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Tv, Allo Allo S5EO9 - The Generals‘ Conference
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00:00It is possible that you are wondering
00:29why my wife, for that is she,
00:34is mopping the floor with a bucket on her head.
00:38It is because she is on the hit list of the communist resistance,
00:42because she screwed up my wedding to their leader,
00:44a delectable dish called Denise LaRocque.
00:47Poor thing.
00:48She has a bundle of nerves.
00:50Watch.
00:56Eat it, eat it.
00:58Calm down.
01:00I did that to show how idiotic is your behavior.
01:03If they are determined to get you,
01:04they will find you wherever you are.
01:06So why not put on it a brave face?
01:08Preferably with a bit of makeup and without those curves.
01:12Oh, you are right, René.
01:14I must pull myself together.
01:16Oh, you are so strong.
01:20Hold me in your arms.
01:21Kiss me.
01:22Pour your strength into my body.
01:30On second thoughts, Edith,
01:31perhaps you had better put the bucket back.
01:33Michelle from the resistance is in the back room.
01:37She wishes to speak with you urgently.
01:39Mike, don't tell me one occasion when it was not urgent.
01:50What is it now?
01:51Time is very short.
01:53Listen very carefully.
01:54I shall say this only once.
01:57The German generals are meeting in the chateau tomorrow.
02:00They will be planning the invasion of England.
02:02We will take photographs of the maps.
02:05Of course.
02:06And as soon as you have them, give them to my wife.
02:08She will attach them to the leg of the long-distance duck.
02:13And the duck will fly them all the way to England.
02:15Will there be anything else?
02:17You will be doing the catering.
02:18You are the only one in a position to take the photograph.
02:21Michelle, you have been overworking.
02:23Why do you not take an holiday?
02:24If they see René with the camera, they will shoot him.
02:28She has taken the words right out of my mouth.
02:30You see, even this simple country girl knows the danger I will be in.
02:33There will be no danger.
02:35We have devised a special apparatus which will not be visible.
02:43Mimi, give René the special apparatus.
02:46Oh, yes. This will not be visible.
02:52Let me guess.
02:52This parcel contains a photographic Christmas pudding.
02:56Do not be ridiculous.
02:58And do not make jokes.
03:00The whole future of civilization as we know it
03:02may well depend on the success of this device.
03:04What?
03:05Turn around.
03:06What is going on?
03:08Put out your right arm.
03:12That is it.
03:14Turn around.
03:19Concealed beneath the apron of this garment is a camera.
03:23You will notice that the left arm is false.
03:30This leaves your left arm free to operate the apparatus under the apron.
03:38What am I supposed to operate?
03:41Feel around and you will find a little nerve.
03:47Have you got it?
03:55I think so, yeah.
03:58Pull it.
03:59Rene, with this, you will be able to save the world
04:12I am speechless
04:15Do you seriously expect me to go and stand in front of all those generals
04:19With my hand on my hip, doing this?
04:24You must choose your moment
04:25Your wife and your waitresses will be there
04:29Your wife will put into her mouth this pill
04:33Then she will fall to the floor
04:35I am not committing suicide just so he can photograph the plans of the invasion
04:39It is merely to make you foam at the mouth
04:43Once on the floor, you will pretend to have a fit
04:46This will cause a distraction
04:48When the eyes of the generals are diverted, you, Rene, will take the photograph
04:52This whole idea is absurd
04:54Just look at this hand
04:56It is very realistic
04:59But it does not move
05:00Why is it you always knock the efforts of the resistance, huh?
05:05This was made by the best rubber handmaker in Paris
05:08It was smuggled under the skirt of a nun who cycled all the way here
05:13At great personal inconvenience
05:16It would not fool a three-year-old
05:19Go into your cafe, work about
05:21If anyone notices it is not real
05:23Then I will cancel the whole operation
05:25Done
05:25Good morning, Colonel
05:38Good morning, Rene
05:39Coffee, please
05:41Uh, do you notice, uh, anything different about me, Colonel?
05:47Yes
05:47Getting thin on top
05:49Thank you, Colonel
05:52There
05:53What did she tell you?
05:55Nobody noticed anything
05:56Oh, here is the test
05:58What do you mean?
