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Greg Gutfeld Show 10/23/25 FULL END SHOW | ᖴO᙭ ᗷᖇEᗩKIᑎG ᑎEᗯS October 23, 2025
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00:00Thank you! Thank you!
00:18Thank you!
00:22Thank you!
00:24And I must remind you, please do not feed Bret Baier, he'll just follow you home.
00:34Happy Thursday, everyone.
00:36So, Hunter Biden called parts of Kamala Harris' new memoir, quote,
00:40personally painful.
00:43Publishers apparently forgot to tell Hunter, you're not supposed to put it up your butt.
00:51The Chicago teacher who mocked Charlie Kirk's assassination still remains employed.
00:59But school officials explained that firing her could cause her to collapse from a heart attack
01:04and crush dozens of children.
01:08Because she's morbidly obese.
01:10According to a new report, San Francisco streets are dirtier than last year,
01:14with even more feces and graffiti, but officials say there's an upside.
01:19It's creating more jobs for people who count feces.
01:24Win-win.
01:29A chocolate lining to every crowd.
01:32An enraged Texas Democrat candidate, Jolanda Jones,
01:36vows to fight ugly against the Trump administration,
01:40which won't be a problem thanks to their secret weapon.
01:47James Carville said Trump collaborators should be publicly shamed and spit on.
01:53And immediately Don Lemon signed up to be a Trump collaborator.
01:57A Democratic Senate candidate in Maine has come under fire for a Nazi tattoo.
02:07But now he claims he covered it up with something slightly less offensive.
02:12There's a new TikTok trend that claims you can tell the size of a guy's package by how big his smile is.
02:23On a completely unrelated note, here's my latest headshot.
02:27And finally, for the fifth year in a row, Taco Bell has the fastest drive-thru,
02:39with an average wait of just 4 minutes and 17 seconds.
02:44And that's the total time it takes from ordering it to having diarrhea.
02:48All right. So it's been six weeks since Charlie Kirk was assassinated.
02:55And have the Dems learned a thing? Hardly.
02:59Take Illinois Governor J.B. Pritzker.
03:01But only if you have a forklift.
03:03He's now comparing Trump's ICE raids to Nazi Germany.
03:07We have to save this country from what Donald Trump is doing to it.
03:11Because no, I do not want this country to become like other authoritarian regimes.
03:15People have criticized me for talking about the Nazi regime.
03:20People's rights started getting taken away.
03:22People got accused of being immigrants.
03:25This is before the Holocaust really took place.
03:28They create these kind of fake ideas that there's an enemy out there
03:34and it could be sitting next to you at one of these tables.
03:37And so let's round them up.
03:39Let's make sure that they are the subject of the laws that we're passing
03:43because we don't like who they are.
03:46That is what authoritarian regimes do.
03:48Wow.
03:49You know, I used to think Pritzker was just a fat asshole.
03:52Now I realize he's a fat asshole with amnesia, clearly forgetting not just the law,
04:00but that brandishing people, branding people Nazis gets them killed.
04:06Yeah, enforcing immigration law is apparently how the Holocaust started.
04:10This lump of lard is as ignorant of history as he is of the food pyramid.
04:16But once again, ICE is only enforcing the law against lawbreakers.
04:23Unlike when Joe Biden was in charge when the puppet masters removed their hands from Joe's ass long enough
04:29to sign warrants for parents, churchgoers and a realtor with a flare for spray tans.
04:34So what does the rhetoric do in New York City's Chinatown, ICE agents rated Canal Street Tuesday,
04:41arresting nine illegals with rap sheets that include forgery, drug trafficking, robbery and assault.
04:47These are bad hombres, exactly the kind the cavalry of liberal white women seem to cherish most.
04:54Because, you know, the other guys are Nazis.
04:57Show your face! Come on, what are you scared about?
05:01What the f*** are you scared about?
05:03They're f***ing Nazis, they're abducting people from their homes and their schools and their jobs
05:10and they know what they're doing is wrong and they don't give a f***
05:13because they're heartless monsters.
05:15Mmm, well she's got a mouth on her and that's the only mouth she'll ever have on her.
05:22Well, until her cats eat her dead body in her lonely apartment.
05:35So there you go, law enforcement rounds up serious criminals
05:38and you have thirsty broads coming to their defense.
05:41Of course, they don't live there or run a business on that street,
05:44they don't even walk their dog on it like I do every day past the block with the prostitutes
05:49and then back around a few laps.
05:53And yet these women defend men who sell counterfeit goods,
05:56send the cash to organized crime groups who use it to traffic women.
06:00Right.
06:01You know, maybe it's me but these lonely hearts should channel their passion elsewhere.
06:05Like write love letters to death row inmates.
06:08That way the inmates will drop their appeals and we can execute them faster.
06:14Last Saturday I was on that very street watching these thugs surround two cops who were outmanned.
06:20They did nothing.
06:21So ICE hits the gang and netted nine repeat offenders.
06:25Yet these white ladies raged over nine measly arrests.
06:29Hell, they had twice that number after Don Lemon tweeted,
06:32meet me in the Central Park men's room.
06:34But it says something about a party who keeps choosing felons over citizens.
06:41And it's all because for them there is no downside.
06:44They don't live there.
06:45And now House Dems are launching something called Master Ice Tracker,
06:49a government funded system to monitor the government agency that enforces the law.
06:54It's designed to help fugitives evade capture, which makes them co-conspirators.
07:00And what will they do if they see something they don't like?
07:03Arrest ICE?
07:04Well, who's going to make that arrest?
07:07You and your wife's boyfriend?
07:12But if you can crowdsource tracking against ICE, why not do that to cops?
07:16Why not if you can decide what laws matter and what don't?
07:19Maybe we should do that too.
