- 4 days ago
Taskmaster - Season 20 Episode 101 -
(special) Taskmaster's New Year Treat 2026 (1)
(special) Taskmaster's New Year Treat 2026 (1)
Category
😹
FunTranscript
00:00MUSIC
00:18Thank you. Welcome.
00:20My name is Greg Davis.
00:22Who doesn't like to see things doing things that they shouldn't be doing?
00:26A penguin on a bike? Hilarious.
00:28A dog surfing on a big wave? So funny.
00:31A child hammered on ten pints of Stella? What a laugh.
00:34What about non-comedians coming on a show designed for comedians, though?
00:38Is that funny? Is it? Look at me. Will that be funny?
00:41What do you know, sitting there on your sofa?
00:44It's New Year's treat time, and we're about to find out.
00:47So, now, for the first of not one, but two New Year's treats,
00:51please welcome...
00:53Big Zoom!
00:55Jill Starr!
00:58Sam Ryder!
01:00Susie Baird!
01:02Rose Aileen Ellis!
01:07And next to me, a man who tells me that when his band is on tour,
01:11he doesn't like going up to the northern cities
01:13because the people don't eat vegetables so their teeth are loose.
01:17Yes!
01:20A little Alex Horne!
01:22APPLAUSE
01:23Not just little Alex Horne anymore,
01:27little Alex Horne has got an OBE.
01:29Oh!
01:31You haven't, though, have you?
01:33OBE? No, I've got an OBE-O-E.
01:35I've got an oboe!
01:36Do you want me to play you a tune?
01:39Yes.
01:40Yes.
01:41You might want to hold that thing on the bottom.
01:43Just...
01:44You want me to hold this?
01:45Shhh!
01:46Don't let them see.
01:48LAUGHTER
01:49Here we go.
01:53Pull! Pull!
01:54Pull!
01:57Harder.
01:58Ooh!
01:59Ooh!
02:00LAUGHTER
02:01APPLAUSE
02:08Right, prize task time.
02:10What's the category, Alex?
02:11Yes.
02:12Well, Greg, it involves alliteration and violence
02:16because you've asked him to bring in the most wonderful thing to whack.
02:21Five points for the most wonderful thing to whack
02:23and five wacky prizes for the wonderful winner of episode one.
02:26Thank you, Greg, and thank you to the fans at home.
02:28LAUGHTER
02:32Welcome, Big Sue.
02:33Have you brought a good thing to whack?
02:35I've been doing a bit of boxing.
02:36Ah.
02:37So, I've got a dummy that's got the face of Alex on it.
02:41Yes, he has.
02:42Oh, this is strong.
02:43There it is, Greg.
02:44Shall I look at it?
02:45LAUGHTER
02:51That is a strong start.
02:52Who's next?
02:53Hello, Jill, you all right?
02:54What have you brought to whack?
02:55So, it's something that you would really
02:57whack with.
02:58So, this is, erm, my pillow, basically.
03:01This is Jill's pillow, the Jillo.
03:04LAUGHTER
03:06It's Roy Keane.
03:07Obviously, if he was going to whack you, you'd be really scared.
03:10I'd be frightened.
03:11Yeah.
03:12I'd be frightened just to be in the same room as the man.
03:13Yeah.
03:14I tried to kind of be like him when I played football in midfield,
03:17hence why I got a lot of red cards.
03:19You've taken the edge off him with his sunter outfit, though,
03:21haven't you?
03:22LAUGHTER
03:23Yeah.
03:24It's good.
03:25Yeah.
03:26Yeah, it's strong.
03:27Lovely stuff.
03:28OK.
03:29All right, Sam.
03:30Hello, mate.
03:31What have you brought?
03:32It's a nice jacket.
03:33Someone will win that.
03:34Really?
03:35That's just a nice prize.
03:37Well, now I realise it's quite, erm...
03:39I should have done better, I think.
03:42LAUGHTER
03:43I did find the dildo in the kick drum, actually,
03:45when we were putting them together.
03:46True story.
03:47We used to stick the dildo right where the beetle would hit,
03:50at the front, and obviously the drummer can't see it,
03:52but the crowd can through that hole.
03:54And every time you'd hit it, it would wag.
03:57LAUGHTER
03:58I haven't included the dildo today.
04:01Aw.
04:02Should off.
04:03Should off.
04:04Suddenly the prize is worthless.
04:06LAUGHTER
04:09Susie.
04:10So I have brought a piñata of Alex's head.
04:15Oh, good.
04:16Because it's a wonderful thing to whack,
04:19and also you have such an amazing brain, Alex,
04:21we all want to know what's in it.
04:23Aw, thank you.
04:24Um...
04:25Here is a piñata.
04:26Oh!
04:27LAUGHTER
04:28I thought it was so good.
04:30So this one is filled with chocolate coins,
04:33because, Greg, I know if there's anything you like more than money,
04:36it's money you can eat.
04:37LAUGHTER
04:39My God.
04:40I feel seen.
04:42APPLAUSE
04:43I should have filled it with dildos,
04:45and then...
04:46It's strong, Susie.
04:49It's strong.
04:50Hello, Rose.
04:51What have you brought in, please?
04:52Basically, I brought in a slice of cheese.
04:55Yes, he has a slice of cheese.
04:56LAUGHTER
04:57I know that this looks like I'm not putting in a lot of effort.
05:01It does.
05:02Yes.
