- 4 months ago
First broadcast 14th March 1986.
When work at the Manor is stopped because it is a listed building, the hapless brickies decide to go to the local village, where they are treated with suspicion.
Kevin Whately - Neville Hope
Pat Roach - Bomber Busbridge
Tim Healy - Dennis Patterson
Gary Holton - Wayne Norris
Jimmy Nail - Oz Osborne
Christopher Fairbank - Albert Moxey
Timothy Spall - Barry Taylor
Bill Paterson - Ally Fraser
James Booth - Kenny Ames
Bryan Pringle - Arthur Pringle
Catherine Rabett - Carol Pringle
Val McLane - Norma
John Bowler - Howard Radcliff
William Simons - Gamekeeper
Lesley Saint-John - Vicki
Martin Matthews - Sgt. Ives
Victor Langley - Treadaway
Gerri Collins - Mrs. Bryant
Walter McMonagle - Irishman
David Neville - Sir James Palmer
Sarah Neville - Celestia Palmer
Thomas Bradford-Jones - Henry Palmer
John Taylor - Café Owner
Jeff Hall - Lorry Driver
Lacey Morgan - Young Woman
Ian Dickens - Young Man
John C. Williams - Elderly Man
Nicholas Lumley - Maitre D'
Lynne Aston - Fiona
Tim Killick - Barman
When work at the Manor is stopped because it is a listed building, the hapless brickies decide to go to the local village, where they are treated with suspicion.
Kevin Whately - Neville Hope
Pat Roach - Bomber Busbridge
Tim Healy - Dennis Patterson
Gary Holton - Wayne Norris
Jimmy Nail - Oz Osborne
Christopher Fairbank - Albert Moxey
Timothy Spall - Barry Taylor
Bill Paterson - Ally Fraser
James Booth - Kenny Ames
Bryan Pringle - Arthur Pringle
Catherine Rabett - Carol Pringle
Val McLane - Norma
John Bowler - Howard Radcliff
William Simons - Gamekeeper
Lesley Saint-John - Vicki
Martin Matthews - Sgt. Ives
Victor Langley - Treadaway
Gerri Collins - Mrs. Bryant
Walter McMonagle - Irishman
David Neville - Sir James Palmer
Sarah Neville - Celestia Palmer
Thomas Bradford-Jones - Henry Palmer
John Taylor - Café Owner
Jeff Hall - Lorry Driver
Lacey Morgan - Young Woman
Ian Dickens - Young Man
John C. Williams - Elderly Man
Nicholas Lumley - Maitre D'
Lynne Aston - Fiona
Tim Killick - Barman
Category
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TVTranscript
00:00No one said it was gonna be easy
00:16Nobody said it had to be fair
00:25All of the chances taken together
00:28And all the changes we had to share
00:34Well, you think we've made it all worthwhile
00:41Then you realize no one cares
00:49But we're gonna get it right this time
00:54Cause we've passed the point of no return
01:00And we're never gonna go down the road again
01:07We're never gonna go down the road again
01:25you need a lift any? no no I'm just going to my little office
01:39won't Pringle let you use his phone? no chance pad looks at me before he gets to bed
01:44I hear you've got a bit of a problem laid off is it? word gets wrong quick doesn't it?
01:49well it does in a place this size. me and my lads are at a loose end for a couple of days
01:55so it might cause panic in the streets. I'll send for reinforcements. aye
02:12do you know what I've been thinking? while we're out here I'd like to take tennis
02:17lessons? tennis? aye I always think it's useful to add another string to your ball
02:23well you took up water skiing in Florida honey I think if I remember right that lasted about 40
02:29minutes. well you nearly dreamt. and what's brought on this sudden interest in tennis then is it?
02:35some bronzed australian coach down at the club no?
02:40I just want to have something to do while you're on the golf course already
02:44oh who the heck is that? I'm on the course in 20 minutes
02:49it's long distance it's got that sound
02:52yeah right now hello? oh hey Dennis speak up a wee bit Dennis it's a hell of a bad line this
02:59what do you mean we've got a problem you're gonna be there much longer bomb you want a written
03:13estimate? such as to me monopolising it you know. well it's all right for you you didn't have a curry last
03:18night did you? morning is there another ladder chain this place Oz? I think there's a bog in the backyard
03:27wait they're desperate just lobber it the window man. turn these up lads! breakfast? just have to hold it
03:36morning Arthur. I suppose it'd be too much to ask for one boiled egg would it? tea and toast I told you that when you registered
03:57I'll get some more mate. oh I haven't gone to all that trouble me up man. oh yes remember what Arthur said
04:03he don't like to be called mate, chief, squire, admiral, petal or bacon balls
04:09hold you sleep Barry? mucky? I did surprisingly enough yes. back in the bosom of your family innit?
04:15it's all the truth in that you know Wayne. I can't tell you how much you thought of being with me muck
04:20or sustain me at me time of grief. oh well Barry man your fiance hasn't snuffed it man
04:25she's just got cold feet while a while man. wait wait, prime time, prime time
04:30you know I think that there's something that exists between men that doesn't exist between men and women
04:36who's sitting in the room with him? I'm not talking about that Oz, it's really typical of you ladies
04:42I'm talking about comradeship not turd burgling. there you are. things are really looking up aren't they?
04:50you'll be given with forks and spoons and savvy at things next?
04:55I don't think women understand that you see. what?
05:00what I'm talking about? comradeship?
05:04I think that's what freaked I was at when your lord showed up. I know she felt threatened somehow
05:09I know she felt like excluded.
05:11you kind of blame us for what happened there. no no no no I think Barry's right you know
05:17how's that?
05:18well any of our women would have reacted the same wouldn't they? eh?
05:21I mean they sort of resent our shared parts.
05:24oh and Brenda felt left out because she didn't share a wooden hut with us like them dooselzo
05:28no granted granted but they all sort of showed up at your place all
05:32oh daffing and joking full of the joys of spring was about to have some effect in it
05:37probably wouldn't even notice. be too busy at the hospital or playing badminton with doctors
05:43oh I'll try this look. badminton with doctors?