07:21Crowdsourced the locations of batshit crazy white liberal women.
07:31I don't know why.
07:33And they may not be breaking any laws other than hygiene,
07:36but who's to say what a law is?
07:39So to recap, the Dems call ICE Nazis for deporting felons
07:42that choose criminals over citizens and compare the rule of law to genocide.
07:46And they're doing this while polls show Americans of both parties supporting deporting criminal illegals.
07:52But it's no stretch to go from defund the police to defend the thugs.
07:56They now believe that illegals have an exemption to the laws that citizens don't,
08:01which only emboldens illegals to go after the cops.
08:04I saw it with my own eyes.
08:06Not only can you come here illegally and commit crime,
08:09you do it knowing that the laws won't apply.
08:12Democrats aren't trying to win you back.
08:14They want you to lose hope.
08:15That way they think the more likely you'll vote for them.
08:19Let's see here we go!
08:20Let's see here we go!
08:23Tonight's guest!
08:25She's taking a break from bitch slappin' Bill Hammer,
08:28co-host of America's Newsroom in the Five Data Burrito.
08:31Yeah!
08:35His act was the inspiration for the barf bag.
08:38Actor, writer, and comedian Jamie Lissow.
08:40On Halloween, she's disappointed there aren't any razors in her apples.
08:47Apples, New York Times bestselling author
08:48of Fox News.
08:49And he makes his female fans
08:54flip, giving them a broken hip.
08:56Former NWA world champion and host of the
08:58Planet Tyrus podcast, Tyrus.
09:04Dana, I hadn't
09:06listened to the whole thing that Pritzker said,
09:08but I loved it when he said, you know, people
09:10criticize me when I compare
09:12everything to the Holocaust. It's like,
09:14maybe you should stop doing it. They're not
09:16criticizing you
09:18because you're, like, rights.
09:21If everybody's criticizing you,
09:22it's because you're an asshole.
09:24Sorry. And if
09:25everywhere you look, you see Nazis, and no one
09:28is a Nazi. But then you have
09:30Democrats that are trying to follow in his footsteps,
09:32right? So there's this woman in California, she's running
09:34for state representative, and
09:36she tweeted that President
09:38Trump is Hitler
09:40because Hitler also
09:42built a ballroom.
09:43And that's the kind of
09:47logic that you get.
09:49That's amazing.
09:51Who's a famous
09:52vegetarian?
09:53Like, is there a famous
09:54vegetarian?
09:55Sting.
09:56Sting is Hitler, because
09:58Hitler was a vegetarian.
09:59Right.
09:59I mean, I see
10:00the logic.
10:01Yeah, I see the logic.
10:02What are you going to do for Christmas gifts,
10:04Dana, now that you can no longer buy the
10:05counterfeit goods for your staff?
10:07Yeah, it's going to be really tough for Kate.
10:09She thought that was a Louis Vuitton.
10:12Yeah.
10:14I have a confession.
10:16Yeah.
10:16I really do love New York City.
10:17I've never been to Canal Street.
10:20What I didn't know,
10:22what I didn't know, this is actually, I'll make a serious
10:24point if that's allowed,
10:26that a lot of those goods
10:28are made by slave labor.
10:30Yes.
10:30So just the ignorance of the
10:32young women who are there screaming
10:34on behalf of these
10:35illegal immigrants and the ones who have committed
10:38assault, robbery,
10:40things that they would typically be against
10:41if a white man had done it.
10:43Right.
10:43They don't even realize that
10:45what they're down there
10:46trying to protect
10:47is actually
10:48the circular firing squad
10:50of slave labor.
10:52White liberal women
10:53don't think about that stuff.
10:55No.
10:55They just think about
10:56it's the most selfish
10:57suicidal empathy.
10:59Look at me perform for you.
11:01I don't care that these
11:02third world women are
11:03being crap.
11:04Because they're out of sight,
11:05out of mind.
11:05Exactly.
11:06You know, Jamie,
11:06you spend a lot of time on Canal Street
11:08or it's like you
11:09you like to call it
11:10sea anal.
11:15They like that one.
11:17And Greg,
11:18Greg, if you go
11:19if you go late enough,
11:20sometimes you do.
11:26What do you make?
11:27Why do you think these women
11:28are so irrational
11:30when it comes to men
11:31who would probably slit their throat?
11:33Give me the chance.
11:34Yeah, it's so bizarre
11:35and I feel a little bit guilty.
11:36I'm actually wearing
11:37my Louis Vietnams.
11:47That's great.
11:48There's so many weird things
11:49about this story.
11:50A lot of those shop owners
11:52who were complaining
11:53about the people out front
11:55selling all the items
11:56with them,
11:56they say they're like
11:57stopping people from getting
11:58into their establishments.
11:59A lot of those shop owners
12:00are legal immigrants.
12:02They're taking the side
12:03of the illegal immigrant
12:04even though a lot of those guys
12:05are hard-working legal immigrants
12:07that are having trouble
12:08getting customers
12:09into their stores
12:10because there's crazy people
12:11out front.
12:11And also,
12:12I feel like this is a pretty
12:13intelligently target...
12:14Like, these people
12:15are doing something...
12:16It's not...
12:17Sure, it's just selling
12:18counterfeit goods,
12:18but if you're willing
12:19to do one illegal thing,
12:20maybe you're willing
12:21to do something else illegal
12:22and six of the nine
12:23had rap sheets
12:25and so it wasn't...
12:26It wasn't the word...
12:26And, you know,
12:27I'm a little bit biased
12:28because my ex-wife
12:29was a huge protester.
12:30It was mostly during sex.
12:32But it was...
12:33I think that's just
12:40a general wife thing, though.
12:43Kat!
