
08:32to see if he can get her out.
08:33Alexis is out of control,
08:35and Mum feels that she can't even deal with her,
08:38so she doesn't bother to attempt anything.
08:40These kids are realising
08:41that actually their mum doesn't care,
08:43that she doesn't have anything to say.
08:44She's not worried about what I do.
08:46I can come and go as I please.
08:50Hello, hello.
08:51There we go.
08:51Hayley.
08:52Hi, pleased to meet you, Joe.
08:53Hi, nice to meet you, Joe.
08:54When Dad arrived home, it was dinner time,
08:56and I'd just spent a completely unstructured day
08:59with his family,
08:59so I wasn't surprised that dinner time
09:01was total chaos as well.
09:03Here, you want some too?
09:05Is this yours?
09:07Quick up.
09:09Is that food on the top of your head there?
09:11Here, by your eyebrow?
09:14But Daniel's have this huge dining room
09:16that's completely unused.
09:18Mum and Dad eat dinner in front of the television.
09:21What do you want to watch?
09:22The kids eat in the kitchen,
09:23and the younger ones don't even eat at all.
09:25Kids not hungry.
09:27Brian and...
09:28Yeah, probably because they've been upstairs
09:29eating chips.
09:31You know, like I say, it's ridiculous.
09:38OK, so it has been a really good day for me.
09:40I've been able to see a lot.
09:42There's lots to discuss.
09:43I get a good night's sleep,
09:45because tomorrow morning,
09:46the three of us will have our family meeting.
09:48Because family truly do need help.
09:50It's like Mum and Dad are minding the kids.
09:52Instead of engaging and interacting.
09:54I mean, you have six kids,
09:56because you chose to have kids,
09:57because you wanted six kids, right?
09:59And now your kids are here,
10:00you're doing nothing with them.
10:02I need to take ownership
10:02and earn that title of being a parent.
10:04I'd like to say to the pair of you
10:15that it was obviously a very conscious decision
10:17to have six children.
10:21You have the label parents.
10:26But when did you decide that you wouldn't parent?
10:32What do you mean by that?
10:33Where did you get to the point
10:35where it was easier to just give up?
10:39You have children that are out of control.
10:42And you clearly did give up, Lisa.
10:45You clearly did go,
10:46I'm out of here.
10:49Yeah, I did.
10:49I mean, they don't listen.
10:51They don't listen to me.
10:52We know what we're doing is not working.
10:54But every time we try something new,
10:55it just doesn't, it doesn't work out.
10:57So, you know.
10:59The first thing that I noticed straight away,
11:01I want to discuss Hayley
11:03and your relationship with Hayley, Lisa.
11:05Okay.
11:07The one that's very unfair.
11:10Numerous amounts of times yesterday,
11:12I watched you put chores onto Hayley
11:15that neither of the other children had.
11:18It was, Hayley, do this.
11:20Hayley, do that.
11:21What are you doing lounging?
11:23Because she's the one that causes most of the problems.
11:25Your other children were playing up and misbehaving,
11:29and yet nothing was done with them.
11:31Well, we've got a lot of major issues with her.
11:34Just because she shows you the capacity to take
11:37what you put on her shoulders,
11:39it doesn't mean that she deserves to be treated like that.
11:43I'm done talking about that right now.
11:45Well, I'm not done by far about talking about it.
11:49I see a detachment with you and Hayley
11:52that's really unhealthy,
11:53and the way you're treating her is wrong.
11:57Yesterday, when it came to Alexis and Hayley being in trouble,
12:01there was Hayley inside the house
12:03whilst Alexis was out in the poolside.
12:05I couldn't get her out of the pool.
12:06I mean, what do you want me to do, jump in and grab her out?
12:09Yeah.
12:10The fact is, is that you're lazy,
12:12and you don't do nothing about it.
12:14We can't get him to do what we ask him to do.
12:17Who's going to change that unless you guys do?
12:19But what I'm not seeing from the pair of you
12:22is a willingness to take responsibility
12:23for what's happened here.
12:26Instead, you want to go, well, that's how it is.
12:28We've got six kids, you know?
12:29We just don't know how to do it.
12:30Take responsibility for it.
