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Gogglebox (2013) Season 26 Episode 15
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FunTranscript
00:00All is calm, all is bright
00:09Round young age
00:13Oh, it's harmonising, but did you just not know the words?
00:16No.
00:23Earthwappers have been gassed.
00:25You want some of this?
00:27Oh, lettuce!
00:28Ow!
00:30Now, see?
00:31Oh, now there's a controversial statement.
00:33The gravy.
00:36Yeah!
00:37Do you like this music?
00:38No, not particularly.
00:39So suck on that.
00:41Oh, wow!
00:42He's been a bad boy!
00:44Don't ever take me to a restaurant like that.
00:46Not a chance, do we?
00:47Oh!
00:48Yes, look at that.
00:49He's had an absolute feast.
00:51Whoa!
00:53For a banana?
00:54This is insane!
00:56Well, thank God that's over, I've got a day gone.
00:59It is like putting chicken in a vodka tonic, this.
01:03That's very modern, isn't it?
01:05Nothing, no-one saw that coming.
01:06No.
01:07In the week they put out another final episode of Neighbours, we enjoyed lots of great telly.
01:14It was all about Say What You See on ITV.
01:17It's the hilarious and the delightful Mel Gidroy.
01:20Good to see you, Mel.
01:22Oh, wait!
01:23It's Mel!
01:24Great.
01:25Mel and Sue.
01:26That's that.
01:27Yep.
01:28That's her last name?
01:29Mel and Sue.
01:30Mel and Sue.
01:31Mel and Sue.
01:32Mel and Sue.
01:33First name, Melon.
01:35Julie Andrews was giving it some on Disney+.
01:39The hills are alive with the sound of music.
01:46I had a huge crush on her when I was a kid.
01:48Yeah, I know.
01:49That's why you're with me.
01:50You love the British.
01:52Yeah.
01:53Like Mary Poppins.
01:54Maybe that's it.
01:55Well, she was Mary Poppins.
01:56Yeah.
01:57That's what I'm saying.
01:58That's what I'm saying.
01:59Is that what you're inadvertently telling me that you love me?
02:01Yes.
02:02Yes.
02:03Great.
02:04Perfect.
02:05I'll take it.
02:06When you wear a smock.
02:07It's my thing.
02:08Every Tuesday then.
02:11And Megan had a VIP dinner date on Netflix.
02:15Guess what else is in this salad?
02:17It's literally your favourite salad of all time.
02:19Beets.
02:20Black olives.
02:21How do you say it?
02:22Beetroot.
02:23Beetroot.
02:24Beetroot.
02:25I don't think the mocking of the voice was necessary.
02:28I want mocking.
02:29The pronunciation maybe.
02:30Beetroot.
02:31Beetroot.
02:32What do you say?
02:34Well, I might say it.
02:35Beetroot.
02:37But there's not two T's.
02:38Beetroot.
02:39I sort of tie the T and the R together.
02:42Beetroot.
02:43So you're wrong?
02:44Probably.
02:45I love beetroot.
02:53In West London.
02:55You like a longer one though, don't you?
02:56Well, it's like a finger.
02:58It's harder to do with a short, flat one.
03:00Lieutenant.
03:01Do you know, it is something though I feel like we could probably make ourselves.
03:04Oh, come on, Georgia.
03:05It's Christmas.
03:06I know.
03:07We're very busy.
03:08Well, you're not.
03:09Well, because I've done everything.
03:10So you could make that.
03:11You could make that your job.
03:12Your one Christmas job.
03:13Are you saying I don't do enough to marshal Christmas?
03:16Yeah, that's exactly what I'm saying.
03:17Is that not clear?
03:20You can do pigs in blankets.
03:21I'll do everything else.
03:22On Tuesday night, Lee Mack was looking for Britain's best brains again on ITV.
03:28Do you do quizzes for fun or do you do it for like to keep your mind sharp?
03:32I occasionally do like, I like sort of brain teasers.
03:37What would be your area of speciality?
03:40Really a bit scared.
03:41Are you 1% of the country?
03:43Are you top 1%?
03:44I used to be.
03:45Before I had multiple children.
03:47What would be your best round?
03:48Music, probably.
03:49I don't know.
03:5080s, 70s, music.
03:52How old do you think I am?
03:53I genuinely don't know anymore.
03:55I know.
03:56It keeps changing.
03:57It does keep changing.
03:58That's how age works.
03:59See, I don't understand numbers.
04:01All right, let's go.
04:04We're definitely at 1%.
04:05Yeah, totally.
04:06I might have to get my smart glasses on for this.
04:09Oh, no.
04:11Welcome to the 1% World Rollover.
04:13Hoping to win tonight are our 100 players.
04:15Awful suit he's wearing, man.
04:17Lee Mack, would you?
04:18Oh, yeah, he's got a looking hat about him.
04:20OK, it's time for our first question.
04:22Bit of shorts from you, be nice, no shouting out.
04:25Just so that I can do my own workings out.
04:28So this is one that 90% of our survey got right.
04:31So 90% of the UK population would get this right.
04:34So we should get this.
04:35So we should get this.
