- 4 months ago
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:00Oh
00:30and welcome to taskmaster my name is Jeremy Wells join me in welcoming my five favorite
00:42comedians of the season ladies and gentlemen Alice Nedden Brie Tomasell Jack Ansex Jackie
00:53Van Beek and Paxasati and beside me a man who's asked me to adopt him so many times I've lost
01:05count an act that his real dad calls hurtful and generally upsetting ladies and gentlemen Paul
01:11Williams sorry I'm late I thought you were gonna be in the wheelie bin
01:23why would I be in a wheelie bin I don't know why that's there sorry okay what's tonight's prize
01:37task pack up the car and throw me the keys tonight we've asked our contestants to bring in the best
01:43thing to take on a road trip first let's go to Brie you look like a man who loves to run a cleaner
01:51nurse am I right I try to I knew it which is why I've brought in this that Jeremy is a portable
02:02bidet oh I didn't want to bring in something that I haven't tested and so if we can roll the clip
02:10speaking from experience you can get the same result with your electric toothbrush
02:38Jack what did you bring in I brought in my grandfather um so that you can go through the
02:49carpool lane yeah here he is um for any viewers who aren't familiar New Zealand has uh T2 lanes where
03:01you need two people in the car to be allowed to drive in them should have mentioned that at the top but
03:06it's so important to be respectful of the dead but you would get a ticket you sure about that Alice
03:12yes I'm sure 100% this is exciting for me I know for a fact you would not get a ticket because I asked
03:21Auckland Transport and they sent me back a statement um here it is this is a pretty gray and dusty area
03:30uh incorrect use of a T2 lane can result in 150 infringement fine however Auckland Transport likes
03:37to think outside the box and we feel your granddad has probably earned the rights oh to travel in a T2
03:46lane safe travels and it's nice to know your granddad has had a grave influence on your daily commute wow
03:51what the hell amazing I mean that's bullshit what was that again Alan Jackie what did you bring in
03:59well I Jeremy love a road trip and sometimes I just like to go A to B so I like to take a camelback I'm
04:07also a tramper I come from a family of trampers we have five of these so what I do what I do is I
04:13attach the camelback if I'm driving for example to the back of my driver's seat just so the things just
04:18dangling here and I can just keep drinking and then to the second picture of course we all wear one
04:23of these so there is no reason to stop it's an incontinence nappy the five of us will wear one
04:30of these when it's a destination journey when did you start being an underwear model Jim oh yeah
04:37what do you bring in packs I brought this I panicked you have kids yes how old are your kids
04:4815 and 13 are they still annoying oh absolutely yeah they're particularly annoying annoying on
04:55drives sure arguing asking for shit like a cat shut up this is a bad one okay Alice what do you bring
05:07in so what I went with is you know I wanted something very practical something that could solve any
05:12problem what's the thing that can solve any problem Google almost it's fire so that is a flint or a fire
05:22starter you know maybe as an exercise you could ask me a sort of problem that might arise on the road
05:28flat flat tire flat tire I've been thinking about this so you pull over to the side of the road you
05:33start a little fire what brings more people to you then starting a fire because you know your phone can
05:40die your GPS can die your granddad your granddad can die so I'm just saying there's something to be
05:47said for what I'm I'm suggesting here look I'm struggling to give out points here but I guess
05:52I have to give out some points packs you get one for bringing in a spray bottle yeah two for Alice
05:58you're never going to use those on a road trip I got three points for Brie for the portable bidet four
06:04points for Jack but would have been easier just to get a friend to sit in your car in the t2 lane five
06:10points to Jackie because as a grown-up myself who has used a man nappy yeah there is something very
06:16very pleasurable about letting yourself go in a nappy isn't it so five points for Jackie Paul let's get
06:27to the first proper task of the show let's hit the club and have a ball hi Paul hello Brie great
06:41to see you how are you this side of Christmas do I go down the stairs just stay there please oh okay
06:46where's the task oh task is down there yeah you want me to yes point it on up hey Paul oh
06:55okay get the ball in the hole where's the hole it's on the course for every handbag that you are
