Powdered Saxophone Music Quotes

“Instead of 200, what if man's pre-flood IQ was a thousand? Everyone was smarter, bigger, and lived longer. But what if animals had IQs of a hundred? Maybe interspecies communication was the norm, unlike now where only weirdos like me talk to cats, dogs, and ducks.”
― Jarod Kintz, Powdered Saxophone Music

“Changing the land is shaping the future. In a sense, a bulldozer is a time machine.”
― Jarod Kintz, Powdered Saxophone Music

“It's not easy to be the best. But it helps if you're willing to buy your own trophies.”
― Jarod Kintz, Powdered Saxophone Music

“Steven Seagal makes movies only blind people could love. I'm glad he goes full Helen Keller and makes music you have to be deaf to appreciate.”
― Jarod Kintz, Powdered Saxophone Music

“Branson has a few iconic water towers. But the best way to store a large volume of H2O is in a cloud, and I think floating architecture may be the way to go in the future.”
― Jarod Kintz, Powdered Saxophone Music

“John Daly is all the Caddyshack characters in one body. He's a caricature of a person, and that's why I'm a fan.”
― Jarod Kintz, Powdered Saxophone Music

“There was once a shape-shiiing demon who presented himself as a young boy to lie and lure kids away from their parents and into an alternate dimension. He was a predatory child snatcher, and his name was Peter Pan.”
― Jarod Kintz, Powdered Saxophone Music

“I love powdered saxophone music. That’s what I mix in my coffee to make it taste like fresh elevator.”
― Jarod Kintz, Powdered Saxophone Music

“Daisies are the Pekin ducks of flowers. They radiate joy like they are tiny shining suns.”
― Jarod Kintz, Powdered Saxophone Music

“Ducks are melodic, not melodramatic. That, plus the gift of aquatic aviation, makes them the ideal soup ingredient.”
― Jarod Kintz, Powdered Saxophone Music

“Holding a Pekin duckling is like hand cuddling a ball of sunshine. It's a power-charging station for the heart.”
― Jarod Kintz, Powdered Saxophone Music

“Ducks are water gymnasts. Their fluid motion goes beyond dance and into art.”
― Jarod Kintz, Powdered Saxophone Music

“My heart has defined size, which means its volume can be calculated. Despite this, the amount of love for you it can hold is without limit.”
― Jarod Kintz, Powdered Saxophone Music

“My life is a puff of smoke in a tornado. We are all furiously whirling into nothingness.”
― Jarod Kintz, Powdered Saxophone Music

“I predicted The Financial Crisis of 2008 way back in 2010. In about a month it will be 2024, and you won't believe what I see coming.”
― Jarod Kintz, Powdered Saxophone Music

“Compact trash into a cube. Then slice it into thin layers and BOOM—you’ve got pieces of modern art. Each sliver belongs in a museum, doing what it’s designed to do—launder money.”
― Jarod Kintz, Powdered Saxophone Music

“When losing an argument, why don't you try shouting at the other person? It's a strong debate tactic, and your opponent should respond favorably.”
― Jarod Kintz, Powdered Saxophone Music

“History is histrionic. Nothing much was happening, so historians had to fictionalize events to sell books.”
― Jarod Kintz, Powdered Saxophone Music

“I used to work at a pizza place. Instead of giving me a raise, my boss threw me a pizza party. He made me make all the food.”
― Jarod Kintz, Powdered Saxophone Music

“The future is always on its way, but never here. That's why you never invite it for dinner.”
― Jarod Kintz, Powdered Saxophone Music

“If I could time travel, I wouldn’t tell anybody, because who would believe me? I mean, obviously I can time travel, because how do you think I move forward in life?”
― Jarod Kintz, Powdered Saxophone Music

“Music is fluid, and my ducks love splashing in it. When I fill my pool full of Vaporwave, they swim like they're dancing.”
― Jarod Kintz, Powdered Saxophone Music

“My ducks swim like they are water dancing. They do this because I play the saxophone like it's liquid music.”
― Jarod Kintz, Powdered Saxophone Music

“Ducks splash in water like an aqua saxophone swims in jazz. Elevators have space that needs to be filled with anti-silence, and I have a surplus of liquid music you can purchase or lease.”
― Jarod Kintz, Powdered Saxophone Music

“Old men having an earnest conversation about college football, is there anything more American? Makes me want to VOTE and then send out some 18-year-old to die for my FREEDOM.”
― Jarod Kintz, Powdered Saxophone Music

“I make music for people who dance like squids. Each song is fluid, and if you heard one you’d probably drown.”
― Jarod Kintz, Powdered Saxophone Music

“I just invented an Applause Machine. You turn it on by clapping. I figure I'll have no trouble securing Venture Capital funding, because VCs love congratulating themselves, and this time when they do, my machine will respond by adding to their self-kudos.”
― Jarod Kintz, Powdered Saxophone Music

“Time is a murderer. A clock’s two hands slowly strangle us all.”
― Jarod Kintz, Powdered Saxophone Music

“To me, moths are ugly butterflies. But these days, society probably considers them beauty queens.”
― Jarod Kintz, Powdered Saxophone Music

“I thought people loved it when I played my guitar. Last time I performed Toby Keith, and everyone at the party started engaging in gay butt sex.”
― Jarod Kintz, Powdered Saxophone Music