04:36Are you backing yourself?
04:37Yeah.
04:38Ellie, you'll be all right.
04:39Even thickers get this one right.
04:40Marissa is swiping on a dating app.
04:42OK.
04:43I'm out.
04:44She is looking for someone with dark hair who doesn't wear glasses
04:48and is not clean shaven.
04:50Who does she pick?
04:51Is that literally the question?
04:52First of all, Marissa got problems.
04:54Is Marissa going dating or playing Guess Who?
04:57Who?
04:58Oh, it's A.
05:00Yeah.
05:01OK, so.
05:02D.
05:03Oh, it's not clean shaven.
05:04A. Oh my God, I'm out already.
05:05A.
05:06You're out.
05:07All right.
05:08I thought it was who's clean shaven.
05:09No, no, no, no.
05:10I have time.
05:11I know there's a time.
05:12But what happens when you fill out the circle?
05:14I wouldn't have filled it out yet.
05:15You can't like X out the circle.
05:16I wouldn't have filled it out yet.
05:17I would still be thinking, no, A.
05:18Right, let's see who's lights stay on and are still in the game
05:21and how many people are out.
05:22Who got it wrong?
05:23Nobody could be out on this.
05:24There will be.
05:25There'll be some.
05:26You'd be blue lighted.
05:31So, how are they out?
05:33It's A, B has glasses, C has blonde hair and D is clean shaven.
05:38But B looks quite like me.
05:39Next.
05:40Easy that.
05:41I hope they're going to get harder.
05:42To be fair, if I was on a dating app, I would be looking for someone
05:44different to you, not the same as you.
05:45I've already got you.
05:46I'd be looking for, like, an alt.
05:47What, are you looking for an extra?
05:49OK, let's move on to the 35% question.
05:52Ooh, 35%.
05:53Only 35% of the country would get this.
05:55This is where he usually boils it up.
05:57What word replaces the question mark to complete this common phrase?
06:01What?
06:02Oh, it's you.
06:03Bold, ampersand question mark.
06:06Head and shoulders.
06:07Head and shoulders above everyone else.
06:09Yes.
06:10Head and, oh, I didn't even see that bit.
06:14This is going to be an English thing.
06:15I don't, or a British thing.
06:17Bold and head and balls.
06:19No.
06:20Head and balls?
06:21Head and shoulders above the rest.
06:23Above, well, head and shoulders above everyone else.
06:25Yeah.
06:26Everyone else on everyone else.
06:27Head and shoulders above everyone else.
06:28Head and shoulders above everyone else.
06:30Head and shoulders above everybody else.
06:32Head and shoulders above everyone else.
06:33Head and shoulders above everyone else.
06:34That's not even a British saying.
06:37Oh, my life.
06:38Oh, shut up.
06:39Head and shoulders above everyone else.
06:41Head and shoulders above everyone else.
06:42We are getting close to the end, and it's now time for the 15% question.
06:47All right, my time to shine.
06:4915%, right, we failed at every other percentage,
06:52so I don't know how we'll make it past 15.
06:55Look at the image to the right.
06:57Yes.
06:58Right.
06:59Oh, that's all right then.
07:00I've watched enough Bullseye.
07:01Should get this right.
07:02If 9 o'clock is worth 31 points, 3 o'clock is worth 26 points.
07:07Right.
07:08And 6 o'clock is worth 23 points.
07:10Oh, God.
07:11How many points is 12 o'clock worth?
07:14I don't understand what that means.
07:15I don't understand what that means.
07:16Did you times it by something?
07:189 o'clock is 31.
07:19That's crazy.
07:20That's a good question.
07:219 o'clock is worth 31 points.
07:23He's in your head.
07:24I can't do it in my head.
07:2540.
07:26That's 40.
07:2712 o'clock would be at the top.
07:32But was it worth, baby?
07:34You're asking me to give you the answer when I don't know the answer.
07:399 o'clock.
07:40I'm not in the right frame of mind for this tonight.
07:43Let's have a look at the answer.
07:45It's 40.
07:46The score is the sum of where the hour and minute hands are pointing.
07:5040?
07:51Shit, a brick.
07:53There is no hands on that.
07:54I still don't fucking understand what the answer is.
07:57It's someone's the answer.
07:58I still don't understand.
07:59I hate the 1% club.
08:00That's a fucking super game.
08:02After whittling down the contestants here in the studio, we are left with the 1% question.
08:07OK, here we go.
08:08Yes.
08:09Whoa.
08:101%.
08:11I can't fall at this now.
08:12Good luck.
08:13This is your 1% question.
08:15I've never ever got a 1% question right.
08:19Tonight's tonight.
08:20I can feel it in my water.
08:22Heidi Abbey Bedhead just got a new bank card.
08:26Glasses, glasses, quickly.
08:27What a name.
08:28What a fucking name.
08:29If the picture below displays the first 12 digits of the card number, what are the final four?
08:35Er...
08:36Oh, God.
08:37I don't even understand the question.
08:38One.
08:39What?
08:40Four.
08:41Oh.
08:42It's the last four out of head.
08:44So, wherever head is in the alphabet, that's the numbers.
