Ocean's Reviews > Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother

I see a lot of outrage in the reviews and I must say that I don't quite understand where all of this is coming from.

First of all my mother's parenting style was very lax, she wasn't very present for me emotionally, she's done certain things very right, others very wrong, either way I do know that she always tried her best and wanted the best for my brother, sisters and me.

I ended up having a lot of stress and attachment related issues (between other things), I put a ridiculous amount of pressure on myself about the smallest things and having had a mental breakdown in my teens, academically, I am a total failure. I thought I would give you a little bit of background on my upbringing because I think it does shape my views on parenting. (I don't have kids yet but am looking forward to it in the future).

I do think that there must be a happy medium between the tiger mother parenting style and my mother's, but let's be real, you would probably never reach the level of achievement Amy Chua's kids have reached with it either way.

There are a lot of things that she says to her children that I find no need for, but then again I do think the difference in culture changes a lot of things. I find that a lot of black and asian parents can be -verbally- really tough to their children, and as someone raised by a white, western woman, my first reaction is to deem it rude, sometimes borderline abusive. But actions do speak louder than words and I do believe that these children -at the right age- could be completely aware that this is only to push them farther and that their mother loves them with all her heart. There are certain things you can take from your parents because you know how they function, while anyone from the outside would find it shocking..

One thing I find rather terrible though, is making them skip meals or practice until late into the night. Although it isn't going to kill them, it is teaching them that their work ethic is more important than their health I think it's a really poor life lesson and just flat out not okay.

The thing with parenting is that I don't think there is a right method. It all depends on what you want for your child's future. If your main focus is for your child to be successful in society, for them to reach a level of academic excellence to then go on to have a high paying job, then I think this method probably works really well. The author has certainly given her daughter an incredible work ethic and their practice will have offered them a myriad of possibilities. They seem very tough and polite too.

Although this would help later in life, I don't think it would be my main focus as a parent. Things I do wonder about are: what about their social skills ? Are they creative ? How was their stress level as children and did it really make their debut adulthood easier ? Did they learn to truly think by themselves ? And how about their self esteem, was it really built up thanks to their achievements (musical and school related) ?

I would have loved to know a little more. We definitely don't hear about it all. People are horrified about this book, but we don't read a lot about the loving moments they spend together, the more peaceful times, because it wouldn't make for an entertaining read. We must remember that these people have a full life and we only got a glimpse of it in the book.

Whatever your opinions on the "tiger moms", I think this was an enjoyable read. It is written more like a memoir than as a "how to" book. It's very funny in places and very well edited, never dragging and never boring. More importantly, it helped me to see things from a different perspective. Something that also needs to be pointed out is that Amy Chua, is never pushing her belief system onto anybody here. She is telling the story of her family as it is, showing, explaining and even questioning her point of view.

I think this woman can take pride in knowing what she wants and working towards it with more energy than you would imagine possible and despite the huge amount of pressure her girls faced, their mom did teach them that if you fail it is okay as long as you really gave your all, you just have to try again.
In my opinion there is good to be taken from this book. Nothing says that you have to apply everything from her methods onto your own family but a little resilience against kids laziness wouldn't hurt some of the parents I know..

As a parent, I think I would expect a lot from my children, however, by controlling their lives too much -no matter how tempting- I would fear that they would run around like chicken with their heads cut off as soon as they'd get a little freedom (i.e go to uni).. I guess it all depends on your child's personality.

Conclusion: to each their own.