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they don’t have to wipe
They don’t have doom to scroll
I mean, you don’t HAVE to wipe!
Not if you do a deep enough squat!
Or you could get some helping hands to spread those cheeks further
I just stand in the shower and drag my fingers through mud valley then waffle stomp the rest down the drain.
Why wipe? Shitting yourself is the new path to power in 2026.
The President does it, after all
They can also just take a dump where ever they stand
I tend to wait till i can get to a restroom
Not dogs though. If they don’t work hard to find the perfect pooping spot, they ain’t pooping.
Obviously the perfect spot is the corner of the basement, back behind the clothes washing machine, as this is both safe from predators and far enough outside the living area to not spread disease. Unfortunately the humans do not allow this, so we must search daily for a new outdoor area which is suitable.
Or check the lemmings. … Slightly awkward
I need more fiber in my diet :\
Be careful with that shit, it’s powerful magic.
Nah, go hog wild on it. Eat an entire box of high fiber cereal and then go do naked jumping jacks.
Two to four words: sugarfree gummibears
There was a very unholy good review website about 15 years ago. The author had a lengthy and vivid description of their experiences after eating way too many of these. It was so disturbing, I never actually ate sugarfree gummies myself
Fiber regulates, sugar free… lets things free.
Fun fact, can fiber cause constipation
You can try a no fiber diet… you will see fiber required
Boss makes a dollar,
I make a dime.
12 seconds to shit?
Not near enough time.
Either you learn how to shit in 12 seconds, or AI will take shitting away from you. Sorry, that analology got away from me at the end.
I wonder if they’ll try to get away with bathroom cameras using AI because it’s not a person watching you
Don’t you dare tell my boss that. Don’t take my time away from me!!
I make a nickel Boss makes a dime I go poo poo On the company’s time
They don’t have Wi-Fi
yeah, pooping would be way faster if they had wifi
deleted by creator
Given my numbers, the median must be like 0.12 seconds. If your legs aren’t asleep by the time you finish, did you even poop?
are you another of us 20 year poopers or are you one of us half second poopers
Tonight’s news, Amazon limit on bathroom break for 12 seconds based on this study.
Look, it’s not a race, okay?
But if it were, I lost.
if it were, I lost.
Same. Intentionally. I need some me time sometimes.
It’s survival on the plains. You didn’t loose the race, you got eaten by a lion
I always told my teachers that I’m way above average but they never believed me…
VINDICATION!!
Poop any% speedrun?
speedruns
Tell that to the dog named Oliver who lives with me…I swear that guy will take like 5 to 7 minutes some days…sheesh
My name is Constipation Georg and I live in a cave and take 12 hours to poop per day and I am an outlier and should not be counted in the averaged data
My name is Low Sleep Stress Coffee Cream Cheese Shit Hubert, and I live in a cave, and take 12 seconds to poop and 11 hours 59 minutes 48 seconds to wipe per working day and I am an outlier and should not be counted in the averaged data.
My name is Diarrhea Vaclav and i live in a cave. I eat nothing but haribo candles. I take half a second to poop but the next wave starts immediately so if i move from the toilet, i leave a slime trail. I spend 23 hours, 17 minutes a day pooping (the remaining 43 minutes are Vaclav’s time) and don’t know when it began or ended anymore. My only hope for relief is that i am counted as an outlier and released from the study.
Is it longer if there is a dog staring at them the whole time?
Tell that to Ron from Accounting
TIL I am an extreme outlier.
When everything is working as it should, it doesn’t take me much longer. That’s a rare day, though.