07:08wearing when you get the ball in the hole 30 seconds will be deducted from your time if the ball goes
07:14off the course Paul will place your ball back at the starting spot and 90 seconds will be added to
07:19your time you may not leave this walkway fastest wins your time starts now oh don't get dizzy Paul
07:28I won't get the ball in the hole ah where's the ball ah and what does the handbag mean all the
07:35information you need is in the task I've dropped it I don't know what to tell you
07:44so the basic idea is that you've got the golf club it's going around and around you're trying
07:49to get the ball in the hole and try and pick up some bags and wear them at the same time so simple
07:54who's handbag wearing and golf club swinging are we gonna see first Paul it's time for the two
07:59contestants we pay slightly more than the other three it's Jack and Pax brilliant okay what's this a
08:07Gucci oh hey here we go oh man my perception is getting all out of whack I'm gonna knock this this
08:17way first and we'll see how that gets us the ball's gone off the track has it stay no no no no no I hit it too hard hit
08:28the bag and stare no no no oh thank god go go no come on whitey oh no sorry about the flag
08:43ah just calm control don't panic don't panic
08:51do you ever support a father yes can you pretend to be him and I'm you are you playing golf are you
09:01Paul yeah dad I am you don't usually call me dad you call me Gary sorry daddy no I I don't you don't
09:07call him daddy definitely not you're just guiding it and you just stay calm and control just stay calm
09:12and control you just stay calm and controlled stay calm and controlled and don't lose the plot
09:18I'm really struggling daddy no Gary Gary daddy not daddy my daddy Gary no and yeah we're in we're in oh
09:28yeah oh yeah oh no no I want to cry can I cry did I get you in the dick a little bit good
09:48oh sorry that's okay I wouldn't hurt you deliberately yeah who would do that I'm not
09:53angry by the way I'm really happy I'm really happy to be here please I've stopped the clock come on yes
10:02yes yes yes I just want to apologize for flinging a bag into your penis it seems to do the trick
10:12honestly seeing you in pain is the motivation I needed to finish this task thank you Jack see ya
10:17yes well I noticed something about you when you get frustrated either you sing songs yeah I sing
10:28songs and you scream yeah it's a cultural thing yeah yeah yeah yeah is that also why you weren't
10:34putting handbags on is that sort of a cultural no that's a dum-dum thing right yeah yeah it was
10:41interesting as well because genuinely behind the scenes for the last few days you have been talking
10:46about how you think if you just put a little bit more effort into your golf you could turn pro oh
10:52yeah yeah that's what he said I told you that in confidence he said the same thing to me about basketball
10:59yeah so time wise they were actually incredibly close oh that's so annoying this is before any add-ons or
11:08subtractions but their initial times packs was 23 minutes 47 seconds oh don't Jack was 24 minutes 43 seconds
11:19so just under a minute slower but then packs was wearing zero handbags and he went into the water three
11:26times which takes his total to 28 minutes 17 okay Jack went into the water three times as well but he
11:33was wearing seven handbags which takes his total to 25 minutes 43 respectable thank you yes all right
11:45stop right now thank you very much I need somebody to sell me some products see you after the break
11:56before the break our comedians were trying to play golf on a spinning platform several meters below them
12:10for every handbag they were wearing when they got the ball in the hole time would be taken off and every
12:16time they knocked the ball off the platform time would be added so far Jack is in the lead with 25
12:22minutes and Pax is in last with 28 minutes he refused to wear any handbags because of toxic masculinity up next here's Bree and Alice
12:34thank you oh my god what do you got in there all righty so then you just gotta put it in there
12:52shot oh god this is gonna be a long wait around if I don't get it straight in this hole no no I feel
13:01like I'm doing a pretty good job and I can't imagine anyone kind of doing better shut up at least I look
13:16cruel in all these tasks that's the main thing no stop it oh oh no I don't love being shot from that
13:27angle you know from what angle that they're quite far down below don't stop it stop it oh you bastard
13:37it's not about the destination it's about the journey and what you learn along the way what have you