05:03But I created a video specially for you
05:06to explain why I think it's so wonderful to whack with.
05:09Yes, this is Rose whacking the cheese.
05:13APPLAUSE
05:14You're back in the game.
05:27Thank you, thank you.
05:28Right, shall I score it?
05:29Go for it.
05:30I think a drum kit's a wonderful thing to whack,
05:33but I think it's a bit Route 1 wacky.
05:35But I also think it's a lovely drum kit,
05:37so I'm not going to give it one point.
05:39I'm going to give Sam two points.
05:40I want to see Roy Keane whack someone.
05:43I want to see Big Zoo punch you in the face.
05:46I'm giving them three points.
05:48OK.
05:49Four points goes to Susie,
05:50but I'm going to give five points,
05:51because no-one can beat cheese being slapped all over the place.
05:53I'm going to give five points to Rose.
05:55Well done, Rose.
05:56That's it.
05:57Well done, Rose.
05:58Let's see them in action properly, shall we?
06:02What's for starters, little Alex Hahn?
06:04Well, this task might make you think it was inspired
06:06by the popular dating app Grindr,
06:08because it involves prodding a bear.
06:10LAUGHTER
06:12Come in, Sam, Ryder.
06:29Buzzing for this one.
06:31This room's mad.
06:33It's his room.
06:35Hello.
06:36Enjoying the chair?
06:38This one, yeah, I do like this one.
06:40Yeah.
06:41It's quite low.
06:42It's making me feel a bit inferior,
06:43because you're on a very high stool.
06:45Ooh, that looked pretty.
06:47It's pretty and practical.
06:49Practical?
06:50Mm-hm.
06:51Another day, another letter.
06:54Oh, gosh.
06:55Prod the bear.
06:56So, that means just stabbing them.
06:58Well, gently.
07:00Fastest wins, your time...
07:03Pardon?
07:04I don't want to finish it,
07:05because every time I say your time starts now...
07:07Oh, you've just said it.
07:08LAUGHTER
07:10Is the bear in multiple locations?
07:12But you can't tell me.
07:13Is the bear in here?
07:14I don't...
07:15I just don't know, Big Zoo.
07:16Oh, come on.
07:17APPLAUSE
07:18Nice.
07:19APPLAUSE
07:21Amazing.
07:22I mean, Sam thinks it's safe to use the phrase,
07:24your time starts now...
07:26LAUGHTER
07:27..when trying to avoid saying your time starts now.
07:31Fake start.
07:33LAUGHTER
07:34This bodes badly.
07:35Let's go?
07:36Let's go.
07:37All right, well, we begin with two consummate professionals
07:39who, up to this point in their careers,
07:41have been widely admired.
07:42It is Sam Ryder...
07:43LAUGHTER
07:44..and Jill Scott, MBE.
07:46Prod a bear.
07:48Um...
07:50Well, if the table was bear,
07:52could I just prod the table?
07:55Being bear?
07:56You think.
07:57I don't feel like that's telling.
07:59I'm looking for a bear.
08:00Looking for a bear.
08:01Looking for a bear.
08:02Bear in the loo.
08:03Looking for a bear.
08:04Any bears in here?
08:06Anybody seen a bear?
08:07Prod.
08:08Nothing.
08:10Bear.
08:13Bear.
08:16To be fair, Greg's like a big bear.
08:18He won't like that.
08:20Well, I'll write it down, but I don't think you're finished.
08:24Oh!
08:25I'll keep looking.
08:26Yeah, you'd think there might be some clues.
08:29Bear.
08:30Not a bear in there.
08:31Not a bear in there.
08:32You look, the thing is, there's so much shit in this house.
08:35Pardon?
08:37What is a bear?
08:38Yeah, we've tried to help you.
08:40Is this you helping?
08:43Is this a bear?
08:44It's a cat, but does it...
08:46It doesn't count, does it?
08:47I shouldn't have to tell you...
08:49Yeah.
08:50..what a bear is.
08:51I see flags.
08:52Ah.
08:53What would the flags mean?
08:55Am I hot or cold?
08:57That's a very good question.
09:00Rabbits.
09:01I'm seeing every single animal apart from a bear.
09:04Have you ever been to Sweden?
09:06Yeah.
09:07What was it like?
09:08It was OK.
09:09What was Norway like?
09:10It was nice.
09:11Do you know anything about Greenland?
09:13It's green.
09:16Flags.
09:17They're new.
09:18Oh, yeah.
09:19They're nothing to do with this, are they?
09:20Yeah.
09:21Quite often, we put things around the dark.
09:23Oh, yeah.
09:24Yeah.
09:25Oh!
09:26Did you see her?
09:27She woke up.
09:29Not all about football, Jill.
09:31Salamanders, ducks, hens.
09:34Have you ever been to the Seychelles?
09:36No.
09:37I've heard it's nicer.
09:38I haven't been in the lab.
09:39I should have gone to the lab, shouldn't I?
09:41Oh, fuck off.
09:45Think like a bear, reach for the stars, be brave.
09:48The great bear is always watching over you.
09:51It's something up above.
09:52Right.
09:53But there's nothing here.
09:54You must always hold your stick aloft.
09:58Mr. Bear will be back in a tick.
10:02Tick, loft, those two are in italics.
10:05You don't have a loft in here.
10:07You're never more than 15 steps from a bear.
10:11One, two, three.
