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Tv, Allo Allo S5E26 - Enigma's End
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00:00The End
00:29I'd like to select some cheeses for my cafe.
00:32Now, those of you who have been following my adventures
00:34will know that I am very close to a complete nervous breakdown.
00:39Too strong.
00:40For the last few days,
00:42I have been harboring a secret coding apparatus
00:44called the Enigma machine.
00:46The resistance are trying to get this to England
00:48by placing it in the wine barrel
00:50and floating it into the town drain
00:52to be picked up by a two-man midget submarine.
00:57To do this,
00:58the entire population of Nuvion
01:00was supposed to flush their toilets at one and the same.
01:05It's too salty.
01:07Well, it will do for the customers to put in their ears
01:09when my wife is singing.
01:12Now, where was I?
01:13Oh, yes, the toilet.
01:14Now, needless to say,
01:15needless to say, there was a cock-up.
01:18The barrel that we put into the drain
01:20contained not a coding machine,
01:22but some underwear belonging to my waitress, Yvette,
01:24which, even as we speak,
01:26is probably in the hands of the head of the MI5,
01:30who is probably trying to decode it.
01:33Well, he will find nothing of interest
01:35except that Yvette is very well built.
01:37Oh, that's too young.
01:41Fortunately,
01:42the machine is no longer in my possession,
01:45which is why I have not gone completely round the twist.
01:50Yeah.
01:53Too old.
01:53What is the matter?
02:03I have called an urgent meeting.
02:05Where is everybody?
02:06Why do they take no notice?
02:07Well, the word does not stop just for you.
02:09Get back into the room and stop psting.
02:16Where is she?
02:16In the back room, getting her knickers in a twist.
02:19Mimi, look after the bar.
02:21Now, please, make this very short,
02:24because we have customers to attend to.
02:26In that case, I shall say this only once.
02:30What a surprise.
02:33We are no longer trying to send the Enigma machine
02:35to the experts in London.
02:37Good.
02:38Come back!
02:40There is more!
02:44Instead, the experts are coming here to examine it.
02:47What do you mean here?
02:49Why are they coming here?
02:49We no longer have the machine.
02:51It is too dangerous.
02:52The Germans are looking for it everywhere.
02:54The machine will only be here long enough
02:56for the experts to examine it.
02:58Where are these experts?
03:00They will be dropped by parachute disguised as policemen.
03:07This will enable them to examine the machine
03:10without arousing suspicion.
03:12When they arrive here at your cafe,
03:14they will make themselves known by a secret sign.
03:17What is this sign?
03:20They will brandish their batons.
03:24Like this.
03:24This gesture will not go unnoticed.
03:40You will then give us a signal
03:42and we will deliver the machine.
03:44What is the nature of this signal?
03:46You will place a red circle lamp
03:47in the window of the bedroom of your mother.
03:49A red lamp.
03:54What do the neighbours think?
03:58You can say she is being repaired by a road gang.
04:01The machine will then be delivered
04:08by one of our agents
04:09disguised as a Spanish accordion player.
04:12I am at the end of my tether.
04:17The wires to Berlin have been burning fit to burst.
04:20The furor is electrified with rage.
04:23The Enigma machine has been missing for two days
04:25and here is his ultimatum.
04:28If it is not recovered in 24 hours,
04:31I am to be sent to the Russian front.
04:33That is terrible news, General.
04:39Mind you, they do need a good man out there.
04:42You greater General, you win the battles,
04:44you'll be fine-a-zero in all of the pipers.
04:47Unfortunately, none of you will be reading the newspapers
04:50in the suicide squad of the Africa Corps.
04:53I shall post you before I depart.
04:55Now, here are my orders.
04:57If the machine is not recovered by this evening,
05:01you will arrest the six most prominent people in the town,
05:04march them to the square and shoot them.
05:06With respect, General,
05:07is this not a job for Herr Flick of the Gestapo?
05:10No, it is a job for you!
05:12The buck stops right here!
