it was two years since i first joined this project unit, and this is the first time that i felt inclined to write again.

two years of which consultants come and go, and i had 3 projects under my belt, 2 years of which was the longest year of my life.

2 years ago, i never knew what i was getting into, but we ate challenges for breakfast. seriously. there was a time where i was kneeling on the floor, at the back of a main distribution frame, inside a dark local exchange room, sorting papers with tears of frustration dripping on them. that was 3 month after i joined the team, at the time, i thought that that moment will probably be the lowest moment in my life. until i learnt that, i have no inkling of what lowest moment really meant.

but there wasn't any moment that i regretted joining the team, cuz it was here that i had most fun, most interesting problems and met good people.

yesterday, i got lambasted. slaughtered alive. in a room full of gms & vps and where i was the only minion sorry enough to have stood up and presented progress and raised actual issues. received bullets and endured bulletholes. i was ripped open and sewed back in the same instance. and i am sure that the waves of expression flashing on my face does not help the cause. i am sure disgust and annoyance can be pretty transparent. tried to fight back and explain the rationale, but the ripple effect was already triggered. people sways. away from anyone with the muck thrown in the face. hell hath no fury like a woman scorned? in this case, some of the heads are woman, in a roomful of men, they are finally the only one talking. and screaming. and hurling insults. one guy joined the furor. but was soon outnumbered. his vocal frequency was too low, but the vocabularies he chose burned through. i blinked. and blinked. and 2 years worth of work went down the drain. and effectively, whatever passion i had was stomped out then and there and i stood there an empty shell of thoughts.

today, i am disillusioned. change does not come without hard work. but it takes seconds for a roomful of emotional idiots to undo that change. and there will always, always be fools in big leather chairs, with big hair, sitting high up and away from reality that will run the show.

and basically, i don't have any more new episodes of anything to watch. and i need something to numb my head. so today, for the first time in months, i took up a book to read. the delightful world of dead people and post mortems by patricia cornwell.

itchiness forecast
mom's getting a bit restless nowadays. especially if she called at night around 8-ish and i'm still at the office.
u could hear the thick hmmphh resonating through amplified from one celcom basestation to the other all the way from kota tinggi.
well if that was for me than the hmmph probably is thicker for eha cuz she practically sleeps at the hospital so i guess i was the lower bound in the equation.
looking at previous trend this itchy behaviour of hers is seasonal and can be usually forecasted to become more temperamental towards the end of year where wedding bells are ringing loud n fast. i can rightfully predict then, the hmmph is gathering momentum towards a full blast lecture storm come raya.

shoddy affair

oh for fucks sake lord help me what kind of shit are you giving me? dont' you have any artistic inclination at all?

- well i dare say no one's ever complained about my slides before but i guess the level of shittiness have a wide range of variablity and by usual standards i usually ranked above average, but since you guys introduced a whole new meaning to absurdity and actually rank slides by levels of sexiness, i guess we need to realign our measures and you need to reset your expectations by reducing the notch a few exponents down.
(nope. i dindt say it out loud i just blinked and swallowed)

following gov's new bband initiative target of x% bla bla we can save a y million if your company do a,b &c. that's a fuckload of savings we can give for you for just paying an extra z million for hiring us.

guys..can i know how u came by the figure x, y and z?

it's a system called POMA. u never heard of it?

err. not really. whassat?

those are numbers Pulled Outta My Ass.

word by word quote, i'm now living in a colorful dictionary world.


other parts of the food chain

am now looking at the light at the end of the tunnel. blinding.
the light of freedom. twoo weeekkkksss to gooooo!!!

i need to hash out some numbers on str*myx fault resolution today.oh the mind numbing joy of number crunching. so i was thinking what the heck anything's better than being in a cooped up room with a bunch of annoying workaholics.

so anyway there i was voluntarily spending the day at the v*ds call center..listening to as much calls as i can without resorting to suicide.
and it is not an experience that i would wish on my meanest enemy.
it's just pure torture
if you think your job sux then please, by all possible means, even if you have to knock out the security guard out cold, just barge past him and spend a few hours at the str*myx call center.
that's where you will find out that your job is a bed of roses compared to theirs.
forget being a poor farmer or a fisherman or a bricklayer. at least they are not being mentally tortured, having their physcological health shredded to pieces while being cemented to their chair the whole day, with zero possiblities of an escape route.

i was there with another colleague.. and before long both of us were already a depressed pair. after listening to a painful 20 minutes of one of the agent trying to help a customer locate 'control panel' ..and another 10 minutes of a thoroughly absurd explanation on 'ping is not a color' that colleague simply walks out to the nearest exit. i stayed on to hear a completely racist caller demanding not to have a 'malay male' handling his calls, because, according to his years of living experience, an agent who fits the category of being both Malay and Male, will tell him that his internet problem is due to CKC cable problem and hence will refuse to help him with his connection issues. This hyphothesis is apprently justified by the fact that his brother is a computer engineer, and therefore we shouldn't judge his intelect on the fact that they shared the same gene pool. And so the conversation is basically littered by his intelligent retort of 'you need to troubleshoot me!' every few minutes or so. I know the caller is an Indian based on the accent, but I reserve any further comment on this as not to sink down to the same racist level of this idiot.