10:13That would be up there.
10:15And it's got a little flag on it.
10:18And there's other flags around the house.
10:20Oh, you bastard!
10:21Oh, you bastard!
10:22Oh, you bastard!
10:23Oh, you bastard!
10:24Oh, you bastard!
10:25Oh, you bastard!
10:26Bastard! Bastard!
10:27Bastard!
10:28Bastard!
10:29I've stopped the clock.
10:31I've shited myself!
10:35Oh!
10:39Ah!
10:40Ah!
10:41Ah!
10:42Ah!
10:44What the heck?
10:45Have you swallowed the bear?
10:46I've quoted in!
10:50Okay.
10:51I thought Sam seemed very close to breaking this early on throughout that.
10:57I wrote down some of his quotes.
10:59There's just so much shit in this place!
11:02You, Jill...
11:03..different demeanor.
11:04Have you been offered a truffle show yet, Jill?
11:06Some of the reviews that Jill did of countries there.
11:10Sweden...
11:11..okay.
11:12Norway. Nice. Greenland. Green.
11:15New England's The Seychelles. No, I've heard it's nice. Done.
11:19That's it, Jill's World.
11:20LAUGHTER
11:22Let's see two more.
11:23Well, now it's time for two more people with an MBE.
11:26One loves the OED, the other studied at DYT and UCA.
11:29Also, I have IBS, TMI, I don't know it.
11:32Susie and Rose.
11:35OK, I'm going out. OK. Nice to see you.
11:38Yeah, lovely to see you.
11:40Flags.
11:41Where's the bear?
11:45That might be outside. Outside, OK.
11:47That's Barbados.
11:49Seychelles.
11:51Don't know that one.
11:53Broad, the bear.
11:55It's not an anagram, is it?
11:57Not everything's an anagram, to me.
11:59That's such a shame.
12:02Iceland.
12:03They're a different country, Vlad.
12:05Greenland.
12:07Uruguay.
12:09Japan.
12:10Have you been to Iceland?
12:11Yeah.
12:12What was it like?
12:13Very cold.
12:14Cold, interesting.
12:15Yeah.
12:16Are we talking about polar bears?
12:18Ah!
12:20They're getting warmer or colder.
12:23Cold.
12:25Cold.
12:26Interesting.
12:28Yeah!
12:29So, were they telling me, oh, that's very cold, and now I'm getting warmer?
12:32It's also a climate.
12:33Could be.
12:34Do I have to look in an oven?
12:36LAUGHTER
12:37And here, it was hotter, wasn't it?
12:41Oh, what's that?
12:42Oh, that's maybe the hottest country.
12:44Ah!
12:45I've told the clock.
12:47LAUGHTER
12:49Look up.
12:50What?
12:52Pay them?
12:53I'm trying to put...
12:54Have you got a loft at home?
12:56I do, and I have, like, a hooky thing.
12:59Right.
13:00But this is not really a hooky thing.
13:02Ah!
13:04Yeah!
13:07APPLAUSE
13:08OK, I've told the clock.
13:09CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
13:10It seemed to me Rose was fast, I don't know.
13:14You were fast and pleased with yourself when you solved the riddle.
13:18I was so satisfied.
13:20Susie, you seemed to pretty much lose interest
13:23when you realised that this wasn't anagram-based.
13:25LAUGHTER
13:27That's the story of my life.
13:28Yeah.
13:29OK, time for our first break.
13:32And, Alex, Happy New Year, mate.
13:33Are you excited?
13:34LAUGHTER
13:36APPLAUSE
13:44Hello!
13:48Welcome back to our New Year's treat.
13:52It's 2026 and the robots haven't taken over yet.
13:55Hmm, and that's a joke which could age very badly.
13:58LAUGHTER
13:59The current task has seen our cast try to find the bear
14:02as quickly as possible and then prod it.
14:04Only one person to go.
14:06And very much like Twycross,
14:07the large wildlife attraction in Leicestershire,
14:09it's Big Zoo.
14:11CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
14:14Where are you, Bear?
14:16You're probably not in the lab.
14:20Oh, it's not here.
14:22What do you find in the lab?
14:23Nothing in the lab?
14:24No, there's a couple things in there, but not a bear.
14:27The kitchen.
14:29I'm seeing so... Why are there so many countries?
14:31What is it, like, an ethnic bear?
14:33LAUGHTER
14:34There's multiple flags.
14:35Yes.
14:36You recognise any of them?
14:38Yeah, America.
14:39Yep.
14:40That one.
14:41Greenham.
14:42There's a holiday.
14:43Woo, where's the bear?
14:44There's a bear, yeah.
14:46OK.
14:47Where's the bear?
14:49You're not helping.
14:50No, no, I see that.
14:52You're just gonna be friends.
14:55I feel like a bear, reach for the stars.
14:57The bear must be on the roof.
14:59LAUGHTER
15:08Oh, no, man.
15:09I've looked up.
15:10I've looked around.
15:11The clues don't help, man.
15:13No, I see that.
15:14Yeah.
15:15I can see a bear head right there.
15:20LAUGHTER
15:21I declare myself pardoned.
15:23APPLAUSE
15:24For a young man, you looked, for most of it, like an irritated granddad.
15:40LAUGHTER
15:41Just wandering around.
15:43LAUGHTER
15:44When you're in there, things change, bro.
15:46Yeah.
15:47It's mad pressure in that yard.