13:46learned along the way that I'm not very good at a lot of these things can you go grab the ball for me
13:51and put it in the hole and put it in the hole into the water trap yeah I'll stop the clock
14:13yeah I at one point was choking myself because I'd put like three handbags around my neck and Paul
14:35kept telling me to put more on and I think he liked it in some weird fetish way there's a whole
14:47community of us should we look at times breeze initial time 15 minutes 54 oh wow she was wearing
15:01five bags total when she sunk the ball and she went into the water once for a total of 14 minutes 54
15:09wow happy happy very nice then Alice she went into the water zero times and was wearing nine bags
15:20meaning her total time was six minutes 34 I could go pro I'm real off right now one more goal for Paul
15:39correct Jeremy last but not least it's Jackie van Beek okay oh man oh man
15:50come on oh you're going the other way I'm trying to play the long game because now I'm going to
15:57crocus on bags don't tell me that went into this it's getting quite close
16:00booksies we've got a bag in the moat don't let that go into the moat I have some good news and some bad
16:11news yeah good news is your ball didn't go into the moat the bad news climate change is real do not
16:18talk to me unless you've been your school could you put a few more balls down no just so I've got a few
16:23more options okay don't worry Paul don't worry about it sorry the ball's all spilled okay just relax
16:34don't touch those ones don't touch those ones I think it's about confidence definitely yeah what I've
16:46learnt is it's not all about confidence it's maybe partly about aim and skill it's also a skill
16:51this is it that was it that was it that was it I think I got the ball in the hole of the moat a
17:07whole lot of fun what a whole lot of fun in one old time we had hole in one hole in one long long
17:15afternoon of fun let's stop the clock okay so you're happy with that very very happy okay thank you
17:20oh no I didn't remember that her logic was that she got a hole in one in the sense that she had a
17:35whole lot of fun in one afternoon
17:39and good for you Jackie thank you so much Jeremy yeah so how long did Jackie take to not do the task
17:50she only attempted the task for 15 minutes and 42 seconds
17:54I think I was hungry I'm trying to remember because I have a very fast metabolism and when
18:03when I need to eat so I don't get nasty like these guys get sports should be for everyone except Jackie
18:10I do I do community hip-hop every Tuesday 6 30 to 7 30 I do I'm a fantastic sports person
18:23the amount of times you have brought up the fact that you do community
18:29hip-hop I do she was doing it out the back every single day I hear about how you do community
18:36hip-hop because I do like pot lock yeah that stuff all that stuff
18:43I'm ready to score it Paul so Jackie did not complete the task no zero points because if you
18:48don't complete the task you get zero points that's the rule but packs should get two and then we go three
18:52for Jack four for Brie okay and five for Alice Sneddon well done all right how are the scores looking so
19:01far Paul unbelievably tight mm-hmm we have a three-way tie all on seven Alice Brie and Jack oh no
19:09nice though anyone's going all right should we have another task Paul we sure should Jeremy it's time for the old
19:18to razzle dazzle
19:31hello g'day hi I'm Alice g'day hi I'm Jill nice to meet you I'm Alan nice to meet you yeah lovely to
19:39meet you my grandfather's name was Alan that's nice that's a good story
19:45well this is awkward oh yeah we should we should open this do these belong to you don't think so
19:52no okay dazzle these senior citizens are you comfortable being called that well it's true
19:58oh okay all right oh well I'd say you know uni students most dazzled senior citizens wins you
20:04have 30 minutes to prepare prepare and one minute to dazzle your time starts now I think we should
20:12leave you guys to prepare get them out of here please please please leave how do you feel about
20:17Kendrick Lamar don't listen to that please don't answer that never heard of her
20:27Jack I could be wrong here but you seem genuinely frightened by those senior citizens and then you
20:31yelled at them and told them to leave no I mean I was quite confident I was going to nail this task
20:36because I've been hanging out with two senior citizens all day oh come on which team's up first
20:42Paul let them entertain you it's Alison Brie do you know what I think my parents are always quite
20:49impressed by my proficiency with technology like maybe if we got a big tv and we mirrored something to it
20:57all we need then is a big screen tv okay an ipad a bunch of photos of jill and ellen could you give
