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Gogglebox Ireland (2016) Season 11 Episode 7
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FunTranscript
00:00Why does the piano sound so weird, Dad?
00:13Oh, Jesus Christ, Dad.
00:15Fucking painful.
00:21Hey, Dad, stop fucking that, will ya?
00:26Why did you do that for?
00:27Why did you torture, you fool?
00:29This doesn't look very good, does it?
00:31Well, obviously, no.
00:32A nine!
00:35No, no, no, no, no, no.
00:38Well, he's like a gazelle out of the fence.
00:40Jesus Christ.
00:41Does that look alright?
00:43Like that in my days.
00:44Amazing! Mic drop!
00:48That's the fucking weirdest thing I've ever said.
00:50Perfect, perfect world.
00:53What?
00:54What?
00:55What?
00:56What?
00:57When the world's most famous museum was paid a visit by some jewel thieves, we watched loads of great telly.
01:04A murderous obituary writer was back on RTE1.
01:08Oh, look who's awake.
01:09Now you gotta put your hand on his fucking face as well.
01:11Whoever you are, you're about to be in the paper.
01:13Yeah, maybe you should just start writing some fiction books or something instead of trying to use people as puppets.
01:18Channel 4 teamed Gen Zers with pensioners for a Japanese treasure hunt.
01:23I'd have a ball doing that.
01:25Colin, you're amazing.
01:27I hope one of these couples fall in love.
01:30And things got a little bit hairy over on This Morning.
01:34So, pubic hair thongs.
01:36That is a stocking stuffer if I have ever seen.
01:38You pay to get it taken away and then Facebook it and put it back on again.
01:42It's like when you get to our age, there's more hair left in your comb than there is on your fanny.
01:46Yeah, that's right there.
01:47In Cork, meet Aoife, her brother Andrew and their daddy, Pawdy.
01:58Yeah, man.
01:59You coming up here?
02:00Boys joining the party.
02:01Boys joining the party.
02:02Boys joining the party.
02:04Hey, boy.
02:05What's your baby?
02:06I don't even know herself now.
02:07So, what's this about?
02:08Are you still getting stick for calling Daddy, Daddy?
02:11I didn't realise how divisive it would be, lads.
02:14Oh, my God.
02:15I think people didn't have the issue of calling you Daddy, I think.
02:19It was more so the fact that I was a man of 33 years of age calling my dad, Daddy.
02:23I called my father Daddy all my life.
02:24I know.
02:25I mean, I was in my 40s and I was 50 and he died, I think, or whatever.
02:28You still call him Daddy.
02:29We're all the Mammies and the Daddies in the West of Ireland.
02:32Yeah, exactly.
02:33And the Midwashed.
02:34I couldn't call you anything else.
02:35See, the Dobbs don't understand, because it's all maz and dad.
02:38Except in D4, of course, it's Mum and Dog.
02:41Mum and Dog.
02:42Mum and Dog.
02:43On Saturday, we got stuck into a bigger and fancier version of a daytime quiz over on Virgin Media 1.
02:50Yes, quiz!
02:51Oh, I love Countdown.
02:57You're being alert?
02:58Yes.
02:59Because that's what we need for this programme.
03:00I think I've got great intelligence today.
03:01Hello and welcome to Beat the Chases.
03:02Oh, I love Bradley Walls.
03:03He's the biggest arsehole I've ever seen on A Dog in Me Life.
03:04Why is it huge?
03:05The Menace.
03:06The Goveness.
03:07The Goveness.
03:08Why do they give each other such, like, random names?
03:14Yeah.
03:15He scares me.
03:16Yeah.
03:17That's why he's called the Beast.
03:18He doesn't look real.
03:19I've never seen this iteration of it.
03:20Have you not?
03:21Never?
03:22Oh, this is very good.
03:23It's Gavin from Whitney.
03:24Where's Gavin?
03:25Come on, Gavin from Whitney.
03:26You sweat your armpits, though.
03:27Why would you wear a pink salmon shirt in a hot studio?
03:30Why would you do that to yourself?
03:31This is the cashbuilder round, okay?
03:32All you've got to do is get the questions right.
03:34Get the first one wrong.
03:35You are out.
03:36Which city did Napoleon enter?
03:37That's the big one.
03:38Oh, my God.
03:39And it's the big one.
03:40I mean, it's the big one.
03:41The big one.
03:42Yeah, I've got to do it.
03:43Oh, my God.
03:44Oh, my God.
03:45Oh, my God.
03:46Oh, my God!
03:47Oh, my God, my God.
03:48Oh, my God, I've got to do it.
03:50That's the big one.
03:51Oh, my God.
03:52Which city did Napoleon enter after victory at the Battle of the Pyramids?
03:57Cairo, Alexandria, it's Cairo, it's Cairo. Obviously with the Pyramids
04:01Cairo, the Pyramids, I go Cairo. It's gonna be C, Cairo. Is that the one answer?
04:07It is the one answer.
04:09Yay! Well done, Al. You didn't get that one.
04:15I said Cairo. You said it after we said it.
04:20The medieval street in York, known as Shambles, was originally home to people of which profession?
04:25Prostitutes. Cobblers.
04:28Butcher. Let's go with Taylor.
04:31Okay. Wrong answer.
04:33You stupid bastard. What an idiot.
04:35Correct answer is... Butcher.
04:38Oh.
04:41Yes!
04:42He said it before the answer even came up.
04:44Later, the Beast tempted contestant Gavin,
04:47with a shot at a seemingly impossible cash prize.
04:51And you'll be playing for...
04:53100,000 pounds!
04:56Oh, he has to do that one.
04:58Oh, you have five chasers, Doc.
04:59Oh, dear. You're only there once. Go.
05:02Do you know what, Brad? I'm only here once.
05:04I think I can take on five chasers.
05:06Oh, God damn, I can feel my world pressure.
05:09So hold on a minute. He gets 60 seconds and they have 40.
05:13Yeah.
05:13Well, it's the pressure you're on the deal.
05:14That's it.
05:15Yeah.
05:15Yeah.
05:15He's 60 seconds.
05:16Look at the clock, they're counting down and they're coming up fast behind you.
05:19I betcha we'll get them.
05:19Betcha between the three of us, we'll get them all.
05:21Yeah.