15:49He didn't appear stressed.
15:51LAUGHTER
15:52He was very close to giving up,
15:53and we didn't know there was that bear head in the garage.
15:55Yeah, that was just my task!
15:56That's my old task.
15:57Well, thank God you happened upon that.
15:59It did take nearly half an hour.
16:01A good ten minutes more than anyone else.
16:03So it is one point to Big Zoo.
16:05One point, Big Zoo.
16:06One point to Big Zoo.
16:06The rest were very close.
16:07Susie, you were fourth, 16 minutes 30.
16:11Just behind Sam, 15 minutes and three seconds.
16:14You were 15 seconds slower than Jill.
16:15You would have been quicker if you'd left the living room quicker.
16:17OK, but, Jill, you come second with 14 minutes 48,
16:19but Rose was the fastest with 13 minutes.
16:21CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
16:23Thank you!
16:25Is the score time?
16:26It is, and there is one person in the lead with the perfect ten so far.
16:30It is Rose ailing up.
16:31CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
16:33APPLAUSE
16:36What have we got next, Alex?
16:38With a nod, a wink, a cough and a clap, we have Dice.
16:42MUSIC PLAYS
16:44Hello, hello.
16:57Hello, Rose.
16:58Hi.
16:59Yeah, I feel like I'm in a butcher's.
17:00You've got a briefcase, a bays and a metronome.
17:02Yeah.
17:03What do you call this?
17:04I went for bays.
17:05Bays?
17:06Bays.
17:07All right, cool, bays.
17:08Go on.
17:09And the briefcase.
17:10Briefcase.
17:11I'm a bit scared.
17:12You tried to make a TM out of the dice.
17:15Why is everything so branded, bro?
17:17Right.
17:18Throw one or more dice to get a number.
17:21Then clap, cough, nod and blink.
17:24That number of time.
17:26Before the next flash.
17:28If you do not complete the sequence before the next flash,
17:31the task is over.
17:33At the end of the task, your total number of completed sequences
17:36will be multiplied by your number of dice to give you a score.
17:39High score wins.
17:41You must use your number of a dice in the next minute
17:44and you must berate yourself throughout the task.
17:46And you must berate yourself throughout the task.
17:49Your time will start on the first flash.
17:52OK, I can't do a practice, can I?
17:54Yeah, you can't.
17:55BUZZER
17:57BUZZER
17:58BUZZER
17:59BUZZER
18:01APPLAUSE
18:03BUZZER
18:05Good.
18:06Well, I think we all understand the task this time.
18:09Do we?
18:10It's complicated, but it will make sense when we do it.
18:12It will.
18:13One sits in dictionary corner, one takes corners,
18:15and the other one is Big Zoo.
18:18Here we go.
18:19LAUGHTER
18:20I'm going to go for two.
18:21Two.
18:22Yeah, which is brave.
18:23Right.
18:24I'm just going to go for two dice.
18:25I know my limits.
18:26I was a safe midfielder.
18:28Should I go for five dice?
18:30No.
18:31I don't know.
18:32I don't want to get influenced by you, man.
18:33I'm going to go for four.
18:34OK.
18:35Four dice.
18:36Your time starts now.
18:38BUZZER
18:39I'm tired about this kind of thing.
18:40Eight.
18:41BUZZER
18:42BUZZER
18:43So I get 30 seconds?
18:44Yeah.
18:45BUZZER
18:46BUZZER
18:47BUZZER
18:48BUZZER
18:49BUZZER
18:50BUZZER
18:52BUZZER
18:53BUZZER
18:54Cool.
18:55OK.
18:56I'll wait for the next clash.
18:57Yeah.
18:58Quite an awkward gap now before the next one.
19:00OK.
19:01Maybe I should have had more dice.
19:03BUZZER
19:04Oh, did it go?
19:05It went.
19:06Nine.
19:07Six.
19:08Nine.
19:09Eleven.
19:10Seven.
19:11Seven.
19:12Seven.
19:13Seven.
19:14Seven.
19:15Nine.
19:16Fourteen.
19:17Fourteen.
19:18Fourteen.
19:19Fourteen.
19:20You've got 12.
19:21So are you counting them at all?
19:22No.
19:23No, right.
19:24OK.
19:25I did them all.
19:26I've just realised.
19:27That's going to definitely add more dice.
19:28I'm going to cough and blink at the same time.
19:29Great.
19:30Seven.
19:31Easy.
19:32Why didn't I think about this at the beginning?
19:33I'm going to cough and blink at the same time.
19:34Great.
19:35Seven.
19:36Seven.
19:37Easy.
19:38Why didn't I think about this at the beginning?
19:39Oh.
19:40Oh.
19:41Oh.
19:42Oh.
19:43Oh.
19:44Oh.
19:45Oh.
19:46Oh.
19:47Oh.
19:48Oh.
19:49Oh.
19:50Oh.
19:51Oh.
19:52Oh.
19:53Oh.
19:54Oh.
19:55Oh.
19:56Oh.
19:57Oh.
19:58Oh.
19:59Oh.
20:00Oh.
20:01Oh.
20:02Oh.
20:03Oh.
20:04Oh.
20:05Oh.
20:06Oh.
20:07Oh.
20:08Oh.
20:09Oh.
20:10Oh.
20:11Oh.
20:12Oh.
20:13Oh.
20:14Oh.
20:15Oh.
