The ‘Just Because’
“The winner takes it all, the loser standing small, beside the victory that’s her destiny” Abba-Winner Takes it All
Sometimes, I wonder what causes the voices come or whatever demon it is that take all my breath and motivation to just live. The more I think about it, the painful it is and I can’t even talk what I feel. It’s just a long line of pain and sick all over my body and probably mind.
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For few weeks I have been coping this grey and demons feeling all over my mind. The feeling i can’t even describe, the hating I do toward myself. The punch and other physichal damage I did to myself. The mind that talk about how painful and how it will be better to just end it all at once. The feeling I tried to erase every single day.
The more I think, the more I know that the voices, and all those stupid things happen just because. For no reason, it comes to me, for no reason at all without any cause-effect. Things just happening for no reason. As painful as it is. I really wish I could understand the reason, if there’s any. So I could make it stop.
For some reason, these days the voices is winning for taking my body and especially my mind. It keeps me sane yet make me insane, I don’t even know what i’m talking about. Right now, I’m in the battle. And all i can think is how painful it is. I can’t even think any good reason just for holding on. It’s just pain all over my heart, mind and body. Is it even still mine? I don’t know