05:15Is this understood by you all?
05:17General Harley, don't look at me.
05:19It's not my problem.
05:24Then you can leave for Africa now.
05:26Suddenly, it is a my problem.
05:30Let it be done!
05:31Herr Hitler!
05:32Herr Hitler!
05:34I think we are all in the UNO water.
05:37Right up to here.
05:39What do you intend that we should do, Colonel?
05:43Good.
05:44We do what we were taught in officers' training school.
05:47The obey orders.
05:49The Colonel is right.
05:51We must start peasant shooting.
05:53At 8 o'clock this evening,
05:54we arrest everyone at the cafe.
05:57Colonel,
05:58this will go most definitely
06:00against the dictates of my conscience.
06:02For this reason,
06:03I am confining you in this office
06:05until further notice.
06:07And to make sure that you remain here,
06:10you will surrender to me your uniform.
06:13Colonel!
06:14No arguments.
06:15Get him off!
06:16Ah, well.
06:18Info-Fennig,
06:19info-Mark.
06:37So, Femming,
06:38I've been apprehended,
06:38a freak.
06:39Bring them in.
06:40Bring them in here.
06:42Move!
06:43One, two, three.
06:48Oh, I see children
06:50not so much
06:51to know
06:53it's done
06:54before we die.
06:56Rotten!
06:57Shut up!
06:59I demand to know
07:00why we have been brought here.
07:01We know nothing!
07:03Our lips are sealed.
07:04In a few minutes,
07:05you will not be so confident.
07:07Take off your clothes.
07:09No!
07:10Take them off!
07:10Oh, very well.
07:13Not you.
07:20Well, Smallhausen,
07:22what is the progress
07:23of the kettle?
07:23It is about to sing,
07:25Herr Fleet.
07:26That will be hot enough
07:27for my purpose.
07:28Bring it here.
07:31If you tell me
07:32all that I need to know,
07:34you will leave here
07:34unharmed.
07:36In each of these cups,
07:38I am placing
07:38a new German invention
07:40known as
07:40the teabag.
07:43It was invented
07:44by Baron von Tetley.
07:48He was fed up
07:49with his castle sink
07:50being bunged up
07:51with leaves.
07:53You Germans
07:53are most ingenious.
07:55Drink!
07:58Are you trying
07:59to poison us?
08:00The drink
08:01is quite harmless.
08:02You have my word
08:03as a Gestapo officer.
08:06Drink!
08:09Little do they know
08:10that mixed in
08:12with the teabag
08:12is a rare drug
08:13distilled from
08:14the sweat glands
08:15of the Patagonian
08:16fruit bat.
08:18It is quite palatable.
08:20I do not think
08:21it is poison.
08:22It has no effect
08:23on me,
08:24except I have a strange
08:25desire to hang
08:26upside down.
08:26What will be the effect
08:30of this drug,
08:31Herr Flick?
08:32It is said
08:33to be more powerful
08:34than sodium pentothal.
08:36They will be compelled
08:37to tell the truth.
08:38What is your name?
08:47Edith Melba,
08:48at war.
08:51Yours?
08:52Yvette Carte Blanche.
08:54Yours?
08:56Mimi Le Bonk.
08:59I think it is working,
09:01Herr Flick.
09:02How old are you?
09:04Eighteen.
09:06Nineteen.
09:07Eighteen.
09:09Nearly twenty-seven.
09:17Obviously another
09:18faulty batch.
09:19We are wasting our time.
09:21Release them.
09:24Edith.
09:26Edith.
09:26Mimi, where is everybody
09:28this time?
09:29We were open.
09:33Good morning.
09:35Good morning.
09:36I have bad news.
09:40Your whiff
09:41and your watresses
09:42have been arosted
09:43by the Gestupo.
09:46Well, when?
09:47I have been lying down.
09:49They may have reviled
09:50that secret urgents
09:51are to moat here
09:52to lick at the Enigma
09:53apparatus.
09:56Oh, my God.