12:32Let's talk about family time.
12:34We try and do our family time, but it doesn't work out.
12:38Right now, nothing works out, Lisa.
12:40I mean, what did you do with the kids yesterday
12:43where you were spending even time with two of them?
12:48I didn't have time yesterday.
12:49What was you doing then?
12:51Picking up, running around, making them lunch,
12:54making them breakfast.
12:55Well, that's what every other mother does, Lisa.
12:58You make time.
12:59You sit down and you have fun with your kids.
13:02I mean, isn't that why you had six kids?
13:04Didn't you want to be a mother?
13:07Yeah.
13:07And have relationships with each one of your kids?
13:11And that really concerns me,
13:13because they need your love.
13:17How much do you know about your kids?
13:20You know, we do a lot more with our kids
13:21than I think you think we do.
13:23Eight hours with the TV on, the computers,
13:26the video games.
13:27I mean, really, it's a babysitter.
13:31Dinner time, nobody eating around the table
13:33together as a family.
13:35No core.
13:37Well, you know, we try to eat together as a family,
13:40but everybody's screaming and throwing this
13:42and crying and needing to go to a timeout.
13:45You know, despite what you're seeing on the outside,
13:47the temper tantrums, the shouting,
13:50they want the rules, they want the expectations.
13:52They need that guidance.
13:54I don't want to try anything.
13:57Lisa.
13:58I'm willing to try and get it to work.
14:02I just feel like there's nothing we can do to change.
14:09But I know that if you're willing to have some faith
14:13in what we're about to do here,
14:15and you're prepared to step up,
14:19that we can make some serious changes here.
14:23It's going to be hard work
14:24because you've spent so many years
14:27getting it to this place.
14:30So are we ready?
14:31I'm ready.
14:32Yeah?
14:33OK, let's go then.
14:34There's a real disconnect
14:43between these parents and their children.
14:46Dad's in total denial
14:47of how little time they spend with their kids.
14:50And Mum's completely given up.
14:52So the first thing I want to do
14:53is to show them that there's a real problem here.
14:55OK, everybody take their seats, please.
14:57So the idea of this game
15:00is to understand our family.
15:04Do we know our children very well?
15:08Oh, rather silent at the back.
15:09Wouldn't you say, children?
15:11Do we think that our contestants at the back
15:15are going to do a pretty good job
15:17in understanding who we are?
15:22Oh, not very promising.
15:24For this game, I asked the kids
15:26a group of simple questions,
15:28which I then posed to Mum and Dad
15:30just to see how well they knew their children.
15:33What does Ali want to be
15:36when she grows up, Lisa?
15:39I'm going to take a guess
15:40and say she wants to be a singer.
15:43A singer.
15:44And the answer is...
15:46Teacher.
15:47A teacher.
15:51It wasn't very successful,
15:53to be honest with you.
15:54I'm going to go with pink.
15:56Enchiladas.
15:57I'm going to go with pizza.
15:59It was kind of hard
16:01that we weren't getting
16:02a lot of the most important things correct.
16:05I'd have to say dog.
16:07Her favorite animal is a cat.
16:09I'd have to say Disneyland.
16:10I wasn't surprised
16:12that they didn't do that well.
16:13The whole idea of this
16:15was to get a grasp
16:17of really the reality
16:19of how much time
16:20you spend together as a family
16:21and how much you really know
16:23about your kids
16:25with regards to the things
16:26that interest them.
16:28And I think really
16:29we can see
16:30that we've still got work to do.
16:31It was another rude awakening.
16:33I love my kids,
16:34but how much do I really know about them?
16:36And that was tough.
16:37Now it's time to tackle
16:40one of the biggest issues
16:41facing this family.
16:43They've got no clear ground rules
16:44for behavior,
16:45and that's Discipline 101,
16:46and it needs to be addressed now.
16:48Okay, we have rules.
16:50Hey!
16:50Listen up, okay?
16:53And these are the rules
16:54that you guys are going to follow.
16:56The first one is no swearing.
16:58Most of the children
16:59reacted really well
17:01to the new rules.
17:02They were very attentive,
17:04and they seemed to realize
17:05that Mom and Dad
17:06meant business.