21:05them a 10 minute tour of the house this is the um bar area we'll hide and surreptitiously take photos
21:11of this is nice that's the outdoor bathtub wow this is the caravan gets quite hot in the summer okay and
21:20this is the shed we've got trophies and drums golf basically it's got it all it's kind of all we have
21:26time for us razzle dazzle baby have a seat please and prepare to be dazzled hi hi jill hi alan
21:38now do you guys happen to have a phone on you just wow look at that okay so I'm going to show you how to
21:44eardrop something airdrop wow check that out do I accept please accept now look at that wow what did
21:52you get alan my back wow and it's a swipe across oh jill's back they've just gone from alice's phone
22:02into alan's phone just like that now that should be enough to dazzle you i know but there's more
22:09what i'm about to do is take something that is on my laptop and with one cable and this adapter i'm
22:16going to transfer it to the tv wow wow i mean i don't know about you but i feel razzled and also
22:27dazzled and then we can just take this with us so now we can go put this on another tv can't we we
22:31can we probably won't but we could yeah thank you
22:40whoa you were treating jill and alan like they'd been beamed in from medieval times
22:47jeremy that would be amazed at the fact that you could do bluetooth magic these are people who have
22:53presumably survived the war which which war exactly name any of them
23:04technology has advanced well beyond what they were certainly used to alan did tell me he knew how to
23:10screen share his computer paul shut up paul he watches football matches on the tv okay it's time for
23:19some ads and if you're anything like brie and alice you'll probably enjoy them because they think
23:23it's dazzling to put literally anything on the television we'll see you after this
23:39no my animal welcome back to taskmaster before the break our comedians were trying to dazzle some
23:44senior citizens something we're always keen to do here at taskmaster because they're a valuable
23:50demographic for network television up next attempting to dazzle jill and alan it's the jacks and packs
23:57they want to be dazzled they want to be impressed by us what skills do we have between us i can do one
24:02card trick well yeah i can eat an entire raw onion okay it's a one minute variety show are you ready
24:14i want you to pick a card any cards okay now look at it and remember it okay
24:44yes and now i want you to push it in there give it a big push and now i'm gonna give it the big
24:49gigolo jack smack bang and now is that your card that is
24:57please put these on for safety one raw onion
25:04behold mother nature's onion also just known as an onion it's an onion
25:17holy shit i really regret this
25:25an onion
25:25and that was the show we thank you for coming yeah get up get up
25:40and to yourselves you only ate half of it
25:46well beautiful introduction there jackie thank you i could see i i think i knew what you were doing
26:01there you were channeling debbie dawday from burgundy's no no no she was channeling uh community hip-hop
26:06yeah yeah it's kind of community hip-hop cabaret and did you see ellen's face because when jackie
26:12started dancing he thought jackie was going to strip i saw his eyes that was razzling he was hopeful that he
26:20was going to see jackie's tits yeah
26:23i would have shown him my tits if i thought me too get him in get him in now we'll do it now we'll
26:32razzle dazzle the out of that guy well i mean i'm here to i'm here to judge the task i seriously thought
26:40this team here i thought for this whole series i think they're just destined to lose every single
26:44team task this is one of the great redemption stories of task master two points for you guys
26:55five points for the team of three i love you yes i love you i love you remember that
27:02bullshit i say we i say we get out pax's onion and you guys cry us a river
27:07that's my boy that's my boy that's my boy thank you yes okay eat a dick oh my god okay i'm ready for
27:19another task paul you got it jeremy domino is a latin word meaning to the master so as the assistant
27:27domino it brings me great joy to present to you a task involving a fellow domino
27:37hey hello alice hi paul you're right here paul hello pax jack domino's
27:51does that mean to do that you never know what's part of it do you
27:54knock over the domino in the lab you must be on the spot when you begin your attempt you may only
28:09touch one thing during your attempt what you may not move the domino or the starting spot longest time
28:18between the attempt beginning and the domino falling wins so you want to be slow
