A.W.P. S02 E12. For Better or Worse.

deaddogsdam

First broadcast 9th May 1986.  Ally's dodgy dealings take a turn for the worse, and Barry has difficulty controlling Hazel who seems to be suffering from an overdose of sun, sea and sangria - to say nothing of gambling fever.   Kevin Whately - Neville Hope Timothy Spall - Barry Taylor Tim Healy - Dennis Patterson Pat Roach - Bomber Busbridge Gary Holton - Wayne Norris Christopher Fairbank - Albert Moxey Jimmy Nail - Oz Osborne James Booth - Kenny Ames Bill Paterson - Ally Fraser Lesley Saint-John - Vicki Melanie Hill - Hazel Redfern Julia Tobin - Brenda Hope Madelaine Newton - Christine Chadwick James Bate - Malcolm Hallwood Stephen Greif - Prince Stefano Alexander Windman - Gunter Gary Catlin - Customs Officer (as Garry Catlin) Ray Marioni - Spanish Croupier Joseph Long - Carlos

Transcript

00:00No one said it was gonna be easy

00:15Nobody said it had to be fair

00:21All of the chances taken together

00:30And all the changes we had to share

00:33Well, you think we've made it all worthwhile

00:40Then you realize no one cares

00:46But we're gonna get it right this time

00:54Cause we've passed the point of no return

00:59And we're never gonna go down that road again

01:07And we're never gonna go down that road again

01:15We're never gonna go down that road again

01:17I'd give it five if I were you

01:39What? I'd rather use the bushes and risk gaining them yet

01:42Aye, blow off you're sorry for us the poor sod that's gonna clean it out

01:53It's nearly so right for some though, isn't it, Ned?

01:56I mean, some of us are staying in the village

01:59What is the village?

02:00That's Pong

02:02Could well cause great aggression and disharmony amongst us

02:04Look, buddy, man, we've worked in much worse conditions than this before

02:09We're not gonna fall out over to Port-A-Loo

02:12I like to go last thing at night, I do

02:15Port-A-Loo

02:16No, no, no, is this serious?

02:20The pheronomes, you say

02:22That weren't, it was the kinks

02:24Do you reckon the pheronomes?

02:26Well, not a lot of people know about pheronomes and that

02:29I only found out when I read this article in the magazine, in the serophagus

02:32Why?

02:33Foot knew it, was it?

02:34No, no, no

02:36Look, if you don't want to hear, look, it's no sweat off my arse

02:40Just go back to your normal moronic topics of conversation

02:43Sex relegation is the best point I ever had

02:46No, no, no, buddy

02:48I'll wear

02:49Dazzle me

02:50Por favor

02:51Pheronomes

03:00May well be a contributing factor to football hooliganism

03:03You say, they're invisible entities, which fly off into the atmosphere, whenever you take a pay

03:09and they stimulate aggressive tendencies

03:13Now

03:15At halftime

03:16When everyone pays at once

03:18massive numbers of felon arms are set free right and apparently this is why

03:2567% of violence takes place in the second half

03:34come up with something new every day no no I can't go along with that I was at Villa

03:40Park one year and somebody pissed in me pocket I was furious

03:48off limits boy oh I'm not so sure bomb I mean at Ali's party you know back in

04:17Geordie land definitely got a flash of that one if you mess around with her

04:21and bollocks it off the rest of us you'll have more than a flash of me ween yeah

04:23don't sermonize me bum you're not past a bit of literary yourself I saw you the

04:28other night down a casino two young travel ages from Preston I did with them

04:33gonna come back on us lot off limits

04:36morning lads oh

04:39right I'll not be long

04:44you mean this place is coming on you'll be finished here soon

04:49ah I didn't hang about us lads you know

04:52eh what you gonna do when the job's finished us

04:55me I don't know I suppose I'll have to go on back and face the grim reality of Morgan

05:03Thatcher's Britain

05:04unless your alley coughs up my finishing bonus thing then I can postpone it for a week

05:11then er take off somewhere leg ah well me and Barry had planned to have a slow Toby back through France but

05:21know with his you know fiancée what to give la Francia the big A so to speak

05:27so I'll be on me hunt as usual

05:30well I'm very sorry if my personal affairs have intruded on your plans us

05:34not my plans pop are you the one who want to go and see the chateosers of the Loire

05:40chateosers

05:42I have always fancied Saint-Tropez meself I think there's more nightlife and I mean way

05:47it's more sophisticated than this like isn't it oh yeah definitely give me

05:53Saint-Tropez every time right I think you are ready right there we'll go on my car

06:00because I've got the top down oh that represents nice very cool yes sir I'll take you to this

06:06boutique after oh we'll take two motors in wait lads I'll see you later stick in

06:12where'd I have to then eh yeah they'd gone to pick up some tiles

06:18excuse me lads I'm gonna be a minute

06:29I'll see I won't think my old Marjorie you never wanted to be that close to me work

06:42yeah buddy why didn't you get hazel up here on the job will you then you could sort of eat your

06:50private life and cut cable at the same time

06:53I've got my private life to remain private pretty much

06:56we await developments with bated breath

06:59is she okay

07:07uh-huh I've quietened her down poor pet

07:10oh look if her temperature's not down tomorrow we've got to get the doctor in

07:13oh I don't know never I hate the thought of foreign doctors

07:16I mean at least if we were at home we could take her around the corner and see Dr. Amrit large

