The note I wrote to ask somebody out:
Hi ra.
I wish I could tell you that I want to ask you out. But what I am scared of is that I might cause any friction in a friendship that I found years ago and a friendship that I absolutely love. That’s the first thing and last thing about every conversation of ours that I love, and at any cost, I don’t want to change the randomness, laughs and vulnerability that we carry in each of our conversations.
So. After quite some thought to it, if you are reading this, it’s me counting on the person you are — I want to ask you, would you mind going out with me?
Please. Hear me out fully.
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I am not asking you this coz I have a random “crush” on you. Like I said, the person you are to me and the way I look at you never did change — you are, firstly and lastly, a friend I am grateful to have.
I am asking this because as I replayed every conversation we have had at the end of each time we met, there’s been a small belief in me that we both are looking for something similar in our partners. I am someone who needs my partner to be independent, knows what she wants and who she is. I need someone who gives me my space. I need someone who is capable of giving me too, as much as I am capable of giving her. And my ways of giving to my partner are through conversations that matter, space that she needs, respect that she deserves and a simple understanding that we both are two different and complete individuals before anything else.
I love everything about who you are as a person, and perhaps I will even discover things that I don’t like about you — whether we go out or — even just two close friends — and I am willing to accept what I will find. Not because I love you or anything, rather because you are a friend first and I have, for most of the part, been a friend who always accepts who my friend is.
Anyway. I know this is too much of a rant. I just feel it might be a good idea to ask you out. Coz I would like to know what it feels like to find dependency between two independent minds. I would like to know if my gut feeling is right. I would like to, honestly, explore parts of who I can be along with you.
Would you mind going out with me? And if not, that is absolutely okay. I just hope this whole long thing that I wrote won’t change anything between us as two friends. Coz I genuinely and honestly value the friendship that we have before anything.
With Love,
A clinically insane friend.