05:59Lieutenant Gruber
06:00The one who fancies you
06:03He notices everything
06:06Good morning, Lieutenant
06:09Good morning, Rene
06:10The flick, Helga, is here, as you ordered
06:22Tell her to come in
06:24You sent for me?
06:27I did
06:28My, my, you look most handsome
06:30In this uniform, I am to be married
06:32Who is the lucky girl?
06:35You
06:35Take off your clothes
06:36The dressmaker has prepared for you an appropriate wedding dress
06:42Von Smallhausen
06:43Instead of gawping, go and get the tailor
06:46At once, Herr Flick
06:47Why are you late?
06:51Why, Herr Flick?
06:51Continue to take off your clothes
06:53Yes, Herr Flick
06:54General von Plinkhofen made me type out the agenda
06:57For the meeting of the generals at the Chateau
06:59On which occasion they will be planning the invasion
07:02It is my opinion that they are planning the assassination of Hitler
07:06I shall make it my business to be there
07:08Herr Flick, the tailor
07:09Have you completed the wedding dress?
07:15Exactly as you ordered, Herr Flick
07:16Then clothe the bride
07:18Yes, Herr Flick
07:19Look, the black leather wedding dress
07:24What did you expect?
07:26White leather?
07:26No, go away
07:39Good
07:45Mmm, it hugs the figure
07:48Will I not creak walking down the aisle?
07:52You will be well-oiled
07:54Do I have a veil?
07:57Of course
07:58Shall I place it upon you?
08:00That would be most romantic
08:01It is
08:09Yvette
08:10Mimi
08:11Does no one pay attention to an old woman who cries?
08:20Mama
08:20I have for you a visitor
08:22A gentleman
08:24Dear Madame Fanny
08:27I bring flowers to the beautiful mother of the lady I love
08:33Oh
08:33They have the most exotic eastern aroma
08:37Oh
08:37Oh
08:39It is embalming fluid
08:43It's a flashing knob
08:49What is the meaning of this unusual phenomenon?
08:53London is calling us on the secret radio
08:55Help us to lift the bed
08:56Oh, last, Madame, I cannot
08:58Not only do I have the Dickey ticker
09:00But I have also
09:02The tricky truss
09:07Hey, the radio
09:10Fair a minute, Ali
09:11Quick, help me
09:12This is the most ingenious contraption
09:17Quick, get the loudspeaker
09:19It is in the chamber
09:20It is incredible
09:26It resembles exactly an ordinary chamber pot
09:30Not that one
09:31Mimi, get the code book
09:34Hello, hello
09:36This is Nighthawk calling
09:37Nighthawk calling London
09:38Pass your message, please
09:40Over
09:40Here is my message
09:42We have a moth in the airing cupboard
09:46We have a moth in the airing cupboard
09:48Have you any mothballs?
09:51Have you any mothballs?
09:53Excuse me
09:54I have mothballs
09:55What did you say?
09:59I have mothballs
10:00It is not important
10:03He says he has mothballs
10:05Oh, it is
10:07Don't jump into marriage
10:10Too quickly with this man
10:12But will you all stop jabbering
10:14It is in code
10:15What does it say, Mimi?
10:16It says a French general
10:18Who is a collaborator
10:19Will be attending the conference
10:21At the chateau
10:22He must be eliminated
10:23What do they want us to do about it?
10:25I will go tell Michelle
10:27Hello, London
10:28Hello, London
10:29We will tell your story
10:31To Little Red Riding Hood
10:32Over and out
10:33My God
10:35The bravery of you all
10:36What does he say?
10:39It is
10:39LeClaire
10:40I have some very bad news
10:43I have just been to feed
10:45The long-distance duck
10:46What is bad about that?
10:49When I opened the N.S. store
10:51He has flown away
10:52You old fool
10:55Can you do nothing right?
10:56He will not get far
10:58He has not yet had his lunch
11:00Where is he now?
11:01He is playing round and round
11:07How do we get him down?
11:09Monsieur
11:09What?
11:10I have duck hunting equipment
11:12I used to stand in the river
11:14With an artificial duck on my head
11:16In my teeth
11:19I would hold my duck quacker
11:21In my time
11:24I was famous for it
11:25I am not surprised
11:28There he goes again
11:32Get your equipment
11:34It is worth trying
11:35It is time we were open
11:36Hurry up and get downstairs
11:37Eat it
11:38Oh
11:39Oh
11:41Shut up
11:44Oh, that's a lot of customers
11:51It was time
11:52So I opened the cafe
11:53Well done, Mimi
11:54Who is that?