20:16Oh.
20:17Oh.
20:18Oh.
20:19Oh.
20:20Oh.
20:21Oh.
20:22Oh.
20:24Oh.
20:25Oh.
20:26Oh.
20:27Oh.
20:28Oh.
20:29Oh.
20:30That's just classic me I'm afraid.
20:31I did warn you before I came on and you said you'll be fine and I told you I was
20:34I wouldn't do that. You don't have to break myself around.
20:36Do I not? You're welcome to vomit, bro.
20:38OK, do you want to go? You can't make someone cough that many times.
20:41No, OK, you should go.
20:43I don't know why I would start voting.
20:46The thing that fascinated me about you, Susie, really, is your cough.
20:50I started to think you might be AI.
20:53The great thing about you, Big Zoo, is you're a one-man argument.
20:56Shall I go for five dice? No, I'm going to go for four dice.
20:59I feel like I'm going to vomit, bro.
21:01You can't make people cough that many times.
21:03Alex was silent throughout all of it.
21:07Oh, right.
21:08I do, unfortunately, have to tell one of them that something bad happened.
21:13Oh, are you having fun? I am.
21:15OK.
21:16So, I'm going to do six claps.
21:22You're so sorry.
21:23You should have told us that then, so I just stopped,
21:25but you let us go all the way up to the end.
21:27Yeah. Yeah.
21:28I mean, I've said it a thousand times, the guy's a prick.
21:31LAUGHTER
21:32And then, number three.
21:34Time to tick off part two of this treat.
21:36Begone!
21:37APPLAUSE
21:38Hello.
21:39We're part way through a task which has seen the cast coughing and clapping.
21:54Yes.
21:55And nodding and blinking and rolling dice.
21:58Two people left to go and the task is set in the confined space of the lab,
22:01which was fine for Rose, but I was slightly worried about Sam,
22:05as I'd heard he's more of a space man.
22:08Here's how they go.
22:09LAUGHTER
22:11Oh, I get it, I'm going to just pick one.
22:13One, OK.
22:14Imagine having 12 and then you have to cough 12 times, clap 12 times,
22:17nod 12 times and blink 12 times in 30 seconds.
22:20Now, one dice.
22:21Sam, how many dice have you chosen?
22:22Ten.
22:23Ten.
22:24Here we go.
22:26, here we go.
22:27BAKE RINS
22:33you idiot.
22:3701, 이게 12 terminology
22:421, 2, 3, 4�' 5, 10
22:437, 8, 9, 10
22:44Plan 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 10, 7, 8, 9, 10
22:46Now, Rose, why did you do that 12 times?
22:50Because I've...
22:53As long as you do more, it's OK.
22:55OK.
22:57That's a bad start.
22:59Oh!
23:0135 is your total.
23:0427.
23:064.
23:071, 2, 3, 4.
23:081, 2, 3, 4.
23:091, 2, 3, 4.
23:10HE CLEARS
23:13What did I do?
23:14Look at that.
23:15I cast.
23:16I nod, didn't I?
23:17And I blinked.
23:181, 2, 3, 4.
23:19I'm getting hot and sweaty.
23:20Mmm.
23:21I think it's good you chose one, guys.
23:2531.
23:26Low number.
23:2749 you need to get.
23:29Ooh!
23:30Suck your number, that!
23:323.
23:331, 2, 3.
23:341, 2, 3.
23:351, 2, 3.
23:361, 2, 3.
23:37I'm getting into a reading of it, but I'm still rubbish at it.
23:41Yes, I think you are.
23:42Yeah.
23:43Funny how it becomes normal.
23:45Quick.
23:50Wow.
23:51OK, this should be OK.
23:59Blinking.
24:01Flash.
24:06Flash.
24:07Flash.
24:08Flash.
24:09Flash.
24:10Flash.
24:11Flash.
24:12Flash.
24:13The cap is getting really quite small now.
24:18HE CLEARS
24:19This stopped.
24:20Flash.
24:21Flash.
24:22Flash.
24:23Flash.
24:25How did you think that went?
24:26Um...
24:27Um...
24:28I need a honey drink.
24:30Hmm.
24:31I felt ashamed, actually, in some part.
24:34See you in a bit.
24:35See you in a bit.
24:36Um...
24:43How did you feel you did on that?
24:45I feel like maybe I need to go to the doctor and check my short-term memories.
24:50Yeah.
24:51You go to the doctor.
24:53Compared to this madness, you were like a professional dice player.
24:58LAUGHTER
25:00At what point did you regret picking that many dice, sir?
25:03Oh, mate, quite quick, actually.
25:04We did allow...
25:05If you went over the number, it was fine, because there was no way you could do the maths on the dice quick enough.
25:09Unfortunately...
25:11LAUGHTER
25:13In the first round...
25:15Oh, no!
25:17LAUGHTER
25:18He needed 35 of each, and he blinked 16 times and coughed 12 times.
25:23LAUGHTER
25:24Ten times zero, unfortunately, a zero.
25:27Oh!
25:28Sam scores zero, but you do get one point for coming last.
25:30Really?
25:31Yeah.
25:32Rose chose one dice.
25:33Unfortunately, on the ninth time, she was meant to nod six times,
25:36and only nodded four times, because she was muddled.
25:38So you get a total of eight, and you're in fourth place.
25:41Jill, obviously, you can count to six, unfortunately.