17:07But Brynn started to throw
17:08a temper tantrum,
17:10and she didn't want
17:10to sit on the couch.
17:11Okay, stop her.
17:13Stop her.
17:14Bring her over here.
17:15Bring her over here.
17:16And say to her,
17:17if you do not listen to Daddy,
17:19you will be going on timeout.
17:21Brynn was really playing up.
17:23I mean, she's two and a half years old.
17:24She does know what she's doing.
17:26And it is time
17:28to be teaching Brynn
17:29about boundaries
17:30and behavior
17:31and consequences.
17:33Now go and sit down
17:34and take her back over there.
17:35Go and sit down
17:35on the couch.
17:36Take her back over.
17:37I was shocked
17:38because Brynn normally
17:40doesn't do that.
17:41But I realized
17:43that she was doing that
17:44because it was the first time
17:47that somebody's ever
17:48laid that boundary for her
17:51to say,
17:53no, you will listen.
17:54You will do
17:54what I ask you to do.
17:56Brynn?
17:57Brynn?
17:57Because you didn't listen to me
17:59and sit on the couch,
18:00you're going to go
18:00on a timeout now.
18:01All right, bring her over here.
18:02Bring her over here.
18:08Okay.
18:12So now what you've done
18:13is just pacified, okay?
18:15I'd like you to take her back,
18:16all right,
18:17and explain why she was
18:18placed on that step.
18:20Okay, because right now,
18:22you see here,
18:22it's not a china doll.
18:24Okay, she didn't listen.
18:25She didn't listen
18:26and she disrespected you.
18:28And now you're going
18:28to teach her.
18:32I know she's showing me
18:33the process of when
18:34you discipline her,
18:35but I was frustrated
18:36with it because it's hard
18:39to have her crying
18:40when you're trying
18:41to discipline her
18:42when she's supposed
18:43for your baby.
18:44Take her, take her,
18:45don't watch it,
18:45take her.
18:46Take her.
18:47Take her back.
18:49Back.
18:52Back.
18:53You don't like
18:54what's going on right now,
18:55do you?
18:56No, and she's not
18:57usually like this.
18:58You know why?
18:58You know why?
18:59Do you know why?
19:01Because you pussyfoot
19:02around her, that's why.
19:04Because you allow her
19:05to behave this way.
19:07And now look
19:08what she's showing you.
19:10Do you want to be
19:10a good mum?
19:11Then you'd be one.
19:12Then you'd be one.
19:13Because you might as well
19:14not be here if you're
19:15not going to be a good mum.
19:16It's a real tough
19:17situation for Lisa.
19:18She's not prepared
19:19to have a backbone.
19:21She doesn't want
19:21the backbone.
19:24Mum wanted to quit
19:25as she walked away
19:26from the situation
19:27and completely
19:28went off the handle.
19:29I am telling you
19:30right now,
19:31she's never like that.
19:32I want a break.
19:33Come here, come here,
19:33come here.
19:34No!
19:34Come here, she's not like that.
19:36Come here.
19:38Come here, Dad,
19:39take care of the kids,
19:40please.
19:41Now, sit down and eat.
19:44I was really concerned
19:45that she maybe
19:47has given up.
19:50You asked me to come in
19:51and help you, right?
19:53Huh?
19:54Yeah, but not to make
19:55my two-year-old like that.
19:56I'm not making
19:57your two-year-old,
19:58you are.
19:59She's not like that.
20:00You are.
20:01You know, this is
20:02no time for games.
20:03There's jeopardy here.
20:04These kids really need
20:07two strong parents.
20:08And whilst I was talking
20:09to one who was prepared
20:11to give up
20:11and didn't want
20:12to do anything,
20:13there was Dad
20:13downstairs continuing
20:15with the timeout
20:16and making a commitment
20:17to change.
20:18I know.
20:19As soon as you finish
20:19your timeout,
20:20we'll eat lunch, okay?
20:21The fact that you give
20:22her boundaries,
20:23it doesn't mean
20:23that you love her
20:24any less,
20:25but it means
20:26that no is no.
20:27Look at me.
20:28You have to sit here
20:30until your timeout is over.
20:31I'll keep bringing you
20:32back here until you do.
