When rewards only recognize excellence…
how do we prevent the unrecognized from falling through the cracks?
I suspect the majority of people would agree that it feels great to be presented with an award; a symbol of success. Some may feel a bit uncomfortable receiving this attention, however generally most of us experience a sense of pride and accomplishment. This positive reinforcement can serve to catapult the recipients to higher levels, propelling them toward future successes.
Awards are generally meant to acknowledge outstanding achievement, which leaves a lot of individuals lacking in this type of recognition. Since our desire to achieve can be significantly influenced by reward programs in our homes, schools and working environments, what about individuals who don’t receive this positive feedback?
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Do they ever reach their highest potential without being recognized for what they have to offer? Since we are all wired differently; some may fall through the cracks whereas others may succeed despite adversity. I am of the firm belief that everyone has value; their own special magic and that being noticed and appreciated for it, is fundamental to becoming their best.
I have four children, now grown adults, and three of them struggled academically. Our public school system was largely based on rewarding the children who excelled through marks, athletics and the arts; with awards and praise. This system often left my boys feeling a personal sense of failure; inadequate beside higher achievers. This can be devastating and last a lifetime.
Even though I encouraged them to study hard and improve their marks, I always emphasized that they each had their own personal magic; that marks were not the only measure of their value, ability and intelligence. I would observe them and ask them, ‘what do you love?’. Then I would help set them up for success in an area that felt natural to them, that they had a propensity for and enjoyed.
I knew my boys were intelligent and talented however the existing reward program only benefited the ones who were able to achieve awards. They were susceptible to falling through the cracks of our broken education system because their areas of strength were not well supported or recognized.
When I was in public school in the 1970’s, I excelled academically but not in athletics. At that time, bronze, silver and gold badges were awarded for performance depending on ability; systematically putting children in categories of low, medium and high or poor, moderate and excellent. Gold and silver were awarded to higher levels of achievement and everyone else qualified for a bronze. Woohoo! Those bronze badges just caused me to feel like a loser; having a negative impact for years.
I get that rewards can serve as incentives; however they can also be harmful. The kids with the gold crests had power. Many of them thought they were better and yes they may have achieved a faster time or excelled in a team sport but that does not mean they were ‘better people’, yet that is how the reward system is generally perceived. It took years for me to realize that there were other physical activities in which I could excel, yet I am still not comfortable playing a team sport for fear of letting someone down.
The gift I learned from my experience helped me to guide and support my children. When one of them didn’t excel in an area, I always reinforced that they each had their own special ‘magic’ that was unique to them. I would ask them what they loved and explain that the answer could give them clues toward finding their special ‘magic’. And it did. Even though they all had to conquer obstacles and tackle self-doubt, I am confident that believing they had something distinctly unique helped them find their passions. This lead to increased self-confidence, success and fulfillment.
There is a balance that needs to be achieved. When an individual succeeds at everything they may not learn how to persevere when presented with a challenge that overwhelms them. On the other side of it, if a person doesn’t receive recognition they may never realize the potential that is within them.
Everyone has value, potential and their own magic; something special to enjoy and share with others. I believe each person just needs one person to believe in them so they can learn to believe in themselves.
