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New Year Treat 2026 Part2 >>> https://dai.ly/x9x0r3c
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00:30Thank you. Welcome. My name is Greg Davies.
00:42Who doesn't like to see things doing things that they shouldn't be doing?
00:46A penguin on a bike? Hilarious.
00:48A dog surfing on a big wave? So funny.
00:50A child? Hammered on ten pints of Stella? What a laugh.
00:54What about non-comedians coming on a show designed for comedians, though?
00:58Is that funny? Is it?
01:00Look at me. Will that be funny?
01:01What do you know, sitting there on your sofa?
01:03It's New Year's treat time and we're about to find out.
01:06So now, for the first of not one, but two New Year's treats,
01:11please welcome...
01:12Welcome...
01:12Big Zoom!
01:13CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
01:15And next to me, a man who tells me that when his band is on tour, he doesn't like going up to the northern cities because the people don't eat vegetables, so their teeth are loose.
01:37It's a little Alex Horne!
01:41It's just heavy. It's just heavy when they talk.
01:44Not just little Alex Horne anymore, little Alex Horne has got an OBE.
01:49I've got an OBE.
01:50Oh!
01:51Oh!
01:52You haven't, though, have you?
01:53OBE.
01:54Oh, no, I've got an OBE.
01:55I've got an OBE.
01:56I've got an OBE.
01:57LAUGHTER
01:58Do you want me to play you a tune?
02:00Yes.
02:01Yes.
02:02You might want to hold that thing on the board.
02:03Just...
02:04You want me to hold this?
02:05Shh!
02:06Don't let them see.
02:08LAUGHTER
02:09Here we go.
02:10BUZZER
02:13Pull, pull.
02:14Pull.
02:17Harder.
02:18Ooh!
02:19LAUGHTER
02:20APPLAUSE
02:28Right, prize task time.
02:30What's the category, Alex?
02:31Yes.
02:32Well, Greg, it involves alliteration and violence, because you've asked him to bring in the most wonderful thing to whack.
02:39LAUGHTER
02:40Five points for the most wonderful thing to whack and five wacky prizes for the wonderful winner of episode one.
02:45Thank you, Greg, and thank you to the fans at home.
02:48LAUGHTER
02:50OK?
02:51Welcome, Big Sue.
02:53Have you brought a good thing to whack?
02:55I've been doing a bit of boxing.
02:56Ah.
02:57So, I've got a dummy that's got the face of Alex on it.
03:00Yes, he has.
03:01Oh, this is strong.
03:03There it is, Greg.
03:04Shall I look at it?
03:05LAUGHTER
03:07LAUGHTER
03:10That is a strong start.
03:12Who's next?
03:13Hello, Jill, you all right?
03:14What have you brought to whack?
03:15So, it's something that you would really whack with.
03:19So, this is, erm, my pillow, basically.
03:22This is Jill's pillow, the Jillo.
03:24LAUGHTER
03:26It's Roy Keane.
03:27Obviously, if he was going to whack you, you'd be really scared.
03:30I'd be frightened.
03:31Yeah.
03:32I'd be frightened just to be in the same room as the man.
03:33Yeah.
03:34I tried to kind of be like him when I played football in midfield,
03:37hence why I got a lot of red cards.
03:39You've taken the edge off him with his Santa outfit, though, haven't you?
03:42LAUGHTER
03:43Yeah.
03:44It's good.
03:45Yeah.
03:46Yeah, it's strong, lovely stuff.
03:47OK.
03:48What have you bought?
03:49It's a drum kit.
03:50Oh.
03:51Ooh.
03:52It's a nice drum kit.
03:53Someone will win that.
03:54Really?
03:55That's just a nice prize.
03:57Well, now I realise it's quite, erm...
04:00I should have done better, I think.
04:02LAUGHTER
04:03I did find a dildo in the kick drum, actually,
04:05when we were putting them together.
04:06True story, we used to stick the dildo
04:08right where the beatle would hit at the front,
04:10and obviously the drummer can't see it,
04:12but the crowd can through that hole.
04:14And every time you'd hit it, it would wag.
04:17LAUGHTER
04:18I haven't included the dildo today.
04:20Oh.
04:21Shut off.
04:22Shut off.
04:23Oh, suddenly the prize is worthless.
04:25LAUGHTER
04:29Susie.
04:30So, I have bought a piñata of Alex's head.
04:34Oh, good.
04:35Erm, because it's a wonderful thing to whack,
04:38and also you have such an amazing brain, Alex,
04:41we all want to know what's in it.
04:43Oh, thank you.
04:45Here is a piñata.
04:46Oh.
04:47LAUGHTER
04:48Oh, my God, it's so good.
04:50So, this one is filled with chocolate coins,
04:53because, Greg, I know if there's anything you like more than money,
04:56it's money you can eat.