20:33If you don't think
20:34about the choices you make,
20:35and they're not smart decisions,
20:37you're making choices
20:38for six other kids
20:39out there as well.
20:41That's a hell
20:41of a responsibility.
20:43Seeing her deal
20:44with this the way
20:45that she has
20:46versus the way
20:48that I'm embracing this,
20:49it's a little frustrating.
20:51Your timeout is up, okay?
20:53Give me a hug,
20:54we'll go eat our lunch, okay?
20:55I won't.
20:56Even after our conversation,
20:58Lisa still wasn't prepared
21:00to take responsibility.
21:02If you guys can
21:04back off?
21:06I'm not backing off.
21:08You need to do this.
21:10Yeah, but having you guys here
21:11is making her frustrated.
21:12No, it's not.
21:13And you know it
21:14and I know it, okay?
21:16If you want me
21:17to come down
21:18to your language
21:18and talk on your turf,
21:20you're putting up
21:22this wall
21:22and you got to...
21:23No, I'm not.
21:24You're not listening to me.
21:26You got to let her in.
21:28Steve wants Lisa
21:29so badly
21:30to really raise her game,
21:32step up,
21:34and be the mother
21:34that he hopes she can be.
21:36I don't feel like
21:37you're trying.
21:39I don't feel like
21:39I feel like you think
21:40this is a waste of time.
21:42I'm here to support you.
21:45You need to step up here, Lisa.
21:46And he believes in her
21:48more than she believes
21:49in herself right now.
21:51You know,
21:51all I can ask you
21:52to do at this point
21:53is just
21:53try your very, very best.
22:01After my conversation
22:02with Mom and Dad,
22:03I realized that this family
22:04need time
22:05to build relationships.
22:06Josh is the only boy
22:08in a house full of girls,
22:10so I sent him off
22:11with Dad
22:11to do some male bonding.
22:14Look at that.
22:15You got air on that one.
22:16That was good.
22:17I now have to close
22:18the gap
22:19between Hayley and Mom.
22:21There's been a lot
22:22of resentment
22:23built up,
22:24you know,
22:25over the years
22:25with Hayley,
22:26and I think it's time
22:28as we are starting
22:30everything fresh
22:30to really make amends
22:32with Hayley.
22:33Talk to her,
22:34mother to daughter,
22:35about how you want
22:36to be able to
22:37really have
22:38a relationship with her.
22:40And I think she needs
22:40to know that you love her
22:41and that you care
22:42about her a lot.
22:43And I'm going to suggest
22:44that after you've had
22:45that conversation,
22:46we go off
22:47and take Hayley
22:49and yourself bowling.
22:50OK.
22:51Just you and her.
22:52You know?
22:52Create some new history.
22:53When I faced Hayley,
22:58it was kind of hard
23:00because we haven't
23:01really connected
23:02and talked about things.
23:04We're going to go out
23:05and it's just going
23:06to be you and me
23:07and we're going
23:08to get to go bowling.
23:09It's just going
23:10to be you and I.
23:12It was so important
23:13for her to go
23:14into Hayley's bedroom
23:15and to talk
23:15to her daughter,
23:16but everything
23:17was prompted.
23:18Lisa did nothing
23:20impulsively
23:21from our hearts.
23:22So, it's really great
23:24that we've spoke
23:25about how much fun
23:26we're going to have
23:26together,
23:28but we've missed
23:29the emotion.
23:32Missed the emotion?
23:33I think you need
23:34to talk about
23:35your relationship.
23:39Um, if there's
23:40any issues
23:41with anything,
23:43I want you to know
23:44that you can always
23:44come to me.
23:47Why?
23:47Why?
23:47Why can't she come
23:51to you?
23:53Because I'm her mom
23:54and she can depend
23:57on me and trust me
23:59to help her.
24:02If you can't be open
24:03with your daughter,
24:05we can't bridge the gap
24:06between you and Hayley.
24:08So, what are you
24:11going to do
24:11to change
24:12so that you can
24:13have a better
24:14relationship with Hayley?
24:15The yelling's been,
24:16um,
24:17more directed
24:18to you.