07:21I think it's just a combination of them mosquito bites and so much sun at the beach yesterday

07:27well you're probably right

07:28listen I've got to get back to the lads

07:31are you just stopping here the day

07:32well I've got to haven't I

07:33well I could keep an eye on her if you want to go down the port

07:36no I'll never pet it wouldn't look right

07:38you've got your job to do

07:39hey look it's ironical isn't it

07:43here's us we've got a luxury villa

07:45I'm outside laying bricks

07:46you're stuck indoors watching Spanish TV

07:48which one do you think Chris

07:56well it is your villa after all Vicky

07:59oh I know but I mean you've got to play for this sort of thing

08:02I mean that's why I wanted you to cook

08:03what's he saying

08:07he says that one's twice as expensive as that one

08:10there's plenty more to choose from you know

08:14no no remains little it's between these two

08:17well if it was up to me I would go for this one

08:21more traditional design but that is the expensive one

08:24oh I'm not bothered about that I mean it's Ali's money

08:27that's the one then is it

08:29aye I'm adamant I'll have that

08:30right I'll do the business

08:32okay

08:33wonder if I should tail the barbecue area

08:38what do you think

08:43oh I don't know Vicky

08:45I really don't know

08:47but I'm sure the villa is going to be absolutely exquisite

08:51once it's finished

08:52you don't sound very enthusiastic

08:57I would be all right if it was just for the odd week

09:00what do you mean

09:01hey Chris I've got nobody to confide in

09:05that's why I'm pleased you're here

09:06I mean Ali never tells me anything

09:08breathing out and put two and two together

09:10he's been really touchy recently

09:13and there's been all these late night phone calls

09:15and now his solicitor's turned up

09:17and I bet Hallward's not down here for a time

09:20what are you saying Vicky?

09:22saying we might be down here for good

09:24well if it does come to that

09:29there are worse places to live

09:32oh no it's got everything

09:34I mean the climate

09:36and the mediterranean

09:37and forget all english television

09:39flown over on video

09:40Chris I dive I thought I was never going to see Newcastle again

09:44real large knuckle on the head

09:56all right

09:58who's for the casino tonight

10:00you come in Barry

10:08or is it dinner out of dirt with you and Abel

10:09yes it is as a matter of fact

10:11oh yeah

10:12once you put a table up the place in the porch

10:14you know the ones and all the guys

10:15you know where all the rich people off the yachts go

10:17well if that doesn't do it

10:19no it will

10:20Oz

10:21Oz

10:23yeah

10:24Oz

10:24look I'm sorry

10:26if you ever said about the French strip

10:28oh that's all right forget it

10:30actually

10:31I'm thinking we'd gone to Ibiza

10:34yeah

10:34ah well I've got a couple of mates doing there and they reckon it's paradise

10:38you're either pissed out your brains or stoned out your skull for 24 hours a day

10:42apparently

10:43and the toddy

10:44they reckon there's that much floating about on the beach that you can out your mind with choice

10:48so that sounds like just the sort of place for a little bit of recuperation up there this lunch

10:53obviously

10:55eyes are coming out of us

10:57but I don't know how any of the complexion on our relationship like

11:00wonderful

11:02I didn't ask her

11:04I didn't beg or nothing

11:05she came to me

11:07huh

11:07what

11:10pay her down fair

11:11yeah

11:12it's bad to tell you something that is you know

11:15tells me she's got more doer than brains

11:18oh

11:19don't put the mockers on it Oz I mean

11:21you know how much she means to me like

11:23I mean

11:24if it wasn't for Izo Redfern

11:26none of us would have got back to give away

11:28I mean

11:29we wouldn't be here

11:31nah

11:32true

11:33true

11:34yeah

11:35cheers

11:36seems a young to go didn't it eh

11:43when we all reunited to renovate my loveness

11:47oh right

11:48right

11:49yeah

11:50been the same job with that plumbing didn't we

11:52yeah

11:53yeah

11:54I tell you your labour will not be in vain mate

11:56I

11:57I just feel so much more optimistic about me old future now

12:00I mean I still see we should have put a bigger boiler in me

12:19hi Brenda

12:20hi

12:21how's Debbie

12:22I'm all right there's rain now

12:23is she? you're all good

12:24she's playing with Neville

12:25Dennis is in the shower

12:27if you like Alec after a few tomorrow

12:30you could have a day out with Hazel

12:32I've just seen her in the porch

12:33she's at a bit of a loose end

12:34I couldn't ask your pet

12:36no really

12:37I'd enjoy it

12:38she's a lovely little girl

12:39I'm sure she'll be all right with me

12:41in any case

12:42give me a break from Vicky

12:44I thought you two got on

12:45oh we do

12:46it's just a bit depressing going around all these expensive boutiques

12:49helping her choose the latest in Italian swimwear

12:52god you wouldn't believe the prices

12:54she wants for nothing

12:56maybe

12:59she's terribly generous though

13:02I'll say that for her

13:03look she's bought us one of these each

13:05oh hey

13:07I like that

13:12something smells good in there

13:13I hope so

13:15I'll try my hand at Tsar's Whaler

13:17wow look at this lot

13:20these must be Ali's best are they

13:22yes well

13:23I just thought we'd show the lads that we can live as elegantly as anyone round here

