- 4 months ago
Taskmaster (NZ) S06 E08 2025
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FunTranscript
00:00Oh
00:30Tēnā koutou katoa, welcome to Taskmaster
00:37the show where five comedians are given a living wage
00:41and in exchange at least three times a year for the rest of their lives
00:45they will wake up in a cold sweat
00:47remembering how they couldn't find a camera that was made of cake
00:51My name is Jeremy Wells and I am the Taskmaster
00:55Joining me tonight are our season six contestants
01:01Alice Nedden
01:02Brie Tomasel
01:05Jack Ansex
01:07Jackie Van Beek
01:10and Pat Sasati
01:12And as always, sitting next to me
01:17a man who doesn't like sparkling water because he thinks it's too spicy
01:21it's Paul Williams
01:23For tonight's prize task
01:30Hmm, that's odd
01:33It says here that the prize category is, uh, the best present for Paul
01:38Hmm
01:40Jack, what have you brought in, the best present for Paul?
01:44Well Jeremy, um, Paul, he's always having to assist you
01:48Yes
01:49So the best present for Paul that I've brought in is, um, his own assistant
01:54He's called Craig
01:55Um, yeah, and he's actually here, we're gonna bring him out
02:00Big round of applause for, yeah
02:02Oh wow, oh my god, amazing
02:04Amazing
02:05He's got a whip
02:07He's got a whip
02:08Oh, yeah
02:09Yeah, yeah, yeah, he has a whip in case, you know, he gets out of line
02:13Give it to Paul
02:15Thank you
02:17Try it
02:18What should I say
02:19You better shit
02:20You piece, you piece of s-word
02:23S-word
02:24Okay, you'll get better
02:26Sorry, sorry, I didn't mean that
02:28It's okay
02:29Okay
02:30Fantastic outfit, by the way
02:33Same to you
02:34Thank you
02:35Jackie, what did you bring in for Paul?
02:38Craig's just gonna sit there?
02:39Yeah
02:40I like it
02:41I love it
02:42I would prefer Craig to be present for this
02:43Yeah
02:44Now, everybody knows I have such a strong love for Paul
02:49But I find him incredibly low energy
02:53Like to a dangerous level
02:54So in order to keep you alive
02:57I am gifting you this
03:01A defibrillator
03:02This is for you, Paul
03:03Or the person next to you that needs to use it on you
03:06Craig
03:07Craig, this is for you
03:09Craig, are you medically trained?
03:11I can be
03:12Yeah
03:14Craig, he's killing it
03:17Craig, he's killing it
03:18Pax, best present for Paul
03:19When we were shooting the tasks
03:21I discovered that Paul is a loose fan of Formula One
03:24So I've bought this for Paul
03:25Oh
03:26I've just genuinely bought a cool gift for Paul
03:29That screams of a gift that you want yourself
03:32And then you've bought for someone else hoping that they might invite you around to their house to play with it later on
03:37Yeah, I would love to play Vroom Vroom F1 cars with Paul
03:41Alice, what did you bring in?
03:43Oh, so Paul and I are friends
03:46Fair enough
03:47And
03:48Paul's recently moved from London where I live back to New Zealand
03:53And he left his blender
03:56And I was going to bring that back for him and I forgot
03:59So instead I've got him a different blender
04:03Oh
04:04That looks used
04:06I believe in sustainability
04:08I believe in sustainability
04:10Brie
04:11Jeremy, what do you get a man that has everything?
04:15Lucky we don't have to answer that question because it's Paul and he has nothing
04:19Yeah
04:20Um
04:21Paul
04:22I know you've always really wanted a dog
04:24And I have dogs
04:26And I'm not giving them to you
04:27But I have made you a custom calendar of my dogs
04:31Oh wow
04:33That's Whitney Houston on the left
04:35And Meryl Streep on the right
04:38And can we look at January please?