05:47she's our own woman life. I'm all for it.
05:52well you know I think that makes a very good living Nev. yeah?
05:57yeah I think a changing role for women is inevitable and right in this day and age
06:02I mean we can't train them to the kitchen sink have we?
06:07I mean I've always encouraged my eyes in her career yeah?
06:10well I never discouraged Marjorie from taking her career
06:14I would have been quite happy if I had to go out and bring a few quill in
06:17but change to her meant something completely different to that
06:20change to her meant changing from hunting a bloke at the rates office
06:23to hunting a TV repair bloke to hunting some gadget wilds end slip way
06:27are we to take it things between you and your Marjorie aren't altogether tickety-boo
06:32well would you be with her after that look?
06:34I'm sorry Oz but quite frankly I think you're bored in on yourself
06:39how was that Blake?
06:40well look when we were in the Falklands right
06:42you never wrote to her, you never phoned her, you never said to any money
06:45same as when we were in Germany
06:46yeah yes yes but that's simply because of the sort of woman watch it is isn't it?
06:51I mean she's been hunting half her taint side while my back's been turned on
06:55but which came first I was the chicken or the egg
06:57your neglect or promiscuity
06:59and after all the love you take is equal to the love you make
07:03in the words of John Lennon
07:07I'm never quite sure what it meant actually
07:11good morning
07:12well done
07:13how are you up then?
07:14you're up with a lock son
07:15alright where you been?
07:16I've been talking to Ali's brief
07:18he reckons if there's a preservation order on the house
07:20you can always appeal to the Department of the Environment
07:24oh great
07:25what? the government?
07:26lads that knackered in
07:27cos here cannae make their minds up about now that lot
07:30poor clothes in doing pits
07:32they'll be wrapped up in red tape wherever we are
07:34do you know I tried to give me granny a re-batch on a gas bill once
07:36it took me I tell you mum it was only for £22
07:39yeah aye
07:40if we have to down to us I cannae afford to hang around here indefinitely
07:43and we will not get paid will we?
07:44look I'm in charge of the account
07:46I'm your signatory on the checkbook
07:48you'll get your money
07:49alright for how long or ten?
07:50how long before Ali just gets on the phone and cancels the account?
07:53well it could be a way look he's trying to deal with British Telecom now
07:56he probably never
07:57probably never gets through what you did
08:00do I take it you're leaving?
08:01no
08:02no
08:03well not yet
08:04if I were you Arthur I'd get a dartboard in
08:05and a video and a couple of pool tables
08:07some of the amenities which your hostelry so sadly lacks
08:10well you're not hanging around here all day
08:12and I'm not doing lunches
08:16he's a diamond hour Arthur isn't he?
08:18shh
08:42hey
08:47it's not a dossier's Chuck
08:49sorry mates
08:51could I have another tea please?
08:54and er
08:55yeah I'll have one of them for us as well
08:59whatcha driving him pal?
09:09nothing
09:10nothing
09:11right on me thumb
09:15I was er
09:16working you know
09:18on this building site like
09:19and I got a phone call
09:21to say that er
09:23me wife had been taken into hospital
09:25down in London
09:26nothing serious is it I hope you?
09:29er
09:30I don't know
09:31they said there could be er
09:33complications like
09:35well I can take it down as far as Hatfield if you like
09:39oh really?
09:40great
09:41much obliged to you
09:48what hospital this year then?
09:50er
09:51Paddington
09:52Paddington
10:05good morning Ali
10:06no Kenny it is not a good morning
10:08it is not a good morning at all
10:09oh well if your mood is going to affect your game
10:12we'll er
10:13double the ante
10:14you are the cause of my mood Kenny
10:16you could say that I'm just a wee bit peeved with you
10:19oh
10:20why didn't you like that little masseuse I sent you last week?
10:26she did wonders for my backswing
10:27I'm talking about the house Kenny
10:29why do you not tell me that it was a listy building?
10:32you didn't ask me
10:33how am I supposed to turn it into time sharing units
10:36when it's got a preservation order slapped on it?
10:38I didn't know that was your intention
10:40oh piss off Kenny
10:41you didn't actually think I was going to live there did you?
10:43yeah I did actually
10:45you better tee off son
10:46there's some people coming
10:51oh dear oh dear
10:55what bad luck
10:57no I was actually going to live in the place when I first bought the drum
11:01rather saw myself as a country squire
11:04got myself all kitted out
11:06guns from Purdy's
11:08suits from Dax
11:09bought myself a fishing rod and a Range Rover
11:11you're over
11:13quattro
11:14what?
11:15what?
11:16boy you burk
11:17even went up there a few weekends to inveigle myself with the local populace
11:28invited the neighbors over for sharing
11:31even opened a bleeding church bazaar
11:36the local populace I assume were quite unaware of the fact that you were London's leading pornographer
11:42oh no yeah
11:44when I kept that stump
11:46hinted at the rag trade
11:48I was really getting into it
11:51one day I woke up and I thought I'd even like to end my days here
11:54I wasn't being morbid
11:56I wasn't being morbid
11:58more philosophical really
12:00I thought if I snuff it
12:03I'd rather like to do it in a typical English rural setting
12:07preferably with a cricket match on the village green
12:10and is there honey still for tea
12:13what?
12:14Rupert Brooke
12:16who's he?
12:17one of Ronnie Knights mob
12:18no he's a poet Kenny
12:20shared your newfound affections for the joys of England
12:23oh I must give him a read
12:25is he one of the modern ones?
12:27no no long gone Kenny
12:29died in a foreign field
12:31which is exactly what you will do
12:33Ali I was set up
12:35that's the tragedy of it
12:36I feel a wee bit the same way
12:39oh come on Ali
12:41you've acquired a perfectly beautiful residence
12:43well below the market value
12:45all you've got to do is to restore it to its former grandeur
12:49why don't you turn it into a fat farm?