13:27see if you can find some candles Christine

13:29no more vets

13:31no mas puestas

13:35in a minute

13:3627 red

13:40rojo

13:42do you know that restaurant I was telling you about

13:45the one with that book

13:46the one of us I think we've got to get into

13:47hmm

13:48we can't get into it

13:49but he gave the table away

13:51so they couldn't guarantee another one till next August

13:53they're just as happy with the sandwich

13:54could you give me another ticket or something I've played

13:57what's got into your eyes

14:00what's got into your eyes

14:02I love this very

14:04the atmosphere

14:05the click of the chips

14:06the green pies

14:08no more vets

14:10it's so romantic

14:12you see that man over there with the beard and the blue tie

14:15if he loses again who knows

14:17he might go out in the balcony and play his brains out

14:19how much have you lost

14:24four black

14:26cuatro negro

14:27ha ha

14:28I'm about 150

14:31up

14:32oh it's pesitas

14:33pounds

14:34pounds

14:36glory

14:37we must pay for your airfare then

14:47hey bon

14:48oh

14:49hold my own

14:50guess what

14:51what

14:52Wayne

14:53chat with Vicky

14:54where

14:55down by the bar

14:56was trying to get a drink just now

14:57my cop's some of the dialogue he was giving it

14:59like what

15:00like

15:01I suppose with Ali being such a workadolic

15:03a girl like you gets neglected in certain areas

15:05hmm

15:06that subtle was it

15:07yeah

15:09it's not in our interest of having Wayne pestering Ali's lady

15:12I didn't bomb a better deal with it

15:14take my hand over and be steady

15:16and talk to him you know

15:17oh then I won't try

15:18no

15:19no

15:20no

15:21no

15:22no

15:23no

15:24no

15:25no

15:26no

15:27no

15:28no

15:29no

15:30no

15:31no

15:32no

15:44no

15:45no

15:46no

15:47I hear terriers, you know what keeps humping away at your leg.

15:50Well, I'll cure them.

15:55Hold on, hold on. What am I supposed to do then, eh?

16:14I don't know what's coming out of here.

16:17Aye, sir. I've never seen her like this before.

16:20She's getting pretty carried away.

16:22She's on holiday, Barry.

16:24I've been on holiday with the Probox, sir.

16:27This isn't unwinding. This is a reckless abandon.

16:30She's just put the down payment on a three-piece suite on Red Eleven.

16:33Well, you're not married yet, are you?

16:35It's her money, you know, not your settee.

16:38Hold the card, please.

16:40You want to sit down?

16:42All right. Thank you very much.

16:44Some of you go, please.

16:50All right.

16:51You lads trying to save us from yourself, is that it?

16:54Eh? Oh, we ain't.

16:56Ah, no, we just know what he's like, man.

16:58Now he can get a bit carried away at times.

17:00Oh, he's not so bad.

17:01He's just always a bit down in the dumps, that's all.

17:03You know, he's often a bit of friendship and conversation.

17:06It's just his way of trying to get my pants off.

17:08That was Ali.

17:14Hmm, I gathered that.

17:16He wants me to go back to the UK.

17:17What?

17:18And walk off the job?

17:20No, no, just for a couple of days.

17:22He wants me to fly back to Hallward, bring back some documents for signature.

17:25I'm sorry, you gonna be all right?

17:27Yeah, of course I will be.

17:28It was too important for the post, he said.

17:30Hmm.

17:31Look, I don't like gossiping, but Vicky told me something today that I think you should know.

17:35It's just a T-shirt you got off, Vicky.

17:37Yes, what do you think?

17:38You should take it off.

17:39Dennis!

17:40This is important.

17:41What?

17:42Ali Fraser.

17:43I think he might be in some sort of trouble.

17:50Over here, Brenda.

17:53Hello, Hazel.

17:54Ah.

17:55Want a coffee?

17:56Yeah, I wouldn't mind.

17:57Er, two more please, Carlo.

17:58Er, wait for me, please.

17:59Uno con leco, por favor.

18:00Si, senor.

18:01Oh, this'll be me third.

18:02I need John, please, to get going this morning.

18:03I wasn't in bed till five.

18:04Five?

18:05How on earth's Barry gonna get through work?

18:06Ah, he bad at ten to twelve.

18:07He's got this thing about being in bed before midnight.

18:08Always has had.

18:09I think he's afraid he's gonna turn into a pumpkin.

18:10Where were you?

18:11At the casino.

18:12I was busting.

18:13I was like a woman possessed.

18:14Gambling.

18:15I was like a woman possessed.

18:16Gambling.

18:17Roulette.

18:18I was on a winning streak.

18:19I had to go with the flow, didn't I?

18:20Oh, I felt terrible when I woke up this morning.

18:21Oh, I bet you did.

18:22Then I saw the £500 in my handbag and I felt ever so much better.

18:25Five hundred?

18:26Five hundred?

18:27Yeah, so lunch is on me.