05:21Slinky Dog is the sidekick of what Toy Story character?
05:24Toy Story.
05:25Woody.
05:26Woody.
05:27Correct.
05:28Chasers, the George cross was first awarded during what...
05:30World War I.
05:31First of War I.
05:32World War II.
05:32Correct.
05:33Gavin, Retzina wine comes from what country?
05:36Greece.
05:37France.
05:38Greece.
05:38Oh, you're a fucking idiot.
05:40Chasers, Belize has a coastline on what sea?
05:42Caribbean.
05:43Correct.
05:44Gavin, Gomez is the head of which creepy family?
05:47Adam's family.
05:48Adam's family.
05:50The monsters.
05:51Adam's family.
05:52Sulpersham is a fictional place in what radio drama?
05:55What the fuck is a radio drama?
05:57You know, before TV was a big thing, you used to listen to stories on the radio.
06:00I like the way people listen to the books now.
06:03Archers.
06:03Correct.
06:04Yes.
06:04Come on!
06:05What baseball team plays at Fenway Park?
06:07Mark.
06:08Boston Red Sox.
06:09Correct.
06:09There's seven seconds only.
06:10Go on!
06:11Come on!
06:12The Bavarian state opera company is based in what city?
06:15Berlin.
06:16Munich.
06:17I'm scared.
06:18Chasers, the city of Pensacola is in what US state?
06:21Bradley, slow down on the questions.
06:22Come on.
06:23Florida.
06:23Correct.
06:24Shit, they've only got three seconds.
06:26Come on.
06:26King George II belonged to what royal house?
06:29Stuart's.
06:29Hanover.
06:31Who is the third gospel in the New Testament?
06:34Oh no, we could lose it.
06:36Luke.
06:37Correct.
06:37Yes!
06:38Correct!
06:38Oh, correct!
06:39Jackson's still alive.
06:40He plays a time-travelling father.
06:42Come on!
06:42Come on!
06:43Yes!
06:44Yes!
06:45Yes!
06:45Yes!
06:46Oh!
06:46Hold your bleeding.
06:48What would you do?
06:52Oh my god.
06:52Oh my god.
06:53Bradley is like, he shook.
06:55Yeah.
06:55See what I mean?
06:56Oh my god.
06:57Always go for it.
06:58For the first time, I felt that was unfair to the chasers, that.
07:01Fuck the chasers.
07:02That's deadly.
07:02I'm glad.
07:05In Dun Laoghaire.
07:07Shit.
07:08What are you doing?
07:09Oh no.
07:09Ah!
07:10We spilled coke!
07:11Sorry.
07:11Oh my god.
07:13Friends, David and John.
07:17Sorry.
07:17Oh for god's sake.
07:21I'll just get sticky otherwise.
07:23Oh no, do I need to spray the table?
07:24No.
07:25But what about, it's the top of the mat okay?
07:28That's right, yeah.
07:29Oh my god.
07:30It's so stressful.
07:32I hate a spill.
07:33I once again feel like Hyacinth Bouquet's neighbour.
07:38Sorry.
07:39Well you need to make sure you screw that lid.
07:41I knew it was going to be my fault.
07:43On Friday evening, we heard news of a royal rumble over on BBC One.
07:51More fucking news.
07:53After years of scrutiny and further revelations in recent months,
07:57Prince Andrew has given up his royal titles and will no longer be called Duke of York.
08:02Oh my god.
08:04Oh my god.
08:05I recently read a book on that man and he is so much worse than you could ever have believed.
08:12The announcement follows multiple revelations about his relationship with the late sex offender Jeffrey Epstein.
08:18He's a bloody disgrace.
08:19The fucking royal family's rotten with dirt.
08:22It's nothing new.
08:23He just got caught.
08:24The last time Prince Andrew was seen in public with the royal family at the funeral of the Duchess of Kent at Westminster Cathedral last month.
08:33Look, he's there.
08:34He's hanging out with them.
08:34Poor old Charles and the sausage fingers.
08:36Alongside the King and Prince of Wales, who at times looked distinctly uncomfortable in the presence of his uncle.
08:43Imagine you are such a fucking creep that the royal family says, do you know what, you're being a bit too weird.
08:50It's not been a good few years for the royal family.
08:52It really is crumbling down on them all, isn't it?
08:54Yeah, to be honest with you.
08:56Because they're dying out.
08:57A monarchy, I think, is dying out. I think people are fed up with it.
09:01Prince Andrew will no longer use the title Duke of York. It was given to him on his wedding day by his mother, Queen Elizabeth II.
09:09And his ex-wife will no longer use the title Duchess of York. She will now just be known as Sarah Ferguson.
09:31Losing the titles and honours now is a response to a continued drip feed of allegations around the Prince's relationship,
09:39with convicted sex offender Jeffrey Epstein.
09:41Jeffrey Epstein has nearly become, like, a mythical figure at this stage.
09:45It's as if that, like, they got access to the list and they realised,
09:48fuck, there's a lot of important people on this. We're not releasing it, like.
09:51We haven't heard anything else from it since, like.
09:52But they should. Biggest cover-up in history.
09:55The way Donald Trump goes on, like, he never met a man or something.
09:58And they were best friends, like.
10:00There's nothing more pictures about it.
10:01Pick as thieves.
10:03His BBC Newsnight interview in 2019 remained a constant problem for him.
10:08That's the fucking interview. It was a shambles.
10:10He was questioned about his relationship with Virginia Dufresne,
10:14who alleged he'd sexually abused her.
10:16He's trying to say that wasn't his hand.
10:18Whose hand is it then?
10:19She says she met you in 2001.
10:21She dined with you.
10:23She danced with you.
10:25You bought her drinks.
10:27You were in Tramp Nightclub in London.
10:30Bastard.
10:30Do you remember her?
10:32No.
10:33I have no recollection of ever meeting her.
10:37I have no recollection?
10:38All the blinks.
10:40He's gone with the shaggy defence.
10:41It wasn't me.
10:42Um, I'm almost, in fact, I'm convinced,
10:47um, that I was never in trance with her.
10:50Every time he speaks, he's digging a bigger hole for himself, isn't he?
10:54Fuck him. Let him dig the hole as deep as he wants.
10:56Dig it straight to hell.