28:25very slow you have 40 minutes or until you successfully knock over the domino your time
28:30starts now where is the domino in the lab okay well i'm gonna go to the lab okay you just say beep
28:36if that's a really bad idea okay i could also just say that's not a good idea
28:40okay paul so it seems to me that this task has been carefully created to get our contestants to
28:51set up a series of dominoes that go all the way from the second floor down the stairs into the lab
28:57is that right yes to knock over the large domino in the lab who are we going to see first attempting to
29:02knock over a domino it's brie domicile do we have do we have a set of dominoes that's not going to be
29:11a math ball dominoes with things that aren't dominoes this is the plan books books is the plan just be
29:20careful paul oh it works i could throw a ball
29:28paul paul yes new plan try and get the books down here and then i'm going to start pegging balls
29:34down here to hit it okay that the bible
29:39good catholic girl the bible wouldn't screw me over would it oh no no no no no oh
29:47shit it was the freaking bible i knew jesus hated me my physics are right
29:53you should hit this and hit those books are we ready born new zealand
30:09what happened oh
30:11you gotta be kidding me paul you ready ready
30:21it's born over the top again paul hold on
30:32you're joking i'm happy with that okay thank you brie
30:46so how long did it take brie from the start of her attempt launching the ball to the the domino
30:52falling over in the lab 21 seconds wow i'll take it so the longer the better so 21 seconds not bad
31:00at this point it's the best all right just as one falling domino must lead to the fall of another
31:06so too must the end of one part of taskmaster lead to an ad break we'll see you after this
31:14the next time
31:23tena tākou katoa welcome back to taskmaster where five comedians are giving up their dignity in the
31:28hopes of winning some adult nappies and a dead man's ashes where were we paul our comedians were
31:34attempting to knock over the domino in the lab starting on the stairs the goal is to take as long as
31:41possible from your attempt starting to the domino falling over so far we've seen brie knock over
31:46the domino with a b-ball and the b-bull the bible up next it's pax and jackie i need to blindfold you
31:57can you see no okay so all i need a very thin invisible fishing line and stop handrail is here
32:11wait there it's almost invisible it is isn't it yeah i can see how fish fall for it
32:17all right okay okay i'm starting now one step forward i'm still trying
32:32guys taking ages now stop now tell me your five favorite films is this part of the attempt yeah
32:42taking so long are you still there yes number three home alone two lost in new york okay it's
32:52starting to become a bit taut and stop rank bread rice pasta noodles or potato
33:03it's really tough i know it is really tough how long's that been so far i can't say
33:09you know what just like how has it been over a minute i can't say sorry
33:16now open the curtain in front of you
33:21kick your left leg forward fast
33:28finished
33:33very clever
33:34with the fishing line i think the question is so where does the attempt start so she was claiming
33:42when she started the motion that was the start and when the domino fell yes because i very carefully
33:46carefully left left slack all the way up is it technically touching the domino to be touching
33:52something that's touching the domino just out of interest i have no horse in this race well you do
33:58have a horse your own horse yeah well then as a person with a horse in the race does it count
34:04we'll get to that i think at the judging time and we'll work that out pax why were you asking him
34:09those questions on the way down just curious oh your your list for the five carbs i remember it being
34:16weird i was ranking them based on on their own without so rice like without a curry by that logic i thought
34:23potatoes could be a french fry i love it when white people sync up you like to know their times
34:34love to hear their times thanks paul so jackie's attempt took one minute 12 seconds pax eight minutes
34:4032. wow nice well done okay whose domino descender we're seeing next will they dominate the dominoes
34:50or will they dominot it's alice and jack oh wow it's a big one okay hold that there would you okay
35:00can you stretch to hold this one as well do you reckon no all right i'm going to the shed look for
35:06some equipment okay i get a ball and then we make a trail maybe this would slowly fill with water
35:14and push that out there all right we're just going to start bringing some balls into the house