08:47Yeah.
08:48So, it's...
08:49A, B, C, D, E...
08:50Shut up, Giles.
08:51...5 is E.
08:52So, it's 8...
08:53Er...
08:545...
08:55A, B, C, D, E...
08:58A, B, C, D...
08:598, 5, 1...
09:00Can you show up, please?
09:018, 5, 1, 4.
09:038, 5, 1, 4.
09:048, 5, 1, 4.
09:06It's a...
09:07It's a...
09:08It's...
09:09Erm...
09:10Alphabetical numbering.
09:118, 5, 1, 4.
09:13This one's so much easier than the other one.
09:158...
09:165...
09:171...
09:183.
09:198, 5, 1, 3.
09:208, 5, 1, 3.
09:218, 5, 1, 3.
09:228, 5, 1, 3.
09:238, 5, 1, 3.
09:24I've got it.
09:25I've got it.
09:268, 5, 1, 3.
09:278, 5, 1, 4.
09:304.
09:31Ah!
09:32Oh, you were...
09:33You know what?
09:34I said 4.
09:35You never said 3.
09:368, 5, 1, 4, didn't I?
09:37Oh, well...
09:38I said 8, 5, 1, 4.
09:39You never said 8, 5, 1, 3.
09:40Oh, I love you so much.
09:41You're so gorgeous and intelligent.
09:43I can get some things right.
09:44Hanson and smart.
09:46Thanks, baby.
09:51I would say that.
09:52You've never said that before in your life, and I appreciate it.
09:55Oh, of course I have.
09:56Oh, what do you know?
10:01And how did you do?
10:02I did fine.
10:03Mm-hmm.
10:05Out on the first question, I believe?
10:09Yeah.
10:10And subsequently got none of them right?
10:13Yeah.
10:14Yeah, that's correct.
10:15Nailing it.
10:16How did you know that there was something to do with a name?
10:18Because it's such a ludicrous name.
10:20That's quite judgmental and rude.
10:22Well, I mean, it's just...
10:23It's an odd name to put in the question.
10:25The oddness of the name alerts you to the fact
10:27that that must have something to do with the answer.
10:29All right, Columbo.
10:38In New York...
10:39I used to be really upset about our tree.
10:41Yeah, you got your way.
10:42We got a small tree.
10:43Hey, don't make it about me.
10:44Kieran and his wife, Jas.
10:47You want a small tree, I want a big tree.
10:48No.
10:49I sort of thought we compromised,
10:50and then I got home and went,
10:51oh, this thing is tiny.
10:52Yeah, but you were like, this is a good tree.
10:54I thought so, and then that guy kept cutting off the bottom
10:56while he was talking to us.
10:57I think he was distracted.
10:58Let me just do one more layer of branches.
11:00Yeah, no.
11:01I should have spoken up.
11:02You should have.
11:03You know what I keep thinking?
11:04Because I know it's only been two days.
11:05What?
11:06I keep thinking, like, when you're away or you're asleep,
11:07I'm going to go out and buy a new tree.
11:08You've got another tree.
11:09Take down all the lights.
11:10I will notice.
11:11I don't know if you...
11:12On Sunday night, there were more showbiz types hanging out with Mr. Chips on ITV.
11:20This next one I know all about, and you don't know anything, because you're an American.
11:25So it's catchphrase.
11:26So this is supposed to...
11:27Oh, do you know, like, Wheel of Fortune?
11:29Yes.
11:30You spin a wheel, and you solve the puzzle.
11:32Say no more.
11:34I have always loved a bit of catchphrase.
11:37Maybe it's because I say it how I see it in life.
11:39Yeah, that's probably the reason.
11:41I think you like it because it's simple.
11:46I don't believe you've never seen catchphrase.
11:48Well, I've never seen catchphrase.
11:49Believe it.
11:50Say what you see if you see it said.
11:52Say what you see if you see it said.
11:54Welcome to a festive edition of Celebrity Catchphrase.
11:57Festive and celebrity.
12:00What's next?
12:01Let's not hold back.
12:02Let's get going.
12:03Are you ready at home?
12:04Yeah.
12:05Super ready.
12:06Well, we'll try.
12:07We're here.
12:08We're going to do it with you, Stephen.
12:09Come on.
12:10Here is your first catchphrase.
12:11Good luck.
12:12Oh, edge of your seat.
12:17So what am I supposed to do?
12:19Peace on earth.
12:20World peace.
12:21Oh, that's it?
12:22This is the game?
12:23Yeah.
12:25Just say what you see.
12:26I have no...
12:27A Twinkie and a rocket?
12:28What are we looking at?
12:29Just say what you see.
12:30Oh, I'm supposed to be looking at the word peace on the earth.
12:35Bill.
12:36Bill Bailey's got it.
12:37Bill Bailey's no...
12:38He's no slouch.
12:39He's got it.
12:40Christmas peace.
12:41Oh, it's not Christmas peace.
12:43Christmas peace.
12:44They must have took his brain out when they cut his hair off.
12:46He looks like Billy Joel now.
12:48That's who he looks like.
12:49Oh, my God.
12:50He does look like...