04:57LAUGHTER
04:59My God.
05:00I feel seen.
05:02LAUGHTER
05:03I should have filled it with dildos,
05:05and then...
05:06It's strong, Susie.
05:09It's strong.
05:10Hello, Rose.
05:11What have you brought in, please?
05:12Basically, I brought in a slice of cheese.
05:15Yes, he has a slice of cheese.
05:16LAUGHTER
05:17I know that this looks like I'm not putting in a lot of effort.
05:21It does.
05:22Yes.
05:23But I created a video specially for you
05:26to explain why I think it's so wonderful to whack with.
05:29Yes, this is Rose whacking the cheese.
05:33So good!
05:34You're back in the game.
05:47Thank you, thank you.
05:48Right, shall I score it?
05:49Go for it.
05:50I think a drum kit's a wonderful thing to whack,
05:53but I think it's a bit Route 1 wacky.
05:55But I also think it's a lovely drum kit,
05:57so I'm not going to give it one point.
05:59I'm going to give Sam two points.
06:00I want to see Roy Keane whack someone.
06:03I want to see Big Zoo punch you in the face.
06:06I'm giving them three points.
06:08OK.
06:09Four points goes to Susie,
06:10but I'm going to give five points,
06:11because no-one can beat cheese being slapped all over the place.
06:13I'm going to give five points to Rose!
06:15Well, that's Rose!
06:16OK.
06:21Let's see them in action properly, shall we?
06:22What's for starters, little Alex Hahn?
06:24Well, this task might make you think it was inspired
06:26by the popular dating app Grindr,
06:28because it involves prodding a bear.
06:30LAUGHTER
06:32Come in, Sam, Ryder.
06:49Buzzing for this one.
06:51This room's mad.
06:53It's his room.
06:55Hello.
06:56Enjoying the chair?
06:58This one, yeah, I do like this one.
07:00Yeah.
07:01It's quite low.
07:02It's making me feel a bit inferior,
07:03because you're on a very high stool.
07:05Ooh, that looked pretty.
07:07It's pretty and practical.
07:09Practical?
07:10Mm-hm.
07:11Another day, another letter.
07:14Oh, gosh.
07:15Prod the bear.
07:16Don't that mean just stabbing them?
07:18Well, gently.
07:20Fastest wins, your time...
07:23Pardon?
07:24I don't want to finish it,
07:25because every time I say your time starts now, you...
07:27Oh, you've just said it.
07:28LAUGHTER
07:30Is the bear in multiple locations?
07:32You can't tell me.
07:33Is the bear in here?
07:34I don't...
07:35I just don't know, Big Zoo.
07:36Oh, come on.
07:37APPLAUSE
07:38Nice.
07:39APPLAUSE
07:41Amazing.
07:42I mean, Sam thinks it's safe to use the phrase,
07:44your time starts now.
07:46LAUGHTER
07:47We're trying to avoid saying your time starts now.
07:51Make start.
07:53This bodes badly.
07:54Let's go.
07:55Let's go.
07:56Let's go.
07:57All right.
07:58Well, we begin with two consummate professionals who,
07:59up to this point in their careers, have been widely admired.
08:02It is Sam Ryder and Jill Scott, MBE.
08:05Prod a bear.
08:08Um...
08:10Well, if the table was bear,
08:12could I just prod the table being bear?
08:16You think.
08:17I don't feel like that's telling.
08:19I'm looking for a bear.
08:20Looking for a bear.
08:21Looking for a bear.
08:22Bear in the loo.
08:23Looking for a bear.
08:24Any bears in here?
08:25Anybody seen a bear?
08:26Prod.
08:27Nothing.
08:28The...
08:29Bear.
08:30It's a bear.
08:31Greg's like a big bear.
08:32He won't like that.
08:33Well, I'll write it down, but I don't think you're finished.
08:34Oh.
08:35I'll keep looking.
08:36Yeah, you'd think there might be some clues.
08:37Bear.
08:38Not a bear in there.
08:39Not a bear in there.
08:40Not a bear in there.
08:41The thing is, there's so much shit in this house.
08:42Pardon?
08:43Where is this bear?
08:44Yeah, we've tried to help you.
08:45Is this you helping?
08:46Is this a bear?
08:47It's a cat, but...
08:48Oh, no.
08:49No.
08:50No.
08:51No.
08:52No.
08:53No.
08:54No.
08:55No.
08:56No.
08:57No.
08:58No.
08:59No.
09:00No.
09:01No.
09:02No.
09:03No.
09:04No.
09:05No.
09:06I
09:08Shouldn't have to tell you. Yeah. Well, there is I see flags. Ah, what what the flags mean?