10:57He will have been under intense pressure from the king,
11:00frustrated at the run of damaging stories he continued to generate.
11:04It's wild that they say this is further punishment for him,
11:07and he's sitting there on a fucking horse.
11:09That horse had six legs.
11:11That horse did not have six legs.
11:12One, two, three, four, five, six, seven.
11:15Look!
11:17Daniela Ralph, BBC News.
11:19What if the biggest news story of this is the seven-legged horse we just found?
11:23Ha, ha, ha.
11:28Book delivery sponsors Gucklebox Ireland.
11:35Book delivery sponsors Gucklebox Ireland.
11:37Ian Carlo.
11:45Is there anything that you would swap that a woman has to deal with that you have to deal with as a man?
11:50No.
11:50Mates, Greg, John and Eric.
11:53What?
11:54Like, women have a quite a lot more problems to have to deal with than men.
11:58Essentially what I'm saying.
11:59100%.
12:00Yeah.
12:00There's literally not.
12:01You're saying if we could like, I'll take periods.
12:04Yeah.
12:04If you take whatever.
12:05But we don't have that.
12:06But we don't have anything wrong with it.
12:07Yeah.
12:07I am.
12:08Imagine the humour you'd be in.
12:10If you were pregnant and you were hot and stuffy and the hormones were going all over the place.
12:14Oh, God.
12:14You didn't get to sleep because you were getting sick all night.
12:19Men do have a queer handy.
12:20Queer handy.
12:21Queer handy.
12:22Last Tuesday, Channel 4 whisked us off to Japan with some surprising travel companions.
12:28Six young Brits who have never travelled alone before.
12:31Nothing like Wales.
12:32Are being paired up with six pensioners who thought they would never travel again.
12:37I'd have a ball doing that.
12:39They will need to work together as one.
12:42Colin, you're amazing.
12:43It's a cool idea, isn't it?
12:45It is, isn't it?
12:46A youngster and a pensioner.
12:48The hunt for £50,000 continues.
12:51Oh, £50,000 on the holiday is not too bad.
12:55I hope one of these couples fall in love.
12:58The pair with the lowest combined total at the end of this city's challenge will be sent packing.
13:03We need to have a game plan.
13:05Think, strategise.
13:07Would you like to go see Japan now?
13:08Oh, would you?
13:09Yeah, so would I.
13:10I fucking love ramen.
13:11Ramen, what?
13:13Ramen what, Dave?
13:15You're like a carry-on cast member.
13:17I love ramen!
13:18I'm going to Japan!
13:19In the show, we learned a little bit more about unlikely pairing Charlotte and Colin.
13:24Funny enough, my son came to Japan.
13:26Did he?
13:27He was a qualified English teacher.
13:30He said how wonderful it was and how nice the people were.
13:34Just after that, he went on to Thailand and it was the start of Covid and we got the message that he died.
13:42Oh, lads.
13:43That's awful.
13:44He was 31.
13:45Oh, l'm sorry.
13:48He just died in his sleep.
13:50Sudden adult death syndrome, they called it.
13:52That, that's awful.
13:54So far away.
13:54That'd fuck you up, wouldn't it?
13:56Only 21 years of age.
13:58They cremated him in Thailand, so I couldn't go to the funeral.
14:01Oh, the poor man.
14:03No funeral, just never time again.
14:05He had this adventurous spirit.
14:07He'd go anywhere, do anything.
14:08That gives him a bit of closure as well, doesn't it?
14:11Yeah.
14:11Some kind of, yeah.
14:13Experience, what his son experienced in his last trips.
14:16Give me a hug.
14:17She's lovely, isn't she?
14:18She's totally, like, supporting him.
14:20We saw Charlotte and Colin team up in a Tokyo bar for their all-important challenge.
14:27It's open.
14:28He found a secret door.
14:30Oh, it's like Doctor Who.
14:32Oh, my God, it's Japan.
14:33What is it, a sex club?
14:34With a secret entrance to a hidden Japanese whiskey bar.
14:37Oh, it's a bear.
14:38How cool.
14:39A bear, yeah.
14:41Can you correctly identify which fact is about Japan?
14:46The key to winning coins will be to identify which facts on the whiskey bottles are true
14:51to Scotland and which are true to Japan.
14:53It looks like they're going to have the clues on the bottles and all them.
14:57This country's legal driving age is 18.
15:00False. 16.
15:02That must be the Japanese one.
15:03The country's legal driving age is 18.
15:06Yeah.
15:06I'm going to say 17, because in Tokyo Drift, they were all in school.
15:14How'd it get to?
15:15How'd it get to?
15:16I think they get a shot when they get it right.
15:19Oh, yeah.
15:19It's going to get blading smashed.
15:21Yeah.
15:22Two of them doing shots.
15:24Oh, Christ, it is wrong.
15:26No, bother on our knocking it back.
15:27You have to.
15:29I've never tried whiskey in my life.
15:31It burnt when it went down.
15:33It's a bit like mouthwash.
15:34That's probably really expensive whiskey.
15:36And she's like, my what?
15:37There's no way Scotland's got 14,000 eyes.
15:40No, surely not.
15:44She's going to be locked.
15:45She's good.
15:45She's getting giddy already, because she's smiling away at your man now.
15:48Look.
15:50He's fit, isn't he?
15:51What a pretty boy.
15:54He hasn't a clue what she's saying.
15:56She's giving it all.
15:59He's not even all that.
16:01This country's national animal is the unicorn.
16:04That's Scotland.
16:05Yeah.
16:05It's going to be Japanese.
16:08No.
16:08Are you serious?
16:10The only year of the paranoia now is you, baby.
16:12We're sure that was Scottish, and then...
16:15No, we're sure it was Japanese, and it was Japanese.
16:17It was Scottish.
16:20A couple of whiskies, and she was staggering a bit,
16:23but she'll be fine.
16:24We'll get her home all right.
16:27Poor girl.
16:29Old people are class.
16:31They are until all of a sudden the patience runs out, and you're like,
16:34you are very unpatient.
16:37Impatient?
16:38Unpatient.
16:39That'd be good enough.
16:40All six teams must now come together to discover which cross-generational duo will be sent home.
16:46Do you think after the show they stay pals?
16:48I say so.