12:51He really does.
12:52He does look like...
12:53Bill Bailey Joel.
12:54Peace on earth.
12:55It's peace on earth.
12:56Of course she gets it.
12:57It's nothing like Wheel of Fortune.
12:58Oh, my God.
12:59I'm it.
13:00Here's your next catchphrase.
13:01Georgia, this one's yours.
13:02Best sheep.
13:03Sheep.
13:04Necklace.
13:05What is happening here?
13:06Goat in a tumble dryer.
13:07Oh, it might be a goat.
13:08Best in goat.
13:09Best in goat.
13:10Bill.
13:11Er, the greatest of all time.
13:12The goat.
13:13Yes, greatest of all time is correct.
13:14All right, Bailey Joel.
13:15I don't get that.
13:16Nommi.
13:17I didn't see the relevance of the goat.
13:18Nommi.
13:19These catchphrases are all quite, sort of...
13:21I don't get that.
13:22I don't get that.
13:23Nommi.
13:24I didn't see the relevance of the goat.
13:25Nommi.
13:26I didn't see the relevance of the goat.
13:27Nommi.
13:28Nommi.
13:29These catchphrases are all quite, sort of...
13:31Well, for the youth.
13:32They're quite youth-based.
13:33Aren't they?
13:34We're far too old for this.
13:35Well, you are.
13:36Here's your next one.
13:39Sprinkling.
13:40Dusting.
13:41Dropping your dust.
13:42Dropping your dust.
13:43Oh, I tell you what, there's nothing worse when this happens.
13:45What's Mr. Chips just done?
13:47Something horrifying.
13:48You know what the hell was that?
13:49What is he doing?
13:50He's chucking away his back.
13:51He's chucking his ass.
13:53He's dusting and he's taking off his...
13:55Bam.
13:56Bam?
13:57That's the bam.
13:58No.
13:59What's he up to there?
14:02He threw his back out the door.
14:04Threw his back out.
14:05Threw his back out.
14:06Put his back out.
14:07He's put his back out.
14:08Threw my back in.
14:09Oh, threw my back out?
14:10There we go.
14:11Out.
14:12No, no, Ian's better.
14:13Phil.
14:14He's put his back out.
14:15He certainly has.
14:16You got that one right.
14:17I got that.
14:18He put his back out.
14:19He put his back out.
14:20He put his back out.
14:21Nat's put his back out and he don't bloody shut up about it.
14:24And you will be taking...
14:25After all that, Bill had made it to the final for the chance to win £50,000.
14:30Bill, I really hope you do it.
14:32Simple as that.
14:33Yeah.
14:34Are you ready?
14:35I'm ready.
14:36Come on, Bill.
14:37Come on, Jane.
14:41Ooh.
14:42Gold celebrities.
14:43Pointing golden balls.
14:44Look at my balls.
14:45Golden Globes, red carpet.
14:48Says the actor.
14:49Couple of gold worlds.
14:50Golden Globes awards.
14:51Pass.
14:52Pass?
14:53Er...
14:54Losing the plot.
14:55Reading the plot backwards.
14:56Follow the plot.
14:57Follow the plot.
14:58Yes, yes.
14:59Plot.
15:00Ooh.
15:01Plot twist.
15:02Oh, Unraveled.
15:03The plot.
15:04Go Unraveled.
15:05Oh, right.
15:06The plot thickens.
15:07What thickens?
15:08Bill?
15:09He's not going to get a PhD.
15:10The plot spirals.
15:11What's on the spiral, Bill?
15:12Come on, Bill.
15:13What catchphrases are about spirals?
15:14Complicated plot.
15:15The plot turns into a spiral.
15:16Oh, my God.
15:17Bill.
15:18No, he's put on the spot.
15:19Oh, my God.
15:20The plot thickens.
15:21Pass.
15:22Come on, Bill.
15:23I'm not judging.
15:24Because I bet when you're there it's tough.
15:25But Bill is shit at this.
15:26Uh...
15:27House party.
15:28House party.
15:29Come on, Bill.
15:30House party.
15:31It's about time.
15:32Create next.
15:33Number eight.
15:34Come on, Bill.
15:35It's about time.
15:36It's about time.
15:37Great next.
15:38Number eight.
15:39Come on, Bill.
15:40We're out of time.
15:41Oh, no.
15:42Poor guy.
15:43Two thousand and five hundred pounds.
15:44Bill, listen, Bill.
15:45Sorry.
15:46Listen, you've got nothing to apologise for.
15:47You do.
15:48No, you should apologise.
15:49Well, better than a poke in the eye with a sharp stick, isn't it?
15:52I don't know.
15:53On reflection.
15:54That was quite painful to watch, wasn't it?
15:55What was this charity?
15:56We never found out.
15:57We didn't know that.
15:58No.
15:59Hopefully it's stand up to cancer.
16:00I don't know.
16:01On reflection.
16:02That was quite painful to watch, wasn't it?
16:04What was this charity?
16:05We never found out.
16:06We didn't know that, no.
16:07Hopefully it's stand up to cancer.
16:09This week, we watched Becca's story.
16:14We have three children.