12:44Yeah.
12:44Kat, what do you make
12:45of Governor Pritzker's
12:47analogies and commentary?
12:49Do you find it interesting?
12:51There were so many things
12:53wrong with it
12:54that I don't even know
12:54where to start.
12:55Obviously, the Holocaust comparison
12:57is ridiculous and stupid,
12:59but also, you didn't play
13:00the part where he said,
13:02well, I know all about this
13:03because of his involvement
13:04in the Holocaust in the DM.
13:06So, if you don't agree
13:07with his insane harmful comparison,
13:09you're just not as educated
13:11as he is.
13:11It was so many things
13:13that I hate
13:14about what a lot of liberals
13:17can be like
13:17all wrapped up
13:18into the same thing.
13:19Because he was like,
13:20I'm not going to stop
13:21speaking out about this.
13:22Like, that's not
13:23what this is about.
13:24Nobody's upset
13:25because you disagree
13:26with an administration's
13:27immigration policy.
13:29That happens all the time.
13:31You can say,
13:31oh, I have an issue
13:32with this policy
13:33or with ICE
13:34or these tactics.
13:35But when you say
13:36we're on the road
13:37to the extermination
13:39of six million Jews,
13:40that's where people
13:41have a problem.
13:42And to make it seem
13:44like anyone has a problem
13:44with that is just not
13:45as smart and educated
13:46as you.
13:47It's just like,
13:47stop.
13:48Just shut up.
13:49Just stop.
13:50And he keeps doing it.
13:51No, he won't stop.
13:51And it's not just
13:52the right either
13:53that has a problem
13:54with that comparison.
13:54It's a nonsense
13:56comparison at best.
13:57I'm beginning to think
13:58Pritzker has a problem
13:59with self-control.
14:00Maybe a little bit.
14:03If only I could see it.
14:08He's so fat.
14:09People say.
14:10Tyrus.
14:12Tyrus, do you love
14:13the idea that these people
14:14are going to crowdsource?
14:15Like, oh, we're going
14:16to crowdsource ICE.
14:17Then what are you going
14:18to do?
14:19It's an imaginary solution
14:20to an imaginary problem.
14:22Well, I think, first of all,
14:23I have to defend Pritzker
14:24a little bit.
14:25Yeah.
14:26It was early in the morning.
14:27He hadn't had second
14:28breakfast yet.
14:29It's not fair, you know,
14:31to ask him all those
14:32questions, you know,
14:34so give him a break.
14:35And to back up
14:38what Dana said earlier,
14:40Hitler was short also, Greg.
14:42Was he?
14:42Yeah.
14:43Yeah.
14:43Yeah.
14:44Real short.
14:45I would feel bad
14:45if I was short.
14:46Yeah.
14:46But that's right.
14:48You told us last night
14:49you identified it
14:50as, what, 5'10"?
14:51Yeah.
14:525'10".
14:53Yeah.
14:53Okay.
14:54Yeah.
14:56They show up in these.
14:57Here's the deal.
14:58If you wanted to stop
14:59them from showing up,
15:02tell the cameraman
15:03to stay home.
15:04If there was no cameras there,
15:06they would show up
15:07and be like,
15:08well, since I'm here,
15:09I might as well
15:09buy a purse.
15:10Right.
15:10They wouldn't.
15:11There would be nothing
15:12for them to do
15:12because if you look,
15:15I always look at things
15:16differently.
15:17I never look at what's
15:17in front of the TV.
15:18I look in the background
15:19and I see other protesters
15:21waiting their turn
15:22for the camera.
15:24Yeah.
15:24They're getting loose.
15:25Like, okay,
15:25wait for my rage.
15:26Wait for my rage.
15:27And action.
15:27Oh, my God.
15:28We've got to save the people.
15:30It's just theater.
15:31It's dramatic theater.
15:32And, you know,
15:34another thing you said
15:34that I have to disagree
15:35with, Greg,
15:36you said no one
15:37will touch her.
15:38Unfortunately,
15:38this is America
15:39and there's a lot
15:40of lonely dudes
15:41out there
15:41who will put up
15:42with that on the weekends
15:43for a chance
15:44of what Jamie
15:45was talking about earlier.
15:49All right.
15:50We must move on.
15:51Up next is Nazi A.
15:54Okay.
15:56If you contract
15:57a story in five words.
16:00What up,
16:04my Democrat Nazi?
16:06So Jamie Graham Plattner,
16:08the Graham Plattner,
16:10a Democrat running
16:10for Senate in Maine,
16:11is explaining himself
16:12after it came out
16:13and had a big old
16:14Nazi symbol on his chest
16:15since he was a young Marine.
16:17He blamed it on carousing.
16:20Take a look.
16:21We went ashore
16:21to do the thing
16:22that young Marines do,
16:23which tends to be carousing
16:25and sometimes getting tattoos.
16:27We went ashore.
16:28We found a tattoo parlor
16:29after a fair amount
16:30of heavy carousing
16:30and we found a tattoo
16:32on the wall,
16:34a piece of flash
16:34that looked like
16:35a terrifying skull
16:36and crossbones.
16:37We thought it looked cool
16:39and so we got it.
16:40It's come to my attention
16:41that it has a stark
16:43resemblance
16:44to a symbol
16:45that is used
16:46by neo-Nazis.
16:47I have gone
16:48and gotten it covered up.
16:49I went to a tattoo parlor
16:50and I got this
16:52to cover up
16:52the skull and crossbones.
16:54It's a Celtic knot.
16:55This far more represents
16:57who I am now
16:58than even the skull
16:59and crossbones did.
17:00That represents him now,
17:02Jamie.
17:03I don't even know
17:04what that was.
17:05Do you have any Nazi tattoos?