18:55hi hi oh hello Dennis I just wanted up from economy I'll see how the other half lives

19:06I'm surprised Ali didn't get you a club ticket Dennis yeah I'm not

19:20Ali says your lads are doing a great job on the villa top rank my team no question sure what's

19:29all the panic about then panic flies me all the way back to Newcastle leaves the lads unsupervised

19:37oh it's uh well papers you know Dennis urging signatures you know could he not wait till he

19:41got back well he doesn't want to break into his holiday does he I mean he's uh he's entitled to

19:47it after all you know how are you enjoying Spain Dennis education

20:17I'll take one of you now yeah

20:24I'll bring it make sure you get

20:26what are you doing no no no no no you don't have to focus it's automatic oh what was the

20:34difference the grey button oh Brenda make sure you get

20:38lots of the coffee

20:39I'll take one of you now yeah hi perhaps you like I take photograph of you both I'm sorry if I was

20:53playing on your boat of course not please er come aboard come aboard now we take the photograph here

20:59ah come on Brenda I am Stefano Hazel Redfern and this is my friend Brenda Halve

21:10commister very well thank you

21:13permitting you want I take you against the ray of the time you like

21:17Ah, you don't have to focus, it's automatic.

21:21Ah, good, good. I know this camera, yes?

21:25Now, smile. Good, good.

21:31Eccola.

21:34I didn't know that we had yesterday.

21:36Ah, meet my good friends.

21:38I'm Brenda, and...

21:41Hey.

21:43Enchanté. Gunther.

21:45Aldo.

21:49Perhaps you'll like some champagne, eh?

21:51Yes, thank you.

21:52Oh, dear.

21:54Perhaps you'll like something else?

21:56I think it's just a little early in the day for me.

21:58Early? Oh, excuse me.

22:02Ah, yes, you see, in Hong Kong they're already having dinner.

22:05Oh, Brenda, we're in now my rush.

22:08Well, yes, it'll be nice.

22:09Good. You see, first we put out to sea,

22:12then we meet some friends,

22:13then we have lunch.

22:14We catch the baci di mare, eh?

22:18Oh, excuse me.

22:19Sea bus.

22:21Aldo, very good cook.

22:22Super.

22:23Tastes delicious.

22:26You join us, girls?

22:27Ah, we'd love to.

22:28He's on the court.

22:29Why?

22:30Once you're off the garden,

22:31a beautiful boat,

22:32walk around the street,

22:33like a typical English tourist.

22:34I'll ask him what time we'll be back.

22:36Excuse me, am I right in thinking,

22:39are you English?

22:41Si.

22:42Si.

22:42Ah, you speak Italian.

22:44Good.

22:44I promise you,

22:46we will have you back in time for tea, eh?

22:48Tea for two, eh?

22:50Tea for four.

22:51Oh, brandies.

22:55You must be bloody nervous, son.

22:58I sense the solids are about to hit the air conditioning, Kenny.

23:04Broad squad? Revenue?

23:07For Magistors, Customs and Exiles?

23:09I could be trying to brace me.

23:12Maybe it'd be better as you go over and just tough it out.

23:15But?

23:16Just a few too many imponderables, Kenny.

23:20It's probably best if I just stick around here for a wee while to see which way the wind blows.

23:25Yeah, well, if you want to buy some time down here, son.

23:28You're going to have to get some reddies.

23:31And if the law are already on to you, they'll have your bank manager in tow.

23:35And you won't be able to transfer any cash down here.

23:38I've been round the block, son.

23:40Yeah.

23:41The sort of person you want to deal with round here won't take your Barclay card.

23:46I'm having cash flowing in.

23:48Will I carry a pigeon?

23:54Hey, when I get bleating tired flying across those Pyrenees.

23:57Dennis is bringing it.

23:58You're a gaffer.

24:01You must trust him.

24:03He doesn't know.

24:04I envy dead me.

24:20This moment he'll be sitting in an English pub, murdering an English pint.

24:24You're a strange bloke, you are, Nav.

24:28Ever since I've known you, you've always wanted to be someplace else.

24:32These people down here paid a bloody fortune to enjoy this hot Spanish sunshine.

24:37Yeah, well, he'd rather be drinking warm ale in some manky pub in Kate's head.

24:41Yeah, but if he was there, then he'd wish he was here.

24:43I reckon that bomber's on Ellie's payroll, acting like my naffing chaperone.

24:51I was on with that Vicky last night, I'm sure I was.

24:56Look, obviously the lass has problems, right?

24:59Obviously she's vulnerable at this point in time.

25:02Even to your transparent, all that you has.

25:05But it's not going to do us much good, is it?

25:07And it's not going to do the lass much good, if ye leap on our bones.

25:11Oh, I see.

25:12So you've joined the moral majority, have ye?

25:16What is it with you, eh?

25:19I mean, your nuts aren't going to get rusty down here, are they?

25:21I mean, you've got Spanish boilers, French tarts, German tarts, Swedish tarts, Danish tarts, British tarts.

25:28I mean, from Malaga to Gibraltar, it's wall to wall totty.

25:31So why, Vicky, eh?

25:34Is it the danger?

25:36You just thought of getting your knees shattered, give you a great big bonk on or something?

25:41Right, lads, shouldn't we be getting back to work?

25:47What's all this?

25:49You're deputy gaffer or what?

25:50No.

25:52It's just if we start a bit early, we can finish a bit early, get a few jaws in.

25:56Aye, you're right.

26:05Oh, by the way, the drink's thrown out here tonight.

26:09She's asked me, like, to ask her to join us for cocktails at the Hollywood bar in the pool.

26:15Aye, well done, Barry, you cracked her.

26:18What a strike, kid.

26:19Crack what were you talking about?

26:21Barry and Hazel invite us for cocktails.

26:24If any of you no cause or just impediment, ye are to declare it.

26:29Get off, for sake.