09:57What am I going to do?
09:58I think it would be
09:59woos if we all
10:00left tin.
10:02I have brought
10:02fewer disquies
10:03in this sotcus.
10:06Edith.
10:07Edith, this idiot
10:08said that you had been
10:08captured by the Gestapo.
10:10He was right.
10:11Oh, it was a terrible
10:12experience.
10:13Oh, but do not worry.
10:14We told him nothing.
10:16He gave us a cup of tea
10:17and then he released us.
10:19Are you sure
10:20it was not drunk?
10:21No, I do not think so.
10:23But it did taste
10:24a bit funny.
10:25It does not seem
10:26to have affected us.
10:28On the other hand,
10:29my hearing has become
10:30very acute.
10:32And Mimi
10:32has been hearing
10:33a little strangely.
10:34Look, you must tell
10:42Michelle to send
10:42the British agents back.
10:43This whole plan
10:44is lunacy.
10:45To loot?
10:46The bummer is already
10:47on the weed.
11:00What is the matter
11:01with her?
11:02She says she is
11:05going to sleep
11:06and does not wish
11:06to be woken
11:07until nightfall.
11:11My God,
11:12what was in that tea?
11:13Look, take her
11:14into the kitchen
11:15and put her right
11:16under the cold water.
11:16That...
11:17this would just happen
11:40at opening time.
11:41All right, we are open.
11:43Come on in.
11:44Good evening, Jacques Pierre.
11:45Come here.
11:46Thanks awfully.
11:47We've just been
11:47for a breath of fresh air.
11:49My God, the British airmen.
11:50You cannot stay here.
11:52What's he saying?
11:52I don't know.
11:53I don't speak a word
11:54of the language.
11:55This whole place
11:55is crawling with Germans.
11:56You will have to hide.
11:57We're going to have a drink.
11:59No.
11:59No, you will get us all shot.
12:02Cheers.
12:02Cheers.
12:02Cheers.
12:04Honey, honey.
12:06They are both drinking
12:07black coffee in the kitchen.
12:09I'm sure they will be
12:09all right in a minute.
12:11My God, Germans.
12:13Can you think of a way
12:13to get these airmen upstairs?
12:15I know the way.
12:16Huh?
12:20By Jove,
12:22free cigarettes.
12:30Good evening.
12:32Why not to look so surprised?
12:44I'm doing this for you.
12:50Well, you really need
12:51not have bothered.
12:52There have been one or two
12:54very serious developments.
12:56So I see.
12:58If the Enigma machine
12:59is not returned
13:00within half an hour,
13:01you are to be arrested
13:02and shot.
13:02But left in private,
13:04we do not have the machine.
13:06Then you must leave at once.
13:07Thank you for the warning,
13:08and for going
13:09to such incredible lengths.
13:11The coronel confiscated
13:13my uniform
13:13in case I should tip you
13:14the wink.
13:15I pinched this
13:17while Helga
13:18was having a bath.
13:20But the wig
13:21is her spare one.
13:25You know the saying.
13:27Lipstick, powder,
13:28and a little bit of paint
13:29and a little bit of paint
13:29make a girl look
13:30what she jolly well ain't.
13:33No, I've never heard.
13:36Women, René,
13:37are all deceivers.
13:39I think the bath
13:41must have run cold.
13:42Helga is just about
13:43to enter the cafe.
13:45Hide me, René.
13:45If she leads me
13:47to the coronel,
13:47I am undone.
13:48Sit there.
13:49Sit there.
13:49Now, now.
13:50All this menu
13:51up in front of your face.
13:52Helga.
13:57What a pretty helmet.
14:01You on manoeuvres?
14:03No, I am on
14:03tranquilizers.
14:05My uniform
14:06has been stolen.
14:08Look.
14:09I suspect
14:10Lieutenant Gruber
14:11did it in order
14:12to warn you
14:12of your impending fate.
14:14Oh, no,
14:14I'm sure it could not
14:15have been Lieutenant Gruber.