16:49See, that's the terrible thing about these programmes.
16:51Someone has to go.
16:52The final pair to reveal their coins are Rosie and Laurence.
16:56They have to engage now in mortal combat to see who stays.
17:01Oh, well done.
17:02Well done.
17:04Well done.
17:05Are they going home now?
17:07I'd say they could be, yeah.
17:08They have the lowest amount of coins.
17:09I mean, Emma's a sweetheart, and Tony's a nice guy.
17:12But we knew someone had to go home.
17:14This is a nice day.
17:15I've got a little relationship.
17:16Isn't it?
17:17That's where it holds my life, though.
17:18God help any person that got stuck with you, though.
17:21Like in the nicest way possible.
17:22I don't know why you'd say that.
17:23Would you, okay, would you take criticism from a younger person?
17:27If a younger person said to you that the way you're doing something isn't the best way of doing it,
17:31how would you feel?
17:32I'd explain why I was doing it that way.
17:34And they come around to my wedding.
17:40In Dundalk.
17:41In the 40 minutes I took you to play video games last night,
17:45do you want to know all the list things I achieved?
17:46Oh, here we go.
17:47David and his wife, Sarah.
17:50I hung a load of laundry up.
17:52I took the curtains down and I washed them.
17:54I fixed the kitchen drawer that has been broken for a year and a half that you made two attempts at fixing.
18:00By the way, I fixed it in five minutes.
18:02I fixed the other door above it because it was swinging.
18:04It was hitting off the inside of the other door.
18:06Anyway, what do you do in 40 minutes?
18:07Lose two games of FIFA to a 12-year-old?
18:09If I'm lying here at 10pm and I feel like the skirting boards need to be cleaned,
18:13the skirting boards need to be cleaned.
18:14That's psychotic.
18:14The last thing I'm thinking about at 10 o'clock is skirting boards.
18:17I'm just thinking, how am I so tired?
18:20Is this another 30 years of this?
18:22This is tough.
18:23Last Tuesday, we turned on RTE1 to get a glimpse at their deadly new drama series.
18:29Circulation is down.
18:30You'll get 200 in orbit.
18:32How will I live?
18:33Maybe you should start killing people.
18:35Oh, this is great.
18:36You're almost killing everybody.
18:39That'd be you, Emma.
18:40I'm Mordor.
18:41I'm not a bit of a drive like one.
18:47Okay, this is slightly suspicious.
18:49I don't know how she's going to get away with anything.
18:50I love this, that it's a woman for once.
18:54We watched as sometimes writer Elvira had an unnerving encounter in her workplace.
19:00What are you doing at my desk?
19:01Today's my first day.
19:03I'm an intern.
19:04Why should I work with someone like that and you don't even know what they're doing?
19:07As in money has never really motivated me when it comes to journalism.
19:11Now get the fuck out of my seat.
19:13She'd be the one being substitute teacher to be like, guys, you need to read the books.
19:20Shut up.
19:20We're going to be asked to pitch stories.
19:23Ones that move the dial.
19:25I can't wait to see what you've got up your sleeve.
19:27I can't wait to see what you've got up your sleeve.
19:30I write obituaries, Ruby.
19:31The only thing up my sleeve is dead people.
19:35Yeah, I'd kill her too.
19:36Eh, to be fair, I get the motive.
19:38Under pressure to hunt down her next small town story, Elvira paid a visit to a mysterious hospital patient.
19:45Oh, look who's awake.
19:48Now you've got to put your hand on his fucking face as well.
19:50Oh jeez, you sound like you're speaking from experience there.
19:52You've seen it on telly.
19:53I'm kind of desperate for a story.
19:56And I can't write it unless I know who you are.
20:01What? Say that again?
20:02Oh, fess.
20:06Telling her to kind of fess, is he?
20:09He's on to you.
20:10Congratulations.
20:12Whoever you are, you're about to be in the paper.
20:15Girl, maybe you should just start writing some fiction books or something,
20:17instead of trying to use people as puppets.
20:19Nobody even reads the paper anymore.
20:20Paper sales are down across the board.
20:23Armed with her new story, we saw Elvira take it back to the office.
20:27You first.
20:28Oh jeez, they're up against each other.
20:31There's this old man.
20:32He was in the nursing home.
20:33Was?
20:34Died late last night.
20:35Where's the thing?
20:36Oh, fuck.
20:37Oh, fella.
20:38So I'm thinking over the next several weeks,
20:39I'd chase down his real identity, play detective and write about it.
20:42And when I do find out who he is...
20:44You'll pop out his obit.
20:46This is far more important than some soon forgotten obituary.
20:50She's going to get killed.
20:51This one's going to kill her.
20:52Because she stole her story.
20:54Never shit on your own doorstep.
20:56I work with Ruby.
20:57I can't kill her.
20:58I love the fact that we're in our brain.
21:00And the jocks.
21:03That Vivian, she is all business.
21:05You know, we needed someone like her around here.
21:08They're giving her ammunition.
21:09I was brought here to make you feel expendable.
21:12But after reading her work, which is super shitty,
21:16I decided to take her job.
21:17I don't think that's how jobs work.
21:19If I go into a toilet and there's a cubicle locked,
21:21I'm not talking shit about anyone.
21:23You don't know who's behind the door.
21:24But you don't know who does be in there listening.
21:27That's a dangerous game.
21:28With revenge in mind, we watched as Elvira took matters into her own hands.
21:35This is what I never understand in the country.
21:37Like, do you close your blinds?
21:38No.
21:41Someone went for the wine, didn't she?
21:42Ah, treat yourself.
21:44I wonder what way she'll do her.
21:45Dirty, I'd say, after her saying that about her.
21:48Showtime.
21:52Come on, don't make a dog's dinner out of it.
21:58Ha-ha!
21:59Oh, has she clocked on?
22:01She's looking out the window.
22:02Yeah, of course she is, because she's in rural Ireland,
22:04and you can see a car parked outside her fucking gaff.
22:08What have you heard?
22:10Ah, she sees her.
22:11Duck, duck, duck.
22:17Someone's at home with her.
22:19There's someone there, look.
22:24What the hell is that?
22:32What the fuck does someone else up there?
22:36She'll end up saving her, because she wants to...
22:38Then her hands agree?