12:51get your load up!
12:52get your load up!
12:53get your load up!
12:54get your load up!
12:55get your load up!
12:56get your load up!
12:57get your load up!
12:58get your load up!
12:59get your load up!
13:00come on
13:01come on
13:02come on
13:03come on
13:04you people
13:05please be careful
13:06calm down Arthur
13:07there's a lot of skill under you
13:08won't be any loose boxes
13:09why don't you go to a field if you want to do that?
13:10because it rained overnight Arthur
13:11and you're down as traipsing in your lovely hostelry with muddy boots
13:14now do you Arthur?
13:15yeah
13:18that could be big trouble in the garbage
13:20come on
13:21come on
13:22come on
13:23come on
13:24come on
13:25come on
13:26come on
13:27come on
13:28come on
13:29come on
13:30come on
13:31right on my pitch
13:32oh
13:35oh
13:36oh
13:37how you been?
13:38I've been with the architect
13:40oh
13:41what to be fair then?
13:42well he's going to meet him with the council this afternoon right
13:44then he'll let me know what we can do
13:45what we can't
13:46but er
13:47now it's going to happen for the next couple of days
13:48so if any of you want to shoot off home you know that
13:49that's up to you
13:50oh
13:51are you?
13:52yeah
13:53are you?
13:54nah
13:55got to hang around here haven't I?
13:56no
13:57wrong no I might tell it to come down you know
13:58yeah it may be a bit of fresh air for her
13:59not
14:00may stop the cross-clean
14:01hope you told her to bring you a tie
14:02oh he could go home but
14:03it's a bloody long way to Bristol
14:05and if he gets to go Eddie
14:06it don't seem worth it
14:07yeah it's a bit of a pisser though innit?
14:08aye
14:09aye
14:10suits me
14:11after what I've been through
14:12a bit of sort of time out as they say in those American football games
14:17it's a fine kill to fish as far as hunting soon isn't it eh?
14:20I mean you told me there was a good gig doing here Dennis
14:23so I cancelled all the existing plans
14:26to help you out
14:27and I've been doing here what is it?
14:29faulty I do as I'm laid up already
14:31what bloody plans have you had to cancel?
14:34I had irons in the fire
14:36because I've had to blow all them out now haven't I?
14:38trying to do you a favour
14:39look you're being paid us
14:41no aye
14:42for a week
14:43aye
14:44during which time things will be resolved
14:45look they're bound to find some sort of work for
14:48how the hell was that now that this was gonna happen
14:50all right Den's right
14:52won't do this any harm to have a couple of days free
14:54there's some nice scenery around here
14:56apparently there's a famous waterfall within driving distance
14:59who wants a gun say tossing what off our lake?
15:01eh?
15:02there's bound to be a bit of action somewhere
15:04just a question of sniffing it out innit?
15:06aye well if you don't sniff it don't be discreet there
15:09look they already think you're the whale punts round here
15:11phew
15:12let me get them any cause to prove it all right?
15:14I suppose looting and raping and pillaging's the question is it?
15:16look you know what I'm talking about
15:18aye aye
15:19blah blah
15:20he's trying to be of late adults
15:21eh
15:22very great this isn't it eh?
15:35had more fun than Falklands
15:36I think it's gonna rise
15:38I wonder what sort of state poor old Moxell be in now
15:40just hope he doesn't try and light the fair to keep yourself warm
15:44come
15:46oh
15:47oh
15:48here you pass
15:49looks like we've got a new resident
15:52oh
15:53she can move in with me if she likes
15:55fuck chance you all right
15:57nothing ventured nothing gained ain't it?
16:00they didn't change does it?
16:02this bit
16:03oh you're mad are you gonna play it?
16:06let me take that
16:07that's far too heavy for a girl like you
16:09oh thanks
16:10you stay in here are you?
16:11yeah just for a couple of days
16:12oh
16:13you'll bring a ray of sunshine into our drab existence
16:15my name's Wayne
16:17carol
16:18well welcome to our humbler boat carol
16:20it's a bit of a naff place mind you
16:22and the landlord's a right misery
16:23i think he took his pub when they turned him down for the wheel clamp unit
16:26hello carol
16:28hello daddy
16:30i'll take that
16:34what's the form then?
16:47sorry?
16:49what the council say?
16:51oh much as i expected
16:52the procedures on listed buildings are fairly standard
16:55i could appeal to the d of e but that could take a year
16:58so i've had it then?
16:59no
17:00there's a degree of flexibility
17:02i mean there's no way we can rip the guts out of the house and convert it into time sharing units
17:06but if i can convince the council that we plan to restore the house
17:10without changing the original facade
17:12well there are certain alterations we could make
17:14but there are certain alterations
17:15excuse me yeah it's just that she's arrived
17:16hello
17:17pet you made good tea?
17:19oh listen i've left your clean washing in the back of the car
17:22oh eh
17:23not no pet i'm with the architect see
17:25tell you what you'll get checked in and i'll get you some tea
17:27oh lovely thanks then
17:29is that what ali wants you?
17:37oh i don't know yet dennis
17:39but i do know that ali bought the house as an investment
17:41he didn't buy it to live in
17:43can you see him and vicky as lord and lady of the manor?
17:45oh it's too far away from her hairdressers
17:47can i have a fresh pot of tea here please pet?
17:50and another cup please
17:52mind you whatever ali decides to do with the house
17:56it's gonna take you a while to draw the plans up innit?
17:58not much point in my lads hanging about
18:00well not necessarily
18:02whatever we do there's a certain amount of spare work has to be done
18:04well the sooner you get them to work the better
18:06because god knows what they'll get up to around here
18:08no need for that
18:14good boy
18:16good boy that's an attack dog that is
18:18he's trying to go to work in class
18:20he's just not used as strange as i would
18:22yeah well that's a sort of welcome i can expect round here
18:24bit of our sights on him i think
18:28why are you annoying my dog?