24:20From now on,
24:21it's not going
24:21to be screaming,
24:22it's just going
24:23to be talking to you
24:24and telling you
24:24the things
24:25that you're doing
24:25wrong,
24:26but make sure
24:27you always know
24:28that you can
24:28come to me.
24:30I think you should
24:31give each other
24:31a big squeeze,
24:32huh?
24:33Yeah,
24:34a big hug.
24:35Lean over.
24:36What's this?
24:36Hold your daughter
24:37and your mom,
24:38huh?
24:42When Joe had
24:43mom hug me,
24:45it made me feel
24:46like I had
24:48my family back.
24:50I don't remember
24:50the last time
24:51mom hugged me.
24:53Are you ready?
24:54OK,
24:55I think it sucks
24:56and she was...
24:58She's still
24:58very alienated
24:59from the family
25:01and won't allow
25:02herself to get
25:03close to her
25:04children at all.
25:05You've cut yourself
25:06off from receiving
25:07your kids' love.
25:08So every time
25:09you get close,
25:10it makes you
25:10emotional.
25:12Both just have
25:13to hug each other
25:13and fill each other's
25:14love.
25:16It's a beautiful
25:16thing, OK?
25:17I want you to do
25:18that at bowling,
25:19all right?
25:19Lots of hugs
25:20and kisses,
25:21OK?
25:21Let's connect
25:22physically,
25:23all right,
25:23and emotionally
25:24with our children.
25:25OK.
25:25See you later.
25:32Whoo!
25:37Yeah!
25:37You did good,
25:38huh?
25:39OK.
25:40Moments like that
25:41where you can grab her
25:42and grab her
25:42and get a kiss
25:43like this.
25:43OK?
25:44OK.
25:49Hey!
25:49Almost.
25:51OK, come on,
25:52you can do it.
25:53I know it seems
25:53awkward right now,
25:55but you've got to be
25:55able to do it.
25:56You know what I mean?
25:57You've got to connect
25:57with her.
25:58When I approached
25:59Lisa about being
26:00more tactile with
26:02Hayley, she couldn't
26:03really bring herself
26:04to do that.
26:06Two left.
26:07Almost.
26:09Me too.
26:10So she's still
26:11very detached and
26:12removed from her
26:14children.
26:15That's very worrying
26:15for me because the
26:17children do need to
26:18receive a lot more
26:18than what Lisa's
26:19willing to give
26:20right now.
26:20Good.
26:21High five.
26:22Good girl.
26:23Are you a five?
26:25And I'm going to be
26:26leaving for a few
26:28days.
26:29I want to see
26:30change.
26:32All right.
26:33Detection.
26:34The stuff that we
26:34spoke about.
26:36Stepping up with the
26:36authority.
26:38OK?
26:38Support, Dad.
26:40OK?
26:42Together.
26:43Let's make a
26:44difference.
26:45OK, take care.
26:46See you when I get
26:47back.
26:47Let's hug.
26:49Can we put
26:49yourself together,
26:50all right?
26:51I'll see you when I
26:51get back.
26:52Let me see some
26:52good stuff.
26:53I'm definitely
26:53going to be worried
26:54about Lisa's
26:56state of mind
26:57and where she's
26:58at.
26:58Can I come in
26:59with you?
27:00No, Jojo's
27:01going now for a
27:01few days.
27:02I'm going to be
27:02watching you,
27:03though, and I'll
27:04see you when I
27:04come back, OK?
27:05So I'm just
27:06hoping that
27:07something's going
27:08to shift whilst
27:08I'm away
27:09dramatically,
27:11because it's
27:11going to need
27:12to if there's
27:13going to be
27:13any real
27:15remarkable results
27:16here with this
27:17family.
27:17It's been four
27:24days since I've
27:25left Lisa and
27:26Steve alone with
27:27the kids, and
27:28I'm very anxious
27:29to talk to them
27:29about the issues
27:30that have come
27:30up since I've
27:31left.
27:32So who's ready
27:33to take a look
27:34at what's been
27:35going on whilst
27:36I've been away?
27:37Ready.
27:38Well, Dad's
27:39like, ready, Mom?
27:40Yeah, I'm ready.
27:40Yeah?
27:41OK.