17:07I have covered them all up,
17:09you know,
17:09and I feel like carousing
17:11was definitely
17:12on his word of the day calendar.
17:14I have so many issues
17:20with so many things he said.
17:21He said word for word,
17:22he said,
17:22I am not a secret Nazi.
17:26Do you know
17:26who would say that?
17:28Who?
17:28A secret Nazi.
17:29Yeah.
17:30Like,
17:30if we were just
17:31out hanging out
17:32and out of nowhere
17:32I was like,
17:33Greg,
17:33I am not secretly gay.
17:37And then Greg says,
17:38I too am not secretly gay.
17:41Let's go back to my place
17:42and not be secretly gay together.
17:46But he says like,
17:48oh,
17:48I was like drunk
17:49when I got this tattoo.
17:50But he had to be sober
17:51at some point
17:52in the 18 years
17:53since he got this tattoo.
17:55Like,
17:55he's only doing this
17:56because of all
17:57that has come out.
17:58And I don't know
17:58if we got a close up
17:59on that new tattoo,
18:00but my God,
18:01like the first one,
18:02you should,
18:02I think it's illegal
18:03to get a tattoo
18:03when you're drunk,
18:04but whatever country
18:05he was in,
18:05they probably just did it.
18:06But if you see
18:07this new tattoo,
18:08it should also be illegal
18:08to give someone a tattoo
18:10when you're drunk.
18:11Yeah.
18:11Look at this tattoo.
18:13This tattoo
18:14has second wife
18:15written all over it.
18:18It should just say
18:19there's something
18:20under here
18:21I don't want you to see.
18:22Yes,
18:22exactly.
18:23It's like every one
18:24of Johnny Depp's tattoos
18:25after he left his wife.
18:27He just covers them up
18:28Winona Ryder
18:29or whatever.
18:30Kat,
18:31he just,
18:31it just came
18:32to his attention.
18:33He had no idea.
18:34I know.
18:35I'm so tired of him.
18:36Yeah.
18:36It's like,
18:37cool,
18:37I get it.
18:37You have nipples.
18:39Yeah,
18:39right?
18:40Cover him.
18:40Yeah,
18:41you're right,
18:41Kat.
18:42He's nipple shaming.
18:43Yeah,
18:43I'm like,
18:44cool.
18:44I just,
18:45and also like,
18:45listen,
18:46I've done my fair share
18:47of carousing.
18:48Yeah.
18:48A lot of things,
18:49most people in there
18:50have been like drunk
18:51at least once in their lives
18:53and I think all of us
18:54are sitting there
18:55being like,
18:55you know what,
18:56and yet,
18:57not a single piece
18:59of Nazi anything
19:01anywhere on my body.
19:02Do you remember
19:03what a big deal
19:04people made
19:04of Pete Hegseth's tattoos
19:06a few years ago?
19:07They were like,
19:08well,
19:08this thing actually,
19:09actually,
19:10they were like,
19:11actually,
19:11like it actually could be
19:13interpreted,
19:13you know,
19:14like the whole
19:14I'm smarter than you
19:15and you just don't realize
19:16thing again.
19:17Yeah.
19:17Such a huge thing
19:18versus the reaction
19:20about an actual
19:21Nazi tattoo.
19:23Yes.
19:23Huge discrepancy there
19:25that makes no sense.
19:26That brings up,
19:26I think we have a montage
19:27of when they piled on
19:29Elon Musk
19:30for thinking he did
19:31a salute.
19:32Mm-hmm.
19:34That was a Nazi salute
19:35and he didn't just do it
19:36one time.
19:37He did it twice
19:38for emphasis.
19:39He should be condemned
19:40for those kinds of actions.
19:42That salute
19:42was evocative of things
19:44that we have seen
19:44through history.
19:46It's not something
19:47that you typically see
19:48at American political rallies.
19:49Let's put it that way.
19:50Elon Musk
19:51is a Nazi
19:52netball baby.
19:53I don't care
19:54what Elon Musk
19:55is doing behind
19:56a presidential seal.
19:58In this country,
20:00we hate Nazis.
20:01I still
20:02am not rocking
20:04with anyone
20:05sympathetic
20:06to Nazis.
20:08Good for you.
20:10Now,
20:11what do you think
20:12about that guy?
20:13Tyrus,
20:14you are
20:14a tattoo
20:16aficionado.
20:18Do you have anything
20:19on your body
20:20that you might have
20:20had when you were drunk?
20:23No.
20:23No?
20:23No,
20:24everything I did
20:24was because I wanted it.
20:26I'm a grown-ass man.
20:27Listen,
20:27now he has another problem.
20:28Now he has a secret tattoo
20:30to go with his secret Nazism.
20:31So he's,
20:32he kind of messed himself up there.
20:33He covered it up,
20:35but that doesn't,
20:36you make it worse
20:37when you cover it up.
20:38That means it was a mistake.
20:39If it truly was
20:40a brotherhood,
20:41then there should be
20:41four or five other guys
20:42coming forward
20:43with the same tattoo
20:44saying,
20:45no,
20:45no,
20:45no,
20:45we all did it.
20:46We just saw skull
20:47and crossbones,
20:47but no one's coming forward
20:48to support him.
20:49So his,
20:50his story has some holes
20:51in it there.
20:52Yeah.
20:52You know,
20:52but here's the thing.
20:54Has he,
20:55I'm a more forgiving person.
20:57He had the tattoo.
20:59Okay.
21:00Was he pushing
21:01a lot of Nazi policies?
21:04Were you seeing a lot
21:04of things like I have a law.
21:06Everyone with a Jew
21:07has to be arrested.
21:08That would be like,
21:09hmm,
21:09maybe that guy's a Nazi.