09:15Am I hot or cold? That's a very good question
09:19Rabbits
09:21I'm seeing every single animal apart from a bear. Have you ever been Sweden? Yeah, what was it like?
09:27It was okay. What was Norway like?
09:30It was nice. Do you know anything about Greenland? It's green
09:36Flags, they're new. Oh, yeah, they're nothing to do with this are they? Quite often we put things around that are relevant
09:49Not all about football Jill
09:51Salamander's ducks
09:53Hens ever been to the Seychelles? No, I've heard it's nice though. I haven't been in the lab. Should have gone to the lab, should I?
10:02Fuck off
10:04Think like a bear reach for the stars be brave the great bear is always watching all for you. It's something of a ball, right?
10:14But there's nothing here. You must always hold your stick aloft
10:20Mr.. Bear will be back in a tick tick loft those two are in italics
10:26You don't have a loft in here. You're never more than 15 steps from a bear one two three
10:34So that would be up there
10:36It's got a little flag on it and there's other flags around the house. Oh, you bastard
10:41Oh, you bastard
10:43Oh, you bastard
10:45Oh, you bastard
10:47I'll stop the clock
10:50You're shit myself
10:55Ah
10:57Oh
10:58Oh there
11:02I'm spit
11:03Oh!
11:04Have you followed the bear?
11:06I've followed it.
11:08APPLAUSE
11:11OK, I thought Sam seemed very close to breaking this early on.
11:15Throughout that, I wrote down some of his quotes.
11:18There's just so much shit in this place.
11:21You, Jill, different demeanour.
11:23Have you been offered a truffle show yet, Jill?
11:26Some of the reviews that Jill did of countries there.
11:30Sweden, OK.
11:32Norway, nice, Greenland, green.
11:35You didn't just say shells. No, I've heard it's nice.
11:38Done.
11:39That's it, Jill's world.
11:41LAUGHTER
11:43Let's see two more.
11:44Well, now it's time for two more people with an MBE.
11:46One loves the OED, the other studied at DYT and UCA.
11:50Also, I have IBS, TMI, I don't know.
11:52It's Susie and Rose.
11:55OK, I'm going out.
11:57OK. Nice to see you.
11:58Yeah, lovely to see you.
12:00Flags.
12:01What is there?
12:05That might be outside.
12:06Outside, OK.
12:07That's Barbados.
12:09Seychelles.
12:11Don't know that one.
12:13Broad, the bear.
12:15It's not an anagram, is it?
12:17Not everything's an anagram.
12:19That's such a shame.
12:21Iceland.
12:22They're a different country, Vlad.
12:25Greenland.
12:27Maraguay.
12:29Japan.
12:30Have you been to Iceland?
12:31Yeah.
12:32What was it like?
12:33Very cold.
12:34Cold, interesting.
12:36Are we talking about polar bears?
12:38Ah!
12:40They're getting warmer or colder.
12:43Cold.
12:45Cold.
12:47Interesting.
12:48Yeah!
12:49So, were they telling me,
12:50oh, that's very cold,
12:51and now I'm getting warmer?
12:52It's also a climate.
12:53Could be.
12:54Do I have to look in an oven?
12:56LAUGHTER
12:58And here, it's hot out, isn't it?
13:01Oh, what's that?
13:02Oh, that's maybe the hottest country.
13:04Ah!
13:06That's 12 o'clock.
13:10Look up.
13:12What?
13:14Have you got a loft at home?
13:16I do.
13:17And I have, like, a hooky thing.
13:19Right.
13:20But this is not really a hooky thing.
13:24Ah!
13:26Yay!
13:28OK, I've got a record.
13:33It seemed to me Rose was fast.
13:34I don't know.
13:35You were fast and pleased with yourself when you solved the riddle.
13:38I was so satisfied.
13:40Susie, you seemed to pretty much lose interest when you realised
13:43that this wasn't anagram-based.
13:47That's the story of my life.
13:50OK, time for our first break.
13:52And Alex, Happy New Year, mate.
13:54Are you excited?
13:55Oh, please.
13:56LAUGHTER
13:57APPLAUSE
14:07Hello!
14:09Welcome back to our New Year's treat.
14:12It's 2026 and the robots haven't taken over yet.
14:15Hmm.
14:16And that's a joke which could age very badly.
14:19The current task has seen our cast try to find the bear
14:22as quickly as possible and then prod it.
14:24Only one person to go.
14:26And very much like Twycross, the large wildlife attraction
14:29in Leicestershire, it's Big Zoo.
14:31CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
14:35Where are you bear?
14:36You're probably not in the lab.
14:41It's not here.
14:42What do you find in the lab?
14:43Nothing in the lab?
14:44No, there's a couple things in there, but not a bear.
14:48The kitchen.