25:43So you stopped at six, but times two, that's 12.
25:46You're in third place.
25:47Zoo, you got to 11.
25:4911th Rose times four, which is 44.
25:52But Susie, with her two dice, didn't make a mistake for 27 times.
25:5627 times two at 54.
25:57Susie gets five points.
25:58Oh!
25:59CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
26:01Well done.
26:02I'd really love to see another task, please, Alex.
26:05Oh, he would, cos he's keen, he's mean, he's goddamn lean.
26:08Yes, he's Greg.
26:09And like Greg, the next task really goes the distance.
26:12MUSIC PLAYS
26:30Hello.
26:31Hello.
26:32Come in.
26:34You're very welcome to the caravan.
26:36Welcome. Oh, hello. Oh, I did it wrong.
26:38Welcome to the caravan.
26:39No, that's not right.
26:40What was this?
26:41Yeah, yeah, welcome, welcome.
26:42What did I say?
26:43I think you just spoke in your face.
26:45LAUGHTER
26:47Nice cup of tea?
26:48Oh, lovely.
26:49Nice to have a biscuit with some chocolate with that.
26:51I know.
26:52Oh.
26:53Are you going to give us one?
26:54Oh!
26:55I'm intrigued by that chocolate bar.
26:57Do you know what it is?
26:58Is it a Mars bar?
26:59No.
27:00Is it a Snickers?
27:01What's that?
27:02Marathon.
27:03Oh, maybe.
27:04Do you think this task is going to be a marathon?
27:07Yes.
27:09Do a something-a-thon for a full 20 minutes.
27:16Most inspiring something-a-thon.
27:19Successfully accomplished wins.
27:21You have five minutes to choose your something.
27:24Your time starts now.
27:27What, this?
27:29Yeah.
27:30What's in it, though?
27:31No one knew.
27:32Do you think it's a lot of beans or something?
27:34Mm.
27:35Do you want it?
27:37Not now?
27:38No.
27:39Erm...
27:40So...
27:41What do you mean?
27:43A something-a-thon.
27:45A something-a-thon.
27:46Something inspiring.
27:47For the kids.
27:51Yeah.
27:55I'm thinking motivational speech.
27:57What about...
27:58I learned how to speak French or something.
28:01Because I'm sure it's very inspiring for a deaf person to learn a new language.
28:04Do you think that's inspiring?
28:05Mm.
28:06Do you think you'll change people?
28:07I do that often.
28:10How often do you inspire people?
28:13I didn't mean to.
28:14Right.
28:15It's just happened.
28:17I just sit and drink cups of tea.
28:20Have you ever done a sponsor of something before?
28:22Just walks.
28:23Go to sleep.
28:24That's not very inspiring, either.
28:25Walking and sleeping, so far.
28:26Walking and sleeping.
28:2720 minutes of me frying eggs.
28:33Maybe I could just walk around with a tyre around my neck or something.
28:38I'm writing it down.
28:39Is that a thing?
28:40Don't...
28:41Mm.
28:42Mm.
28:45These are really good tasks.
28:47I can see how you're the taskmaster.
28:49The assistant.
28:50Oh, assistant.
28:51Yeah, Greg's the taskmaster.
28:52Yeah, no, but he's not here, so...
28:54We'll just pretend it's you.
28:55Really?
28:56Yeah.
28:57Same when I was vice-captain.
28:58When Steph Horton wasn't nice to tell people I was captain.
29:01Yeah.
29:02APPLAUSE
29:04You wouldn't be telling people you were the taskmaster, would you?
29:10No.
29:11No, because Daddy would be very cross.
29:14Good.
29:15Let's get inspired.
29:16Well, one knows words and the other woes nerds.
29:19That's right.
29:20It's Susie Dent and Big Zoom.
29:22I'm Susie Dent and I am going to try a Maximathon,
29:26because I'm going to do as many English maxims or sayings as I can do
29:31in 20 minutes.
29:32So, here goes.
29:34MUSIC PLAYS
29:35MUSIC PLAYS
29:46Hello, Big Zoo.
29:47What are you going to do?
29:49I'm going to do a wrap-up one.
29:51Full 20 minutes?
29:5220 minitos.
29:53Your time starts now.
29:54My name is Big Zoo.
29:56I'm going to show you what I do.
29:58Wait.
29:59Let's get back.
30:00Oh.
30:01Sorry, we must get down there.
30:14B-I-G-Z-W.
30:16If you can't spell, I will spell it for you.
30:18B-I-G to the Z-W.
30:20I'm here to inspire the entire crew.
30:22If you're a kid sitting in school and you're thinking this isn't cool,
30:26don't worry.
30:27One day you could pick up a tool and you could be a boat builder.
30:31That could be you.
30:33B-I-G-Z-W.
30:35Come with a different flavour.
30:36Always on track.
30:37Slip from my brain.
30:38And I don't lack, and I don't slack.
30:39We're halfway.
30:40Go.
30:41Rapper phone.
30:42Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
30:44Remix.
30:45I like cake and I like a slice.
30:46If you're not inspired, then you are lost.
30:47In the, in the field.
30:48How can I do that, Can I do it?
30:49In the field?
30:50Yeah, I'm feeling weird.
30:51If you're not inspired, then you are lost. In the field.
30:55How do you say?
30:56In the field.
30:57In the field.
30:58And I'm really thrilled.
30:59See me on the screen.