35:20tub there what's the wheelbarrow for it's going to have all the balls in it do you want to go stand
35:25on the balcony i'll throw the hose at you uh-huh oh i touched it yes i am going to do a tester
35:36okay can you give me a hand with this tell me if you need a break i need a break so you want it to
35:50be a ramp on the stairs spectacular okay let's go have a test run eh okay geronimo
36:07so then you go through that door no oh i'm feeling deflated taking some more all right i'll do a test
36:21no
36:25what happened i lost my call i'm sorry you've got five minutes got a last minute idea
36:30i'll start the hose on your signal what's my signal you yell to me okay okay are you at the hose
36:42ellis
36:49ellis yeah what are you doing i'm waiting for you to put the hose on i'm waiting for the signal
36:55the signals now we'll yell when the signal is oh i said hose
37:02come on all the way all the way okay one more try oh paul it's starting to flood
37:11i touch the hose i release the ball
37:24come on
37:25no
37:32i think that's the end of my attempt what happened it's hard to describe exactly where i went wrong but
37:38i think at multiple stages over and over again thank you alice thank you paul
37:51both of you started with quite lofty ideas of how you were going to do it and in the end it
37:56boiled down to a pretty simple idea of just kicking a ball down and hoping that it ran over the domino
38:01i think we should focus on the fact that the task was
38:05knock over the domino longest attempt wins i rest my case
38:15alice i enjoyed when you were carrying the table and you said
38:18boy if ever you're looking for a break just and then you immediately needed a break
38:24i just wanted to introduce the concept of a break
38:27so those guys didn't finish the task yes so alice and jack failed to knock over the dominoes yeah
38:34brie 21 seconds jackie 1 minute 12 seconds packs 8 minutes and 32 seconds okay so in terms of the
38:44scoring it's zero for alice zero for jack because they didn't complete the task three for brie four
38:50four for jackie five for pax society right it's time for a break but don't go anywhere because when
39:01we come back it's the moment we've all been waiting for the incredible event we've been building towards
39:07for years that's right it's the 57th live task of taskmaster new zealand see you soon
39:21good arnold welcome back to taskmaster if you're just joining us i hope you're a fan of live tasks
39:31because that's the only bit we've got left but before we get there paul could you give us a school
39:36board update please in first place with 14 points jackie van beek
39:43head on up to the stage for the live task everyone let's get into it
39:50right who's rooting out the task this time paul jackie van beek oh dear do you want me to um i can
39:59bite it off oh i'm gonna get these off i'm gonna get these off
40:03unbox the box oh and deliver its contents to the sandbox you must correctly wear your boxing gloves
40:14throughout first to unbox the items and deliver it to the sandbox wins
40:19on my whistle
40:26oh i've got it i've got it i don't have it i think i've got it oh paul you bastards
40:35oh there's more than one it's more than one where is it oh jesus can you guys oh there's multiple
40:46i thought there was one oh no oh they're real eggs
41:05pax don't be a bully don't talk to me
41:08you you dumb dumb head no pax that's what a bully would say shut up okay up on stage please
41:21is that mine
41:27take it down brie finish the task i'm sorry brie do you need it you got it
41:38oh great come on down and we'll score it
41:54okay so two of our contestants did not get all four eggs into the sandbox there was four
42:01pax got three out of four eggs brie only two out of four eggs
42:05of the other three it's about the fastest jackie 22 seconds
42:11happy with that alice 19 seconds
42:15unhappy you're taking the puff jack 40 seconds
42:24so that means one point for brie two points for pax three points for jack four points for jackie and
42:30five five points for alice snedden okay so should we have a sneaky little peek paul at the series
42:40scores of course out in first with 111 points jackie van beek
42:46oh nice crazy how does she do it so who has won this episode though paul that means the winner of
42:56episode seven with a monster 18 points it's jackie van beek
43:00is the winner of episode seven
43:31we'll see you next time
43:43we'll see you next time
43:50we'll see you next time
43:52we'll see you next time
43:54a party trick
43:58oh yeah i just wanted to get those two z's
44:01and just
44:03bingo i will never forgive you
44:06rose manifesto has fallen on hard times
44:08huh i know for a fact she's not fallen on hard times
44:13you
Be the first to comment