Better than the lottery
Claim Your Prizes, Fellow Medium Writers!
Winner, winner, chicken dinner
You know that feeling when you’ve lost?
It sucks.
It bums you out.
To counteract all that negativity out there, I have listed a handful of random writers and the awesome prize they have won!
Shirley Laffa won a trip for 16 to Fiji. The only catch is that they’ll be without food and water for about 26 days.
Michael Burg, MD (Satire Sommelier) 😬 won a catamaran made of cardboard, tin foil and string cheese. Mike is also the winner of this year’s Awesome Super Saintly Human Of Likeable Earths award (the acronym is unfortunate and not worth spelling out).
John Corten is the winner of a pre-owned 2006 Acura Legend.
Courtesy of MacDonald’s, Oscar Rhea has won a daily Happy Meal – whether he likes it or not – for the rest of his life.
L. A. Cargill has the great fortune of winning the super not-controversial role that Donald Trump will (hopefully) not have for much longer.
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Jonah has won a time travel device allowing him to witness historic events such as Ziggy Stardust being cool and awesome on stage; going behind the scenes with David Lynch on the set of Twin Peaks (1990 – 1991); and even to the future to see how his own epic novel series becomes a one-man show on Broadway starring Ben Schwartz!
David Volk very conveniently has won a 1960’s Volkswagen bus in terrible condition. Good luck driving that thing, pal!
Congrats to SC Thompson for winning a block of cheese dipped in gold, then in chocolate, and subsequently in wet cement. You have clearly beat the system, my friend.
You know who really struck the jackpot? Monica G! She won a pair of tickets to see the Toronto Blue Jays. Those tickets qualify for trade-in on tickets of equal value to see a ten-hour concert featuring the trio of Bon Jovi, Sabrina Carpenter and Lin-Manuel Miranda performing each others songs.
Speaking Fiction To Power has won the very strong belief that Bill Murray should’ve won an Oscar for his role in Osmosis Jones (2001).
A big round of applause is due George Washington as he won an empty KFC container he can bring to any Tim Horton’s location to fill up on free Timbits.
Uvebruce is the winner of a claim to ownership of his favourite sports team, the Seattle Kraken.
Congratulations to Jennifer Suri for winning an unread – and slightly damp – copy of Justin Trudeau’s Common Ground. Apparently, it was found on the ground, not unreasonable given the book’s title.
Uzi Landsmann will want to check their e-mail soon, because they’ve won an all-expenses paid trip for one to the digital version of Mordor from Lord of the Rings.
Sherene Jensen has won the ultimate prize of a clarinet comprised of various cheeses, molten lava, Lycra, and a dozen shark teeth.
To claim your prize check in with Tony Stubblebine.
He will facilitate all of it.
And remember, we’re all winners.