14:50Why are there so many countries?
14:52Why is it like an ethnic bear?
14:54There's multiple flags.
14:55Yes.
14:57You recognise any of them?
14:58Yeah.
14:59There's a car.
15:00Yep.
15:01That one.
15:02Greenland.
15:03There's a holiday.
15:04There's a bear.
15:05There's a bear, yeah.
15:06OK.
15:08Where's the bear?
15:10You're not helping.
15:11No, no, I see that.
15:12We're just going to be friends.
15:15I feel like a bear, reach for the stars.
15:17The bear must be on the roof.
15:28The roof.
15:30Hello, man.
15:31I've looked up.
15:32I've looked around.
15:34The clues don't help, man.
15:36No, I see that.
15:37Yeah.
15:43I can see a bear head.
15:45Right there.
15:50I declare myself codding.
15:52Codding.
15:54I've got the thoughts.
15:55APPLAUSE
15:57For a young man, you looked, for most of it, like an irritated grand.
16:02Just wandering around.
16:05When you're in there, things change, bro.
16:07Yeah.
16:08It was mad pressure in that yard.
16:09He didn't appear stressed.
16:12He was very close to giving up, and we didn't know there was that bear head in the garage.
16:15Yeah, that was just my task!
16:16That's my old task.
16:17Well, thank God you happened upon it.
16:19It did take nearly half an hour.
16:22A good ten minutes more than anyone else, so it is one point to Big Zoo.
16:25One point, Big Zoo.
16:26One point to Big Zoo.
16:27The rest were very close.
16:28Susie, you were fourth, 16 minutes 30.
16:31Just behind Sam, 15 minutes and three seconds.
16:34You were 15 seconds slower than Jill.
16:36You would have been quicker if you'd left the living room quicker,
16:37but Jill, you come second with 14 minutes 48,
16:39but Rose was the fastest with 13 minutes.
16:41CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
16:46Is it score time?
16:47It is, and there is one person in the lead.
16:49With the perfect ten so far, it is Rose ailing up.
16:51CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
16:56What have we got next, Alex?
16:58With a nod, a wink, a cough and a clap, we have DICE.
17:02MUSIC PLAYS
17:16Hello, hello.
17:17Hello, Rose.
17:18Hi.
17:19I feel like I'm in a butcher's.
17:20You've got a briefcase, a bays and a metronome.
17:22Yeah.
17:23What did you call this?
17:24I went for bays.
17:25Bays?
17:26Bays.
17:27All right, cool, bays.
17:28All right, go on.
17:29And a briefcase.
17:30Briefcase.
17:31I'm a bit scared.
17:32You tried to make a TM out of the dice.
17:35Why is everything so branded, bro?
17:37Right.
17:38Throw one or more dice to get a number.
17:41Then clap, cough, nod and blink.
17:44That number of time.
17:46Before the next flash.
17:48If you do not complete the sequence before the next flash,
17:51the task is over.
17:53At the end of the task, your total number of completed sequences
17:56will be multiplied by your number of dice to give you a score.
17:59High score wins.
18:01You must use your number of a dice in the next minute
18:03and you must berate yourself throughout the task.
18:06And you must berate yourself throughout the task.
18:09Your time will start on the first flash.
18:12OK, I can't do a practice, can I?
18:14Yeah, you can't.
18:15BUZZER
18:16BUZZER
18:17BUZZER
18:18BUZZER
18:19BUZZER
18:20BUZZER
18:21BUZZER
18:22BUZZER
18:23BUZZER
18:24BUZZER
18:25BUZZER
18:26Good.
18:27Well, I think we all understand the task this time, do we?
18:29It's complicated, but it all makes sense when we do it.
18:31It will.
18:32One sits in a dictionary corner, one takes corners,
18:35corners and the other one is big zoo here we go i'm gonna go for two two yeah which is brave
18:43right i'm just gonna go for two dice i know my limits i was a safe midfielder should i go for
18:49five dice no i don't know i don't want to get influenced by you man i'm gonna go for four okay
18:55four guys your time starts now i'm tired about this kind of thing eight so i get 30 seconds yeah
19:04six
19:13cool okay wait for the next flash yeah quite an awkward gap now before the next one okay maybe
19:21i should have had more dice oh did it go it went nine six nine eleven uh 17.