31:00Like Ian Bill.
31:01Speak for 20 minutes.
31:02Nothing for man.
31:03B.I.G.
31:04I'm bigger than man.
31:12I am the sergeant.
31:13Tell me what it is.
31:14If you're not inspired, you may listen to the limits that are required.
31:17Z.W.
31:18If you don't know the name, B.I.G.
31:20Z.W.
31:21I'm done.
31:24Yeah!
31:31Surprisingly good.
31:32I'm playing to type-seize you, but I was fairly engaged throughout.
31:35Well done.
31:36Fairly engaged throughout.
31:37I was...
31:38Big Sue, I'm no rapper.
31:43Should they rhyme?
31:44Depending on the time.
31:47Yeah.
31:48There were over 50 references to food in the rap.
31:52How long...
31:53You didn't have to do that to me!
31:58He rapped for ages, you told me.
31:59Oh, 20 minutes.
32:00Yeah?
32:01Yeah.
32:02That's what they had to do.
32:03And it was all from the top of my mind.
32:04Freestyle.
32:05None of it was written before.
32:06They were both enjoyable.
32:09Yeah.
32:10Now for that which we call a rose.
32:13Hello, Rose.
32:14Hello.
32:15What is going to be your something-a-thon?
32:18I'm going to do a music-a-thon.
32:21Hmm.
32:22Swinkle Swinkle Liquid Star.
32:2420 minutes.
32:25But I'm going to play a different music instrument.
32:27Oh, God.
32:28You ready?
32:29I'm ready to be inspired.
32:32Your 20 minutes starts now.
32:34BUZZER
32:36BELL RINGS
32:38BELL RINGS
32:40BELL RINGS
32:42BELL RINGS
32:44BELL RINGS
32:46BELL RINGS
32:48BELL RINGS
32:50BELL RINGS
32:52BELL RINGS
32:54BELL RINGS
32:5625 seconds gone.
32:58And the next one...
33:00What is it called?
33:02It's a glockenspiel.
33:04There you go.
33:05BELL RINGS
33:07BELL RINGS
33:09BELL RINGS
33:11BELL RINGS
33:13BELL RINGS
33:15BELL RINGS
33:17BELL RINGS
33:19BELL RINGS
33:21BELL RINGS
33:23BELL RINGS
33:25BELL RINGS
33:27BELL RINGS
33:29BELL RINGS
33:31BELL RINGS
33:33Oh
33:53How I
33:55I feel like one about not pet that's around
34:0730 seconds left one more intimate this one. I love this one. What's this one called?
34:25Wow
34:34It was fairly inspirational. There's a lot going on there. What was the problem with the pipe thing?
34:38It just made me laugh. I think it's funny. It looks funny and what the problem is was
34:44Toby my interpreter and Alo
34:47They both were laughing so because they were in care of trying so hard so it made me laugh
34:52So you're so what you're saying is your interpreter let you down on this task
34:57Well, I almost have to send her out of the room because she kept me from the room
35:02And then I realized I wouldn't understand what Alex was saying so I had to teach you
35:05She had to say she let you down on so yeah get rid get rid
35:10She's really blessed you're not here ain't she
35:16Oh my god
35:17All right, just one part to go in it a hugely successful professional
35:22We'll win and take home a slice of processed cheese
35:25It'll be embarrassing for them embarrassing for the show and will make us all question if it's really that bad that humans are on their way out
35:33We'll see you soon
35:35hello
35:37welcome back to part four part one of this two-part festive special
35:51Before the break the task involved trying to achieve the most inspiring a thong
35:56Yes, that's right, Greg, and coincidentally, I'm wearing a thong.
36:00Finally, one won the Euros and one nearly won Eurovision,
36:04which is wonderful, but which one won which one, one wonders?
36:07It's Jill and Sam.
36:09Good.
36:10APPLAUSE
36:11OK, your 20 minutes have passed now.
36:14I came to Taskmaster and met a random man.
36:19He told me to meet him in his caravan.
36:22He offered me a chocolate bar, he said I'd feel better.
36:26Then he handed me an envelope with a crisp white letter.
36:31I said to him, where's that guy that's tall?
36:35I've heard that he really loves football.
36:38I reckon he would have a decent right peg.
36:42He goes by the name of Mr. Greg.
36:45I went to Taskmaster and met a random man.
36:49He told us to meet him in his caravan.
36:53Welcome to my pump-a-thon.
36:55LAUGHTER
36:57Are you ready?
36:59Yeah.
37:00MUSIC PLAYS
37:06He offered me a chocolate bar.
37:07He said I'd feel better.
37:13I went to Taskmaster and met a weird man.
37:16Two and a half minutes, Jill.
37:18He said to me, follow me into my caravan.
37:21I don't know why it's getting dirtier.
37:27We're a half-wife.
37:30Guess what, guys?
37:31I went to Taskmaster and met a weird man.
37:34I've got sweat in my eyeball.
37:36MUSIC PLAYS
37:48Let's speed it up, everybody.
37:52MUSIC PLAYS
37:55We're in the final minute, Jill.
37:57This is hard work.
37:59UGH!
38:00I said to him where's that guy that's tall I've heard that he really loves football
38:21I reckon he'd have a decent right peg it goes by the name of mr.