04:44February
04:47March
04:48That's an action shot Jeremy
04:51April
04:52They're themed
04:54May
04:55That's a lovely one
04:56June
04:57July
04:58September
05:00October
05:01November
05:02And of course another themed one for December
05:06Which is beautiful
05:07Now you may think I've missed a month
05:09But Paul
05:10I know that your birthday is August the 7th
05:13And I've went all out for this
05:15Here's August
05:16Oh
05:22Yes, no, you can clap
05:23Wow
05:24Amazing
05:25That's really good
05:26Yeah
05:27Thank you Brie
05:28Thanks all of you
05:29I love my gifts
05:30You're welcome
05:31No worries mate
05:32No problem man
05:33Jackie one point
05:34Wow
05:35You don't need a defibrillator
05:36You'll be fine
05:37Two points for Alice
05:39Three points for Pax
05:40Four points for Brie
05:41I'll take it
05:42And five points for Jack Ansett
05:44Oh
05:48Oh
05:49Well done
05:50Get out of here
05:51Get out of here
05:52You
05:53Oh
05:54That's for you I guess
05:58Let's get on with the show then shall we
06:00I think I'm in the mood for a real task Paul
06:02Sure thing Jeremy
06:03This one is a numbers game
06:14Hi Paul
06:15Hello Jackie
06:16Oh God
06:17Great
06:20Hello Alice
06:21Hey Paul
06:22What do we have here
06:23What do we have here?
06:27Create new numbers
06:29Best new numbers wins
06:31Your new numbers
06:33Must replace the numbers
06:36Zero through to nine
06:38And must have both a symbol
06:40And a written name
06:41You have 12 minutes
06:42Your time starts now
06:43There's nothing more threatening to a group of comedians than Matt's in my experience
06:55Who are we going to watch first?
06:56We'll be seeing our top five contestants this series
06:59It's all of them
07:00Quite a detailed number
07:02Yeah but have you seen hieroglyphics?
07:04Oh you're trying to make it breasts
07:06Have you not seen many?
07:07To me that looks like maybe an owl
07:10How do you pronounce that?
07:11Yeah
07:12And what are things you have one of?
07:14You're asking me?
07:15Yeah
07:16Friend?
07:17Friend do you?
07:18Yeah
07:19Oh I'm so sorry
07:20It's not me is it?
07:21No
07:22That would be embarrassing
07:23Oh yeah
07:25You've got nine minutes and jiggy seconds left
07:29I'm going to do word association
07:30Okay do it with me
07:31Okay
07:32Four
07:33Hump
07:34Okay
07:39Are you going to make me remember these for another task?
07:42No
07:43But when the eye
07:44It's quite scary to look you in the eye
07:46Promise?
07:47How do I make promises?
07:51Word association
07:52Three
07:55Oh
07:56Shake
07:59That look more like breasts?
08:00I think that's an owl looking down
08:02Five
08:03Five
08:04Okay
08:07Corpse
08:08So when I was five years old I pissed my pants at school
08:12And the image is some pants soaked in piss
08:16Six
08:18Six
08:19The devil's number
08:21Hosking
08:23Mike Hosking
08:24You're going to make me do a maths equation with this or something aren't you?
08:27No I despise maths
08:30Shhh
08:32Okay
08:33You happy with that?
08:35I'm stoked
08:36Yeah
08:37I'm happy
08:38Should I say a number and then you say it?
08:39Yeah
08:4048
08:42Far out
08:44I mean it makes life really difficult
08:45Mm
08:46How do you say 7-Eleven?
08:47Six men
08:48Oye oye
08:50I better never see these again in my life
08:57I want to know more about this urinating your pants story Alice
09:07We were all seated on the side of the concrete basketball court
09:11And I was busting to go and the teacher wouldn't let me go
09:14And I just pissed
09:15And the piss went all the way down underneath everyone in the classroom's legs
09:20And then someone said oh someone pissed
09:23And I said wasn't me
09:28I need a moment to wrap my head around these breakthroughs in maths
09:31So let's have an ad break and I'll see you shortly
09:34Nau mai hokumai welcome back to Transmaster
09:51Before the break our contestants developed entirely new counting systems
09:55And it all seemed pretty straight forward
09:58We probably need to have a look at them if that's okay Paul
10:00Sure thing Jeremy here is Paxes
10:02Okay I'll describe that as 8 anthropomorphised amoebas in the dark abyss of the heart
10:09There on the right it's got an inside of a school desk in the 1990s kind of vibe
10:14Yeah I did think about doing a big detailed cock
10:17But that would have really topped off the school desk energy
10:21Here's Jackie's
10:23Oh fun
10:24It's got a hieroglyphic sort of a feel to it
10:26I like 8 tasteful side boob
10:29Yes
10:30Thank you
10:31Thank you
10:32What about Jack's
10:33Yes
10:34Okay
10:36So I worked out that the number 6729 would be Hosking Pride Balls Yum Yum
10:43Absolutely yes
10:45Bree's
10:49Filthy Bree actually I've got to say
10:51Change looks like someone from Invercargill pulling the finger
10:58And lastly it's Alice's
11:00Hmm
11:02What is the symbol for hey?