16:18Matthew's the eldest.
16:20And then Rebecca is the middle child.
16:22And Sophie, the baby.
16:24Look all the measurements.
16:26Did that with the kids.
16:28It was a little measuring post.
16:30Always got my nerves.
16:32Our nickname for Becca as a small baby was Smiler.
16:36No.
16:37That smells infectious.
16:41She was probably about nine or ten.
16:45And she watched this program about Great Wall Street.
16:49And she just decided from that moment on, that's what she wanted to become was a doctor.
16:54Oh, God.
16:55How amazing.
16:56I think that nine years of age is saying you want to be a doctor.
16:59That's dedication, isn't it?
17:00Yes.
17:01We were just so proud.
17:03Mm.
17:04She loved being a doctor.
17:06Oh, you would be proud, wouldn't you?
17:09Yeah.
17:10So, back in June 2023, she basically had gone out for a few drinks, nothing crazy, come home and she basically couldn't go to the toilet.
17:21So, she went into A&E.
17:23She noticed that her tummy was distended for a few days afterwards.
17:27She spoke to her consultant and he said, I'm going to send you for a scan, let's have a look.
17:34Boy.
17:37Jesus.
17:42Oh, no.
17:47Cold.
17:51As parents, do you try and do everything in your power to look after your child?
18:07And you don't have any power over this, do you?
18:10You've got no control at all, have you?
18:12Family shouldn't be having to go through this.
18:14Seeing your sister so weak and ill and then having to shave her hair off is...
18:19It's, yeah.
18:26Heartbreaking.
18:28Oh, God.
18:31You had your hair off.
18:33It's one of the worst bits.
18:34Yes.
18:35Yes.
18:56Oh, no.
18:58Bloody hell, Becca.
19:00There's no hope now.
19:01When you're told there is no hope, you've got nothing left to say.
19:25I kind of sat near to the bed and had her head just on my shoulder and I just kind of cuddled her like that.
19:39And, uh, Matthew had got up.
19:41I sat with her on the bed at that point and again she lay into my shoulder.
19:48But, um, she came into this world and I, and I held her.
19:53And as she left, as she left this world, I held her too.
19:57What are they able to do?
20:06Oh, my God.
20:16It's not right.
20:18It is awfully sad.
20:21No mother should bury her child.
20:24No mother should bury her child.
20:34Oh, God.
20:36She didn't have long, did she?
20:3730.
20:41It's so random and brutally unjust, isn't it?
20:50You raise your children.
20:52You try and get them through everything and then you don't expect them to die in their 30s.
20:55Almost one in two of us will get cancer in our lifetime.
21:01Help us fight back.
21:03To give 40, 30, 20 or 10 pounds to support Stand Up To Cancer, text 40, 30, 20 or 10 to 70404.
21:11Or to donate any amount online, go to channel4.com forward slash su2c.
21:17100% of the money you give will fund life-saving cancer research.
21:25100% of the money you give will fund life-saving cancer research.
21:30In South West London...
21:32Think of any word, and on the count of three, we're going to both say the words that I think you're thinking of at the same time.
21:40One, two, three, jumper.
21:43How did you do that?
21:44Do you want to do it again?
21:46Good friends Nick and Joe.
21:48On the count of three again, yeah, you ready?
21:50One, two, three, cup.
21:53No way!
21:54I know.
21:55How are you doing that?
21:56I don't know.
21:57It's because I looked at the cup, wasn't it?
21:58No.
21:59Do you want the third one?
22:01Last one.
22:02Last one.
22:03Last one.
22:04Go like completely rogue.
22:05Think of a country.
22:07No, it's too obvious.
22:08Oh, okay.
22:09Okay, go for it.
22:10We'll go country.
22:11You got a country?
22:12I've got a country.
22:13Yeah?
22:14Rogue.
22:15Okay.
22:16No more clues.
22:17Right, here we go.
22:18I'm going to close my eyes, okay?
22:19Ready?
22:20Yeah.
22:21One, two, three.
22:22Vatican City.
22:24This week, Netflix was prepping for a right royal Christmas.
22:28Megan's back, Jane.
22:30I know.
22:31She's sort of getting ready for like kind of a mate coming round and she'll just sort of make sort of like a quiche and some sort of table decorations and they'll have a chat.
22:42But it's just sort of nice, it's just nice to watch and look at.
22:45It's very comforting.
22:46You had me at quiche.
22:47Oh, this one's kind of pretty.
22:49It has a great shape.
22:52I think this is the one.
22:55It's a great tree.
22:56You didn't like the fact that we were out in the rain picking our Christmas trees yesterday?
23:00No, the misery added to the Christmas chair.
23:03When I string the lights on a tree, I do inside so it's lit from within and on the border right on the outside.
23:09Sure you do.
23:10For me, I light, start at the front of the branch, tie, back, forth, back, forth, back, forth, all the way to the top.
23:18Do you know what I do when I'm putting the lights on?
23:20Leave it to pay.
23:21Yeah.
23:22And the same with ornaments.
23:23You want to find the placement for them where they're going to find their light.
23:26Can one year, can I do it?
23:28Sure.