26:31Don't be coy, son.

26:32An announcement is obviously imminent.

26:34Yeah, good lad, Barry.

26:35Have you got a date yet?

26:36Look, look, look, I'm not getting engaged right.

26:39So today's her one's the money at the casino last night and she wants us to celebrate.

26:43How much?

26:44Oh, £500, thereabouts.

26:47I don't know.

26:48No, me.

26:50She's an heir of something.

26:52I'd shut the gate in that one if I were you.

26:55You English girls, I love so much to touch her.

26:58Your skin's...

26:59Get off, man!

27:00Come into my engine room.

27:02I show you my P-stun.

27:04Ha, ha, ha, ha.

27:05Ah.

27:07Oh, I said to him, I said, I said, Stefan, now, we might be three miles out, but that doesn't

27:12give you territorial rights.

27:13Look how we, man, get dressed.

27:15The lads will be back any minute now.

27:16Mind you, that gunter was very attractive, wasn't he?

27:21He said he was an actor.

27:23Well, he must be a German actor, because I've never seen him.

27:25Well, you wouldn't get anyone that tasty on Emmett El Farham, would you?

27:29Er, can I borrow your eyeliner?

27:31Yeah.

27:33Yeah.

27:38Listen, I don't think I ought to tell Neville about what went on today, all right?

27:42If you like.

27:43I know exactly what Barry would say if I told him I'd been drinking champagne on...

27:46...or millionaire playboy yachts.

27:48What?

27:49You live in a fantasy world, you do, Hayes.

27:54Everywhere there's a red cross is where he's got a sign, OK, Dennis?

27:57Great.

27:58There you are.

28:00This other stuff here, this is just for information.

28:03OK.

28:04There you are.

28:04So.

28:05Right, I've got to ship myself, I've got to get to the airport.

28:11Yeah.

28:13Oh, Dennis, I nearly forgot.

28:16Will you take that back for Rally, will you?

28:18What is it?

28:20Oh, it's just some clothes he needs, you know, now he's staying down there a bit longer.

28:24Right, OK.

28:27Cheerio, Dennis.

28:28Cheers, Louise.

28:43Aye.

28:44Cheers, Pat.

28:45Thank you very much.

28:47I don't think you'll ever be that lucky again, so make the match of it.

28:49Ah, we were quite lucky today, weren't we, Brenda?

28:52Aye, what did you do, Lee?

28:53Nothing, we just enjoyed ourselves.

28:56We're not going gambling again tonight, just go have a nice meal, quite one, OK?

29:00Would you actually like to join us?

29:01Oh, no, we ought to get back.

29:02Christine's had the Ben all day.

29:04Well, if I was you here, I'd get myself back down to the casino at night.

29:08Raise your luck.

29:09Pat, look, don't encourage you any more, I suppose.

29:12Well, it's all relative, isn't it?

29:13I mean, 500 niggas soon's like a lot of do-er, but stick it all on one number and it comes up.

29:19Time to put a tidy sum there, son.

29:21How much will it be?

29:21Er, I don't think I think I use 70 and a half grand, and then there's just 18 grand with

29:29your stake.

29:30I don't really think about it.

29:31Yeah, but even that's relative, though, isn't it?

29:34I mean, 18 grand down here, probably buy you about half a bloody mast.

29:39Well, hey, fair enough.

29:40Leave it on, let it ride.

29:43I mean, if it comes up, you're talking to...

29:45You're talking to four, nine, three quarters of a million.

29:48Oh, now, hold on, that is significant.

29:51That could change your whole life, that could, isn't it?

29:53But would you be happy?

29:54Definitely.

29:56I've got nothing against money per se.

29:59Now, I just think I'd like my money to be earned by honest graphics.

30:02Me too.

30:03Two hours, toil on a Tuesday on the pools.

30:06We've got eight score drawers comes up.

30:07How did all these people get all this money?

30:10Poor, not by honest graph, but I can guarantee you that.

30:13Half of them bastards out there, they'll be embezzlers, arms dealers, or bloody drug smugglers.

30:19You don't know that, Oz.

30:21Ah, nah, nah.

30:23I bet me bollocks on it.

30:25Now, look at them two there.

30:27Ponson do Nickies.

30:28Right?

30:29They've just got up a boat about the same size of cross-channel ferries.

30:31Don't think they've got that because it's thought he has a clagging vinyl roofing on cars, do you?

30:35Brenda!

30:39Hey, sir.

30:40Come is that?

30:42They left you sunglasses this afternoon.

30:45Um, Neville, Bomber, Wayne, Moxie, Oz, Barry.

30:54I don't believe you know Gunter and Prince Stefano.

30:58Ciao!

31:05Good morning, have you got to the ship, please?

31:17Yes.

31:19Mr Patterson?

31:20Yep.

31:21I wonder if you'd like to come this way, please, sir.

31:23Who, you?

31:25Customs.

31:26Customs?

31:27Mummy, we help, man.

31:29This way, please, sir.

31:29Is that everybody off the flight from Newcastle?

31:54Oh, hey, you really did get burnt on that boat, didn't you?

32:21Oh, I know.

32:21You don't notice it at sea with a breeze.

32:24Ah, nah.

32:25I was the same that week I spent on Khashoggi's yacht, man.

32:28You know, I didn't want to go, Neville.

32:30It was Hazel's idea.

32:31He'd have been mad not to, Pat.

