Communication
The art of communication begins with us. Before we understand others, we first need to know what we think and feel.
This post is part of The Human Stakeholder in Project Management series.
We have put satellites in space, wired the planet with fibre optic cables, created social media and instant messaging platforms, making communication easier than ever before. Ironically, the biggest obstacle to communication remains in the most favourable conditions: when being with the other person in the same room.
Being a good communicator begins with oneself. We need to have a good understanding of what we think and feel; confidence in our ability to make ourselves heard; patience in conveying our message; staying open-minded to ideas contrary to our own; and capacity to talk openly about the most difficult of topics.
We want for our intentions to be known, for our moods to be recognised, but we don’t want to speak. We want others to know exactly how we feel about any given topic and to do so using their mindreading abilities. When they don’t, we accuse them, often in our minds, of being deliberately awkward and out to frustrate or embarrass us.
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For a brief but vital period of our lives, that’s what happened. In the first 2 years after we are born, we relied solely on non-verbal communication. We cried, pulled faces, stretched our arms out anything to get attention. The adults around us took a guess at what we needed and, more often than not, were correct. It worked then as our needs were simple.
It tricked us into thinking that it will continue to work in adulthood. That is why we expect others to know we are in back-to-back meetings on Tuesday; what to include in the report; and what the requirements of the project should be. And we want them to know this now! Just like that without us even opening our mouths. We are dreadful communicators as we fail to understand and appreciate the complexity of the art of communication.
Speaking up about what is wrong, sharing our opinion, expressing how we feel or what we are afraid of is difficult. A clue as to why again lies in our history where for centuries speaking up could get in trouble. Obedience was demanded, and those in power were not interested in the opinions of the lower classes. Democracy is a recent ‘invention’, and we are still getting to grips with it. In a project environment, we know it is good for everyone to feel like they have been heard no matter their seniority in an organisation.
Learning how to speak up requires us to recognise we fear being punished or humiliated if we speak. Secondly, we need to accept there is nothing to fear and that freedom of speech is our fundamental right.
Surprisingly the art of teaching can aid us in being better communicators. We need to teach others what we feel, what our thought process is, why we believe things should be done a certain way. We so often fail to let others know what matters to us and why. Teaching is a basic psychological tactic vital in every relationship and project environment.
Teaching is not about venting and humiliating the other person. They need to feel safe, calm and respected timing, therefore, plays a huge role. Our tendency to teach someone a lesson then and there when a problem arises, yields poor results. Rather than doing it during a stakeholder meeting, it might be better to grab the person afterword in private.
If we avoid teaching, we end up telling someone their work is great, but we end up redoing it. This leads to cliques and silos, not only hindering communication but also collaboration in the long term. Whatever the feedback we are trying to communicate, the aim should be to leave the other person aware they need to improve and with a sense they are accepted despite their flaws.