18:30what?
18:32no he doesn't bark for nothing
18:34just having a stroll
18:38who are you people?
18:40who exactly do we have to be?
18:42i mean
18:44what are you doing around here?
18:46everybody's gotta be somewhere sir
18:48about seven pounds fifty exactly
18:52you staying in the village?
18:56yeah the barley mo
18:58oh
18:59it's a bit early for tourists
19:01oh no me and my mates were doing a job here
19:03oh you're the wortel men are you?
19:05the ones at thornley nanna
19:07well the wortel has stopped us
19:09thanks a lot
19:10bye bye
19:12excuse me
19:14does that mean you're out of work?
19:16well no not exactly
19:17just at a loose end for a couple of days
19:19oh well the thing is i'm doing a few things to my own house
19:22and i could certainly use some expert advice
19:25would you be interested?
19:26well i might be
19:28well look why don't i give you my phone number
19:30and perhaps you could uh ring me later
19:32oh
19:33all right
19:40i uh bought you some tea
19:42oh cheers
19:43just finished as it happens
19:45is that your job windows?
19:46only when the lads have got a ball
19:48basically i'm a chippy
19:50so
19:51here look i'm sorry about rubbishing your old man you know
19:54basically me and half would get on like a house on fire
19:57oh well it's more than i do
19:59oh yeah
20:05it's a bit iffy is it?
20:07since my mum left he's got worse really
20:09all his children are a terrible disappointment to him
20:12how come?
20:14the pun of us joined the air force
20:16hmm
20:17my sister lives with a lecturer
20:19and my brother's gay and runs a health food restaurant
20:22oh yeah and what do you do?
20:24i'm studying sociology at nottingham
20:27my last year
20:28and then where?
20:30as far away as possible
20:33here do you want one of those?
20:35here do you want one of those?
20:37oh thanks sir
20:50i used to love it round here when i was a kid
20:52i can't stand it now
20:54the people have changed
20:56they're all the rich overspill from sheffield
20:59or retired tories with nothing better to do than complain about arthur scargill
21:03yeah
21:05i reckon our presence here has raised a few eyebrows
21:12cow!
21:15see you later
21:23you're the one that wants the doings?
21:25yeah
21:26it'll cost you
21:28well i didn't think you was giving them away
21:31been inside have you?
21:34does it show?
21:36you can usually tell
21:39how long have you been out?
21:43i'm still in mate
21:46temporary leave of absence
21:48i'd like to think it was permanent
21:52well that was delicious dennis
21:54thanks very much love
21:55do you want the sweet?
21:57well i shouldn't really but i might think about it later
22:00give us a few minutes pet
22:02yeah nothing for me thanks
22:03i'll have a branny though when you've got five minutes
22:05yes sir
22:11i must say this is a rare treat for me den
22:13well it's a thank you norma
22:16thank you for giving us a bed and board
22:18doing me laundry
22:20putting up with me moods
22:22helping us with the kids when they come over
22:25this place can't beat you for
22:27it's all right i'll lay some of it off on alley
22:29consultations with the architect
22:30well he can afford it you'll never notice the difference
22:33do you know i saw that vicky in fenwick's about a month ago
22:37she had a coat on it would have paid for this hotel
22:40ah she's done all right for herself young vicky
22:42mind you i always said she'd go far with legs like hers
22:45how long though den
22:46oh i just admire them norma i've never measured them
22:49man i'm talking about how long before ally fraser dumps her
22:54before he dumps you for that matter
22:56oh no let's not start on ally again
22:58i can't help it den i don't like the man he gives me the creeps
23:02and i hate you working for him
23:04and don't tell me you enjoy it because i know you don't
23:07i know why you're doing it of course for the bains
23:11well i wouldn't be here if i didn't
23:13yes but you're trying to pretend that you're happy
23:15i know you're not
23:17that's why you haven't been in touch with neville
23:19or any of your friends isn't it
23:22you try to hide it from me but i can see right through you den
23:25i can see the strain you're under
23:28the way this isn't helping is it
23:30see what i mean
23:31see how edgy you are
23:33and you're drinking far too much
23:36just cause i've ordered a brandy
23:38it's got nothing to do with that
23:39i'm talking about the number of empties i have to throw out every single week
23:43let's not have another row ed norma
23:46look at least the job i've got now suits me fine
23:51i'm doing what i know what i'm best at
23:54i've got a team of lads who are doing a hard day's graft six days a week so there's no problems okay
23:58let's see the sweet troll yeah
23:59oh christ
24:00what is it
24:01problems
24:02whoa
24:03oh den
24:04how was
24:05hello norma again
24:06hello pet
24:07all right
24:08all right
24:09can't even place this though but isn't it
24:10nice nosh
24:11yes lovely
24:12aye
24:13i've heard it is
24:14are you all here
24:15aye
24:16well in the back bar we've been scouring for action
24:17did you find anything
24:18what ruined here you must be joking
24:19more chance of finding none than nothing shop
24:20excuse me sir is this gentleman joining you
24:21no
24:22no
24:23no
24:24no
24:25no
24:26oh right right got you got you
24:27well look
24:28if you fancy a snack lifter we're in the back bar i'll read my name for this
24:30nice to see you guys
24:31come on
24:32ta-ra pets
24:33what do you fancy
24:38i think i'll have the cream caramel please
24:55not cream madam
24:57oh no no i better not
24:59nothing for me thanks can i have that brandy please
25:03yes sir
25:04the large one
25:05when i was in the video shop last week i was talking to audie charles
25:22why
25:24seemed she'd been chatting to this woman and your name came up in the conversation
25:30this woman said that you owe ali fraser money
25:33what
25:34which woman
25:35look i don't know who it was man it was a friend of audie's the point is is it true
25:39is that why he's got such a hold over you
25:42he hasn't got any sort of hold over me
25:44look the reason i work for ali fraser is because he trusts me
25:47he's surrounded by so many arse lickers they'd be pushed for an answer if he said hello
25:51dennis do you mind
25:52look in case you hadn't noticed no man you can't be too choosy about the work you do anymore
25:56it's best you up our way
25:57look man it's not that i'm trying to get at you i'm just concerned about your state of mind
26:11i'm concerned about your health
26:13yes
26:14well don't be
26:15well don't be
26:16well don't be
26:18well don't be
26:19well don't be
26:21well don't be
26:22well don't be
26:23well don't be
26:24well don't be
26:27well don't be
26:28well don't
26:29come here
26:30имо
26:31Evening. You from round here, are you?