27:42Grab a towel and
27:42come back over here.
27:44You're now in a
27:45timeout because
27:45you decided to
27:46tease.
27:49See what Ireland
27:50did with all the
27:50toys?
28:01What time is it?
28:02I'm watching.
28:03She's got till
28:0446.
28:05She's 45.
28:07I want an
28:08apology.
28:08I'm sorry!
28:10Give me a hug.
28:11I want a hug.
28:12I want a hug,
28:13though.
28:13I'm not going
28:13to let you
28:14out.
28:14Walt hands.
28:17Now, that's
28:18what I'm
28:18talking about.
28:19Give me five.
28:20Give me a slap
28:21here.
28:22That's what I'm
28:23talking about.
28:24Very pleased to
28:25see you remembered
28:25about the
28:26effective timeout
28:28in the same
28:28space.
28:29That hits home
28:30for Alexis.
28:30Yeah.
28:31Because she's
28:31watching everybody
28:32else and she wants
28:33to be in the
28:33action.
28:34And to ignore
28:35her was even
28:36better because
28:37you didn't feed
28:38the fire.
28:38Yeah, it
28:39bothered her.
28:39It bothered her.
28:40Now, we've
28:41got parents
28:42parenting.
28:43I feel happier
28:44inside.
28:45I just feel
28:46respected.
28:47You guys are
28:47really stepped
28:48up.
28:49So we're
28:50going to move
28:50on to the
28:51next clip
28:52here.
28:52It's about
28:53yourself,
28:54Lisa, and
28:55discipline.
28:56But a misuse
28:57of it.
28:57So let's learn
28:58from the clip
28:59that we are
28:59about to watch.
29:01Look up and
29:02get up.
29:04Okay, give me a hug.
29:05Allie, come here.
29:07Allie, come here.
29:08I don't want to.
29:10Okay, I'm going to
29:10give you five seconds.
29:11I don't want to.
29:14And if you're not
29:15back here in five
29:15seconds, I'm going to
29:17give you another
29:18timeout.
29:19One.
29:21One.
29:22Two.
29:23Let's go, Allie.
29:25No!
29:27Ireland, you've
29:28got to start your
29:29timeout all over again.
29:31Stand up.
29:41Okay.
29:42What have you
29:42objectively been able
29:43to see that you
29:44could have done
29:45better here?
29:46Probably talk
29:46directly to them.
29:48I noticed I wasn't
29:49looking right at them.
29:50That's one thing.
29:50I can't pick Allie up,
29:52so walking her
29:53directly to timeout.
29:54Yep.
29:56What we saw is
29:57a nervous mum
29:58who didn't know
29:59if really
30:00she would be able
30:01to discipline
30:02effectively.
30:03And at that time,
30:03she tested you
30:04because you started
30:05to talk to her.
30:06If you start to
30:07slip in your own
30:09lack of faith of
30:10whether you can do
30:10it or not,
30:11it then makes you
30:12feel frustrated.
30:14And when you're
30:14frustrated, what we
30:16see is this kind
30:17of behaviour,
30:18and it becomes
30:18too extreme.
30:19At times like that,
30:21we just step up
30:22and take ownership
30:23as the parent,
30:24as the mother.
30:25Don't fight for the
30:26position that you
30:26already have.
30:28Instead, just
30:29claim it.
30:31Let's go.
30:32It's time to eat.
30:34Take a bite of
30:35chicken first.
30:44Blimey, who banned
30:45the talking?
30:47We've got the family
30:48to the table,
30:49so let's talk.
30:50Click socialise.
30:52I mean, yes,
30:52we eat,
30:53but it's a great
30:54opportunity when we
30:55are all at the table
30:56to be able to catch up
30:57on each other
30:58and see what we're
30:58doing and stuff
30:59like that, all right?
31:00Because meal times
31:01allow us as families
31:03to be able to connect.
31:04It's the one time
31:05where we can just
31:06all come together.
31:08Did you guys
31:09take all my towels
31:10out back?
31:11I want you to grab me
31:12the towels like I asked.
31:13This table's dirty.
31:14Why'd you make that noise?
31:15Put your shoes on.
31:16Put your shoes back on.
