Confidence
Have you ever kept schtum rather than proposing your idea because of the possibility of being ignored?
This post is part of The Human Stakeholder in Project Management series.
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Have you ever talked yourself out of raising your hand in a meeting to ask a question for fear of others might think it is a stupid question? We have all been there — lacking in confidence to take action or express ourselves. There is something else lurking under the surface, though.
The anxiety we work ourselves into is about losing our dignity. We often give up on an appealing opportunity to avoid damaging our pride as the uncertainty is just too great. This fear stems from the mental picture of ourselves that we are idiots. Ironically, that is exactly what we are. There will be countless situations in which you will be misunderstood, where you will overreact, say or do something you will regret, misread a situation prompting strange looks. We are human after all. Accepting that we are fools lowers the anxiety as we have little to lose. The worst that can happen is someone seeing in us something we already know. On the flip side, if we take the risk, things might occasionally go our way.
Another way lack of confidence rears its ugly head is when we feel like impostors. That we somehow ended up in a position we are not good enough for and soon get found out as frauds. It is more or less an unavoidable imbalance likely to have developed in childhood. When we were little, our parents appeared to be god-like figures with incredible intelligence and strength. They were able to lift us to the ceiling, drive a car and crack a maths exercise in seconds. What we failed to see was they were riddled with insecurities.
Impostor syndrome thrives on our inability to extend the harsh criticism we give ourselves to others. We do not recognise that the people we so admire are facing the same internal challenges. We know little of the fears, insecurities, regrets or troubles at home. Ask any CEO and chances are they can recall a time they felt inadequate when being mentored by a board member or before presenting to shareholders.
Overcoming the impostor syndrome is not about gaining greater confidence in our abilities but in recognising we are not alone in doubting ourselves. We do not stop being impostors, but we realise others are similarly flawed.