22:39She wants to do the murder, you see.
22:40Mm.
22:48Oh, Jesus.
22:49Ooh.
22:50Holy fuck.
22:52Ooh.
22:52Fuck, I'm getting that curtains put up now.
23:02See there?
23:03Soft skin.
23:05Best way to kill someone.
23:07Because they bleed out.
23:08Very good, though.
23:10Imagine witnessing a murder.
23:14I don't know what I'd do.
23:17Would you alert?
23:19Yeah, you would, wouldn't you?
23:20You'd call the police.
23:21I'd try and stop at first.
23:23Would you?
23:23You would not.
23:24You would not intervene.
23:25Are you for real?
23:25In a murder?
23:26You would absolutely not intervene.
23:27Ah, Dave.
23:28You'd be afraid to get your hair messed.
23:30If I could put myself at the center of a story, I'd be like, stop me in the thigh.
23:34Jesus, let me get something out of this.
23:42Book delivery sponsors Gucklebox Ireland.
23:47Book delivery sponsors Gucklebox Ireland.
23:49In a thigh.
23:56Wait for it now.
23:57Go on.
23:57I have a new business adventure.
23:59The Grufferties.
24:01Right, so you know the way the Kardashians were at all week?
24:03Yeah.
24:04Do you know what they're about to bring you now?
24:05Well, no, I don't.
24:05But anyway.
24:06Do you know what they're about to bring you now?
24:07What?
24:08New knick-knicks.
24:09Niggers.
24:10This is my version.
24:11Collected all the hair from the salon.
24:15Oh, no.
24:18Come on, open it.
24:19Is that what I think it is?
24:20Now, this is just a little sample tester.
24:24Ah, man.
24:27Ah, man.
24:28Well, I tell you one thing.
24:29Rabbits and badgers have been out of actuality.
24:31Put them on.
24:32Put them on there.
24:33I don't know whether to get his trimmers or take it down.
24:36I'm not sure.
24:38Yeah.
24:38Put them on there over your trousers, please.
24:47This week, a surprising documentary on the RTE player
24:50began with an even more surprising warning.
24:56Don't try this at home now.
24:58This is aimed at you,
24:59as you do these stupid ideas that you see on TikTok
25:02and everything else.
25:03If this place could talk,
25:06this is where the stories would be told.
25:08Oh, I'd love to live in a house like that.
25:10Dreams.
25:11That is my fantasy.
25:12And that's what I'm trying to do,
25:14is I'm trying to tell the story
25:16of a culture that was almost dead.
25:18Ah, just the thing.
25:20He's clowning around lifting rocks, so it's the same.
25:23Some people looking for solitude,
25:25some people looking for salvation,
25:27and here you are looking for stones.
25:28Right now.
25:30What's he doing here?
25:31He's looking for stones.
25:33I've seen this fella on TikTok, I think.
25:35Indiana Jones was stealing other people's culture.
25:38Indiana stones is bringing back his own culture.
25:41Lifting a culture.
25:42What's he talking about?
25:43Tracy, he's lifting a stone.
25:45I love mad shit like this.
25:47He's following the trail of the stones, basically,
25:52and trying to lift the stones.
25:54That's because there used to be giants.
25:56Yeah.
25:56So the giants would have lifted the stones.
25:59Yeah.
25:59If you were a stone, you'd be like,
26:01granny, you're real grey inside.
26:04There are over 50 lifting stones now in Ireland.
26:07North, south, east and west.
26:08It turns out that all you have to do is go look for them.
26:12You know you're not lifting something heavy,
26:14unless farts come out when you do lift it.
26:17David and the documentary took us on a pilgrimage to Inish Turk
26:20as he went in search of a very special stone.
26:23I've always said it, the sea has its own mind.
26:27You have to be respectful of it.
26:29The boat's a bit rocky.
26:32Well, here I am.
26:34This is the big adventure.
26:36He's going to lift that.
26:37That's an island.
26:39That's not the stone he's going to lift.
26:42And it's absolute Bieber-lipped.
26:45And find themselves a missus as well, you know?
26:47Who wouldn't want to marry the guy who can lift the biggest stone?
26:49Me.
26:50There it is.
26:54Yep.
26:55I thought it was going to be something like, you know, magical,
26:57like King Arthur style.
26:59Just a pub out.
27:00The amount of people who've had a few pints and sat in that stone.
27:02Yeah.
27:03That's a big stone.
27:05Do you know what I hope?
27:05We're blown away by this stone lift.
27:08Oh, like this is massive.
27:09Yeah, yeah.
27:10So I wouldn't lift that.
27:12Shite, these trousers lifted it.
27:13You're outdoors.
27:15It's freezing cold.
27:16It's windy.
27:17The elements are against you.
27:18Bend your knees, Ma!
27:20If you had to lift one of them stones now,
27:22what would be your dream prize?
27:23Ten pints.
27:24Ten pints?
27:25Ten pints and a nice feed after it was a nice steak, onions and chips.
27:31Oh, I don't think so at that.
27:36Nah, not today.
27:37This is a perfect sport for me.
27:39You go to beautiful little remote islands with a couple of pubs.
27:42I'd prefer to be doing this than running around for 60 minutes on the weekend.
27:45This is much more my style.
27:47I think the stone can sometimes decide whether you're worthy to lift it or not.
27:52I don't think the stone wanted to be lifted today.
27:54I like that.
27:55Yeah, I'm like, oh.
27:57It's like, I haven't failed.
27:58It's just the universe was telling me this was not the right time.
28:03If you went to wherever he's going to the stone, he's going to go pick up.
28:06Could you pick it up?
28:07Yeah, I could pick it up.
28:08No, you probably couldn't.
28:08Could you pick it up?
28:10Well, obviously not.
28:10That's the whole point why he's going around picking up stones because he's a stone picker-upper.
28:14We are now on the ferry to go over to Englishman.
28:20We've got artists, we've got folklorists, we've got historians, we've got professors,
28:25and we're all going over together to reclaim this culture, so.
28:27I believe if you couldn't lift that stone, you shouldn't move on to the next one.
28:31Just normal people, but who are swept in by this cultural reclamation, this comeback.
28:38He really loves it, doesn't he?
28:40It must have, like, took him out of a dark place or something like that.