21:11He has a stupid tattoo
21:12that you can't see.
21:15And I was more offended
21:16by seeing his nipples
21:17than the tattoo.
21:18Yeah.
21:19You know,
21:19and then the way
21:20he was talking,
21:21he kept using
21:22that word carousing.
21:23Carousing is a word
21:24that a guy uses
21:26who's getting his ass
21:27kicked in divorce court.
21:28Yeah.
21:28I wasn't sleeping
21:29with the hooker.
21:30I was carousing with her.
21:31We were just carousing.
21:33It was just carousing.
21:34It just,
21:34say what it was.
21:35I did some dumb stuff.
21:36Maybe I did it.
21:37Maybe I was all pro.
21:38Like, look,
21:39for a while,
21:40I thought about getting
21:40a Black Panther tattoo
21:42when I was like 19.
21:43And then a football coach
21:44said,
21:44what are you,
21:45stupid?
21:46Like,
21:46so,
21:47people make mistakes.
21:49Just own it.
21:50Yeah.
21:51All this other
21:52that he's doing
21:52to try to create,
21:53he's making it worse.
21:55Like,
21:55sometimes when people
21:56try to explain it,
21:57the best thing you could do
21:57would be like,
21:58shut up.
21:59Stop talking.
22:00Say,
22:01look at my line of work.
22:02Look what I've done.
22:03Is there anything
22:03in my resume that says
22:05I have Nazi-istic tendencies?
22:07Yeah.
22:07And if you look at it
22:08and say no,
22:08then okay,
22:09so I have a dumb tattoo.
22:10How many women
22:11got tramp stamps?
22:12Yeah.
22:13That they wish they could,
22:13see?
22:16And,
22:17and,
22:17and I,
22:18are you gonna,
22:18are you gonna kick her
22:19out of the bed
22:19because she's got,
22:20you know,
22:20she might love
22:21President Trump so much
22:22she's got a MAGA stamp
22:23on her back.
22:24Yeah.
22:25You're not gonna judge him for it.
22:26Pete Davidson
22:26got a Hillary tattoo.
22:28By the way,
22:28I agree with you.
22:29I would not,
22:29I would not be pissed off
22:31at him except that
22:31they did play
22:32the Nazi card so much.
22:33Dana,
22:35I want to play
22:35some tape of him
22:37lip syncing to Miley Cyrus
22:38in his underwear.
22:39Okay.
22:39Because you asked for it.
22:40Okay.
22:49You know,
22:54I think stripping down
22:56in a wedding
22:56is somewhat more disturbing
22:58than his tattoo.
23:00It might be a little bit
23:01more disturbing
23:01that he is a big fan
23:02of Miley Cyrus.
23:03Yeah,
23:03that's true.
23:04I don't know
23:05when the Democrats
23:06are going to realize
23:06they have a major problem
23:08with Bernie Sanders.
23:09They have kept this guy
23:10in their tent for a while
23:11because they're so afraid
23:12of what he could do.
23:13And maybe he could do
23:13great damage to them.
23:14Look who is a genius
23:15behind Zoran Mamdani
23:17who had pulled Biden
23:19so far to the left
23:20that he ended up
23:21basically opening
23:22the entire border
23:23of the country.
23:23The Democrats
23:24will never recover from that.
23:25They were so desperate
23:26to find a man
23:27who,
23:28oh,
23:29he's not only a man,
23:30he's an oyster farmer.
23:32Yeah.
23:32As a Democratic candidate,
23:33he makes a great oyster farmer.
23:36And the thing
23:36that really bothers me
23:37about AOC is,
23:38fine,
23:39she cannot bother
23:40about the Nazi stuff.
23:41Does she care
23:41about the women's stuff?
23:43Because every single time
23:44there is somebody
23:45on their side
23:45who does something
23:46against women,
23:47including the people
23:48who are throwing women
23:49in front of trains
23:50on the subway.
23:51AOC,
23:52the representative
23:52from Queens,
23:53she said nothing.
23:55Nothing.
23:56That might,
23:57is that me?
23:57I don't know.
23:58I like to,
23:58you know,
23:59he's an oyster farmer.
24:00If he doesn't drop
24:01out of the race,
24:02that makes him
24:03shellfish.
24:10Aw, shucks, Greg.
24:15Nicely done.
24:17Up next,
24:18Sunny thinks cops
24:18are racist.
24:20Review on The View.
24:30Sunny Hostin never stops
24:33ripping on the cops.
24:35View co-host Sunny Hostin
24:36says she introduced
24:37her son to the police
24:38ahead of time
24:39so they don't harass him
24:40for jogging
24:41in her all-white neighborhood.
24:44Roll it, Elvis.
24:46As a mother
24:46of black children,
24:48I know that black boys
24:49are not given
24:50the presumption
24:50of innocence
24:52and the presumption
24:53of youth.
24:53I have had to be
24:54in the position
24:55where I have gone
24:56to my local police department
24:57because I know my son
24:58is going to be training
24:59for the Junior Olympics
25:00running around the neighborhood
25:01in an all-white neighborhood
25:02and I have brought him
25:03to the police
25:04and said,
25:04he belongs to me,
25:06this is my son,
25:07do not harass him,
25:08do not stop him.
25:08Amazing.
25:11A typical Democrat
25:12moving to an all-white neighborhood
25:14then bitching about racism.
25:17Hey lady,
25:18there's a reason
25:18you live in that
25:19all-white neighborhood.
25:20You picked the safest place
25:21for you and your family.
25:23Now you're ragged
25:23on the cops.
25:24If you want to relocate
25:25to the south side
25:26of Chicago,
25:27it's a buyer's market.
25:28Sadly there,
25:29your son will train
25:30by running from gunfire
25:31and not from the cops.