26:35Yes.
26:36Well, what do you do when the pub's shut?
26:38I go home.
26:39I hope so. It's all round of your place, is it? Here, Bond. We bring a bottle, eh?
26:44No, no. What I mean is, are there any clubs or anything to go to?
26:49You mean a disco?
26:50Well, I don't mean a rugby club, do I, love?
26:53You'd have to go into Chesterfield.
26:55That's a bit of a schlep, isn't it?
26:57When we get so pie-eyed, we'd either end up in a ditch or being breathalised, eh?
27:01Nice place, isn't it, sir? Very attractive.
27:05Pretty, uh, pretty upmarket clientele, isn't it?
27:08No one seems too enthralled to see us.
27:11Ah, it's because we're townies, isn't it, Ned?
27:14It's more than that, Barry, man. It's another country round here.
27:18I'll tell you what it is, I feel more a foreigner here than I did in Germany.
27:21You're... you're...
27:23I'll be conscious of your working-class origins, you are, Neville.
27:26I'll notice that about you.
27:28Well, your working-class?
27:30Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
27:31I've always been a very good mixer-socialer, you see.
27:34It's because I refuse to conform to the rigid rules that society imposes, you say.
27:39I refuse... I refuse to acknowledge class parity.
27:44Now, that's a tragedy, this country, Ned, me and I.
27:46A bloody polarisation of the classes.
27:49Let's try to join the SDP, you know, mate.
27:51It's the party of the future, that is, mate, yeah.
27:53Where the old-class warfare will be... we'll be meaningless.
27:56Do you know...
27:58Do you know, sometimes...
28:00Do you ever really consider that, um, about...
28:03I think it was at, um...
28:06Good evening.
28:08Do you realise you're sitting on my stool?
28:12What?
28:13You're sitting on my stool.
28:15I've just been away for five minutes.
28:16Seriously?
28:17That's my gin and tonic on the bar.
28:19It's all right, he hasn't drunk it.
28:21What's it be for you?
28:22Oh, it's all right, mate.
28:23No problem.
28:24No, I'll just settle in this gentleman's stool.
28:25Anything wrong, Mr Treadway?
28:26The chap's sitting on my stool.
28:28What are you talking about your stool?
28:30Now, hold on, hold on.
28:32Are you trying to tell us that you bring that stool out when you come for a drink, like, eh?
28:36You get to the door with your stool under your arm, he says,
28:39I'm just going over the pumpet or the paint with me stool.
28:42Eh?
28:43Who are you?
28:44Who am I?
28:45My name's Osborne.
28:46What for, Lake?
28:47I shall report you.
28:49You'll lose a bit of face if you do that, mate,
28:51because that'll make you a stool pigeon.
28:53Stool pigeon.
28:54Somebody should throw those people out.
28:56Oh, yes, like who?
28:59Would you like another drink, Mr Bosbridge?
29:02What a good idea, Mr Osborne.
29:04All righty, hold on.
29:05Well done.
29:06Here, old Joe.
29:07What is it?
29:08Old Smirnoff.
29:09Large Smirnoff in there, son,
29:10and I'll have a large glenfiddick
29:12with a nice big chunk of ice floating.
29:14Sorry, it's time.
29:15It's time.
29:16See, he's still serving up there.
29:18They're residents.
29:19Well, that's all right.
29:20Me mate's a resident, Mr Paterson.
29:22He's having a scram next door in the restaurant.
29:23Ah, didn't bother Dennis Osborne.
29:25I'm not gonna bother him.
29:26We can just put it on his slate
29:27and we can give him it back in the morning.
29:29Sorry.
29:30Look, why don't we just go and have our last one back at the Barley Mall, all right?
29:32Yes.
29:33Why don't you do that?
29:34Oh, you're still here, are you?
29:40Everything all right, son?
29:41Yeah, fine.
29:43Good night.
29:44Good night.
29:45All right, all right, man.
29:47We're good now, all right?
29:49We'll not be coming back neither.
29:51You know where I come from?
29:52People are hospitable towards strangers.
29:54But you lot?
29:55You've made us about as welcome as a fart in an astronaut's suit.
30:06It's not too far.
30:07Just a couple of miles, he says.
30:08No, I'm not bothered.
30:09I've got nothing on about it.
30:10I hope the other lads don't mind.
30:12It's just I'd sooner pass me time working than sitting about, you know?
30:16Oh, well, I've always thought work was very therapeutic, actually, Ned.
30:19What are you still going?
30:20I'm giving Everlift to this job he's got.
30:22Oh, well, hold on.
30:23I'll come to him with you.
30:24You know those indeed.
30:52Lovely place, eh?
30:53Oh.
30:54Must have made a pop or two to have this, mate.
31:04Hey, listen.
31:05If you want some extra hands, would you lads be interested?
31:08Yeah.
31:09Well, it's always pocket money, though, isn't it?
31:11Money made for your garden, though, but certainly not for me.
31:14It's all over there.
31:15Thanks, boy.
31:16Yeah.
31:17Sure off for a bit, mate.
31:18Bye.
31:19Have a nice day.
31:41Oh, hello.
31:42I'm Neville Hall.
31:43I think I spoke to your husband this morning.
31:45Oh!
31:46You've come to help us out, yes.
31:47All right.