28:44He's got a really strong passion for it, like.
28:48I can't wait to see what it's going to be like when we lift the stones, you know?
28:52I'd say he will be able to lift them.
28:54No.
28:55I'm telling you.
28:55I'll lift that stone.
28:57Up she goes, up she goes.
28:59Pull it in tight, pull it in tight.
29:01Yeah, that's another thing.
29:02Like, it's all like you have people believing in you and being like, ah!
29:06Yeah!
29:07Yeah!
29:08Come on!
29:12Ah, fair play to him now.
29:13He just wanted a few mates as well, isn't he?
29:17Everybody who's walked a path with me, everybody who's told me a story,
29:21everybody who's helped along the way, it means the world to me.
29:25And, um...
29:26What's he crying for?
29:32One, two, three!
29:33I think it's so cute when, like, older men and women, like, find their little niche and,
29:40like, they just, like, like, he's just going around finding stones and all and, like,
29:47and he's truly happy doing it.
29:50In the Liberties...
29:51Tracy, why didn't you bring the kitten around?
29:54I didn't want to.
29:54Friends, Tracy and Anita.
29:57Why'd you change her name?
29:59Because we found, right, she was Terry.
30:01Yeah.
30:02Because we weren't sure of the sex.
30:03But then we found out she was a little girl.
30:05So she's now Sherry.
30:07Yep.
30:07But Sheridan is her real name.
30:09I thought you were calling her Sheridan,
30:12because it was a boy.
30:13I called the cat after Cilla Black.
30:15Cilla Black's name's not Sheridan?
30:16No, but your one that played Cilla Black's name is Sheridan.
30:20Sheridan Smith?
30:20Yes.
30:21So you called it after Sheridan Smith, not after Cilla Black?
30:23Yes.
30:26What do you mean?
30:30I swear to God, you called the cat Sheridan after Cilla Black.
30:35Yeah.
30:39On Wednesday, Ben and Cat gave us a revealing look at the traditional item of clothing
30:44missing from our wardrobes.
30:46Ben Shepard does not age.
30:48Everybody's talking about it this morning, aren't they?
30:50Lorraine was talking about it with Lucy just a moment ago.
30:53This is not knickers.
30:54The bush is back.
30:56Oh, my God.
30:57Prepare yourselves.
30:58Kim Kardashian's underwear brand Skims has entered a whole new market by releasing faux pubic hair
31:10aptly named the ultimate bush.
31:13Oh, Jesus, that looks so real.
31:15Pubic hair thongs.
31:16What?
31:18Good Jesus, that.
31:19I've seen a lot.
31:20Well, these are actually merkins, aren't they?
31:22Yes.
31:22They are pubic wigs.
31:24That looks like someone waxed their back.
31:27Imagine waking up and seeing that on the floor.
31:29They'd be like, oh, that's a shame, wasn't they?
31:34Because, Alan, I think it's probably more your generation.
31:36Can you explain what a merkin was and what it was for?
31:39What's a merkin?
31:40I don't know.
31:40I don't know what was a merkin.
31:42You don't know?
31:42Okay.
31:42A merkin was a pubic wig to disguise anyone that might have had some kind of venereal or other
31:48sexually transmitted disease.
31:49Sorry, what?
31:51We've moved on as a society so much, haven't we?
31:53But the point is that I find surprising is I thought the trend now, particularly among the
31:58Kardashians sort of set, was obviously to have no pubic hair and now they're bringing pubic hair back.
32:03Why can't you just grow their own?
32:05Because if you were shite bananas, they'd want apples.
32:08It started off with the bikini wax and the bikini line and then no hair anywhere on the body.
32:15Janet, it's like when you get to our age, there's more hair left in your comb than there is on your fanny.
32:19Yeah, that's right, yeah.
32:20Because we pay to get it taken away and then you pay to book it and put it back on again.
32:24I've had some hairy moments on TV.
32:27I thought you were going to say, I've had some hairy muffs in my day.
32:3012 designs, different hair colours and textures.
32:3412 different textures?
32:35Sorry, there's 12 different textures.
32:37So if you wanted a light bush, you could probably have a light bush.
32:40I wonder what kind of field research they had to do to get this right.
32:42Yeah, yeah.
32:43You know, like a furry throw, would you end up just sitting there stroking it?
32:48That could be problematic.
32:50Is there a little hole in the knickers?
32:52In the what?
32:52Slit?
32:53For what?
32:55Are you meant to be recreating so it's actual pubes?
32:57No, it's the design of an underpants.
32:59You don't have sex through the knickers.
33:01But is it a roginess?
33:02That's what, it's a 24 pounds.
33:04It would cut you...
33:04Get grief!
33:0524 pounds!
33:05Jesus, I didn't expect to get about 10 knickers in a packet for 24 pounds.
33:10That is a stocking stuffer if I have ever seen.
33:13If you put that in my stocking.
33:15I mean, honestly, why would you bother?
33:17Dirty knickers.
33:18Can I ask the question, why would you shave it all off and then wear a hairy knicker stock?
33:23Ye women, I swear to God.
33:25You've got a choice.
33:26Thank you both for the time being Camilla and Anna.
33:28How would you wash it like?
33:30You put it out on the clothes like the rehearsal be nested in it.
33:35Oh, you put them in a dryer wet a ball.
33:38She say, me ball is banging me bush.
33:41Book delivery sponsors Gogglebox Ireland.
33:57Book delivery sponsors Gogglebox Ireland.
33:59In Cork.
34:07What's the most humbling experience is?
34:09Tell me.
34:10Having a grown rumen give out to you for not brushing your teeth correctly?
34:13Oh, the dentist.
34:15Dale and her wife Dawn.
34:17What gets me is when you go to the dentist and like they've got like 16 of their fingers inside your
34:23mouth, right?
34:24And all of a sudden they're like, how are you?
34:26Any news?
34:26And you're like, oh, oh, I don't get it.
34:29Like, I can't.
34:29I can't.
34:30Like, I can't.
34:31And then, right, you feel like you're drowning in your mouth.
34:34You're like suction me, suction me.
34:37Like, and I was just kind of like, oh, and all of a sudden then I could just feel it escape
34:43out my mouth, went down and went in between my ta-ta-tas because you know you're at that weird angle.