32:33Well, anyway, at least we've got an excuse to go back.

32:35That's why I left me sunglasses there.

32:37So I'll take you next time, shall I?

32:38Oh, I can see them putting out the welcome mat for me, aye.

32:41Unless I want the deck swabbed, Lee.

32:43I'm not sure I'd want you there.

32:44It was full of beautiful women, Swedish types.

32:47Oh, aye.

32:47Do you reckon he's really a prince?

32:51Oh, he says he is.

32:53And there was his coat of arms in the wheelhouse.

32:55The coat of arms above the bar in the fat ox.

32:57Doesn't mean Al Tonks is in line for the throne.

32:59There you go, Pat.

33:00Aye.

33:02Anyway, there's all sorts of counts and princes in Italy.

33:05Are there?

33:06Why, yes.

33:07It's too penny out there.

33:08It's not like having an English title, you know.

33:10Hey, well, listen, I hope Hazel's photo's come out.

33:12Because otherwise your ma'am will never believe it.

33:15Yeah, mate, she's a funny girl, that Hazel.

33:17Talk about hidden depths.

33:19I'll tell you one thing, Barry's got his hands full.

33:30How do you finish now?

33:32Oh, as a matter of fact, no, I'd like another funder door and a cappuccino, puff of all.

33:39Senor.

33:41It's way past your bedtime, Barry.

33:43Look, there's still a lot of things to be resolved, Hazel.

33:47I've told you nothing happened.

33:48Prince Stefano was a perfect gentleman.

33:51Much as I'd expect from my royal blood.

33:53You told me he asked you to go to Sardinia for a fortnight.

33:56But there'd have been a lot of us going.

33:58There'd be the crowd of us.

33:59Look, Hazel, if that's the sort of life you want, right?

34:04Well, you'd better go after it.

34:08I'd say, I'd say, sailing round the Mediterranean,

34:13sipping champagne and scuba diving is not real.

34:17You'd just be a really plaything to him.

34:20He'd dump you in Corsica with no ticket back.

34:22I'm real.

34:28I'm real and I've got feelings.

34:31I'll tell you,

34:33they're very, very bruised.

34:36You've made a laughingstock of me in front of me mates.

34:39They've watched me suffering

34:40while you pillocked around making your mind up what you want out of life.

34:44Well, I'm sick of your devasiveness

34:45and I'm sick of your procrastinating.

34:47Will that be all, senor?

34:50Now!

34:54I'd like another puffer, boy.

35:01Have you never been like this before, Barry?

35:03Probably because I've never been so pillocked around before.

35:05You're so assertive and decisive.

35:08And that's what I need in a man

35:09because I'm one of nature's vacillators.

35:10Right.

35:14Right, if it's decisive as you want.

35:17We're going to get married, Isle Redfern,

35:19and I don't mean a prolonged engagement

35:20with announcements in the Express and Star.

35:22I'm in here next Monday week!

35:24All right!

35:26Sorry?

35:26I accept.

35:27We'll get married, Al, for it'll be ever so romantic.

35:29It doesn't have to be, eh?

35:31It's perfect.

35:32What about your folks and my mother with her hip

35:35and cousin Nora and Auntie Mabel and the twins?

35:39Sobbed a lot of them.

35:40Oh, look, I don't want a conventional wedding like all our friends.

35:44I don't want an accordion player

35:46and prawn volleyvons in the Bridge Street assembly rooms.

35:49Well, shouldn't we review this in the morning?

35:51Oh, no, don't back down, Barry. Not now.

35:55I'm not.

35:57No, I'm not. I'm not.

35:58Just as long as you see this.

36:00Absolutely.

36:03First thing in the morning,

36:04I'll tell Prince Stefano that Sardinia's out of the question.

36:10All right.

36:27Hello, Vicky.

36:40Oh, er, hello, Bummer.

36:44Have you been in this one before?

36:46No, it's, er, it's a bit more select.

36:49Can I get you a drink?

36:51Er, no thanks, I've got one.

36:55I, er, see you're not alone.

36:57Er, no.

37:00Wouldn't be anyone I know, would it?

37:02Er, it is actually, yeah.

37:07Well, look, er, I know it's none of my business, and, er, well, I'm not one for bad-mouthing my mates, but, er, well, where the ladies are concerned, that means nothing but bad news.

37:16Well, er, I'll bear that in mind.

37:18Good evening, Pat.

37:27Good evening, Pat.

37:30I thought you said anybody knew this, but...

37:32Oh, hey, I didn't think they did.

37:33Well, this is really a turnip for the local.

37:37Yes, well, let's, er, let's keep the lid on it, shall we?

37:41My lips are sealed.

37:42Have you, er, got any warnings to give us about him?

37:45Oh, it's a prince among men.

38:00You tell Baz to go up to Dennis' mother's house.

38:02You check out his friends, his neighbours.

38:04Can I take the car, Annie?

38:05Oh, just take whatever you like.

38:06Just get lost, will you?

38:07Ali, Ali.

38:24Ali, Dennis is a family man.

38:27He has kids here.

38:29He's not going to do a runner with your money.

38:32Don't panic.

38:33Don't tell me not to panic, pal.

38:35If Dennis is picked up at an airport, then it is my nuts that are in the ringer.

38:37Good morning.

38:39Where in Jesus' name have you been?

38:41I got the first flight out this morning.