23:29You know I'm going to die before you.
23:30You can do it then.
23:31Sure.
23:32Yeah.
23:33Deal.
23:34With my next husband.
23:36That's a fun thought.
23:39How long do you think I'll be in the grave before you remarry?
23:43A couple weeks.
23:44Soon.
23:45Yeah, I knew it was going to be fast.
23:46The kids will just start calling him dad.
23:48Yeah.
23:49I don't know what Megan can teach.
23:54I'm here to find out what Megan can teach me.
23:57Is she actually doing this though?
23:59Well, I think that...
24:00Or is it like Blue Peter?
24:01I think...
24:02Where they go, here's one we made earlier.
24:03I think there must be an element of like, we've prepped a lot of this.
24:07It's time to go.
24:11Festive rapping.
24:12Festive rapping.
24:13Excellent.
24:14I need to know how to do this.
24:15Oh, somebody at the door.
24:16Someone should do our rapping for us.
24:17It's Megan.
24:18Oh my God, can you imagine?
24:22I love having tone on tone.
24:24Tone on tone.
24:25Don't we all?
24:26I love having tone on tone.
24:28As well as a wax seal.
24:30Oh, wax seal.
24:31Why haven't we thought about wax seal?
24:33We should, yeah.
24:34We should get a wax seal.
24:35We should get a family seal.
24:36Rolled crest, I bet, as well.
24:38Charles will be looking for that.
24:41It's the tiniest detail that suddenly feels elevated.
24:45Oh.
24:46I bet that's for Camilla, that.
24:47It's a Bayliss and Harden gift set.
24:49Yeah.
24:50Probably a Pumice Stone.
24:51Yeah.
24:52Some of that.
24:53I can't wait for our last guest.
24:55Welcoming Tom Colicchio.
24:57Oh, oh.
24:58Now usually everyone that comes round, she's worked with on suits.
25:03Right.
25:04So she just goes through the cast.
25:06Or the crew.
25:07A bit like my podcast.
25:09Yeah.
25:10Yeah.
25:11All the traitors.
25:14Hello.
25:15Cheers.
25:16Oh, she's just had a big smelly mouthful of food and now Colicchio's here.
25:20I'm very excited you're here.
25:21We're going to have some fun today.
25:22I want to hear about some of your family recipes and traditions and all that jazz.
25:27There was always this beet salad.
25:29Beets, is that right?
25:30Beetroot.
25:31Oh.
25:32Every Christmas.
25:33What do I say to you every Christmas?
25:34I could murder a beet salad.
25:36Every Christmas.
25:37It was beets.
25:38And then it was a mixture of red onion, celery, artichoke hearts.
25:42Okay.
25:43Yeah.
25:44Can I tell you why I'm chuckling?
25:45Why are you chuckling, Megan?
25:47Why is it funny?
25:48So if I gave you the top things that my husband hates.
25:51Uh-oh.
25:52Beets, he would call them beetroot as they say in England.
25:54What?
25:55He doesn't like beetroot?
25:56He does not like beetroot as Prince Harry.
25:58Okay, so can I show you one of my family favorites now?
26:00Yeah, go on.
26:01What we're going to have is a fallout.
26:03You're making gumbo, right?
26:05Yes, indeed.
26:06Ooh, gumbo.
26:07That's very, like, soul food-y.
26:09So my mom's family is from Tennessee, like, around Chattanooga.
26:13Isn't there a song, Mary, called Chattanooga Choo Choo?
26:17Hmm.
26:18Would you like to sing it for me?
26:20No, I'd rather get a knife and stab you.
26:22Oh, that's not very Christmassy, Mary.
26:24Smells like Christmas now.
26:26Hi, guys.
26:28There he is!
26:29There he is!
26:30Oh!
26:31There he is!
26:32Oh, he's here!
26:33Oh, my God!
26:34He's made an appearance!
26:35Oh, my God!
26:36He's holding onto his fringe.
26:38I smell gumbo.
26:39I was like...
26:40I smell gumbo.
26:41He smells gumbo.
26:42I smell gumbo.
26:43Stop it.
26:44What?
26:45Do I need to do the voice?
26:46Gumbo, for me, is, like, one of my favorites, especially her mum's.
26:49Of course he says that.
26:51Yeah, especially her mum's, because it's really the only relative that we've got left.
26:57It is delicious.
26:58I'm also sure it's as good as your mum's, but it's certainly close.
27:01Wow.
27:02Oh!
27:03Oh!
27:04Oh!
27:05This is the most he's ever been in it.
27:07Is it?
27:08Yeah, it's normally a sort of fly-by.
27:09I think he genuinely wants to try the gumbo.
27:12Yeah.
27:13He did.
27:14He smelt it.
27:15Mm.
27:16I smelt the gumbo.
27:17He said.
27:18Who has the time?
27:20Megan.
27:21Well, because she's only got two kids.
27:24Oh.
27:28Already becoming snobby with three.
27:30Oh, two is easy.
27:31When we had to, we would have been able to do this.
27:33All the time in the world.
27:34Easy.
27:35Try having three, stupid.
27:36Lazy.