25:34Tyrus!
25:35Tyrus!
25:35I have a theory.
25:40She is feeling guilty
25:44about being a successful black lady
25:49who lives with white people
25:50so she has to play...
25:51Hold on, hold on.
25:52Successful slave-owning black woman.
25:55Get it right.
25:55Yeah, slave-owned.
25:56Her ancestors owned slaves.
25:58So she has to play up this like,
26:00I am a target of oppression
26:01so she can remain
26:03on a credentialed level
26:04with other blacks.
26:06No, stop it, Greg.
26:07She's lying through her
26:08teeth, Greg.
26:12She's full of s**t.
26:13The cops are just in a group
26:15sitting around
26:16drinking coffee.
26:17Hey, police,
26:18this is my kid.
26:19You see him running around,
26:20you leave him alone
26:21and you gotta deal with me.
26:22And they're like,
26:23oh, s**t, Sonny.
26:24Yes, ma'am.
26:25And then the one cop
26:26was like, nah.
26:26And they're like,
26:27put the baton away, Johnson.
26:29You got away this time, kid,
26:33because if you weren't
26:34Sonny Halston's son,
26:35I'm a s**t who you are.
26:37This is what people do.
26:39They lie.
26:39They say the stupidest s**t.
26:40This is like people
26:41who name drop someone.
26:42Like, yo,
26:43I was in the room
26:44with Enrico Palazzi
26:46and I taught him how to sing
26:47and they just say s**t.
26:49Yeah.
26:49She's saying,
26:49cops.
26:51Just a group of cops.
26:52Just a little herd
26:53of policemen
26:53just walk around
26:54a white neighborhood
26:54looking for people like me.
26:56Yeah.
26:56What is her name?
26:57I mean, come on, Kat.
26:58Her neighborhood is like,
27:00you know where she lives.
27:01Okay, but also,
27:02okay, look,
27:03I'm not a little black boy.
27:04All right?
27:04What?
27:06But, so can't speak of that,
27:07but speaking for myself,
27:08if I were out
27:09and I had a friend
27:10drag me up to the cops
27:12and be like,
27:12just so you know,
27:13if you see her out,
27:14she's not doing anything illegal.
27:17I'd be like,
27:18bro, what the f**k?
27:20Like, if they weren't looking at it,
27:22now they're always
27:22going to be following me.
27:24Yeah.
27:24You're like,
27:25hey, just so you know,
27:26like, you might see her out,
27:27but she's definitely,
27:28just don't go up to her
27:29because nothing she's doing
27:30is illegal at all.
27:32You know what would be great?
27:33I don't think that would be helpful.
27:34You know what would be great
27:35is if she tells the cops,
27:37this is my son,
27:38he's training for the Junior Olympics
27:39or whatever,
27:40and they go,
27:41okay, great,
27:41whatever, sonny.
27:42And then she goes to her kid,
27:44I need you to steal that.
27:48Didn't she do the same thing
27:49at the hospital?
27:51Didn't she take her husband
27:51to a hospital?
27:52This is my husband.
27:53He's not committing any crime.
27:55Just let him operate
27:57on whoever he wants to.
27:58That's a great skit, Dana.
28:00See, if SNL did good skits,
28:02it would be the woman
28:04who shows up
28:04and tells all white people
28:06that her husband or her kid
28:07is not a criminal.
28:08Hi.
28:09I just want you to let me,
28:10let you know
28:11that my son Billy
28:12is not a criminal.
28:14Yeah, but do you want
28:14paper or plastic?
28:16Right.
28:16You know?
28:17And the easiest thing to do
28:19is to smear the cops
28:21without saying their names.
28:22And then you can imagine
28:23the guys tomorrow morning
28:24are going to be like,
28:25did you see Gutfeld
28:26last night?
28:27Were you here
28:29when Sonny came in
28:30with her son?
28:31Yeah.
28:31And they'll find out
28:32it never happened.
28:33It never happened
28:34and you're right,
28:35but she's inferring
28:36that they are
28:37reflexively racist.
28:39Right.
28:39Now, I don't know
28:40where she lives.
28:41The View tapes
28:42in New York, right?
28:43So, I don't know
28:44if it's a California home
28:45or New York home.
28:46They might be bi-coastal.
28:47Go both ways
28:48if you know what I mean.
28:48But I think that
28:52her cops are probably going
28:54in that area
28:55are probably going,
28:56you know,
28:56screw that dumb broad.
28:58And she's stupid.
28:59That's stupid, Jamie.
29:01Jamie,
29:02I know you're not black,
29:06you also don't jog,
29:07and you're divorced.
29:08Mm-hmm.
29:09Do you have anything
29:10of value to add?
29:11F***.
29:15Hey, this guy's a comedian.
29:17You'll laugh at him, okay?
29:18He's not a criminal.
29:20He's just a guy
29:20trying to make money.
29:24Don't get scared
29:25because Tyrus is black.
29:26Yeah.
29:30I don't think you guys
29:31even need me on this one.
29:36I think Cap brought up
29:37the greatest point,
29:38which is, like,
29:38to draw attention
29:40and go, like,
29:40please do.
29:41It reminds me of that time
29:42I told you
29:43I wasn't secretly gay.
29:44There's no reason
29:45to bring that up.
29:47I feel like, also,
29:48you know,
29:48not to be all technical,
29:49but she does not live
29:50in an all-white neighborhood.
29:52Right.
29:53Yeah.
29:53Yeah.
30:01Also,
30:02when you train
30:03for the Junior Olympics,
30:04don't you run
30:04on, like, a track?
30:05Track.
30:07Do you know what?
30:08I've got to tell you,
30:09this story
30:10should have been the lead.
30:12Yeah.