11:04It's a sandal because hey reminded me of Jesus which is the Spanish word for Jesus and Jesus wore sandals
11:14Sandals
11:15Of course
11:16Of course
11:17Of course
11:18So I've got to score these somehow
11:19I would say that Jack and Pax essentially you guys both get two points
11:24Just looks from my perspective like an insane load of crap
11:28Alice some merit I'll give you three points
11:31Thank you
11:32Thank you
11:33Jackie cohesive in its childish simplicity I thought
11:35Thank you
11:36Four points for you
11:37And I like the sexual undertones of Bree let's be honest
11:42How are we going to go with the scores now Paul?
11:44Alice is on piss
11:48Bree is on taint
11:49Jack is on pride
11:50Jackie is on corpse
11:51And Pax is on aha
11:55Very good Paul
11:57Want to do another task?
11:58Let's do another task
11:59Okay
12:00What's important to know about this task
12:01Is that it was filmed a couple weeks after that last task
12:10Hello Alice
12:11Paul
12:12Wee!
12:13Hi Paul
12:15Mandarin
12:16Thank you
12:18Why are you standing so close to me?
12:21You don't like it?
12:23It's alright
12:24Score 43 points playing the duck toss
12:27Ooh that sounds fun
12:28Closest to 43 wins
12:31You must throw from the spot and you cannot move the spot or the duck receptacle
12:35You have until you think you've scored 43 points
12:40Your time starts now
12:42Oh I see
12:44So I have to throw them in these things
12:45Mmhmm
12:47What is this shit?
12:51How do I know which each one's worth?
12:54Well it's written on it
12:56You don't recognise those symbols?
12:58Oh no
13:00Are they all mine?
13:02Oh God Paul
13:03Oh Paul
13:04So you remember all your numbers?
13:05I remember doing that exercise
13:08Ohhhhhhhhhh
13:15Do you want me to hold for that?
13:16Excuse me
13:17Excuse me
13:21Huh?
13:22Sorry
13:23Huh?
13:24I'm not doing that for a little bit
13:25I don't get one thing to myself
13:27We're just
13:28It's a mess here
13:29I'm living
13:30It's a mess
13:31We're just doing a task right now
13:32Excuse me
13:33I'll just do this bit
13:34Just let her do that bit
13:36What?
13:37I will never forgive you
13:40To be honest there's a lot more than I thought
13:41So I might
13:42Yeah
13:43Okay
13:44See ya
13:45Thank you
13:48Alice I can't believe you berated a member of the Taskmaster staff
13:52Rosemary Faye has fallen on hard times and she needed that work
13:56I know for a fact she's not fallen on hard times
14:00Now I feel like it's time for our contestants to be hoist on their own petards
14:05What did you just call me?
14:08You guys didn't think that that was going to come back did you?
14:10I would just like to say that I thought it would come back and I said it loads of times to Paul
14:13You are definitely not hoisted on a petard
14:16No you are not
14:18Who are we seeing first?
14:19You can count on these guys when it comes to counting
14:22It's Jack and Bree
14:24Hiya!
14:26And I think that's how it's going to go for the rest of the time
14:29Hey! We got one!
14:30Do you know when I dropped maths in year 11
14:32I said to Mrs Beard
14:34See you later lady
14:35You're not going to need this ever again in my life
14:37And she went never disrespect maths
14:39You never know when you're going to need it
14:40And that's that moment
14:41Do you want to apologise to Mrs Beard?
14:44I'm so sorry Mrs Beard
14:45Maybe we can meet up for coffee or something like that
14:47If she's still alive
14:48Anyway
14:51Oh shit!
14:52So now I'm minus 9
14:55Boobies!
14:56I reckon that's 2
14:59No!
15:00We're on minus 16 right now
15:02Let's go!
15:04Plus heart
15:05I knew I should have written this down
15:07Come on Hosking!
15:09Booyah!
15:10Okay, now we're on minus 3
15:12Where do you think you're currently at?