27:40This week, we watch Matthew's story.
27:43My name's Matthew Starkey.
27:45He's handsome.
27:46Oh, he's an handsome lad.
27:47Growing up, I would have been big into football.
27:49And sport has always been a big part of my life.
27:52I would have go to the gym, walk, play football with friends.
27:55He's a normal dude, isn't he?
27:56Mm-hmm.
27:57I met Carrie through a date nap.
27:59It was during Covid.
28:00We met in a car park for a socially distanced walk.
28:04I think that's very romantic.
28:05Are you two?
28:06Yeah.
28:07Matthew, it's just so caring and lovely and respectful,
28:09and that's what I was ever looking for in somebody.
28:10Sweet.
28:11Oh, they look a good match, don't they?
28:15Oh, he noticed a swelling in his leg.
28:17Oh, no.
28:18Put it down to...
28:19That was a good one.
28:20I think we could do something, but we can't do something.
28:22It was really, really.
28:23It was a little bit too much.
28:24It's a little bit too much.
28:25Yeah.
28:26I think that's really romantic.
28:27Yeah.
28:28Matthew...
28:29...is just so caring and lovely and respectful.
28:30And that's what I was ever looking for in somebody.
28:31Sweet.
28:32Put it down to just wear and tear and being in my 30s.
28:35And you would think that, wouldn't you?
28:37Yeah.
28:38I basically started to lose control of my right leg.
28:41My leg buckled underneath me and I sort of fell to the ground.
28:45Oh, my God.
28:46Went to the hospital, got the scan,
28:49and I could tell the doctors and nurses were looking at me a little bit differently.
28:52Oh, you don't want that.
28:53That's not a good sign, is it?
28:55Got a call and was like, can you come in?
28:57Like, the doctors want to speak to you.
28:58And I was just like, right, OK.
29:00So the lamb bells were ringing?
29:02Yeah.
29:05Gave us the worst use.
29:09Oh, God.
29:17It was in his brain.
29:19I have basically a brain tumour,
29:21but it's growing on my spinal cord as the primary spot.
29:28Two years to live.
29:30As the diagnosis got more and more assessed,
29:38the timeline became less.
29:41Oh.
29:41They'd talked about a year instead of two years.
29:44Oh.
29:45So it was a big sort of shock.
29:49Getting that kind of news at 32 years old,
29:53they're so sick because your loved ones are just your absolute world, aren't they?
30:00Matthew was like, well, we want to get married, we want to do this,
30:03and he was just like, do it all now because you don't know what's out of you.
30:09Do you know what, fair play to Matthew for still being in, like, high spirits,
30:13do you know what I mean?
30:14And wanting to, like, marry Carrie.
30:16They're rushing to condense all their life plans down into a short time now, aren't they?
30:20Yeah.
30:21You all right?
30:22Yeah.
30:22Oh, wow.
30:30I imagine it was a very emotional day.
30:32Mm-hmm.
30:34Good.
30:34I've already made it to the wedding.
30:35It was just a day of positive love.
30:43The energy in the room, I just kept saying,
30:46if you could bottle this up, you could sell it for millions.
30:49That would have been a bit of a sweet affair, isn't it?
30:51Yeah.
30:51It just was a day of celebration.
30:54So I'd like to start the speech by raising a toast to my new wife, Carrie.
30:58Yeah!
30:59Aw.
31:01Thank you for showing me what unconditional love is,
31:03and thank you for just being you.
31:05Look at the way she looks at him.
31:14I don't know how long I have,
31:16but I would just like to get back home
31:17and just start married life with Carrie in our house,
31:21and just get through it together.
31:23Live life together as long as you can.
31:30Oh, God.
31:31Oh, no.
31:32Oh, no, don't tell me.
31:35Six weeks.
31:38Six weeks.
31:39Oh, my...
31:40At least he got his time with that, didn't he?
31:52Your dad had a married man.
31:53Yeah.
31:54I'm so glad he's managed to find love and...
31:58He got to celebrate each other.
32:10Almost one in two of us will get cancer in our lifetime.
32:13Help us fight back.
32:15To give 40, 30, 20, or 10 pounds to support Stand Up To Cancer,
32:20text 40, 30, 20, or 10 to 70404.
32:24Or to donate any amount online,
32:26go to channel4.com forward slash su2c.
32:30100% of the money you give will fund life-saving cancer research.
32:34What do you want for Christmas?
32:45I would like pyjamas, because I'm full of fun these days.
32:49Yeah.
32:50Josh and his wife Tamsin.
32:52You used to do this really annoying thing,
32:55which, for the month leading up to Christmas,
32:57just buy everything that you wanted.
32:59Because it was all on sale.
33:00I know, but you were also like,
33:01oh, I'm coming to the end of the year.
33:02What do I want?
33:03Oh, I'll just get it all myself.
33:04And I'd see all these packages being like,
33:06oh, that's what I was going to get.
33:07Oh, that's what I was going to get you.
33:08Because I also look at, see, all the things you might need.
33:11And then I just have nothing for you.
33:12Well, lucky for you,
33:12I didn't buy anything for myself this year.
33:15No.