34:49And then what you call it, she moved the chair.
34:51So what was pooled in between my ta-ta-tas decided to go back up by my neck and went out my back.
34:58That's disgusting.
34:59I know.
34:59On Monday, Channel 4 gave us a somewhat unsettling glimpse into our very immediate future.
35:07What will the AI revolution have in store for your job?
35:11AI.
35:12Don't shout.
35:13Why are you so afraid of AI?
35:15Is the whole show AI?
35:17Are you AI?
35:19Oh my god.
35:22I just don't think we're currently taking seriously enough the threat that AI could pose to our working
35:29lives.
35:29You'd all be lazy or bastards than you are now.
35:32You would.
35:32We'd be all as fat as anything.
35:34Fucking too right.
35:35You just never see a movie about a nice robot, do you?
35:41AI couldn't do your job.
35:43I can't even do my job.
35:45I'm terrified of AI.
35:47It's not going to replace you anyway, Helen.
35:51Fuck it.
35:51That was my last hope.
35:53This cutting edge technology is predicted to revolutionize how we work.
35:58I think she's AI.
35:59I don't trust her.
36:00She definitely is.
36:01Her name's Ayesha, Ayesha.
36:04Oh, smart.
36:06And she has 11 fingers.
36:07Interesting.
36:08It's already being used by radiologists to quickly and accurately process medical images.
36:14Could it do the work of a GP?
36:16Yeah, this is interesting.
36:17You're going to actually go up against them.
36:19I was reading an article.
36:20The best job that you can have going forward is an embalmist.
36:25The show introduced us to an experienced GP named Tom, who is about to face off against his AI self.
36:32Hi, Tom.
36:32I'm your AI clone.
36:35Wow.
36:35Today, you're going to compete against a cutting edge AI to see who's better at treating patients.
36:41That's kind of scary though, isn't it?
36:43His job as a doctor may be screwed.
36:47Okay, but see me.
36:48I don't even know what I do, so I can't be replaced.
36:52Yeah, so doctor, I've been experiencing dizziness when I stand up from sitting.
36:57Okay.
36:57And I'm really tired.
36:59Like the doctor in face to face might see something, you know, something wrong with your eye.
37:03We then send him to give the same symptoms to the AI doctor.
37:07Let's see what the AI doctor does now.
37:09Would I be able to get some advice, please?
37:11Of course.
37:13What would you like some advice about?
37:14I feel dizzy when I stand up.
37:17Do you know what wrecks my head?
37:18Those speaking things can never understand my accent, so it always types random shit.
37:22Emma, I'm human and I sometimes also kind of understand what the fuck you're saying.
37:27Back in our test centre, the rest of our patients meet Dr. Tom.
37:31I remember when I had to drop my pants for the first time for a doctor and it was possibly the
37:35most uncomfortable moment in my life.
37:37I didn't like any of it.
37:39But what do you think the doctor, the robot was going to do?
37:41I, like I sent him a picture.
37:44You're sending dick pics to a robot, man.
37:46Like a hot knitting needle going in and out of my stomach.
37:49How long have you been experiencing the abdominal pain?
37:52On and off for the last 10 years.
37:54Time to compare doctor's notes.
37:59The AI has probably sent three of the patients to Switzerland.
38:02Go on, Tom.
38:02On Tom, boy.
38:03Some doctor.
38:04That was Bobby.
38:06You had the, I think, anemia and upper GI bleeding and I was sent to hospital.
38:11Let's see what the AI said.
38:12Anemia.
38:14Diagnosis anemia.
38:15Same.
38:16Possibly getting a blood test.
38:18This guy definitely needs a blood test.
38:20See, GPs know their patients as well.
38:22They know if you're fucking depressed.
38:24Whereas AI wouldn't.
38:25Or anxious.
38:26Tom thought the AI's treatment plan put Bobby at risk.
38:30But they both diagnosed anemia.
38:32I want the human to win.
38:35Later, with the scores close between the real deal and the AI GP,
38:39we were given the final results.
38:42Great.
38:42Human doctor's winning.
38:43And then the final patient, Taya.
38:46I suspected this was probably polycystic ovarian syndrome.
38:49Too close for my liking though.
38:52And the AI doctor said it could be related to fibroids or endometriosis.
38:57A few months ago, I was diagnosed with polycystic ovaries.
39:02Okay, so he got it right that time.
39:04And AI didn't.
39:05Yeah.
39:06Go on, Tom.
39:06It ended up misdiagnosing me.
39:09AI me owl.
39:10It took just 25 minutes to see all the patients.
39:14Whereas Tom took over an hour at 60 minutes.
39:17That's not worth the bollocks.
39:19The goal is not the time.
39:20The goal is the accuracy.
39:22And he was better accuracy wise.
39:23So therefore, the choice is the human doctor.
39:26A quick and efficient AI GP could be available in as little as five years.
39:31Will this be the preferred option?
39:33They have an AI member of parliament.
39:38Huh?
39:38Yeah.
39:39It's a woman.
39:40She comes up on a screen.
39:42Who controls her?
39:43AI.
39:44Who controls AI?
39:47Jesus.
39:47They suggest that every person and family and friends should have a safe word.
39:51Because they can clone voices.
39:53So if someone rings you pretending to be me.
39:55Well, you wouldn't answer the phone anyway.
39:56But say, for example, someone rang you pretending to be me and I was being a bit like,
39:59oh, weird, will you transfer me 20?
40:01Or I wish you wouldn't do anyway.
40:02You could say, well, what's the safe word, Dave?
40:05A lot of barbs in this hypothetical story involving AI, isn't there?
40:11In Tipperary.
40:12Guess what?
40:13What?
40:14I found my communion dress the other day.
40:16Communion dress?
40:17Yeah.
40:17Did you?
40:18I did, yeah.
40:19Anastasia and her dad, Noel.
40:22I made some money at my communion, did you know that?
40:24Did you?
40:25I made about 800 euro at my communion, like.
40:28Yeah.
40:28And what did you make of yours?
40:30I don't know, shall I admit.
40:34Probably made 50 pound at the time.
40:36I never got to fucking spend in that.
40:38Huh?
40:40Sure.
40:41What do you mean?
40:43I left it up in the attic.
40:45Right.
40:46With other money I had and the bastard and mice there.