38:44Oh, you did, did you?

38:45Oh, you had a night out in the town.

38:47I'm down there at the airport for two hours,

38:48but you're out doing the strip clubs at Soho.

38:50No, no, no.

38:51I was detained by two gentlemen of the customs.

38:56Were you well?

38:58Had to give you a good going over, Dennis?

39:00Oh, aye, aye, they certainly did, yeah.

39:02What did they say?

39:04Well, er,

39:05eventually they said

39:07we're very sorry that you've been inconvenienced, Mr. Patterson.

39:17Oh, yes.

39:18Very sorry that you've been inconvenienced, Mr. Patterson.

39:36That's terrific.

39:37Well, don't fart me around, Dennis.

39:53Don't fart you around?

39:55You set me up to bring a bag of undeclared illegal currency out the country.

39:59You put my chopper on the block, pal.

40:01Did they find it?

40:01Well, if they had, I wouldn't be here, would I?

40:05Oh, I see.

40:07I see, so you opened this case before you left home.

40:09It's a good job I did, isn't it?

40:11You must think I'm a right wanker.

40:14Look, I knew I wasn't sent back to Newcastle

40:16to bring you back some documents.

40:17Something heavy's coming down on you, pal.

40:22It couldn't happen to a nicer fella.

40:23That slag Vicky has been shouting her mouth off to you.

40:25Just leave Vicky out there so you brought this on yourself, man.

40:28Where is my money, Dennis?

40:29Oh, it's safe.

40:31Less of fuel could I've taken out to bump myself up to club class.

40:36Oh.

40:37Oh, Dennis, Dennis.

40:39It's the reason I didn't level with you

40:42is because I reckon that what the eye doesn't see,

40:45the heart doesn't grieve over you.

40:46I didn't want you going through customs

40:47with the old ticker-pounding

40:48and the old blood pressure shooting up through the roof.

40:50Oh, it's nice to know that you had my best-interested heart.

40:53Oh, Dennis, the reason I sent you is a reflection of my trust.

40:57We've worked together for a long time, you and me, eh?

41:01Scotch, do you?

41:02Look, I'm about to jack all this in, right?

41:03Not 25 grand.

41:05That's like my warranty.

41:06Are you laying down terms, Dennis?

41:09I am, actually, yeah.

41:11First off, you hold the deeds to my wife's house.

41:15I'd be obliged if Hallward sent them back me bank, right?

41:18Secondly, as you're about to become, eh, in exile out here,

41:22I'm a bit concerned about the lads.

41:24I mean, your assets might get tied up for a bit.

41:27So that money is guaranteed a full whack.

41:30Generous bonuses and the airfare's back home.

41:35Anything else?

41:36No.

41:38Oh, yeah, yeah.

41:42If I see Vicky with so much as a broken finger, Neil,

41:47you'll never see the balance.

41:48Hello, Dan.

41:59How are you, Dan?

41:59All right.

42:00How are you?

42:00All right.

42:03How'd it go?

42:04Great.

42:05Hey, there's a bottle of scotch in there for you

42:06and a bottle of vodka for when you're through.

42:08Hey, how does home look?

42:10Magic, now.

42:10If I tell you what working out here,

42:12you forget what a tineside sunset looks like.

42:14Hello, darling.

42:23So, how have you been?

42:25Have you been all right?

42:25Yes, I've been fine.

42:27Good.

42:27Look, er, I got you that for tipping us a wink about, Ali.

42:31Oh, thanks.

42:32It's good to see you.

42:35Good to see you, too.

42:43So that was right, then.

42:44Ali Fraser is in some sort of trouble.

42:46Oh, he's in trouble, all right.

42:48You know what I think?

42:49Set the ball rolling.

42:51That house we did up for him in Derbyshire.

42:52Mm-hmm.

42:53You know, when we were working there,

42:55we used to say it was haunted.

42:57I'll tell you one thing.

42:58It's going to come back and haunt Ali.

43:00You got too greedy.

43:02Cut too many corners.

43:04Now it's all going to come down on it.

43:06Well, where does that leave us?

43:08And all the rest of the lads?

43:09Oh, ho.

43:10It's all right.

43:12Took out insurance.

43:13What do you mean?

43:15I'll tell you after.

43:16I've got to go to work, man.

43:17Oh, yes.

43:19Not yet, you haven't.

43:20Hmm.

43:31I've never heard of that before.

43:33What?

43:34Dennis, singing in the shower.

43:37Oh, I mind.

43:37He's been ever so cheerful.

43:39I've noticed that.

43:39It's very worrying.

43:41All right, for a second.

43:43Well, she's not used to it, that's all.

43:45I think it's Chris.

43:49Oh, aye.

43:51Women always think it's women that cheer men up.

43:53There's more to it than that.

43:55Well, what's your theory, then?

43:57I never know.

43:58Maybe it's because he's going home.

44:00He's maybe got some more work lined up.

44:02Well, say what you like.

44:03I think they're very well suited.

44:04And she's a very nice girl.

44:05I've never said she wasn't.

44:07Well, you certainly got out of bed the wrong side this morning, didn't you?

44:10Oh, I'm sorry, Pat.

44:12It's just...

44:12I suppose it's the situation, living this close proximity to another cuppa.

44:17Well, we haven't had to pay for a hotel, have we?

44:18Yeah, I know.

44:20But it's a bit restricting in other areas, isn't it?