30:12I'm thinking about it,
30:13all the things
30:14that we're talking about.
30:14It has everything.
30:16It's like a frickin' hoax.
30:18It's a,
30:18she just lies.
30:20It's a small-way classic.
30:22Yes, this is a Smollett,
30:23it's a Smollett number nine.
30:26She got it off the menu.
30:31It's amazing.
30:32I might have to talk
30:33about this all day tomorrow.
30:35Coming up,
30:36Saki insults
30:37the second lady.
30:39My moderate to severe.
30:40It's coming your way.
30:42Hey, hey.
30:44It's video of the day.
30:52This horse is behind
30:53claims she can read your mind.
30:56Her video of the day
30:56comes from Jen Psaki,
30:57who recently called
30:58Vice President Vance
30:59scarier than Trump
31:01and implied J.D.'s wife
31:02is being held hostage.
31:04Watch.
31:05I think the little
31:06Manchurian candidate,
31:08J.D. Vance,
31:09wants to be president
31:11more than anything else.
31:14I always wonder
31:14what's going on
31:15in the mind of his wife.
31:16Are you okay?
31:17Please blink four times.
31:19We'll come over here.
31:20We'll save you.
31:22And that he's willing
31:23to do anything to get there.
31:25And that,
31:26your whole iteration
31:27you just outlined,
31:28I mean, he's scarier
31:29in certain ways.
31:30He's smarter.
31:31In some ways.
31:32And he's young.
31:33And ambitious.
31:34And ambitious.
31:35And agile in the sense
31:37that he is a chameleon
31:39who makes himself
31:40into whatever he thinks
31:42the audience
31:42wants to hear from him.
31:45God, they're stupid.
31:47And this from noted
31:49mind reader,
31:49Jen Psaki,
31:50who had nothing to read
31:51that a year and a half
31:52she represented
31:53King Brainless,
31:54the drooler.
31:56Must have been tough
31:57to be the mouthpiece
31:58for a man with fake teeth.
32:00Democrats have a tough
32:01case to make in 2028.
32:03They spent 12 years
32:03telling us Trump
32:04was Hitler.
32:05But this self-made
32:06family man and veteran
32:07is somehow
32:08going to be worse.
32:10And it's funny
32:11how she never wondered
32:12what was going on
32:13through the mind
32:13of Kamala's husband.
32:15I guess she's not
32:16into banging nannies.
32:20Kat.
32:22She's not very clever.
32:23Like the hostage
32:25blinking thing.
32:26It's like,
32:26when anything reaches
32:28Jen Psaki's lips,
32:29it's already dead.
32:31And she was like,
32:32we'll save you.
32:34And it's like,
32:34yeah,
32:36she'd probably rather
32:37be hanging out
32:38with her husband
32:38than whatever that was.
32:40It is sexist.
32:43And it's just to think
32:43that if she didn't
32:44want to be married to him,
32:45maybe she wouldn't be.
32:46I don't understand
32:48how that's that
32:48difficult to understand.
32:49Yeah,
32:50like she's trapped
32:50in this marriage
32:51or something.
32:52You know, Dana,
32:52if you look at these women
32:54that are on this,
32:55show that crazy lady,
32:57the one on the right.
32:59I don't,
33:00what's her name?
33:01I can't remember her name,
33:02but she's a horrible person.
33:04Jennifer Welch,
33:05is that her name?
33:06Yeah,
33:06you know,
33:06if you look at these
33:07tight-faced crones,
33:09I think they're just jealous
33:11that their facelifts
33:13make them incapable
33:14of blinking.
33:16And they're just jealous
33:17of,
33:18what's his face?
33:21J.D. Vance's wife.
33:23You're jealous
33:23that J.D. Vance
33:24goes out in public
33:25with his wife,
33:26unlike their husbands.
33:27Yeah.
33:28Gross.
33:29Well,
33:31it is sad for me
33:32to have been in politics,
33:35working in politics
33:35for a long time.
33:36I remember
33:37I was a young
33:38Hill staffer
33:39in the late 90s,
33:40and what happened?
33:41You never saw women
33:43turn so fast
33:44on another woman
33:44until Bill Clinton
33:46basically made
33:47of Monica Lewinsky
33:49his victim.
33:50Yeah.
33:50And then they all decided,
33:51including at the very top,
33:53including Hillary Clinton,
33:54and they still pay for it
33:55every day.
33:56And so there's no person
33:57that is safe
33:58in their world,
34:00especially if it's
34:01a conservative woman.
34:02Yeah.
34:02They will always
34:03go after them.
34:04And actually,
34:05what the crazy thing is,
34:06Usha Vance
34:06is apparently,
34:08she wasn't even
34:09a conservative.
34:09I don't know what she,
34:10she's quiet.
34:12She supports her husband.
34:13Yeah.
34:13She keeps her ideas
34:14to herself,
34:15but apparently beforehand
34:16she was not necessarily
34:17on the MAGA train.
34:18Maybe she is now,
34:18whatever.
34:19I don't care.
34:20I think we should
34:21just be for marriages
34:23that are together,
34:25where there is love.
34:26We should all be
34:26supportive of that.
34:27Yeah.
34:30I'm really,
34:31I'm just glad
34:33that you didn't call
34:34Jen Psaki a C-word
34:36like you did
34:36in the green room.
34:39I mean,
34:40she is a creep,
34:42but let's keep that,
34:44you don't have to
34:45call her that
34:46on television.
34:48Jamie,
34:49Jen called J.D.
34:51smart,
34:52young,
34:52and ambitious.
34:53Three things you're not.
34:54Mm-hmm.
34:56But you can still
34:57address this issue.
34:58You know what's
34:59interesting about that?
35:00You're right,
35:01they were saying
35:02those attributes
35:03as if they were insults.