19:34so that i'm gonna do six class
19:37i think i'm blinking throughout anywhere
19:46we're seven oh nine
19:5214 14
19:5414
19:59what 12. so are you counting them at all no no right okay
20:03okay i did them all i've just realized that's gonna definitely add more times
20:12i'm going to cough and blink at the same time great seven
20:19easy why didn't i think about this at the beginning
20:21oh my bro what kind of game
20:31and go again oh my god
20:36oh it's torture man still in come on
20:38oh
20:47i didn't complete alex that's just classic me i'm afraid i did warning before i came on and you said
20:52you'll be fine and i told you i wouldn't you don't you don't have to write yourself
20:55oh do i know fine you look i'm gonna vomit bro okay do you want to go you can't make someone cough that
21:00many times no okay you should go
21:06the thing that fascinated me about you seriously really is your cough i
21:10i started to think you might be ai
21:13the great thing about you big zoo is you're a one-man argument should i go for five dice no i'm
21:17gonna go for four dice i feel like i'm gonna vomit bro you can't make people cough that many times alex
21:23was silent throughout all of it oh right i do unfortunately have to tell one of them that
21:30something bad happened oh are you having fun i am okay so let them go and do six claps
21:43so you could have told us that then so i just stopped but you let us go all the way to the end
21:47yeah yeah i mean i've said it a thousand times the guy's a prick
21:53three time to tick off part two of this treat be gone
22:08hello we're part way through a task which has seen the cast coughing and clapping
22:14yes and nodding and blinking and rolling dice two people left to go and the task is set in the
22:20confined space of the lab which was fine for rose but i was slightly worried about sam
22:25as i'd heard he's more of a spaceman here's how they do
22:31oh i get it i'm gonna just pick one one okay imagine having 12 and then you have to cough 12
22:36time clap 12 time nod 12 time and blink 12 time in 30 seconds now one dice
22:41sam how many dice have you chosen ten ten here we go throw the dice
22:52one two three four five six seven eight nine ten now rose why did you do that 12 times because i've
23:11five as long as you do more it's okay okay that's a bad start
23:2235 is your total 27
23:26four one two three four one two three four
23:29okay did that cat i cast a nod didn't i and i blink i'm two three four i'm down hot and sweaty
23:40hmm i think it's good you chose one dice
23:42three one three three one two three one two three i'm getting into the routine of it but i'm still rubbish at it
24:01yes i think you are yeah
24:04okay this should be okay
24:19blinking
24:21flash flash flash
24:27wow the cap is getting really quite small now
24:39this stop flash flash flash
24:45how did you think that went um i'm i need um honey drink
24:51i felt ashamed actually in some pot see you in a bit see you sir
24:57i feel like maybe i need to go to the doctor and check my short-term memory yeah
25:11you go to the doctor compared to this madness you were like a professional dice player
25:21at what point did you regret picking that many dice
25:23oh mate quite quick actually we did allow if you went over the number it was fine because
25:27there's no way you could do the maths on the dice quick enough unfortunately
25:33in the first round
25:35oh no
25:38he needed 35 of each and he blinked 16 times and coughed 12 times
25:4310 times zero unfortunately it's zero oh so sam scores zero but you do get one point for coming
25:50last really yeah rose chose one dice unfortunately on the ninth time she was meant to nod six times and
25:56only nodded four times because she was muddled so you get a total of eight and you're in fourth place
26:01jill obviously you can count to six unfortunately so you um stopped at six but times two that's 12 you're in
26:07third place zoo you got to uh 11 11 throws times four which is 44 but susie with her two dice didn't
26:15make a mistake for 27 times 27 times two at 54. susie gets five points
26:21well done i'd really love to see another task please alex oh he would because he's keen he's mean
26:27he's goddamn lean yes he's greg and like greg the next task really goes the distance
26:43oh hello hello hello come in thank you very welcome to the caravan welcome oh i did it wrong
26:58welcome to that that's not right what was this yeah welcome welcome what did i say i think you just
27:04smoke in your face nice cup of tea oh lovely nice to have a biscuit with some chocolate with that i know
27:11oh are you going to give us one oh i'm intrigued by that chocolate bar do you know what it is
27:17is it a mars bar no is it a snooker's what's that marathon oh maybe does this mean that this
27:24task is going to be a marathon yes do a something-a-thon for a full 20 minutes most inspiring something-a-thon
27:39successfully accomplished wins you have five minutes to choose your something your time starts now
27:46oh what this yeah what's in it though no one knew it's probably some beans or something
27:55not doing it not now no um so what do you mean a something of fun that's something you thought
28:05something inspiring for the kids
28:07i'm thinking motivational speech what about i learned how to speak french or something because
28:21i'm sure it's very inspiring for a deaf person to learn a new language you think that's inspiring