31:18Allie, your shoes
31:19are still sitting here.
31:20Lexus, get over here.
31:21Fire, you're letting
31:22know pulling air.
31:23I have to laugh
31:24because I'm glad
31:25I didn't spend
31:26all day with you
31:27on that day.
31:28I think the word
31:29negativity comes to mind.
31:31Doesn't it do, Lisa?
31:33The negativity
31:34is where you're at.
31:35It's your mindset.
31:36It's your mentality.
31:37Very quick to criticise
31:40and no praise.
31:41I've not had any praise
31:42at all.
31:43And it's the intonation.
31:45It's how you deliver.
31:47So it comes across
31:48as quite a drag
31:49to say the least.
31:50We definitely want
31:52to replace the nagging
31:53with nurturing.
31:54Yeah.
31:55It will help
31:56in the way
31:56that they respond to you.
31:58It will help majorly.
32:00Get the scissors, Haley.
32:02You line it up with this.
32:04Draw a line.
32:06And you cut it
32:07and then you make
32:08a little thing like that
32:09and then you put...
32:10Okay, go ahead
32:11and cut it.
32:12Jennifer taught me this.
32:14You just make a hole
32:15in the middle of the strip
32:16and it makes a little...
32:17Makes a little bow.
32:21Very, very nice.
32:23What I love here
32:24is that you're actually
32:25taking the time
32:26to sit down with Haley
32:27and just do the things
32:29that she needs to do.
32:31And you were helping her
32:32and at the same time
32:33that space was allowing
32:34you to bond.
32:35I'm very pleased
32:36to see that, Lisa.
32:38So with what I have seen,
32:40I would love to work
32:41with the pair of you
32:42on tweaking things
32:43that need doing.
32:44Are we ready to do some more?
32:45I'm ready.
32:46Yeah, great.
32:47Okay.
32:47So let's get moving then.
32:48Okay.
32:50There's always
32:51more than one way
32:52of being able
32:53to put a message across
32:54and I was very concerned
32:56about Lisa
32:57and her language.
33:00What we have here
33:00is some lemons
33:02and some sugar.
33:05Okay, so mum,
33:07let's put lemon in our mouth.
33:09In it goes.
33:09Put it in your mouth.
33:10Feel what it tastes like.
33:11It's gross.
33:12Her facial expressions
33:14said it all.
33:15This is really, like, bitter.
33:17Kids, we'll take a piece
33:19of lemon.
33:20Come on, just take it right in.
33:22Take it all in.
33:23Bye.
33:25The lemon is language.
33:29That taste in her mouth
33:31is exactly what she leaves
33:33in her kids
33:34every time she chooses
33:37to use words that hurt them.
33:40Now take a piece of the sugar.
33:42I need a piece of the sugar.
33:44Yeah?
33:44What was the best,
33:45the lemon or the sugar?
33:46Sugar.
33:47And sugar is love.
33:49And that's what these kids need.
33:51We put lemon
33:52and sugar together.
33:55What does it make?
33:57Lemonade!
33:58Exactly.
33:58And we all like lemonade,
34:00don't we?
34:00Yep.
34:01At the end,
34:02I understood what she was saying.
34:04I still have some hard spots,
34:05but I'm learning.
34:07We're learning together.
34:08LAUGHTER
34:08I really wanted
34:12to get the kids out
34:13with mum and dad,
34:14so I created a game
34:15for them to realise
34:16that they can have fun.
34:17As a family,
34:18we are going to do
34:19a relay that allows us
34:21to connect with one another
34:22and ultimately,
34:24when each one of you
34:26achieves the task
34:27that you're meant to achieve,
34:29you are all going to get
34:31a very big treat from it.
34:33OK?
34:34I could tell the kids
34:35were excited to do it.
34:36That was definitely
34:37stepping outside the box for us.
34:39We all ready?
34:40Yes.
34:41OK, let's go.
34:42Yay!
34:44The goal was to achieve
34:46what was in the icebox.
34:48Oh, to number one.
34:50Hayley, your task
34:52is to dive into this water.
34:53You've got to find a key.
34:55Now!
34:56Grab him.
34:57Go, Hayley!
