The Honeymoon Phase…
how do we savour the moment when we feel an intense desire to dive right in?
Yup, I’m in deep; right up to my eyeballs and loving it. Everything looks a little brighter and I feel as though I might be hovering slightly above the earth’s surface. I am however, more grounded entering this new relationship than ever before; chalk it up to a little wisdom gained over the years.
Let me set the stage…
Before I met Joe I made a pact with myself; I decided that if I was to ever entertain another intimate relationship, I would be mindful that the ‘honeymoon phase’ can cause temporary blindness to clues that, under normal circumstances, should provide obvious warning signs. The difference for me this time around is that I want a relationship, rather than need one; truly I was completely happy on my own and not willing to give up any part of ‘me’ to be part of an ‘us’. For me this was a distinctly new approach that provided a healthy perspective and platform from which to explore how effectively our lives could complement each other.
Joe and I had each spent over a year on our own before we connected, which provided time for each of us to discover and understand exactly where we were in our lives, what we had learned so far on our journeys and what we want moving forward. To me this was huge! Since we had both been previously married, had children and a post-marriage relationship, we found ourselves ready to speak our truths; for a no-nonsense relationship discovery!
When I was single I made a list of qualities that I considered crucial in determining if a guy is viable relationship material; each point being non-negotiable. My strategy was to use this checklist of desirable traits as a reference during the ‘honeymoon phase’ when my objectivity could be compromised; a touchstone intended to help me remain strong and steadfast in the quest for my perfect match.
I believe a successful relationship hinges on…
Taking the time to be single and go deep into my aloneness; allowed me to get to a place where I am no longer needy for a relationship. I feel solid being me; I am enough.
Being ready for a relationship and everything that it takes to be fully invested.
Mutual respect that is loving and kind; a two way street. I consider respect the umbrella over everything that is important in all relationships.
Laughter, a positive attitude and mutual support; especially during the tough times.
Personalities and values that fit; with our respective lives, children, families and friends.
Authentic love for each other, as well as other people, animals and the earth.
Patient natures as there will be times when one is ahead of the other in some respect.
Absolutely no trying to put a square peg in a round hole. It doesn’t matter how wonderful he is; if I feel like I am trying to make it fit or work…red flag!
Not needing to rush… savouring every moment and stage together. You can’t turn the bus of life around.
Interdependence where each partner has times where they enjoy their independence and unique interests balanced with times when there is crossover.
And last but certainly not least, we both need to feel safe. This was on Joe’s list but now that we have met, I realize how safe I feel with him and how important that is to me.
I am not willing to settle just so I can be in a relationship.
I am a very lucky girl. My life, though not without challenges, has been bountiful. If I could ask for the icing on my delicious cake of life, it would be a pure and true life-partner who complements and completes me simultaneously.
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So bottom line…how do we savour the moment when we feel an intense desire to dive right into a new relationship? Make your list ahead of time, when you can think rationally, stick to it, and be solid in who you are so that you can see a new partner with objectivity and integrate this him into your life with ease.