15:1428
15:15And we're going for the dog in the middle
15:18At least I'm good at one thing, the throwing
15:2013 again
15:21Let's go 13 again
15:22Oh no that's 16
15:24Oh
15:26So what am I on?
15:27Let's go for another 6
15:2840
15:29I kind of feel like Boobies would be a 3
15:31But we're going for the titties!
15:34Back to 34
15:35I think we're on 29 Paul
15:36Okay let's just go for another 16
15:38And then we can work our way back, okay?
15:41Paul get out of the way
15:45Go in!
15:46Shit!
15:47What do you think you're on now?
15:48I have not one clue
15:5245
15:53We need minus 2
15:55Okay, happy with that
15:56Lock it in
15:57Bring it home, bring it home
16:02Anything to say to Mrs. Baird?
16:05Didn't need you after all
16:10Did I get the right amount?
16:1143 was the correct amount
16:12Right, okay
16:13You seem to remember your number system quite well
16:15Yeah
16:16I just zoned in on the ones that I knew
16:19And tried my best to ignore the others
16:21That was quite smart
16:22You knew Hosking was the devil's number
16:23I did remember that, yes
16:25So Jack obviously 46
16:26So pretty close
16:28Pretty close
16:29And Brie 19
16:30You were a little breast heavy
16:32I was, I was just so zoned in on the ta-tas
16:35And I just wanted to get those chuzzies and just
16:38And why wouldn't you?
16:39You know what I'm talking about
16:40Oh I know exactly what you mean
16:41Yeah totally
16:42Okay, who's next Paul?
16:43Getting their ducks in a row
16:44It's Ducks Asadi and Quacky Van Beek
16:48I'm gonna start with
16:51Yes!
16:52Exactly what I wanted
16:53Humpsnake
16:54I think that's four?
17:03It's divided by a pill
17:04How many zeros can fit into pill?
17:06Zero pills
17:07What I'm gonna do
17:08Is I'm gonna whack right down into the negatives
17:11And then bounce up to 43
17:13How far into the negatives are you gonna go?
17:15Just not too much further
17:17Okay
17:19That's not good
17:22Yep
17:26Oh!
17:27So that's plus
17:28Whatever that one is
17:29This is
17:30What are we doing here Paul?
17:32And I think we're gonna need one more biggie
17:34Oh we definitely need a hump
17:36Hump
17:37How many times that?
17:39What am I at now?
17:40So what kind of number would you be happy with?
17:47I don't know
17:5443
17:5543
17:58Oh yep yep yep yep
17:59Okay
18:00And
18:01Done
18:0243
18:04Oh man my brain
18:05That's crazy
18:06But I got there
18:0743
18:08Are you sure it's 43?
18:09Um yeah
18:17Jackie in some ways
18:18Your new number system actually made it quite pleasant
18:20Because you did not have a clue how badly you were doing
18:22No
18:23I just focused on positivity
18:25And when I felt like I'd got it I was like
18:27I'm out
18:28I did it
18:30And I truly felt like I believed that
18:32Do you still believe it?
18:33I don't now that I've seen the numbers
18:37Pax I would say apologize to Paul for lashing out at him
18:40But that throw was so piss weak
18:43Yeah I didn't want to hurt Paul but I wanted to show him that I was annoyed
18:47What were the numbers in the end Paul?
18:48So Pax 2,803
18:51And Jackie negative 59,929
18:55There we go
18:57Okay that is way too much counting
18:59So let's let our brains just cool down for a while while these ads try to grab your attention
19:03We'll see you in a moment when Taskmaster returns
19:05Welcome back to Taskmaster
19:20Before the break our contestants were counting with their bespoke number systems
19:25And Paul I believe there's one more number cruncher to see
19:29Last but not Elise, it's Alice
19:32I'll be back
19:37What's on the paper?
19:39Key to your numbers
19:40Yeah
19:42Come here
19:43Me?
19:44It's me
19:45I'm supposed to be working
19:46What are you up to?
19:47You're here visiting your nan
19:49Do you have no shame?
