Day 80
I give up on an accurate count. This numbers will be realtively in order, but not entirely accurate. Sorry. Year 3 of parenting has been hard.
I’m less despondent today. I can’t really tell you why. There doesn’t seem to be much reason for it. I did get a better night’s sleep. I did get out and run today. This past month I’ve been pretty consistent with the running. Maybe it’s paying off. I’m also trying to eat healthier. Or at least not have cake for breakfast. Again, maybe that’s helping. But I’m not sure. All I know is that I don’t feel like I’m trapped in an alternate reality right now. So that’s good.
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I’ve also been reading less news. Maybe that’s helped. I’m not at the point where Im’ back to being productive at work, hopefully tomorrow or Friday. These things come in waves.
It’s still surreal to me how I can go through phases, where I can’t find any music that resonates. I have a lot of music. And right now, I can’t find ONE thing that feels right. It’s like I’m just removed from the emotions of it. Like it’s noise. This is a real shame. I love music. I just don’t know how to get that back. i know i will eventually, but right now it feels lost. I can’t imagine a life without music, and these moments are a bit terrifying. What if I can never find music to resonate again? It’s like a world without flavors. A little duller. A little sadder. A little more clinical and sterile.
Don’t forget, friday is Transgender Day of Visibility.