31:48Why don't you come in?
31:50Don't worry about your feet.
31:51The house is full of dogs and babies.
31:57The change won't be long.
31:58He's in the barn.
31:59Would you like some tea?
32:00Oh, great.
32:01Thanks.
32:02Sorry the place is such a mess.
32:04Hello.
32:06That grubby thing's Henry.
32:08I've got a little girl or two on.
32:10Just two.
32:11Debbie.
32:12I'll miss her, actually.
32:14I like them when they're two.
32:15They're really boring at this age.
32:19Smashing hoes.
32:21It's not very practical.
32:22It's a bugger to heed.
32:23Wait, do you want to go to us?
32:24Me where on this bloody map?
32:25They, they, they...
32:26They can always go to Staveler.
32:27What for?
32:28To that.
32:29Well, let's not bother, eh?
32:30They can always go to Staveler.
32:31What for?
32:32To that.
32:33Well, let's not bother, eh?
32:34They can always go to Staveler.
32:35What for?
32:36To that.
32:37Well, let's not bother, eh?
32:38Where do you want to go to us?
32:41We were on this bloody map.
32:46We can always go to Staveler.
32:49What for?
32:53To that.
32:55Well, let's not bother, eh?
33:01We're in the Falklands.
33:03What do you think about England at us?
33:06Aye.
33:08I used to dream about days like this.
33:12Motor.
33:13Time on my hands. Open road.
33:15Sun shining on the cars in the meadow.
33:17Just me and you, alone together, buddy.
33:20Yeah, pick off! Get off!
33:23I was close to that in the Falklands, I can tell you.
33:25What I'm saying, what I'm talking about is...
33:28I used to dream about this.
33:32But now I've got it, I don't know what to do with it.
33:35Ah! I know what to do with it. Pull over.
33:41Look, Oscar, I told you to cut it out, right?
33:44No, I'm not seriously, man, really.
33:46You want to join the English countryside, don't you?
33:48Oh, great. Well, pull over.
34:00Have you got?
34:02Yeah, it's a river.
34:03With a bit of luck, it'll be chock-a-blocked with trout, won't it?
34:08All right. We'll go and get my supper.
34:09Thank you, my dear.
34:10Service with a smile makes a change around here.
34:12Father's hopeless.
34:13Then he wonders why the place is always empty.
34:14All right.
34:15Morning, Bob.
34:16Morning.
34:17Hello, love.
34:18Someone looks like they had a good night last night.
34:19Yeah, we emptied six pubs.
34:20I've had more exciting evenings.
34:21That game of skittles we had in the Green Dragon was a blinded-o, wasn't it?
34:22A right-cliff-hanger.
34:23Do you want a cup of tea?
34:24Yeah, that'd be magic, love.
34:25Yeah, that'd be magic, love.
34:26Yeah, that'd be magic, love.
34:27Yeah, that'd be magic, love.
34:28Yeah, that'd be magic.
34:29Yeah, that'd be magic, love.
34:30Yeah, that'd be magic.
34:31Thank you, my dear.
34:32Service with a smile makes a change around here.
34:33Father's hopeless.
34:34Then he wonders why the place is always empty.
34:35All right.
34:36Morning, Bob.
34:37Morning.
34:38Morning.
34:39Hello, love.
34:40Someone looks like they had a good night last night.
34:41That game of skittles we had in the Green Dragon was a blinded-o, wasn't it?
34:44A right-cliff-hanger.
34:45Do you want a cup of tea?
34:46Yeah, that'd be magic, love.
34:48Yeah, this place is on the old up-and-up, eh?
34:53We'll be having bunny girls next.
34:55It's only for the day.
34:57Dad's gone into Sheffield, so I said I'd look after the place.
35:00I'll give you a hand if you want, love.
35:02I can pour pints.
35:04That's not what you want to pour.
35:08Take it out.
35:09We can't do this sort of thing, mate, without rods and flies and such like.
35:19Watch, watch and learn.
35:21All right.
35:30What you gonna do, then?
35:31Gonna tickle them.
35:32What?
35:33Tickle them.
35:34Used to do it when I was a youngin'.
35:35There was a little stream.
35:36Well, I used to go camping in Rossbury when I was a kid.
35:39Just like this.
35:42Just a bit of stream near Ross when I was a lad.
35:45Nothing lived in it, lad.
35:48There's a one.
35:49There's a one.
35:50Hey?
35:51Where is it?
35:52What are you whispering for?
35:54They can't hear you.
35:55Well, I don't know, do I?
35:56All right.
36:00They like to hang about in the reeds, you see.
36:01Oh.
36:06Get your coat off.
36:07What are you for?
36:08Get your coat off, man, so when I throw it,
36:10they might try to wriggle back in the water,
36:11because they're goodsy little bastards, you know,
36:13I'll put up a fight.
36:14Oh, my coat will get all fishy.
36:17Do you want the fish supper, or do you not?
36:19Eh?
36:20All right.
36:21All right.
36:22Right, well, get your coat off.
36:33I'm stroking it.
36:36Slow.
36:38Gentle.
36:40Just like you were with a woman, really.
36:42I want mine off the barren, please.
36:44Shut up.
36:45Ah!
36:46That's a bloody flying fish!
36:50Look at it!
36:51Get it, man!
36:52Get your coat on it!
36:53I'll have one wriggling and alive!
36:55Look at it!
36:57Well done, pillock.
36:58I'm sorry.
36:59I can't help it.
37:00I've never done this before, have I?
37:02Well, look, the next time,
37:03you don't stand there like a petrified matador, are we?
37:11So many of these houses have these old stables and vans.
37:15Just stand around doing nothing except decay.
37:25So I thought I'd utilise this.
37:27Make a games room for the kids and an office for myself.
37:31It's the whole thing one's always planning to do,
37:32but never has the money or the time to get around to it.
37:35Oh, my gosh.
37:36I know what you mean.
37:37I've been promising to retail our bathroom for the last two years.