40:50Dirty fucking, I hate mice.
40:52This week we saw some singletons put in a serious shift on Virgin Media Play's newest dating series.
41:00Welcome to I Kissed A Boy.
41:04Must be, like, Love Island for guys.
41:07How gay can this get?
41:13The show introduces to a shy and retiring lad named Jordan.
41:17It's a good day to be gay.
41:19You should go on this.
41:20He didn't rack my head.
41:21No.
41:21I'm 100% looking for something more meaningful, I think.
41:24I'm looking for the romance now.
41:25Feeling alive, I'll get you feeling alive.
41:30Leave it nervous, it's very surreal.
41:32I knew he was Irish, yeah.
41:33Straight away.
41:34I do hope there's chemistry, I really do.
41:36I'm craving that feeling you have when you're with someone.
41:38The whole premise of this show is so odd.
41:40I'm not lucky you are so bad into it.
41:42What, I lost it!
41:43Oh, my God.
41:50How long are they walking?
41:58Whatever happened to Hello?
41:59Oh, my God.
42:00That's not a kiss, it's a full-on fucking shift.
42:04Go on, boys.
42:06My God, they're going first.
42:08Is he going to drop the hand?
42:09Stop you.
42:11What?
42:14Hi.
42:16What's your name?
42:17Rory, what's your name?
42:17Jordan.
42:18Jordan.
42:18The kids force and ask names later.
42:20Ah, no.
42:21Not for me.
42:21It wasn't like that in my day.
42:24You're just saying.
42:25We watched as Rory got to know another housemate,
42:28also named Jordan.
42:29I think you're hot.
42:31You're hot as fuck.
42:31Yeah, this could be a vibe.
42:33This could be a vibe.
42:33Hmm.
42:34It's not very sudden, really, isn't it?
42:35I mean, it's fast-paced.
42:40Yes!
42:40Oh, no, Jordan, BC.
42:47Oh, fuck the hell.
42:49Are you scared or something?
42:51Oh, I just can't get over this, like.
42:53We were treated to some slow-mo minogue shots as Danny appeared on our screens.
42:58Tomorrow night, you will attend your very first kiss-off.
43:03Oh, my God.
43:04What is that?
43:07What is a gay kiss-off?
43:09Where has this show been all my life?
43:11The kiss-off is your chance to commit to your partner with a kiss
43:16or to put your heart on the line for someone else.
43:18A lot of saliva in this TV show.
43:20It's the same shy talk the whole time.
43:22The whole time.
43:23I fancy you.
43:24And then...
43:24I fancy you.
43:25I don't fancy you.
43:25Then they're going after another fella.
43:26I fancy you.
43:27I don't want to go to bridge you.
43:28That's such fucking shit.
43:30With Rory know her to be seen, we eavesdropped on the two Jordans
43:34as an unlikely friendship blossomed.
43:36I get that, though, because my only single mum, like, my dad, passed away when I was five.
43:40How come my mum passed away when I was four?
43:42Really?
43:43All their mums passed away when they were...
43:45No.
43:45Yeah, but they probably like each other.
43:46Yeah.
43:47And then your man, Rory, be sick.
43:49Like, I've never met anyone who's gone through exactly what I've come through.
43:53Yeah.
43:53They're going to fall in love and Rory be sick.
43:57My boys, welcome to your very first kiss-off.
44:01This is going to sound terrible, though.
44:02I am intrigued what the kiss-off is.
44:07Jordana and Rory, come on up.
44:10Reveal your decision now.
44:14They want to kiss you.
44:15If you don't want to run around, you don't want to kiss them.
44:17Oh, that'd be mad awkward, Sarah.
44:18You want to stay on someone's bike?
44:24Oh, my gosh.
44:25Oh, my gosh.
44:25This is so stressful.
44:27Imagine the rejection.
44:28It's like school, I'd say, all over again.
44:31What has happened?
44:32We just got along way better as friends.
44:35Look at them in their mid-riffs.
44:36Oh, God.
44:37I miss my youth.
44:39Which boy are you saving your kiss for?
44:42I'm going to save my kiss for Jordan.
44:44Oh, no.
44:45Oh, that's so awful.
44:47Rory, who are you saving your kiss for?
44:50I'm also saving my kiss for Jordan.
44:51Oh, my goodness.
44:53All the boys want to kiss Jordan.
44:55So Jordan holds the fate of one of them in his lips?
44:58Yes.
44:59I need to know, Jordan, is the boy you want to kiss stood behind you?
45:05Yeah.
45:06Oh, my God, Jordan.
45:08Oh, Jordan.
45:09Jordan Murphy.
45:10Reveal the name of the boy you want to kiss.
45:14A great twist would be if one of them wasn't gay.
45:19Or if none of them were.
45:20Yeah.
45:21Yeah.
45:22I'll have any money with you.
45:25At least one of them is gay.
45:27Charlton.
45:27Charlton, we always get knocked out in the first round.
45:34You can't even qualify for the fucking Eurovision.
45:36Can't even get a bleeding bloke to a fourth bleeding round of a show.
45:39Fuck's sake.
45:44Oh, I know.
45:44God bless him.
45:45But, like, I'm so happy.
45:46That's, oh, that's great.
45:51Oh, there is nothing worse when you're with a terrible kisser.
45:54Oh, I was just saying there, do you know,
45:55there's a lot to be said for such a great shift.
45:58Do you still call it a shift?
45:59Kiss? No.
46:00No.
46:00Right.
46:01Well, that's not what kids call it.
46:02I'm in a long-term relationship.
46:03We shouldn't be kissing kids.
46:08Sam organises the lads' night out,
46:10but as you can expect, things don't go exactly to plan.
46:13That's the all-new series of Faithless,
46:15continues next on Virgin Media Play and One.
46:25You're the perfect world.
46:29Oh, my God.
46:29Whoa.
46:31You're the perfect, perfect world.
46:37You're the perfect world.
46:42Yeah, you're one of those whitebs.
46:44Peace!
46:45Bye.
46:465, 2, 1, 2, 2, 3...
46:48CHALL ris Shay just...
46:49Picard and 2, 3...
46:49Yahut 3 bologues.
46:51Oh, damn.
46:52I peace.
46:53I Ma 40th!
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