35:05Right, yeah.
35:05She's like,
35:06J.D. Vance,
35:06he's smart,
35:07young,
35:08and ambitious.
35:09What a piece of s***.
35:12What?
35:14That was so crazy.
35:15You know what?
35:15I never heard the phrase,
35:16when I was reading
35:16about this story,
35:17they were saying
35:17that Psaki,
35:18how do you say
35:19Psaki?
35:20Yeah,
35:20the P is silent,
35:23which is how
35:23we'd like her to be.
35:28It was the first time
35:29I ever heard the phrase,
35:29because they were like,
35:30oh, Psaki goes after
35:31second lady,
35:33J.D. Vance's wife,
35:35and I had not heard
35:35second lady meaning
35:36like the vice president's
35:37wife, obviously,
35:38which is kind of cool,
35:39because Bill Clinton
35:40that you mentioned,
35:40he actually had a second lady
35:42when he was just
35:42the regular president.
35:43I don't get that joke.
35:46Was that a lady?
35:47It's a Monica Lewinsky joke.
35:48It's a,
35:49he had one lady,
35:50and then he had a second lady.
35:52All right.
35:54Tyrus,
35:54last word.
35:56The only benefit,
35:57it used to be
35:58when you had to walk
35:59in a room,
35:59like what they're doing
36:00is what's been going on
36:01forever,
36:02where you get three women
36:03in the room,
36:04and they start talking
36:04about the happy woman
36:05with her husband.
36:06That's true.
36:07The only,
36:07the only benefit
36:08they used to get
36:09was at least
36:10your mom got cool
36:11Tupperware afterwards
36:13for you to put
36:13your stuff in.
36:14Yeah.
36:14There's no Tupperware,
36:16there's no accoutrement,
36:17there's no benefit
36:18to this,
36:19and the best part is
36:20with the exception of you,
36:22no one else is watching this.
36:23Yeah,
36:24it's true.
36:25I didn't even watch this.
36:26No,
36:26like,
36:27Hugh Hewitt watched
36:28the whole thing,
36:28he said it was horrendous.
36:30Oh.
36:30Hey,
36:31what's up with Hugh?
36:32He really took it
36:33one for the team.
36:34All right,
36:35we gotta move on.
36:35Up next,
36:36breathing through your butts.
36:40Swing,
36:41let's you do that.
36:43Swing, let's you do that.
36:44Swing, let's you do that.
36:46And we
36:47Zagружимся
36:49v tance
36:50Młody
36:52Красивые
36:55v плate
36:55I
36:57Vnôi
36:58Zabudemse
37:00valfe
37:01I
37:02Vyskожу
37:03You'll be...
37:05Just give me a dance
37:09First dance
37:11Last dance
37:13You're a dance
37:15I'm a teacher
37:17I'm a teacher
37:19I'm a teacher
37:21And I'm a teacher
37:23I'm a teacher
37:25You're a teacher
37:27I'm a teacher
37:29And I'm a teacher
37:31Is this even real?
37:39Tonight in Is This Even Real, an incredible, remarkable medical breakthrough.
37:46I'm not kidding.
37:46Japanese doctors have come up with butt breathing.
37:50Hear me out.
37:51It's to help people who have trouble breathing with their lungs.
37:54Now, Dana, you demanded we do this story.
37:58I love this story.
37:59Yeah.
37:59So it works like an enema where doctors pump oxygen-rich liquid straight into your rectum using a lubricated tube.
38:07Who hasn't done that?
38:08After it's all up there, the oxygen passes through the intestinal walls and right into your bloodstream.
38:14And it's perfect.
38:15This is amazing.
38:16It's perfect for people with lung problems.
38:18Remember COVID?
38:20Like, people had to get on ventilators.
38:22Now you just shove something up their ass.
38:23Right.
38:24And what's even better is you have an excuse.
38:27Exactly.
38:28And one of the side effects is that your butthole turns very red.
38:37Yes.
38:37But then the benefit is your ass looks like the Japanese flag.
38:41I think we should end the show on that.
38:55We should just end the show here.
38:58Just play some...
38:59The world will never be the same again.
39:01Yeah.
39:01Just play a test pattern for the remaining two minutes.
39:05Jamie, do you have a joke that's better than that?
39:08Oh, certainly not.
39:11But I mean, they do say...
39:12So this is interesting.
39:14Healthy dudes actually volunteered for this study.
39:17In which they pumped the oxygen juice up into you for an hour, a liter and a half of fluid.
39:22And I got to ask you, how did it feel?
39:27To set the record straight, I did not volunteer for this.
39:30I was paid a stipend.
39:36I was really, really close to a guy on the subway today.
39:39And the only explanation is that he was breathing in and out of his asshole.
39:47Yeah.
39:48All right.
39:52Who wants this?
39:53You know what?
39:55God failed.
39:55This is the one time I believe your story.
39:58Because half the country talks out their ass anyway.
40:00So why not?
40:03One of the doctors...
40:04Your doctors have to deal with a lot of bad breath.
40:08Right, Kat?
40:09I just feel like you're going to ask for this to be done for no reason.
40:14You know what, though?
40:15Okay, we were sold a bill of goods with ventilators.
40:19Remember, everybody said, oh, a ventilator's...
40:21You got on a ventilator.
40:22It was terrible.
40:24You might never have to do a ventilator thing.
40:26I'll take my chances when the ventilator's got on.
40:31Kat?
40:33Would I rather breathe out my butt or be on a ventilator?
40:36Yes.
40:37Yeah.
40:38Oh, obviously breathe out my butt.
40:39Yeah.
40:41Hell, you don't even need the choice of the ventilator for me.
40:44Right.
40:46Like I was saying.
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