Once upon a time, I was in a cult that I thought was a church.

For years, I thought I was in a nice, normal church, but the more time and energy I invested into this community, the more they required of me, until I lost all sense of who I actually was. They required me to comply to the approved ways of dressing, acting, speaking, even thinking. They supported their teachings with Bible verses, and principles they claimed were based in the Bible, so I believed God also required these things of me, and that God would be angry with me if I did not obey.

This cult eventually drove me to such a deep depression that destroyed my physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual health. The spiritual abuse that I experienced led me to almost end my own life.

Thankfully, we escaped this cult and I began therapy, and am unlearning the lies they told me. The more I read the Bible, for myself, away from their teachings, I was pleasantly astounded to see how much of the Bible says exactly the opposite of their “biblical” teachings. The more I learned about Jesus, the more beautiful he became, and the more I began to love him, in a way I never experienced inside this “church.” The more I met with my therapist and learned to listen to my body and began healing from my church trauma, the more I began to realize the problem was never me and my failures, but that I am created just the way I am, for a good reason. The further I got from my cult, the more I healed in my relationship with God and myself.

Writing has been an integral part of healing for me. It helps me process and reject the lies they told me. It is also my desire that writing about these things will help others who have been spiritually abused and traumatized by church-cults. Unfortunately, I have found that there are many of us. It is my hope that anyone reading this will find hope and healing after their own darkness.

Once upon a time, I woke up from a nightmare and found that life was worth living.