19:51Giving up family time
19:53To steal my lifeline
19:55Get out
19:57Get out
20:03Maybe I'll just start with one and see where I end up
20:05Okay
20:09Okay so minus 10
20:12So that's minus 19
20:13Okay let's go for plus piss
20:15Go on minus again
20:17Go on minus again
20:19So I'm at minus 40
20:25Minus 51
20:30Oh no
20:31You love these minuses
20:33I have to plus my way out of it
20:35Minus 50
20:36Minus 50
20:37Minus 50
20:38Minus 40
20:39Minus 29
20:40Minus 29
20:42Minus 29 divided by 14
20:44So it's basically negative 2
20:48No
20:49Really loving the minuses
20:50Shut up
20:51Negative 5
20:55Negative 5 divided by 14
20:57Roughly point 3
20:59No Alice
21:00So I'm at negative 3.3
21:01I'm just gonna go for a piss
21:03Feel free to go for a piss at any time
21:05There we go
21:08Come on
21:09That's it
21:10That's it
21:11What are you going for?
21:12Five
21:13She's looking for piss
21:15Free to go
21:16Plus hey
21:17She's in
21:20Thank you Alice
21:21Yeah feel free to piss any time
21:23Well done on being the only contestant to write down their numbers
21:30Thank you I don't trust Paul
21:34I gotta say Mrs. Beard would be very impressed
21:37I see you went for the Van Beek technique early which is to go into the negatives
21:41Yeah I mean I wouldn't call that a technique so much as a catastrophic event
21:46Shall we have a look at the scores Paul?
21:48Alice extremely impressive
21:50The target was 43
21:51She got to 42.6
21:56Where does that leave the scores?
21:57One point for Jackie
21:58Two points for Pax
21:59Three points for Bree
22:00Four points for Jack
22:01And five points for Alice Sneddon
22:07I am craving another task Paul
22:10I know how tangry you get
22:13It's hangry but for tasks
22:16So let's get the party started
22:21Oh Paul
22:22Hi Paul
22:23Yes please
22:24That's wrong
22:25Oh
22:26Paul
22:27Hi Paul
22:28Yes please
22:29That's wrong
22:30Oh
22:31Oh
22:32That's wrong
22:33That's wrong
22:34That's wrong
22:35That's wrong
22:39Oh
22:40That's wrong
22:41That's wrong
22:42That's wrong
22:43That's wrong
22:44Perform a party trick
22:45Perform a party trick
22:46Most impressive party trick wins
22:50Your party trick cannot last more than 30 seconds
22:54You have until the studio record of episode 8
22:58Your time starts now
23:00Can you do any party tricks currently?
23:03I can dislocate my left shoulder
23:04You want to see that?
23:05No
23:06Not at all
23:09Can you hit my hand?
23:11Ah!
23:12You son of a bitch Paul
23:14Oh
23:15Oh
23:20Pretty cool eh?
23:21Really good
23:23Oh this is going to be fun
23:24So how long have these guys had to prepare their party tricks?
23:27Ah at least 5 weeks
23:28Alright I think we're going to start with Bree
23:30Oh no
23:31Ok Bree so go up on the stage
23:33Perform your trick
23:34What's up?
23:52Wow
23:53Wow
23:54Yeah
23:58Wow
23:59I'd hate to follow that act to be honest Alice
24:17Oh come on
24:18Oh
24:19You're up next
24:20Alright
24:21Go Alice
24:24This is a game of three card Monty
24:27These are also cherries
24:28I will be tying a knot on this while we do it
24:32Ah
24:33Anything in there?
24:35She's wearing a wire
24:39Ok so this is going in
24:40So
24:41All you need to do
24:43Is
24:44Follow
24:45The Queen
24:46See that?
24:47Mhm
24:48You wanna see that?
24:49There we go
24:50Ok
24:51Don't lose concentration
24:52Alright
24:53Where's the Queen?
24:54Woah
24:55Woah
24:56And
24:57There you go
25:00Isn't that incredible?
25:03It's not it
25:04Let's go
25:05Ok Pax is up next
25:08Woah
25:09Woah
25:10Woah
25:11Woah
25:12I kinda did it
25:13So you went on each finger?
25:14I went on each finger
25:15Shall I try one more time?
25:16I think you just need to explain that you're doing each finger
25:17Well I wouldn't have need to explain it if I nailed it
25:30Jacky would you like to go up and perform your party drink?