But that, was the point where I have to go out to take a breather to preserve my sanity.
and suddenly.. i felt like i have the most wonderful job in the world..
well, at least for 5 brief minutes...that was my chain of thoughts. that.. and imagining future technologies will have IVRs that allow agents to poke the eyes of computer illiterate (and racist) callers.just for the general merriment of all call center agents in the world.

found out the extend of my temper today.
used to thought that i have an emotional range of a teaspoon, you know, like the usual happy>sad>mad cycle with a slight variation of the happy portion, being either really happy or just indifferent. used to be able to contain my anger and deal with things reasonably because i have world record endurance(says me). let's just say that i used to rather err on the side of pleasing people.

i dint know i that i had the ability to go scathingly hopping mad and give no regards people around me, spew out curses to the unsuspecting casualties (most of the time they deserve it) and just plain make myself a radioactive speciment. don't come near without protective space suits.

let's just say that stress, and f*cking annoying consultants just brought out the worse in me. and let's just hope that the habit of hissing at every innocent passersby in the discussion that displays the slightest sign of idiocy will die down as this project ends.

hisss..

i'm now no longer in my comfort zone. the new assignment's a strange territory and we are all crazily trying to grasp a foothold. it was nevertheless fun to explore unchartered waters.. but if the consultant frowned at me again and blurt out that condescending this-is-easy-math talk i sure as hell will gut out his beer belly belly.

and because the daily traffic to work is driving me nuts, in a crazy bid to beat it i am now in a dark office at 6.20 am. totally empty highways and i could just lalala pick my own parking lot.take that, traffic! and now all i have to do is wait 2 more hours for the others to arrive.

for some reason or other.. 5 or so stray cats will insist on sleeping under my car. ev'ry freakin night, rain or shine.
it doesn't matter how many times i chased em out yelling 'bad kittyyy baddd bad kittyy' ( cat chasing lesson by Saamia) they'll still come back and sleep and sometimes poop within the compounds.
maybe my car tyres smelled like fish.

well yeah. i became a year older. felt like time's zooming too fast as usual.
glad to receive ev'one's wishes.. guess i haven't become invisible. yet.

and in a few days time.. will be another year for all of us.
to me this year was the best year of my life, and i am glad i took the chance.
hoping the upcoming year will be a better one.
at the moment..my shopping list is longer than my new year's resolution list, as there's zilch on that list compared to the 20 or so must buy item of 2010.

at the moment tho..i'm just pretty bored.

owh yeah..what do u do if a 5 yrs old crush came crashing back? =P

orang minyak - ep1

+kaklong, nanti makt*m passkan barang kat budak tu..adela alasan pgi jumpe die.
- uhh takpe la time kasih je la. sy baru start keje nih..bz sket.
+ pegi je la. sblm pegi tu bli minyak aura jenama *toot* ni dulu. baru pgi jumpa.
- ape tu? aura? produk mawi ke
+ bukan.yang ni special. satu kampung dah pakai. boleh membuatkan orang sayang kita. boleh membuatkan orang tertarik nak bekenalan.
- owh. susuk ke?
+ bukan.minyak..
- minyak pengasih?
+ bukan.. ini aura.carikla online. boleh beli online.

*** advanced betul orang kampung skarang.

orang minyak - ep2
reading the online advert..
"berupaya menyebabkan diri anda lebih disayangi, memberi tenaga positive dan memotivasikan diri, boleh memutihkan kulit"

*** gile multitasking minyak ni. susahla dr fadzilah kamsah nak carik makan.

orang minyak - ep3

+ kaklong..macamana dah jumpe ke budak tu
- tak la..sy bz.
+ ingat.. kalau jumpe dan tak suka, tak boleh kata tak suka. kita jangan reject, biar die yang reject. nanti ape pulak orang kata.
- owh. kalau die tak reject?
+ rasenye die reject kot.

*** oh.sungguh motivational.


the matchmaking virus has now spread to my aunties. owh the mental torture.
if buying the minyak aura will get my aunt(s) to leave me alone, someone please pour me a bucketful. who knows. maybe it'll gimme fairer skin too.duh.

moved! yeah. although the rent is a pain in the ass and the travel time to work is now 30 mins on normal mornings, not having to face other people on my own sweet time is heavenly. yay. now i need someone who can loan me a hammer, some nails and a screwdriver. erm. and maybe a maid. a lengchai preferably.

what do you do when a person tries to hide all trace of your existence?