34:59Good, Hayley.
35:01Hayley, you got the key!
35:03You've got to go
35:03and put the key
35:04by the chest.
35:05Go, catch us.
35:05Hey, hurry!
35:09This one is for Mum.
35:11Where's the key?
35:12Where is it?
35:13Run to the chest.
35:14Run to the chest.
35:15Number three.
35:16Go, go, go.
35:17Go into your chair room.
35:20Come on, Josh.
35:22Go, go, go.
35:23Come on, Ireland.
35:25Yes, go, go, go.
35:26Dad, you made it!
35:28Dad,
35:29this is serious crunch time now,
35:31OK?
35:31You have to find the key
35:33with only your mouth.
35:40Go, go, go, go, go, go, go!
35:43I think it was fun
35:44that we played together
35:45and cheered each other on.
35:47We never played together like that.
35:49No.
35:49I don't know.
35:50I don't know.
35:50I don't know.
35:50Quick!
35:51Quick!
35:51Other way, other way.
35:52Quickly!
35:52What are you doing now?
35:53Quick!
35:54Quick!
35:54Quick, quick, quick!
35:55Quick, quick, quick!
35:56Quick, quick, quick!
35:56Yeah!
35:57Wow!
35:57Ice cream!
35:58Yeah!
35:59Yeah!
35:59Yeah!
36:00My priority levels
36:01are starting to shift.
36:03Going into this,
36:03I was worried about
36:04how many days of work
36:05I might miss.
36:06I haven't called my office once.
36:08High five.
36:08High five.
36:09High five.
36:09High five.
36:10High five.
36:11I don't need to.
36:12It's under control.
36:13What's that worth
36:14in comparison to
36:15becoming a better parent
36:17and a better father
36:17and spending quality time
36:19with your kids?
36:20Come on.
36:20Come on.
36:23I mean, that's what life's all about.
36:26Woo!
36:28Woo!
36:28Woo!
36:28Woo!
36:30So, JoJo's going home now.
36:36Bye-bye, sweetie.
36:37Take care, okay?
36:38The journey begins now, really,
36:41for Lisa and Steve.
36:42They recognise the importance
36:44of engaging their children
36:46and really being present with them.
36:48Steve?
36:49Bye.
36:50Goodbye.
36:50You're more than welcome.
36:51Take care.
36:52Keep going strong.
36:53Keep going strong.
36:53We will.
36:54When we first started this,
36:55Jo said something to us
36:56in the beginning
36:56that we're parents,
36:58but we're not parenting.
37:00We need to be teachers.
37:02And I hope I'm a better parent.
37:04I feel like I'm a better parent.
37:05Bye.
37:06Take care.
37:08Be strong.
37:09I'm glad she stuck with me
37:11and put up with me
37:12because I know I was a pretty bad...
37:17putting up a pretty,
37:18I should say, big wall.
37:19and I'm glad she was there.
37:22Take care of yourselves.
37:24Bye.
37:24Bye.
37:25Bye-bye.
37:25I got to the bottom of Mom's heart
37:27and now she needs to use it with her kids.
37:29She needs to work at it.
37:32There's still a lot of work to be done.
37:39We can go back up this way.
37:41I want to go into that too.
37:44I think the family
37:45is overall better now.
37:49We've got boundaries.
37:50We've got discipline.
37:52We've got family time.
37:54We've got parenting.
37:55You just went into water.
37:57Watch her pop back up.
37:59It was a really difficult struggle
38:01for Lisa,
38:01but she just really stepped up
38:03and she seems to be managing
38:05the kids much better.
38:07Oh boy, Steve.
38:08I'm feeling a lot more confident.
38:10They're listening to me now.
38:12My kids know that there's
38:13a new Mama Sheriff in town.
38:17I'm proud of my family.
38:18I feel like we've gone through
38:20a very difficult process,
38:22but now looking back,
38:23it had to happen.
38:25Now I feel like there's hope.
38:28My family's future is a lot stronger,
38:32more together, happier.
38:35No, don't spin me around.
38:37I'm glad that Joe came.
38:38Yeah, I'm going to miss Joe.
38:40I'm glad I'm going to miss Joe.
38:40We'll see you next time.