25:43Happy to
25:44Woah
25:45Wow
25:46Kyle
25:47Jokey
25:48Woah
25:49Woah
25:50Jokey
25:51Woah
25:52Woah
25:53Woah
25:54Woah
25:55Woah
25:58Woah
25:59What about my
26:00Oh
26:02Woah
26:04Woah
26:05몰라
26:07Ah
26:09Woah
26:10Woah
26:11Woah
26:14The reverse striptease, so as a party trick you
26:43turn up undressed? I tend to, yeah. Jack Ansett. Yes Jeremy. Your party trick. So for my party
26:52trick Jeremy, I made a Facebook event for my 27th birthday party, it was a dress-up party
27:00and I invited about a hundred so people to it on Facebook and the trick part was all
27:07of those people knew that the party wasn't real, except for Paul. I guess we play the clip.
27:29What do you reckon? So what was your party trick? There's no one here. You happy with that?
27:53Yeah. Thanks Paul. I'm very happy. Thank you Jack. See ya. Wow, that went according to the plan I think.
28:11Paul looked genuinely angry about that. Yeah. How long were you wearing the costume for?
28:21So, tell him Paul. I was going into the Taskmaster office that day and decided to save time I would
28:29wear the costume all day. I saw you that day. And I felt bad that you hadn't been invited to Jack's birthday.
28:37Okay, so one point for Pax. Two points for Alice and her magic trick. I think three points for Brie.
28:49Four points for Jackie Van Beek and the reverse burlesque. Thank you. And I'll say five points
28:55for Jack Ansett's party trick trick party. Thank you Jeremy. Well earned. Well earned.
29:01The party don't stop until we need to fulfill our contractual obligations to advertisers, which is right now. We'll see you soon.
29:09We'll see you soon.
29:21Kia ora ana. Welcome back to Taskmaster. If you're just tuning in, you've just missed out on watching Jackie Van Beek get dressed.
29:29I'd like another task please Paul. Those in glass houses shouldn't throw stones, but those in paper towers shouldn't be on a trampoline.
29:37Hello. Oh hello Paul. Hello Jackie. G'day Paul. Hello Brie. Hello Alice. Hey Paul. Hello Jack. Oh the old trampoline.
29:55Hello Pax. I had a trampoline like this when I was a kid actually. Really? You've got to have the net these days.
30:05Or what? Like cause once I was on here when I was a kid and then I fell and landed in the middle of one of these springs.
30:13It's actually quite triggering for me but. You know. Alrighty. Build the toilet. Build the toilet.
30:25Build the tallest toilet paper tower. Toilet paper tower. There's the toilet paper. Toilet paper. In the middle of this trampoline.
30:31Tallest toilet paper tower wins. That's a tongue twister Paul. Mm-hmm. You have 10 minutes. Your time starts now.
30:44Do I have to? Yeah.
30:46I was fascinated Jack that you had a spring trampoline. Cause I just kind of thought your general belligerence was the result of that generation of yours being cotton wool parented.
30:59No. My mum didn't give a ****.
31:03She was too busy you know inside with her Chardonnay. Just. Sorry. She's here. She's here tonight.
31:09I was just about to say. Your mother is here.
31:11I think she did the best with what she was given.
31:16Fair point. Who's up first book?
31:18They have the same birthday and nearly the same name. It's Jackie and Jackay.
31:24Is this um all the toilet paper that you have available to me?
31:27You think you need more than that? Yeah.
31:30Okay. I'll be back.
31:32Can you give me a hand please? Because I'm going to lift all of this onto the.
31:37I'm not going to help you with that. Sorry.
31:39Are there any other toilets in here?
31:45Toilet style.
31:47Toilet. Toilet. Aha.
31:49I need like a big circular kind of ring.
31:53Okay. Yeah.
31:54Okay. In hindsight that wasn't worth it. But I'm going to get started.
31:58If someone could do a shop because there's no toilet paper left on the house.
32:02Oh this is good. This is better than mine.
32:04How much time do I have?
32:05Seven minutes and 34 seconds.
32:07Oh my god. Okay.
32:08This is the central. Yeah.
32:09Kind of equidistant from kind of these ends and these ends.
32:12Gotcha.
32:13This is just a tip for you if you ever want to do this.
32:15Oh shoot. I need something to make sure it doesn't fall over.
32:18Do you have a problem with this?
32:20No. Sweet.
32:21When you said you're not going to help, which I find cruel and unfair, would you be able to pass me the toilet rolls?
32:27Okay. So you think that's a toilet paper towel?
