Not your fault
Have you lived all your life finding ways to sabotage your sanity by blaming yourself? Even if you weren’t present when something happened, does your mind go through whatever events led to that moment to blame yourself? If yes, then I have news for you.
That’s what they wanted you to be.
Every person requires a punching bag, but not everyone admits it and worse, not everyone can afford to accept they’re not perfect: SHOCKER! So, everything they come up short with, it’s never their fault. But it needs to be someone’s, and it is usually the person who challenges the status quo.
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Personally, I remember the first time that happened, and during therapy I said “I think it messed up my moral compass” Of course it did, I got blamed for something I shouldn’t have and even asked to apologise for it. After that everything was questionable. That persisted even more over the years until I realised there was something uncomfortable about how I think about myself, so I started reading books and getting external education.
That same education that people push you towards and are jealous of; is the same education that puts a target on your back.
The person who gets demoted to a punching bag is most often described as difficult, challenging, know-it-all, but what they’re really saying is “this person is better than me, I don’t accept it, so let me just emotionally and psychologically destroy them.”
Because that’s what it is, a psychological weapon to constantly make you believe that you’re in the wrong. Then you grow up and develop impostor syndrome, obviously, I’d be very surprised if not. Your thoughts are suppressed by the words “you think differently than us”, “but you can’t expect everyone to think like you”, “you’re weird”.
If you experienced this at a young age, it is easier to believe that this came from a place of good heart, but where that place is, I don’t know! If someone disagrees with you, the most intellectual thing to do is to stop and listen. Hear them out and correct your train of thought, EDUCATE yourself.
But most people don’t want to face the truth; they like to believe their own pretty-big-lies that they know all, they understand all, and they are perfect. The truth will shatter their existence, and you, my friend, are their kryptonite.
Instead of letting them become yours, you have the power to become immune to them. Go to therapy, do the exercises, catch yourself when you begin to think it’s your fault, and then you’ll realise you’re trying to find a needle in a haystack. Because it doesn’t matter how much you twist the story to see if they’re right, the bottom line is, it is not, and it wasn’t your fault.