14:16Or he would have
14:17taken your underwear.
14:22Have you not seen him?
14:23No.
14:23Neither I'd nor air.
14:25Sit here and wait for him.
14:27Oh, yes, yes, do.
14:28And, and, oh,
14:29why not hold up
14:31this menu
14:31in front of your face
14:32then he would not
14:32recognize you
14:33should he ever come in.
14:38Well, everything
14:39is under control.
14:40How is Mimi?
14:41Oh, she is stabilized.
14:42She's hanging
14:43in the larder
14:43next to the M.
14:46Look,
14:47we have a problem.
14:48Sitting over there
14:49is Lieutenant Gruber
14:50wearing the clothes
14:51of Helga.
14:52You mean he has a problem?
14:54Listen.
14:56Over at the table
14:56by the window
14:57is Helga
14:58wearing a tin hat
14:58and very little else.
15:01Now,
15:01if the Enigma machine
15:02is not returned
15:03to the Germans
15:04within half an hour
15:04I am to be arrested
15:05and shot.
15:06Why may?
15:07Why may?
15:08I have just seen
15:09through the upstairs window
15:10two policemen
15:11approaching the cafe.
15:12My God,
15:13they are probably
15:13coming to arrest me.
15:16Good morning.
15:17Good morning.
15:22The British agents.
15:28That is correct.
15:31Get Officer Crabtree.
15:32I will put it once
15:33in the window
15:34of my mother,
15:34the red lamp.
15:36Where is the
15:37Aparutis?
15:39This place is crawling
15:40with Germans.
15:41Please go away.
15:42Keep her cool hard
15:43and do not pinnock.
15:46All we need
15:47is a quick lick
15:48to see how it wicks
15:49and we'll be
15:50if to onlin.
15:508 and 60 noon.
16:03Agent Farty.
16:07Renee!
16:08Renee!
16:10Oh,
16:10why,
16:11it is placed
16:12in my window
16:13a red lamp.
16:15Does she not know
16:16that I have
16:16retired?
16:17Get back up
16:21the stairs,
16:22you stupid old bat.
16:23Don't...
16:24Get back up the stairs,
16:42you stupid old bat.
16:43Disguised as an accordion,
17:00the Enigma machine
17:01approaches.
17:02We will arrast
17:03the musicians
17:03and take them
17:04into the back rim
17:05where you will
17:06discover its secrets.
17:07Then you can retain
17:08the information
17:09to London.
17:10I hope you do this
17:11quickly because
17:11if the Germans
17:12do not get
17:12the machine back,
17:13I am to be
17:14personally shocked.
17:17Olé!
17:18Oh, my God.
17:20Lady of Spain,
17:22I adore you.
17:24Right from the night
17:26I first saw you.
17:29My heart is doing
17:31for your use.
17:32What else
17:33can any heart do?
17:37Lady,
17:37explain it to me.
17:39Oh, my God.
17:43The general...
17:44He has come over.
17:45My eyes are revealing.
17:48Lady of Spain,
17:49I love you.
17:51Lady of...
17:52Stop!
17:53Oh,
17:54you are...
17:55I am arrasting you
17:57for bigging
17:58and disturbing
17:58the puss.
17:59It is I,
18:05Leclerc.
18:06Shut up
18:06and come with moo.
18:08What a boy
18:08and stop the music.
18:09It was very good.
18:10More, more.
18:12Lady of Spain,
18:13I adore you.
18:15Stop!
18:17Do not interfere
18:18with the local affairs,
18:19Captain.
18:20Carry on with your duty.
18:21Okay.
18:21The enema
18:25is in the organ.
18:32I see from her insignia
18:34that that girl
18:35is in your unit.
18:37The legs seem familiar.
18:40But I do not
18:42recognize the face.
18:44Hey, you.
18:45How you like
18:45the good time
18:46with the bigot hero?
18:47You must forgive me,
18:50but I am not
18:51very keen
18:51on mustaches.