32:29Yes, Paul.
32:30Okay.
32:31Just pass them nicely and quickly, please.
32:34Not too quickly, hold on.
32:35Sorry.
32:36All right, get it off.
32:38Okay.
32:40Yes!
32:41See now, you see?
32:42You know, they didn't build Rome in a day, Paul.
32:44And you're giving me seven minutes.
32:46You actually had ten minutes, but you spent the first two minutes getting one and a half rolls of toilet paper from your toilet.
32:51What I'm going to do is I'm going to actually take height off.
32:54So you're not going to add to the height, you're just going sort of girth.
32:57Could you just come over here so I can touch your shoulder, please?
32:59Yes.
33:00Ready?
33:01Oh, I can just do...
33:03And it's all about being quite kind of polite to the tower, like going,
33:08Do you feel okay?
33:10Do I go one more?
33:11I need to stand on...
33:1312 seconds.
33:1412 seconds.
33:22Jack, you didn't think it was an overestimation of your abilities when you looked at that giant tower and you thought,
33:27you know what, I need three more rolls.
33:29Yeah.
33:30I think it's an oversight on the production staff that they only allowed one and a half toilet rolls for, what, 30 crew?
33:39How are the heights, Paul?
33:40Jackie, 1m29.
33:44Jack, 1m43.
33:46Ooh, nice.
33:47Okay.
33:48Up next, you've heard of a six pack, well here's a one packs.
33:53I feel like sunning my asshole right now.
33:55What does that mean?
33:56Like I point my butthole to the sun?
33:58How are you spelling sun?
34:03Just because we are filming this.
34:05Oh, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho.
34:07S-U-N, man!
34:08Okay.
34:09S-U-N.
34:11I'm not going to point my ass let him small boy!
34:14Okay, well, I just want to clarify that.
34:15That is,
34:16Have you started the time?
34:17Yeah, you have 8 minutes 55.
34:18Oh shit, man.
34:23How much time do I have?
34:24Seven and a half minutes.
34:26Yeah, it's heaps of time.
34:28You've got six and a half minutes.
34:29Shut up.
34:30How much time do I have left?
34:31Five minutes.
34:32five minutes oh my god bro how much time do I have one minute and 58 seconds no
34:42no this actually works dude Paul try it with me does it still work if there's no
35:00boy there's an entire camera crew over there and I guarantee you all the men are sons either way
35:10it'll work trust me I'm on the clock you're 20 seconds you don't want to just stack one on top
35:17of the other all right for you so the message packs that you're sending your children and
35:30future generations is that when the going gets tough son your asshole yeah it's quite
35:35hairy down there so it is difficult for it to get in it is quite rain foresty down there yes
35:40how tall was Pax's tower 23 centimeters more toilet paper towers please Paul it's the ladies in the
35:49tramp it's Bree and Alice we do a quick game of crack the egg you've only got nine minutes
35:5750 yeah that'd be kind of fun do you want to just give me a hand with this no sorry double bounce
36:01just come grab the other end of this I'm not gonna grab the other end of that come on Paul
36:07Paul please no that's the sort of whole part of the task oh sake Paul this is such a waste we'll use
36:14it you don't reuse this what do you mean reuse you cracked me if that was the challenge I feel like I'd
36:21win what are you going for here I'm going through the middle of the tramp wow where'd you get all
36:28this toilet paper from did you stockpile it during Covid yeah how tall have other people gotten I reckon
36:34Pax is about six foot are you a folder or cruncher I'd rather not say there's no way you reuse this
36:41toilet paper how come because it's clean you're a hundred percent a folder we don't use it and then
36:47reuse it for the task I bet you get clean wipes we reuse it and then and then it flushes so you're
36:54gonna wipe your bum with this big time do I have to be off the trampoline Paul all the information you
37:02need is in the task I knew you were gonna say that what's up can I rip a hole in the tramp
37:10that's all right we got time how much time Paul one minute and 59 not that much time I'm happy to
37:21not rip a hole in the trap as long as you can guarantee me that this counts is one full tower
37:26oh no oh no disaster has struck I need your word that this counts as one tower otherwise I'm ripping
37:33a hole what's the time you got 52 seconds okay so you have five seconds I shouldn't have stood up
37:38that's a great idea oh my god three I don't think you can even rip a hole that fast I told myself I
37:45wasn't gonna get flustered today I'm flustering you're gonna try and rip a hole oh 29 seconds oh you
37:54bastard are you trying to saw a hole with the challenge oh my god five seconds should I go for
38:05one more Paul how's that Paul it's good you happy with that yeah gonna measure it I usually measure once