28:26you think you'll change people i feel that often how often do you inspire people
28:32i didn't mean to right it's just happen i just sit and drink cups of tea have you ever done a
28:41sponsor something before just walks can i sleep that's not very inspiring either walking and sleeping
28:46so far sleeping 20 minutes of me frying eggs maybe i could just walk around with a tire around my neck
28:57or something i'm writing it down is that a thing don't hmm these are really good tasks i can see
29:07how you're the task master this is assistant oh assistant yeah great yeah but he's not here so
29:14we'll just pretend it's you really yeah it's like when i was vice captain when steph
29:19wasn't i used to tell people i was captain you'd be telling people you're a taskmaster would you no
29:31no because daddy'd be very cross good let's get inspired well one knows words and the other woes
29:38nerds that's right it's susie dent and big zoo i'm susie dent and i am going to try a maximathon
29:46because i'm going to do as many english maxims or sayings as i can do in 20 minutes so here goes
30:06hello big zoo what are you gonna do i'm gonna do a rap of one full 20 minutes 20 minitos your time
30:13starts now my name is big zoo i'ma show you what i do wait let's get back oh sorry we lost a bit about it
30:34big zew if you can't spell i will spell it for you big to the zew i'm here to inspire the entire crew
30:42if you're a kid sitting in school and you're thinking this isn't cool don't worry one day you
30:47could pick up a tool and it could be a boat builder that could be you
30:56no come with a different flavor always on track for my brain and i don't lack and i don't slack
31:03for half one dope rapper fun yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah remix i like cake and i like a slice if you're not
31:11inspired then you are lost in a in a field in the field see me on the screen like i am bill
31:2120 minutes nothing for man big i'm bigger than man
31:24i am the sergeant tell me what it is if you ain't inspired you may listen to the living i'm required
31:37zw we don't know the name d-i-g-z-w i'm done
31:42i'm playing to type seat but i i was fairly engaged throughout welter
31:55oh thank you that was fair fairly engaged throughout i was
31:59big suit i'm no rapper
32:01yeah should they rhyme depending on the time yeah there were over 50 references to food in the
32:11rap how long you don't have to do that to me
32:18he wrapped for ages you told me well 20 minutes yeah yeah that's what they had to do and it was all
32:23from the top of my mind freestyle none of it was written before no way they were both enjoyable
32:30now for that which we call a rose hello rose hello what is going to be your something-a-thon
32:38i'm going to do a music-a-thon in um swinkle swinkle liquid star
32:44um different music instrument oh god you ready i'm ready to be inspired thank you
32:53your 20 minutes starts now
33:1625 seconds gone
33:21what's it called it's a glockenspiel there you go
33:35it's a glockenspiel there you go
33:49wow
34:03wow
34:17oh
34:20i feel like one about nopped that's around the fire
34:25oh hello you've got 30 seconds left there's one more intimate this one i love this one what's this one called
34:32oh no i don't
34:46wow
34:46isn't that inspirational enough
34:48it was a lot going on there what was the problem with the pipe thing it just made me laugh i think it's funny it looks funny and what the problem is was um toby my interpreter and alo they both were laughing so because they were in tears of trying so hard so it made me laugh so you're just so what you're saying is your interpreter let you down on this task
35:16no
35:24no i had to say she let you down on so yeah get rid get rid
35:30Yeah, ain't she?
35:31LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
35:35Oh, my God.
35:36All right, just one part to go.
35:38In it, a hugely successful professional
35:41will win and take home a slice of processed cheese.
35:45It'll be embarrassing for them, embarrassing for the show,
35:48and will make us all question if it's really that bad
35:51that humans are on their way out.
35:53We'll see you soon.
35:54APPLAUSE
36:00Hello!
36:06Welcome back to part four of part one of this two-part festive special.
36:11Before the break, the task involves trying to achieve
36:14the most inspiring-a-thon.
36:16Yes, that's right, Greg, and coincidentally, I'm wearing a thong.
36:19Finally, one won the Euros and one nearly won Eurovision,
36:23which is wonderful, but which one won which one, one wonders.
36:26It's Jill and Sam.
36:28Good.
36:29APPLAUSE
36:30OK, your 20 minutes starts now.
36:32APPLAUSE
36:33I came to Taskmaster and met a random man.
36:38He told me to meet him in his caravan.
36:41He offered me a chocolate bar.
36:43He said I'd feel better.
36:45Then he handed me an envelope with a crisp white letter.
36:49I said to him, where's that guy that's tall?
36:54I've heard that he really loves football.
36:57I reckon he would have a decent right peg.
37:01He goes by the name of Mr. Greg.
37:04I went to Taskmaster and met a random man.
37:08He told us to meet him in his caravan.
37:12Welcome to my pump-a-thon.
37:13Are you ready?
37:14Yeah.
37:15He offered me a chocolate bar.
37:16He said I'd feel better.
37:17I went to Taskmaster.
37:18I met a weird man.
37:19Two and a half minutes, Jill.
37:20He said to me, follow me into my caravan.
37:21Don't know why it's getting dirtier.
37:22We're halfway.
37:23Guess what, guys?
37:24I went to Taskmaster.
