Day Twelve
I’ve made mistakes.
My understanding is — I can afford to make mistakes, and I can even afford to suffer for my mistakes, not just a little bit but a lot. Mistakes are not a mistake. They seem to be built into the fabric of reality.
Perhaps it’s true that invulnerable Being (which is, paradoxically, vulnerability itself?) which is Love, does not know mistakes. Love holds all mistakes. Being holds Becoming. Mistakes belong to Becoming, to the movement of reality.
Ask Being: Is genocide a mistake? Does it make any sense to ask Being this question? What is “mistake” from the perspective of Being? Being holds genocide, holds suffering. Being holds. Does Being prefer, does Love prefer… ? Is there any judgment from/by/in Being? Love holds it all. Does Being, does Love want to hold a nectar but not a poison? Does Love choose?
It is best, I believe, that I not even start to answer such questions, and most certainly not the question of whether genocide is a mistake, from a perspective (of Being, Love, God) that I cannot fathom. I can answer from my perspective, widening my perspective as much as I am able, from Love, Being within myself. I can answer as an imperfect participant in Being and Becoming, prone to mistakes, as the finite (necessarily) is. I can answer this question, presented to me by myself: Is genocide a mistake?
Raquel is certain that genocide is always, without exception, an unspeakably tragic, heartrending mistake. It’s beyond what could be called “mistake”. There is no word. NO WORD. Dropping a bomb that kills a hundred thousand people, an instance of genocide, is unspeakably horrendous and wrong. No exceptions. Not to save democracy. Not to save us from them. Not to save the planet. A child, just one child, with his legs blown away by a landmine that looked like a toy? It’s not okay, not okay for any reason anyone could ever come up with.
Love holds it all.
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Mistakes belong to Becoming, to evolution. It is so easy to just say that and forget war, forget cruelty. Mistakes?
Examples of more ordinary (tragically ordinary) mistakes: “I was driving to work, a bit tired, making a phone call… and I didn’t notice the little boy on his scooter…” Another one: “I was with my buddies drinking and goofing off at 2am, and we saw this woman… she was high, and…” Another: “My two small children, they kept me awake all night. I felt like a zombie during the day, and I got a book that said I should let them cry alone in their cribs… ”
Distracted, we make mistakes. Avoiding trouble, we make mistakes. Trying to please, to fit in, trying our best, protecting our sanity, we make mistakes. Looking for love, for pleasure, “in all the wrong places”. Mistakes! Filling the emptiness of our lives with promiscuity, shopping, social media, cookies… Mistakes! Afraid of further mistakes… we might find it makes sense to become hypervigilant… controlling ourselves, our environment… justifying everything that could prevent further mistakes…
And all the time it seems that the control that would make it all good is just beyond our control…
What leads to a choice that leads to pain? Can we avoid mistakes? Can we avoid suffering? Are avoiding mistakes and avoiding suffering winning strategies?
Avoiding mistakes and avoiding suffering seem to be aspects of a strategy that also involves chasing security, status and pleasure.
Eventually, as I know and keep reminding myself, this strategy fails. We can read all the lists of wise tips, all the keys to this or that… and our strategy might even seem to (almost, not quite) go well, even splendidly, for a while… We might seem to be on top of the world… our hypervigilance and control strategy paying off…
But if it isn’t resting in Love, it isn’t a winning strategy.
Preview Days 13–21: What do I know about a winning strategy? Imagining a winning strategy.