11:57By the window
11:58With the big ooter
11:59It is a French general
12:02They all have big ooters
12:04It must be the one
12:06They want us to eliminate
12:07Well, he's not going to be eliminated
12:09In my cafe
12:10We must throw him out
12:11Come on
12:12No, you cannot
12:12Show him a menu
12:14Good morning, general
12:20Welcome to my humble cafe
12:22Here is a menu
12:23The prices are against each item
12:25Yes, I know it is expensive
12:35You must understand
12:39It is wartime, general
12:40General
12:42Is there something wrong
12:45With that general?
12:46He's probably dead
12:47What do you mean
12:50Probably dead?
12:51I put a resistance pill
12:52In his chrome to months
12:53Mimi
12:54How dare you kill generals
12:56In my cafe?
12:58Well, it may be that
12:58He is only paralysed
13:00Though assistants give me
13:01So many pills
13:02That are getting mixed up
13:03We must quickly get him
13:07Into the back room
13:07Yes
13:08I will help
13:08Thank God there are no Germans about
13:10The customers will help
13:12Yes
13:12Loyal Frenchmen
13:14You see before you
13:16This dead general
13:17Who was a collaborator
13:19Who has been eliminated
13:20By our brave resistance
13:22In the curse of freedom
13:23And to save the honor
13:25Of our beloved France
13:26Who will help me
13:28To dispose of the body?
13:29Thank you
13:29We are on our own, you know
13:40This is a one-man war
13:42Good morning
13:46What are you doing here?
13:51I am taking the British earmen
13:53For some fresh oar
13:54Do not bring them here
13:57I have enough trouble
13:58Okay, chaps
13:59Take a powder
14:00Cheerio
14:02Why were all those purple
14:06Running out of your coffee?
14:08For once
14:09I am glad to see you
14:10That idiot girl
14:12Has killed
14:12This French general
14:13He is due at the chateau
14:15For the conference
14:16When they miss him
14:17They will come searching for him
14:19I do not thonk
14:25That he is deep
14:26It must have been
14:30A power-lysing pill
14:31Ah, yes
14:31Quick
14:32Help me get him
14:33Into the cellar
14:33Come
14:34I say, Carstairs
14:38Two men with ducks
14:40On their heads
14:41Have just walked
14:42Into the public convenience
14:43What do you make of that?
14:47They're probably
14:48Freemasons
14:49Mr. Why are we quacking
15:08In the public convenience?
15:10Because
15:11If the long-distance duck
15:13Sees our bodies
15:14He will be put off
15:15This way
15:16He will think
15:17We are two lady ducks
15:19Lady?
15:22Then he will fly down
15:24And I will capture him
15:25With this
15:26Good morning
15:41Good morning
15:42Excuse that I ask
15:45But what for you wear
15:46On your head
15:47A duck?
15:48We are trying
15:49To capture
15:50That duck
15:51It is
15:55For our dinner
15:56Ah
15:57I see
15:58That a piece of cake
15:59Have a food of dinner
16:09Mademois
16:21Here are the pills
16:23To make you
16:24Foam at the mouth
16:24It's very difficult
16:26Trying to do all this
16:27With one hand
16:27Oh my god
16:35I have lost
16:36My little knob
16:37It must have come
16:40Unscrewed
16:40Now I cannot use
16:41The camera
16:42Quick
16:42Let us go home
16:43Oh it is here
16:44On the floor
16:45I will drop it down
16:47Your collar
16:47Catch it as it
16:49Passes your navel
16:50Have you got it?
16:54Yes
16:54Oh
16:55My hands are shaking
16:56So much
16:57I can hardly
16:57Screw it up
16:58I will put my hand
17:01In your pocket
17:01And help you
17:02You will do
17:03No such thing
17:04I think I have got it
17:07Yes
17:07Try not to look suspicious
17:09Oh thank you
17:10For that advice
17:11Look
17:12Is everything in order?
17:18I believe so General
17:19The peasants from the cafe
17:20Have prepared the buffet
17:22See that the extras
17:24Are empty
17:25And the glasses
17:26Are filled
17:27When you come
17:28Within six feet
17:29Of this table
17:30Make sure that your eyes
17:32Are fixed firmly
17:33On the ceiling
17:33Anyone caught
17:36Snooping at the map
17:37Will be shot
17:38Understand?