37:25I went to Taskmaster.
37:26I went to Taskmaster.
37:27I went to Taskmaster.
37:28I met a weird man.
37:29Two and a half minutes, Jill.
37:30He said to me, follow me into my caravan.
37:31Don't know why it's getting dirtier.
37:32We're halfway.
37:33Guess what, guys?
37:34I went to Taskmaster.
37:35I met a weird man.
37:36I met a weird man.
37:37I met a weird man.
37:38Two and a half minutes, Jill.
37:39Two and a half minutes, Jill.
37:40He said to me, follow me into my caravan.
37:41Don't know why it's getting dirtier.
37:42We're halfway.
37:47Guess what, guys?
37:50I went to Taskmaster.
37:52I met a weird man.
37:54I've got sweat in my eyeball.
37:56Let's speed it up, everybody.
38:15We're in the final minute, Jill.
38:17This is hard work.
38:24I'm gonna do it.
38:25I said to him, where's that guy that's tall?
38:29I've heard that he really loves football.
38:41I reckon he'd have a decent right peg.
38:44He goes by the name of Mr. Greg!
38:50That was 20 minutes.
38:53That was amazing.
38:5520 minutes up, Sam.
39:03See you later.
39:04Thanks, mate.
39:05I'll see you.
39:06I'll see you.
39:14Lovely to watch.
39:15And I don't care what anyone says.
39:16I think the North East accent's well suited to poetry.
39:19Yes.
39:20So, well done is how I'd like to start my feedback.
39:24And then I'd like to continue it with this.
39:25Mm-hmm.
39:26Is everything all right?
39:27No.
39:28I'm in bit.
39:29Yeah.
39:30I mean, correct me if I'm wrong, but you blew up an airbed and then you humped it, right?
39:35No.
39:36No.
39:37I just...
39:38I inflated it and deflated it four times in a row.
39:40Three times.
39:41Three times?
39:42Yeah.
39:43I've been telling all my mates I did it four times in 20 minutes.
39:45All right.
39:46I'm going to give two points to Sam Ryder and to Susie.
39:50Because I felt similarly inspired by both of them.
39:55Giving three to the multiple musical instruments.
39:59So, what is there?
40:00Is it the incredible international football skills or is it you just rapping nonsense for
40:0620 minutes?
40:07Nonsense?
40:08Yeah.
40:09No.
40:10Come on.
40:11Inspirational quotes were in there.
40:12Give me one inspirational quote and that will make the decision for me.
40:15If you can't spell B-I-G-Z-W...
40:20Big Zoo.
40:21LAUGHTER
40:23Four points to Big Zoo.
40:25Five points to Jill.
40:27APPLAUSE
40:29OK.
40:31A peek at the scores, perhaps?
40:33Of course.
40:34Well, Sam is way out in the back with eight.
40:37At the front we've got Jill on 15 and Rose on 15.
40:40Wow.
40:41All right.
40:42APPLAUSE
40:44There we go.
40:45Oh!
40:46All to play for.
40:47OK, everyone.
40:48Just one more thing to do.
40:50Please make your way to the stage for the final task of the show!
40:54CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
40:56Who's going to read the task out?
41:01I think Rose is going to read the task out.
41:03Put your item in Gred special order.
41:06Reveal the items, Greg.
41:08Ooh!
41:09Ooh!
41:11Ooh!
41:12Ooh!
41:13Ooh!
41:14After each shuffle, Gred will tell you how many items are in the correct
41:18position but not which one.
41:20The first to get the correct order wins.
41:23Your time starts now.
41:24What about now?
41:25No, no.
41:26Your time does not start now.
41:27No, that's...
41:28Oh, no, no.
41:29OK.
41:30So why did you write it down then?
41:31CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
41:34What I did was I made a mistake.
41:37LAUGHTER
41:38There's only one winner.
41:39One person's going to get five points.
41:41If two people get it on the same go, they both get five points.
41:44It is time for the first shuffle.
41:47WHISTLE BLOWS
41:48Ten seconds you've got.
41:49Not long.
41:50Oh.
41:52Don't have to shuffle, of course.
41:54And shuffle.
41:55Greg's going to go down the line and say how many you've got right.
41:58Big Sue.
41:59You have got two right.
42:02That's so annoying.
42:06Jill.
42:07You have got zero right.
42:14Rose.
42:16Zero right.
42:18Sam.
42:19Two right.
42:21Ooh.
42:22Susie.
42:23Zero right.
42:26Second shuffle.
42:27WHISTLE BLOWS
42:28WHISTLE BLOWS
42:29WHISTLE BLOWS
42:30WHISTLE BLOWS
42:31WHISTLE BLOWS
42:32WHISTLE BLOWS
42:33WHISTLE BLOWS
42:34WHISTLE BLOWS
42:35WHISTLE BLOWS
42:36Stop shuffling.