38:3020 minutes that's amazing that's your 20 minutes up Sam
38:42thank you see you later thanks mate I'll see it I'll see you
38:52genuinely inspirational football skills lovely to watch and I don't care why
38:56anyone says I think the Northeast accents well suited to poetry so well done is
39:02is how I'd like to start my feedback thank you and I'd like to continue it
39:05with this is everything all right I mean correct me if I'm wrong but you blew up an
39:13airbed and then you humped it right inflated it and deflated it four times
39:20three times three times yeah because I've been telling all my mates I did it
39:25four times in 20 minutes all right I'm gonna give two points to Sam Ryder and to
39:30Susie because I felt similarly inspired by both of them
39:36giving three to the multiple musical instruments so what is there is it the
39:42incredible international football skills or is it you just rapping nonsense for 20
39:47minutes yeah no come on inspirational quotes were in there give me one
39:54inspirational quote and that'll make the decision for me if you can't spell b-i-g-z-w
39:59big zoo a big zoo four points to big zoo
40:10okay a peek at the scores perhaps well Sam is way out in the back with eight at the front we've got
40:19Jill on 15 and Rose on 15 Wow okay everyone just one more thing to do
40:31please make your way to the stage for the final task of the show
40:41I think Rose is gonna read the task out put your item in Greg special order reveal the items Greg
40:49whoa after each shuffle dread will tell you how many items are in the correct
40:59position but not which one the first to get the correct order when your time start
41:05now what about now no no your time does not start now okay so why did you write it down then
41:11what I did was I made a mistake there's only one winner one person's gonna get five points if two
41:22people get it on the same go they both get five points it is time for the first shuffle ten seconds
41:29Greg's gonna go down the line and say how many you've got right big zoo you have got two right
41:43Jill you have got zero right
41:52Rose zero right Sam two right Susie zero right second shuffle
42:08stop shuffling big zoo has got two right
42:19one Joe be sure yeah to Joe
42:28one Sam bastard okay yeah so we have four twos and one one they're inching close next shuffle
42:45gosh we really could be here for hours oh zoo two consistent
42:56jill one Rose one Sam oh oh this is putting the cat amongst the pigeons three oh Susie one
43:10when
43:12Ah
43:14Oh my god that's broken
43:15he hates you
43:18all
43:21which is
43:23I was up some late shuffling some very light shuffling zoo three
43:28hey Jill one
43:29is
43:32one
43:33Sam was on three he's now on two Oh
43:38Oh, shit.
43:40Susie is on.
43:42One.
43:44Off we go.
43:46One.
43:48One.
43:50How is that possible?
43:52Zero.
43:58One.
44:00Every time.
44:02Three.
44:04This is bullet.
44:06None!
44:08That's about to fucking jump over.
44:12Come on, Sam.
44:14Just swap the right one.
44:16Swap the two that are right, please.
44:20And...
44:22Stop shuffling.
44:24Do we have a winner?
44:26One.
44:28One for Zoom.
44:30One, Jill.
44:32Three rows.
44:34Three.
44:36One.
44:38Two for Susie.
44:40And on this occasion,
44:42Sav has got...
44:44Five.
44:46And the special order, of course, is the alphabetical order.
44:52Each one starts with the same letter as your own names.
44:54You're in that order, too.
44:56We're finished.
44:58Let's add those scores for final ones.
45:00Come down and join me!
45:04This has been collapsed.
45:05Wow.
45:06What a rush that was.
45:08Oh.
45:09Great redemption for Sam.
45:10I needed that.
45:11I can't lie.
45:12You did.
45:13I can tell you, he's not in last place anymore.
45:15He's in...
45:16How?
45:17Second last place.
45:18Second last place.
45:20Two people are drawing, though, Greg.
45:22Because this is the final scoreboard.
45:24Jill and Rose are joint winners.
45:26Oh!
45:28Close as well.
45:29Very close.
45:30And you know what that means.
45:32We don't leave things there.
45:33It's a tie-break!
45:34Oh!
45:36All they have to do is answer this question.
45:38What length is my pineapple?
45:41I have a tattoo of a pineapple.
45:43Where?
45:44You know that bit between your balls and rats?
45:46No, no, no.
45:47LAUGHTER
45:48Not personally.
45:50I'm going to give you a card each.
45:52You're going to have ten seconds to write down your answer.
45:54It's closest number in millimetres wins.
45:56Maybe three, four...
45:58Maybe four.
46:04I've noticed no-one's asking me to help.
46:06LAUGHTER
46:09They both were in down numbers.
46:11Yep.
46:12Who would you like to see first?
46:13Rose's first.
46:1440.
46:15Oh!
46:1640 millimetres, or four centimetres.
46:18Correct.
46:19Jill?
46:2050 millimetres, or five centimetres.
46:23And now, for the most anticlimactic moment of all time...
46:29It is...
46:3082!
46:32It's 82!
46:33APPLAUSE
46:35Joe Scott wins the first of our New Year's treats.
46:40Please wander up to whack your wonderful winner!
46:43CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
46:45APPLAUSE
46:52To be continued...
46:53Good evening.
46:54We'll be late.
46:55Congratulations, guys.
46:56we're talking about a lot of fun,
46:58wszystkie,
46:59the other...
47:00There we go.
47:01Einstein's better.
47:02We'll be his turn...
47:03optimization...
47:04We needed to have one,
47:05to live with himself,
47:06Let's get pren' into into music!
47:08We'll be your...
47:09We'll be your turn...
47:11head...
Be the first to comment