37:42What do you think, Neville?
37:43Would it cost an absolute fortune?
37:46I wouldn't have thought so.
37:47You'll have to run the cable in, eh?
37:51Oh, it's not bad.
37:52Look.
37:53Might need a bit of insulation.
37:54Oh, look.
37:55Somebody coming.
37:56Where?
37:57Over there, look.
37:58He's heading this way.
37:59He's vibing at us.
38:00Hello.
38:01Hello.
38:02Get your jacket on, man.
38:03Hey?
38:04Get your jacket on, man.
38:05It's a rush all over so I don't want to have a guy myself.
38:06It might be a gamekeeper, man.
38:07It's a gamekeeper.
38:08You're trying to tell me this isn't legal or something?
38:09Well, of course.
38:10Poaching's not legal, is it?
38:11Poaching?
38:12Poaching?
38:13You never tell me nothing about bloody poaching.
38:14We don't think these places are open to them public, do you?
38:16It'll be a fortune by the Roderilla, man.
38:17Well, how serious is it, then?
38:18Well, let's put it this way.
38:19It's a bit captured.
38:20I don't think we'll meet at the Crown Court.
38:21We might have really said so.
38:49No.
39:06Er, Bun?
39:08What?
39:09Time, gentlemen, please.
39:11What are you talking about?
39:12It's only ten, two.
39:13Ah!
39:14Who's your savvy?
39:15You never give it a rest, do you, Wayne?
39:18Be your mate, Bob.
39:20And what am I supposed to do?
39:22Well, I could get something to eat.
39:25I've eaten. I went down the cafe at half a lap.
39:27If I gave you a couple of quid, you'd go to the pictures?
39:29There's none of cinema within miles.
39:31The ultimate gesture, Bob. The keys to me car.
39:34Now, apparently, there's lovely waterfall down the road. Very picturesque it is.
39:45Erm, excuse me, sir.
40:15You want some more tea?
40:32No.
40:33Well, I don't say it's quite a leg in the sufficient sake.
40:35No, you just wanted to.
40:36Well, I don't know.
40:45Oz.
40:46What?
40:47There's a bloke.
40:48What bloke?
40:49The gamekeeper.
40:51I mean, it's famous.
40:53Er, get the boot.
41:11Excuse me.
41:12Yes? What?
41:14About half an hour ago, you and your mates were down by the river.
41:18Weren't you?
41:20What river?
41:21You know perfectly well what river.
41:24Did we pass a river? Any word to do on our travels?
41:27Didn't we pass a river?
41:29Erm...
41:30We...
41:31Erm...
41:32I think we did, yes, yes, when we were having our walk.
41:35You had no right to walk there. That's private property, that is.
41:39We weren't supposed to know that, sir, were we? No, because we're not from round here.
41:42There are notices posted.
41:44You can read where you come from, can't you?
41:46Hey, just a minute, just a minute. There's no call for that, is there?
41:49Excuse me, please.
41:50That's a bit...
41:51Thanks, sir.
41:55I mean, are you trying to tell me that there's all those acres of land out there, but we can't walk on them?
42:00Eh?
42:01There are public footpaths.
42:02I'm not talking about the footpaths, I'm talking about all those miles of fields and moore out there. Eh?
42:08I mean, me and him were in the Falklands, you know? The Falklands? Aye.
42:13And when the only thing what kept we going out there was the thought of getting back here, hopefully,
42:17and walking once again through England's green and pleasant land.
42:21What we fought to preserve.
42:23We weren't actually there during the hostilities.
42:25Were they rebuilding the land what had been ravaged, weren't we, by the invader?
42:29Well, it doesn't give you the right to go poaching.
42:33Poaching for what?
42:35Trout.
42:36Trout.
42:37Trout?
42:38Can you see any fishing rods, Lee? Have you got a fishing rod stuck down with your trousers?
42:41Oh, well, you can tickle them.
42:44You can tickle them.
42:46Have you heard this? You can tickle them. What?
42:48I suppose you tickle them until I saw a week we're laughing that they jump out the river and into their pan.
42:53Is that it? Tickle them.
42:55Have you any idea how serious an offence it is?
42:58Look, mate, before you go talking about the fences, you need evidence, don't you? Right?
43:02So I'll tell you what we'll do.
43:04His van is parked outside, so you can go and search it, right?
43:08And you can search him, and you can search me. All right?
43:11That's fair?
43:14Come on!
43:16This is typical, this, you know. Typical to welcome you people give to strangers.
43:21But I'm telling you, if you don't find anything, I want a public apology, right?
43:25Mm-hmm.
43:28Yeah?
43:29Try the van, make sure.
43:30Yes, we'll try the van.
43:31Tickle them!
43:32Tickle them!
43:41Shhh!
43:42Shhh!
43:43Oh!
43:44What?
43:45Well, just get the... get it open.
43:48Right?
43:49Apology.
43:50something in here.
43:51Well, find the keys.
43:52Oh, fair enough, It's all right.
43:54Oh, come on.
44:08Ah!
44:09That could be Robert. He called earlier about the picture frame.
44:27Do you want another scone, then?
44:29I'm pretty good.
44:30Hello?
44:33Oh, really?
44:35Very well, I'll come back.
44:38Who was it?
44:39Who's the police?
44:41Jess have caught a couple of chaps poaching.
44:43Is that serious?
44:44Well, it wasn't my father's day.
44:46I've never shared his enthusiasm for shooting game, catching fish, or flogging poachers.
44:53Darling, I'm going to have to go into time.
44:55All right.
44:55Now, why don't you come with me, and I can drop them off afterwards?
44:59Cool.
45:00Right.
45:00Aye.
45:04This one sounds all right.
45:05The Pheasant at Illworth.
45:06Mm-hmm.
45:07This old coaching inn has been lovingly restored by Trevor Beaumont, while his partner, Nigel Fox, runs the kitchen.