42:37Big Sue has got two right.
42:38Oh, for fucking sake!
42:40LAUGHTER
42:41Who is it?
42:42One, Jill.
42:43Are you sure?
42:44Two.
42:45Two.
42:46Yeah, two, Jill.
42:47LAUGHTER
42:48Two.
42:49One, Sam.
42:52Bastard.
42:53OK, yep.
42:54Er...
42:55One...
42:56Two.
42:57Two.
42:58Two.
42:59So we have four twos and one one.
43:01They're inching closer.
43:03Next shuffle.
43:04WHISTLE BLOWS
43:06Gosh, we really could be here for hours.
43:08LAUGHTER
43:09Oh.
43:11Oh.
43:12Zoo.
43:13Two.
43:14Consistent.
43:17Jill.
43:18One.
43:19Rose.
43:20One.
43:21Sam.
43:22Uh-oh.
43:23This is putting the cat amongst the pigeons.
43:26Three.
43:27Oh!
43:28Susie.
43:29One.
43:31WHISTLE BLOWS
43:32Shuffle!
43:33Ah, shit.
43:34There you go.
43:35Oh, my throat gets broken.
43:41Shuffle plum is up.
43:42So some late shuffling, some very late shuffling.
43:45Zoo.
43:46Three.
43:47Hey!
43:48Jill.
43:49One.
43:50Rose.
43:52One.
43:55Sam was on three.
43:56He's now on...
43:57Two.
43:58Oh, shit.
43:59Susie is on...
44:01One.
44:03Off we go.
44:04One.
44:05One.
44:06One.
44:07One.
44:11How is that possible?
44:12Possible.
44:13Zero.
44:18One.
44:21Every time.
44:22Three.
44:23Oh!
44:24This is...
44:26None!
44:29That's about a fucking jump over.
44:31Come on, Sam.
44:33Just swap the right...
44:37Swap the two that are right, please.
44:41And...
44:42Stop shuffling.
44:43Do we have a winner?
44:44Please have a winner.
44:45One.
44:47One for zoo.
44:48Oh, wrong.
44:49One, Jill.
44:50Oh!
44:51Three, Rose.
44:52Three.
44:53Three.
44:54Three.
44:55It's one.
44:56Did I?
44:57Okay.
44:58Two for Susie.
44:59And on this occasion,
45:01Sav has got...
45:02Five.
45:03Five.
45:04Oh!
45:09And the special order, of course, is the alphabetical order.
45:12Each one starts with the same letter as your own names.
45:14You're in that order, too.
45:16We're finished.
45:18Let's add those scores for final ones.
45:19Come down and join me!
45:23This has been class.
45:24Wow.
45:25What a rush that was.
45:26Oh!
45:28Great redemption for Sam.
45:29I needed that.
45:30I can't lie.
45:31You did.
45:32I can tell you, he's not in last place anymore.
45:34He's in second...
45:35How?!
45:36Second last place.
45:38Oh!
45:40Two people are drawing, though, Greg, because this is the final scoreboard.
45:43Jill and Rose are joint winners.
45:46Oh!
45:48Close as well.
45:49Very close.
45:50And you know what that means.
45:51We don't leave things there.
45:53It's a tie break!
45:54Oh!
45:55All they have to do is answer this question.
45:57What length is my pineapple?
46:00I have a tattoo of a pineapple.
46:03Where?
46:04You know that bit between your balls and grass?
46:05No, no, no.
46:06No!
46:07Not personally!
46:09I'm going to give you a card each.
46:11You're going to have ten seconds to write down your answer.
46:14It's closest number in millimetres wins.
46:16Maybe three or four.
46:17Maybe four.
46:18Maybe four.
46:23I've noted no-one's asking me for help.
46:25They both wrote down numbers?
46:30Yep.
46:31Who would you like to see first?
46:32Rose is first.
46:3340.
46:34Oh!
46:3540 millimetres, or four centimetres.
46:37Correct.
46:38Jill?
46:3950 millimetres, or five centimetres.
46:42And now, for the most anticlimactic moment of all time...
46:48It is...
46:5082!
46:51It's 82!
46:52CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
46:54Jill Scott wins the first of our New Year's treats.
47:00Please wander up to whack your wonderful women!
47:03CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
47:05See you in the morning!
47:11How's the can of us eat?
47:13So proud of you!
47:14So proud of you!
47:17And now, I'm the only one who's CONFER!
47:19I'm the only one that I love you.
47:20I can't be honest!
47:21Or I'm one that I love you!
47:22We'll be the only one that I love you!
47:23Thank you for listening!
47:24And I'll be more of you!
47:25And now, I'll be more of you!
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