Birthday Blues…
Birthday anxiety is one thing that I never cease to experience since I became an adult. It was such a relief to know that I wasn’t alone in my experience. But this year started earlier than usual, maybe because I pledged myself that age 23 will be different or cause we’re halfway through the year and I have close to nothing to show for it. Rather than wallow in despair, I decided to sit with my anxiety, disappointment, and fear.
The last time I got excited about turning a new age was on my 19th. I had an image of who and where I wanted to be at 23, and I know it’s the same thing for everybody else. Be done with school, get a job, get married, move to another city. I thought wishing for it was enough; that everything was in my control. The only disappointments I experienced then were failing JAMB, failing my test, my phone battery running low or NEPA interrupting power supply. So, you can imagine my shock when things went opposite to what I had envisioned, the pandemic, unemployed, lonely, and no relationship in sight.
Get Rukayyah’s stories in your inbox
Join Medium for free to get updates from this writer.
Growing old is a reminder of all we thought we would be that we are not. Growing old is a reminder of how we’re running out of time. How did we arrive here, what makes us think just because we have not yet achieved what we’ve set ahead for ourselves means it won’t happen or that it won’t be as beautiful and fulfilling as we want it to be when it happens? The earth will still go around the sun, and the months will go by so, there’s no use stressing over what’s beyond your control. This year I’m choosing to recognize all the efforts that I’ve made, the times when giving up would have been a better option but I still showed up.
I know we hate to hear this but they are people in more dire situations than us, there’s a 23year old out there fighting a terminal disease, struggling to make ends meet, at a job they hate, or getting out of a bad marriage, social media has made us believe that everyone else is doing better than us. I do not know what this new age will bring but I’m willing to cultivate gardens of success and growth by, planting the seeds of effort, consistency, and trusting God.
The fear of growing old also contributes to us having birthday anxiety, yes, the thought of my body not being able to serve me like it would now in the future scares me, and opportunities that may slip off my hands due to my age, the fear of me getting closer to my grave, my goals and bucket lists staring me in the eyes makes my heart sink. I always promise that next year will be better but it never seems to get any better. Birthday anxiety or depression is normal and please save yourself from the shackles of I need to get this, be this before so and so age.
Worrying and not enjoying your new age won’t stop you from growing old. The clock will keep ticking so, why spend time worrying when you can make the most of it?
Write down how you feel, seeing it on paper will give you clarity. Have a list of realistic goals, goals you are willing to stay committed to. Don’t worry. We got this.
