Day 1
I am writing on this medium because I guess my old website was taken down and all my entries destroyed. Thank God I self-published every so often into a series of books so all is not lost, but it has precipitated me coming over to Medium, which I trust is as evergreen and cost-free a website as possible.
At any rate, it is my intent to chronicle, day by day, the as of yet unnamed and slowly unfolding neurological disease I think I have: to relay the struggles, fears, hopes and small victories as I encounter them day by day — until Providence takes from me the ability to type (which may be sooner rather than later, because I can no longer legibly write). I know something wrong with me — that is obvious to anyone who encounters me at the coffeeshop, walking my two dachshunds in the park, at the gym, or the scant other places I go these days - I only don’t have a name or classification of it, though I have a few fearful suspicions.
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As a backstory, my health issues began about eighteen months ago, after I summitted Mount Massive in Colorado. Ascending the mountain, I noticed my left lower leg, specifically my ankle, was very unsteady and I, in fact, rolled it numerous times on the descent. Thinking it was the cheap Wal-Mart shoes that gave me little support, I considered it naught. Working out afterward, my leg would shake during various exercises (kettlebell swing stands out to me), but other than that I — being a “hard” man — thought little about it. I suppose I broke it then and it took me a full year later to have it inspected by a doctor at the VA who informed me I broke it in two places. One break was from what I assumed occurred during that climb, the second occurred at the VA facility itself, which I considered Providence because the day had been frustratingly unfruitful until then. Fearing a lawsuit of some kind, I was quickly escorted back in by VA nurses where I went immediately to a podiatrist and received x-rays that did indeed reveal an old fracture and the new one I sustained only minutes prior. The old one was healed and the bone fused together and the new was, well, obviously fractured. So, I was prescribed a CAM walking boot an remained in it 4 months. Since getting out of it a few days before Christmas, I have been limping daily and my left leg is not improving at all — so I’m fearing the worst. I was walking with hiking poles — for balance I guess — and have since ditched those. I am able to work out intensely on various machines, and have been getting stronger, so I don’t know. Whatever the case, that incident threw me into the VA health system to which I am still indebted. Any place I look to live must have a VA clinic nearby or I will not consider living there. (Funny how one thinks about access to health care in deciding where to live as they get older.)
I have since seen a host of doctors and nurses at the VA and none have yet given me a diagnosis, but I am indebted to my team as we try to figure out what’s wrong with my speech and my leg. 3 MRIs and 3 neurologists have cleared me, but I am going to a movement clinic in Dallas — hence the move back home: to be close to my mother (I got a divorce recently, so no more wife), and the health resources of Dallas, where she, my sister and her family, and virtually everyone else in my clan lives.
Amid all of this I have developed speech issues which make verbal communication nearly impossible, a problem I could deal with if not for my horrid walk, which lacks balance and sure-footedness. There is slight pain, specifically in my ankle. Perhaps it will take awhile to get back to normal walking after wearing a CAM boot for 3.5 months, but I’m fearing the worst of course. It’s only me here, so going back home is more for the companionship I will recieve from my mother and others. Loneliness is killing me, on top of everything else. And my inability to sleep. Deep restorative sleep is kept from me, I know something’s wrong because I’m so tired all the time, though I cannot nap. I get to sleep fine and stay asleep and my sleeping app says I do not snore, so I’m without answers. I have a sleep study in a month, but its at-home and I know it won’t reveal anything. Speaking of tired, it is hitting me now.
More tomorrow.