38:17you've left of course you do and what if the taskmaster says it's two different dollars well
38:26then we'll have to fight thank you Alice no worries thank you Brie thank Paul oh god
38:40Brie it's good to finally meet someone like me who assesses every person they meet as either a
38:49scruncher or a folder mm-hmm can you say what all of us are absolutely I've got a real gift for it
38:55okay folder folder don't Australia I'm getting a bidet vibe from you I don't know why folder folder am I
39:07correct correct I'm straight into the bathtub so we look at some sets yeah let's do that I mean I
39:17could share toilet paper all night to be honest but Brie one meter five Alice's do you count that
39:24as one tower so there was a bottom part underneath the tramp right yes and then that was touching the
39:29tramp and then there were a whole lot more on top of the tramp yes I count that as one okay that's a
39:34top with that being accepted Alice's tower was 1 meter 87 which means one point for packs two points
39:46for Brie three points for Jackie four points for Jack and five points for Alice Sneddon next up the
39:54greatest live task in the history of this episode but first some ads we'll see shortly
40:00welcome back to Taskmaster almost time for our live task but first Paul let's get a little score
40:21update leading the pack with 20 points it's Jack it's Jack's episode to lose all right contestants
40:32please head up to the stage for our final task of the show okay Paul who's reading the task tonight
40:40Brie Thomas L here we go burst the balloon six seconds after Paul says burst crack the soda can six seconds
40:50after Paul says crack pop the champagne six seconds after Paul says pop or bang the confetti six seconds
40:58after Paul says bang closest to the time wins there are four rounds you may only do one action per round
41:05your time from each round will be combined if you do the wrong action you will be given a 20 second penalty
41:13oh what does so can you say that again so burst crack pop bang
41:20so just to clarify can you say it one more time
41:23okay we've really upset him are you ready for round one ready I was walking down the street when I felt a
41:31blast of wind shoot past me boom it set off a snap and hit me like some champagne I married a rat
41:38clang snap crack launch confetti I felt like a balloon exploding rapture and fracture it's time for a soda
41:45round two it's time for a soda swoosh marry a rat step on a snap explode when I blast confetti I drink soda pop
42:03snap the concrete and shoot the champagne four five six I felt like a balloon exploding rapture and fracture
42:11oh
42:11oh
42:13god
42:17it was hard round three I shot a glance at a glass of champagne boom confetti fills the sky I crack a
42:24smile and snap my fingers smack a balloon hits me this song is a bop the champagne pours and the soda flies
42:31can you do the can-can yes I can you must do one action each round I did I did Alice
42:41okay this is the final round oh my gosh crash bang I hit the bottle like a drum do the balloon open the
42:53can give me confetti I want champagne now blast boom go pegs I think mine's broken you have to twist it
43:05which way so you follow the arrows one hand goes one way down here down here all right come on down and
43:14we'll score it let's assign some values to these people's efforts so the first round was a can second
43:26round champagne third round can fourth round confetti so now the total time difference across the four
43:33rounds Alice was off by 27 seconds but she was correct a hundred percent of the time it's good
43:39all right Pax 29 seconds but again correct a hundred percent of the time Jack 14 seconds
43:46oh Jackie 12 seconds both correct 100 percent of the time how did we do it Brie was only five seconds difference
43:57mm-hmm but was wrong twice oh right so with the two 20 second penalties her time difference was 45 seconds oh that means one point for Brie two points for Pax three points for Alice four points for Jack and five points for Jackie Van Beek
44:16how did she do it I'm real okay so what does that mean for our episode that means for the first time in his life the winner of episode eight is Jack and six
44:29congratulations Jack you are now the proud owner of some things Paul would love to have but he can't get up on
44:41the stage and take you down here thanks everyone we'll see you next time for
44:48Marty
44:50Curtain's up light the lights it's opening night I'm back for more
45:14Kind of beautiful, kind of poetic, if you think about it.
45:23I went for harmony.
45:25Oh, I don't know what that means.
45:28So this is sort of the scene, like, one day more in Les Mis.
45:31It's totally one day more.
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