18:53That's Gruber.
18:56What a mistake
18:57of the Michael.
19:02What's he doing?
19:04Officers off duty
19:05can please themselves
19:06so they violate
19:06the hours.
19:09If you have
19:09a problem, Gruber,
19:10pop by my quarters
19:11and have a drink.
19:15So, time is up.
19:16The machine
19:17has not been returned.
19:18It is now time
19:19to start to arrest
19:20the peasants.
19:21Soldier, arrest
19:22the cafe owner,
19:23his wife and the waitresses.
19:26It is I.
19:27Helga.
19:29My God,
19:30you're off duty too.
19:33Portraits.
19:35Portraits.
19:37Who will buy
19:38a portrait
19:39from a poor old
19:40portrait painter?
19:42Tell the cafe owner
19:43to get off his knees.
19:44He's under arrest.
19:46I have done nothing.
19:48Colonel.
19:51Take this man outside
19:52and prepare him
19:53for execution.
19:54What?
19:54Yes, General.
19:57Stop.
19:58Nobody is to leave
19:59this cafe.
20:00How dare you
20:01point your gun
20:02at the General.
20:03How dare you point
20:03your gun
20:04at an officer
20:04of the Gestapo.
20:06The General
20:06said it first.
20:08There are now
20:09two guns
20:10pointing at you.
20:11Gruber,
20:11have you got a gun?
20:13I will have a look.
20:16Lipstick,
20:16nail polish,
20:17suspender.
20:18Helga.
20:23I am unarmed.
20:25I am stunned.
20:32Have you recovered
20:33the Enigma apparatus?
20:35Mind your own business.
20:37Gentlemen,
20:37I have good nose.
20:40General,
20:41Colonel,
20:42the Resistance,
20:43who of course
20:43I do not know at all,
20:44have just thrown
20:45the Enigma machine
20:46through the window
20:46of my back parlor.
20:48This is very strange.
20:49I heard nothing.
20:49There it was.
20:58Here you are,
20:59General.
21:00There is a note.
21:02To save the life
21:03of an innocent cafe owner
21:04who has no connection
21:06with the Resistance,
21:07this machine
21:08is returned.
21:10I cannot read
21:11the signature.
21:12The ink is still wet.
21:15Good.
21:16Strong actions
21:17always produce results.
21:19The situation
21:19is now closed
21:20but inquiries
21:22will continue
21:22after I have
21:23phoned my tailor
21:24and cancelled
21:24my winter uniform.
21:26Again I am thwarted.
21:28So am I.
21:29Your thwart
21:30is smaller.
21:34Perhaps you gentlemen
21:35would care to join me
21:36in my quarters
21:36for little schnapps.
21:37Thank you, gentlemen.
21:39It will be
21:39quite informal.
21:40No need to change,
21:41Goober.
21:45There's no need
21:46for you to change
21:47either, eh?
21:49Oh, let us close
21:54the cafe.
21:55Yes, I'm sorry,
21:56we are closed.
21:57Thank you very much.
21:57Thank you, gentlemen.
21:58Thank you, gentlemen.
21:59Come in.
22:01Well, another narrow escape.
22:14Oh, René,
22:15how much longer
22:16can we continue
22:17this dangerous existence?
22:19Well, that is how it goes
22:20in Warton, France, Edith.
22:22If we play our cards right,
22:23we may survive.
22:25In any event,
22:25we must just worry
22:26one day at a time.
22:27Well, when it is all over,
22:30I just hope we are
22:31on the winning side.
22:32We are sure to be, Edith.
22:34We are on everybody's side.
22:39And meantime,
22:40I am close
22:41to the woman I love.
22:48Oh, René,
22:49you are my wonder man.
22:53Who is that?
22:55Can they not see
22:56I have closed the cafe?
23:08Did I, uh,
23:09miss anything?
23:11Hang around.
23:12I will tell you later.
23:12I will tell you later.
23:42I will tell you later.
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