45:14Local produce, market fresh vegetables.
45:17Among their specialties, we particularly recommend rack of lamb, fresh local trout.
45:22Oh, that sounds good, Dan.
45:23All right.
45:24Give that a go later on, eh?
45:25Definitely, yes.
45:26Right.
45:27A bit of book.
45:31Hello, Bomber.
45:32Dennis.
45:33What are you up to?
45:34Well, I've been driving around the countryside.
45:35I picked up a jiker.
45:39Moxie!
45:40Well, Dan.
45:41Eh, I don't think you've met me sister, have you?
45:42Norma, this is Moxie.
45:44Hello.
45:44I'm Bomber.
45:45Hello.
45:46Um, is everything all right, is it?
45:49Uh, yeah.
45:49Yeah, I had to go down to London, you know, to sort a few things out, like.
45:53Yeah.
45:53But, eh, I got me cards, so there should be no more problems in that department.
45:57Oh, champion, because your architect tells me we'll be back to work on Monday with a bit of luck, like.
46:01So, eh, you've timed that rather well, Moxie.
46:03Eh, Dan.
46:04Yeah?
46:05It's not Moxie any more.
46:07What?
46:08No, it's, eh, Brendan Mullerkey.
46:11Brendan what?
46:13Mullerkey.
46:14Dennis?
46:15Shall I order some more tea for everybody?
46:17Eh?
46:18Nah, I think it's just about time for a drink, isn't it, lads?
46:20Oh, wouldn't say no of that.
46:21Aye, why not? Come on, let's have a drink.
46:23Things seem to be shaping up all right for once.
46:26Miss Passam.
46:27Yeah?
46:27Could you come to the firm, please?
46:28Yeah?
46:29It's the police.
46:30A couple of your lads have been arrested.
46:42Good afternoon, Sir James.
46:43I'm sorry about this.
46:45Are those the chaps?
46:46Yes, sir.
46:47I caught them red-handed.
46:49Oh, dear.
46:50Sir, what do I do?
46:52Excuse me, Sir James.
46:54Could I have a word with you, please?
46:55Of course, Neville.
46:56No, I mean in private, like.
47:00Those two porches, sir, they're my workmates.
47:08Really?
47:09Yeah, and I'm sure they wouldn't have known what they were doing.
47:12I mean, they wouldn't have known it was your property.
47:13Well, I suppose not.
47:15See, we are townies, aren't we?
47:17I suppose so.
47:18The thing is, they take it in view, look.
47:21And being the landowner, I'm supposed to set an example.
47:24Well, they could make amends.
47:26Oh.
47:27Well, instead of paying the fine, maybe that could help me fix your barn.
47:31Well, it does seem a lot of fuss around nothing.
47:35And Celestia and I could have that tribe for some.
47:37Well, it's all right.
47:50What's happening, Ned?
47:51It's all right, Dennis.
47:52See, James and I fixed everything.
47:53I'm just saying, buddy, we're not outcasts any more, are we?
48:14I don't know that Neville's like that with a local knob.
48:17We've all night pullers of the community.
48:18They won't push us around now.
48:20Yeah, what's going on?
48:22What?
48:23What's he doing?
48:24Who?
48:24We.
48:25All the gear out there.
48:30What?
48:31What's going on?
48:33Where you lot been?
48:35You bloody freezing.
48:36I mean, duck, what's happening here?
48:38Well, Arthur's chucked us out, hasn't he?
48:40Why?
48:41He can't do that, man.
48:42Well, he can.
48:43It's his pub and he's done it, hasn't he?
48:44He's got to have a reason, though.
48:45He's always been a bit iffy about us being there, hasn't he?
48:47We're paying customers, aren't we?
48:48Oh, look.
48:49But we do make a lot of noise, and some of us occasionally go over the top.
48:54Well, maybe it's once.
48:56Well, you did kick in his jukebox, didn't you?
48:58You weren't too happy about that, then, was he?
48:59Oh, I mean, then, now that will be down to me again, as you would.
49:02Yeah, well, come on, let's load up, eh?
49:05Well, hold on a tick.
49:07I'm not taking this line down.
49:09Oh, it's got nothing to do with me.
49:10I've never stayed there once.
49:12Oi, oi, oi, oi, come here, man, will you?
49:14He's churfing the whole six of you lot out.
49:16You must have put up some sort of black.
49:18What you been up to, eh?
49:20Well, I suppose him finding me in bed with his daughter had something to do with it.
49:25Yes, it started a while ago, just strangers thrown together.
49:46Back with the boys again.
49:46Back with the boys again.
49:47Help us heroes, part in the dream.
49:50Boy, we made such a crazy team.
49:54Out of luck, down on the damn wings.
49:57Saw each other through.
50:01Lasted off, and then we shared a few.
50:06Back with the boys again.
50:08Back with the boys again.
50:15Back with the boys again.
50:22Different reasons left us leaving.
50:26Splitting up and going on solo.
50:30Chasing circles and getting nowhere.
50:32Longing for the way we were.
50:36One for all, at all for anyone.
50:40Long as they played the game.
50:43Sharing chances of taking all the blame.
50:49Back with the boys again.
50:51Back with the boys again.
50:52Back with the boys again.
50:52Back with the boys again.
50:53Back with the boys again.
50:53Back with the boys again.
50:54Back with the boys again.
50:55Back with the boys again.
50:56Back with the boys again.
50:57Back with the boys again.
50:58Back with the boys again.
50:59Back with the boys again.
51:00Back with the boys again.
51:01Back with the boys again.
51:02Back with the boys again.
51:03Back with the boys again.
51:04Back with the boys again.
51:05Back with the boys again.
51:06Back with the boys again.
51:07Back with the boys again.
51:08Back with the boys again.
51:09Back with the boys again.
51:10Back with the boys again.
51:11Back with the boys again.
51:12Back with the boys again.
51:13Back with the boys again.
51:14Back with the boys again.
51:15Back with the boys again.
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