17:39Yes General
17:40Yes General
17:41You will take notes
17:43Of the meeting
17:43I have my notebook
17:44And my pen handy
17:45When the generals
17:46Are assembled
17:47In the ante room
17:48Send them in
17:48Yes of course
17:49Announce them
17:49As they enter
17:50According to the map
17:58That you have prepared
17:59Von Smallhausen
17:59We are now above
18:00The center
18:01Of the conference chamber
18:02Pass me my brace
18:04And bit
18:04We will bore
18:05A hole through
18:06In order to observe
18:07And listen
18:08Colonel von Strum
18:12And Captain
18:13Alberto Bertonelli
18:15General now
18:16My friend
18:17Now they get in on
18:18Eh
18:18Great honor
18:20To be here General
18:21As local commandant
18:22Your presence is necessary
18:24You put my man
18:26In the first boat
18:27Or we be first
18:27To honor the beach
18:28What you wish to do
18:29Set up an ice cream cart
18:31We will go where I put you
18:34And for the rest
18:34Of this conference
18:35You will not speak
18:36Unless you are spoken to
18:37Understood?
18:38Sorry
18:38No offense
18:39What a mistake of the maker
18:41General Leopold
18:44Von Valkenstaufen
18:46General Wilhelm von Valkenstaufen
18:53Air Chief Marshal
18:57Maximilian von Winkelmeister
19:00Admiral Ulrich von Sinkenquicken
19:06General Jean-Louis Marcel Esnavon
19:13Good Moaning
19:16God that English idiot
19:20Crabtree
19:20Heil Hitler
19:21It is good to have
19:23The Vichy government
19:23Collaborating with us
19:24I am keen to see
19:26The Plyns for the invasion
19:27That is why we are all here
19:29Gruber the map
19:31Let the peasants
19:33Serve the wine
19:33General
19:34Point the end
19:35Do you live near here?
19:48No
19:49Miles away
19:50Oh you are a kinder man
19:56You
20:00Eyes on the ceiling
20:02Of course
20:03Now gentlemen
20:07Let us consider
20:09The possible areas
20:10For the primary assault
20:11I am going to take the pill
20:14No no
20:14It is no good
20:15The map table is up to me
20:18And my camera is down here
20:19How can I take the pictures?
20:21Stand on a chair
20:22Sweeties
20:29Would you like one, Gruber?
20:36Thank you
20:37Pass them around
20:41Is the hole big enough?
20:51Quite big enough
20:52What can you see?
20:54You have failed again
20:56Von Smallhausen
20:57We are over the servants' quarters
20:59I am watching a lady cook
21:01Taking a bath
21:02For some reason
21:07These are the main alternatives
21:09Here
21:09Here
21:10And here
21:11Give the matter some thought
21:14And then I will welcome your comments
21:15There is a woman
21:34Over there
21:35Rising on the floor
21:36Take no notice
21:38General your glass is empty
21:39Servant
21:40What are you doing on that chair?
21:42I was just trying to kill a blue bottle
21:48Before it got on the ham sandwiches
21:50Here is the glass of General von Flockensen
21:53Yes General
21:54Do not look at the map
21:59Now then gentlemen
22:08Let me have your comments and opinions
22:09I think that first
22:12The Air Fierce
22:15Should send in several squadrons of farters
22:18These
22:21These should be followed by bummers
22:24Then we should send in paratrippers
22:28To capture all the London dicks
22:30Means ducks
22:33Gruber
22:38You're foaming at the mouth
22:40You too are foaming at the mouth
22:43Colonel
22:43You're all foaming at the mouth
22:46Do I include this in the minutes?
22:48This is a work of the resistance
22:49We have been poisoned
22:50Quick
22:51To the hospital
22:51Colonel
22:55Quick
22:55The camera
22:56Go to the cafe
23:11Our mission is complete
23:13Come on
23:14It is before anybody comes
23:16You go ahead
23:17I am not leaving these sandwiches
23:19Yes
23:23Давайте
23:27Bye
23:40Thanks
23:40Way
23:42Bye
23:43Bye
23:44Bye
23:45Bye
23:45Bye
23:46Bye
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