44:23Honestly, you're so old-fashioned in some ways, never.

44:27I mean, I know they're in the next room, but you don't have to run both bathtubs every time we make love.

44:31Oh, can you believe there's no hot water again?

44:33I know it must go against the grain, but you've got to give your gaffer top marks for initiative.

44:43If I ever get back to the UK, I will damage him for less.

44:47He's pretty safe, then, by the sound of things.

44:50Hey, don't worry about the 25 grand.

44:52Think about it as a blessing in disguise.

44:55Well, I find it hard to be that philosophical.

44:57No, be fair.

44:58It lets you know that they're on your case.

45:00And it's only a matter of time before they seize your books, freeze your ass.

45:02That's an issue of the warrants.

45:04And believe me, I speak as someone with some experience in these matters.

45:08So what do I do now?

45:10Buy yourself some time, son.

45:12Spain may not be the haven that you thought it was.

45:15You may be better off in Costa Rica or the Mongolian People's Republic.

45:19Don't come the comedian with me, Kenny.

45:20No, bear with me, son.

45:22The Brits will already be in touch with their Spanish amigos, believe me.

45:27I've got some money in Switzerland.

45:29Better. Better.

45:30The foresight, planning, the ability to think ahead.

45:34That's what separates you and me from the common herd, Ali.

45:36And I'd have to go there myself.

45:38Right.

45:38You get yourself down there.

45:41Then go down to Tangier's.

45:43I know this bloke there with the boat.

45:44Don't worry.

45:45He's not a tan hand in a night shirt with a flowerpot on his head.

45:48He's from Felixstown.

45:49Dead solid.

45:50How much?

45:5120%.

45:5220%.

45:5220%?

45:53Well, that's only because you're my mate.

45:55And that's all in.

45:56And for that, you get Bobby and his boat in Tangier, all the overheads and the crew of the

46:01Sand Saucy.

46:03Oh.

46:04We'll worry about the numbers later.

46:06Who do we get the ball rolling?

46:07Well, I need a little bit in advance, you know.

46:09Well, I've got some cash in a safe up in the villa.

46:11All right.

46:11Let's, uh, go and count it, shall we?

46:20Hang on a minute.

46:21Wait a minute.

46:22Wait a minute.

46:22I'm on Bobby's boat.

46:23Yeah.

46:24I've got my money in the suitcase.

46:25Mm-hmm.

46:26How do you propose to get me back on Spanish soil undetected?

46:30We'll let her think about that one, won't we?

46:32Right, lads.

46:56It won't harm you to down tools early for once.

47:02Come on down, open that.

47:05Jumpy.

47:06Barry's got an announcement to me.

47:08Yeah.

47:09Ooh.

47:16All right.

47:17Hooray!

47:19Okay.

47:20Ta-da.

47:22One of my mentors, please.

47:24Come on.

47:25Shh, shh, shh.

47:26Oh, what's happening?

47:27Um, well, I am now able to put an end to all the speculation.

47:32Concerning Miss Hazel Redfern and myself.

47:35Last night, I am happy to say, this fair maiden has agreed to be my wife.

47:42Hooray!

47:44Wait a minute.

47:45There's more.

47:46She's in the club.

47:48Well, the nuptials will take place next Wednesday.

47:52And needless to say, you are all cordially invited.

47:55Hooray!

47:58Hooray!

47:59Hooray!

48:00Hooray!

48:01Hooray!

48:02Hooray!

48:03Hooray!

48:04Hooray!

48:05Hooray!

48:06Hooray!

48:06Barry and Hazel are getting married.

48:08Down here.

48:08Next week.

48:09Hooray!

48:10Give Mr. Haynes and Mr. Fraser a drink of champagne.

48:12Hooray!

48:13Well, you'll be wanting a day off then, I suppose.

48:15Come on now, Ali.

48:16That's not too much to ask now, is it?

48:17Come on, Ali.

48:18Where's your generosity of spirit?

48:20I've got other things on my mind, Kenny.

48:22Er, there you are, Mr. Fraser.

48:23Ah, this is, er, Mr. Fraser.

48:24Ah, this is, er, Mr. Fraser.

48:25Nice to meet you.

48:26Oh, thank you very much.

48:27All the best here then, son.

48:28All the best.

48:29All the best.

48:30Ah, thank you.

48:31No, I'm nervous.

48:32Ali.

48:33Excuse us for that, would you?

48:40Ali, look.

48:41If a happy couple want to get married, they can use my yacht.

48:46What?

48:48And then we can have a wedding just outside the five-mile limit.

48:53To us.

48:54Barry and Hazel!

48:55Barry and Hazel!

48:56Barry and Hazel!

48:57Barry and Hazel!

48:59Good luck.

49:00Cheers!

49:01Cheers!

49:28We saw each other through

49:30We laughed it off

49:33And then we shared a few

49:35Back with the boys again

49:39Back with the boys again

49:47Different reasons

49:55Left us leaving

49:56Splitting up

49:58And going on solo

50:00Chasing circles

50:02And getting nowhere

50:03Longing for the way we were

50:07One for all

50:09And all for anyone

50:10Long as they played the game

50:13Sharing chances

50:16Of taking all the blame

50:18Back with the boys again

50:22Yeah, we're back now

50:26Back with the boys again

50:29One for all

50:43Like, one for all

50:43For all enemies c'est

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