33:16Because I'm not buying things anymore.
33:18That's my new thing.
33:19So, I'll give your pyjamas away?
33:21No, the pyjamas I do need.
33:23On Tuesday night,
33:25James May was fiddling about in his man cave again on Discovery+.
33:29Chin, chin.
33:32There it is.
33:33Cheers.
33:34You like porching in your shed, mate, don't you?
33:36Yeah.
33:37I think every man likes porching, doesn't he?
33:40Like that.
33:40You ought to put your bed out there.
33:42Oh, you'd love that, wouldn't you?
33:47Shed load of ideas.
33:50I'd appreciate that title.
33:51Yeah.
33:51I used to have a shed in the house that we were at.
33:54Yeah.
33:54And I used to love it when it rained.
33:55Because I'd go and make a cup of tea.
33:57And sit in it.
33:58And then go outside, sit in the shed with the door like half open.
34:01Oh, that's nice.
34:02The sound of rain feels gorgeous.
34:02And just listening to it.
34:03And just be like, oh, this is nice.
34:05Yeah.
34:05I love it when it rains outside.
34:06And then my wife would come and be like, what are you doing?
34:08What are you doing?
34:08Just having five minutes.
34:10It's not easy running a pub, you know?
34:12What with business rates, the cost of thatching.
34:15He runs a pub as well.
34:16Oh, yeah, he does.
34:17He runs a pub, don't they?
34:18Oh, they're all on pubs, don't they?
34:19And on top of all that, I have to think about choosing the right flavour of crisps.
34:24Oh, poor James.
34:26He's got to think about the right flavour of crisps.
34:29Prawn cocktail, mate.
34:30Yeah, that's good.
34:31I love prawn cocktail.
34:32Yeah.
34:32Roast chicken.
34:34Take over.
34:34Roast chicken crisps.
34:35Yeah.
34:35We love crisps, but we have identified a problem.
34:39There's none in there.
34:40Yeah.
34:41It's just all full of air.
34:42You're basically buying air.
34:43But what if you get halfway down the bag and then you suddenly think, do you know what?
34:47I fancy salt and vinegar.
34:50This is a major problem in the UK, isn't it?
34:52Oh, no, no.
34:53You don't want to do like a multi-crisp within a bag situation.
34:56This is your idea of hell, isn't it?
34:57Oh, my God, this is awful.
34:58Mixing your flavours.
34:59Me and Ben like doing this.
35:00If we're having, you know, a bit of a crisp night, we will open a bag of salt and vinegar
35:06and cheese and onion to counteract the acidity of the salt and vinegar.
35:10Who has a crisp night?
35:13You have, rather than a packet of crisps, a bowl of completely plain crisps.
35:19Uh-huh.
35:19So what's he going to do?
35:20So you pick to crisp up and you think, I think I'll have salt and vinegar for this one.
35:24You spray it on.
35:26Oh, James.
35:27Right.
35:28No.
35:28So now he's got a soggy crisp.
35:30Yeah.
35:31Oh, stop it.
35:32I don't hate it.
35:33Ugh.
35:35I don't hate it.
35:36Every crisp could be different.
35:38I don't trust the British public to do anything.
35:40Someone's going to, like, pick up a bottle of window lean and spray the crisp.
35:43That's so weird.
35:44Let me talk to you a bit about some of the flavours I was imagining.
35:48Spam.
35:49Spam?
35:50What spam?
35:51Luncheon meat.
35:52Right.
35:52I had spam the other day after you'd done my nails.
35:55Did you?
35:56Spam and egg sarnie, yeah.
35:57I nearly got a spam and egg sarnie this morning, but I got a full English instead.
36:02Anchovies.
36:03Anchovy crisps.
36:04Fuck off.
36:05Spam and anchovy.
36:06No one is buying that, James May.
36:08You're creating problems, not solutions to them.
36:11Right, there's the cubed spam.
36:13You've added some more oil into there, yeah?
36:15I have, yes.
36:15Are they going to be making the crisp in front of our eyes right now?
36:19He's going to change it so it can be in one of those atomizers.
36:22That's his ultimate goal.
36:24I was always like liquid spam.
36:25I guess so.
36:26Is it worth sprinkling a little bit of salt in as well, too?
36:29Oh, yes.
36:31Oh, God.
36:32Oh, no.
36:33You're adding salt to spam and anchovies?
36:34I mean, that's two quite salty products to spray on an already salted crisp.
36:40Spam and anchovy crisp for the first time in the history of humanity.
36:44It could be the last time, James.
36:47Oh, God.
36:49Is this what men do in man caves?
36:50No.
36:55And?
36:56And?
36:57He's going to say it's delicious, isn't he?
36:58Just because he has to.
37:02It works.
37:04He doesn't say that it's good.
37:05He just says it works.
37:05It works.
37:08Look, it tastes of shit.
37:10It works.
37:10The crisp spray atomizer coming soon to a pub near me.
37:15I mean, it makes me hungry for some crisps.
37:18No, it very much solidifies my don't want to put crisps anywhere near my mouth.
37:23Store it here first.
37:25And last.
37:25And last.
37:26And never again.
37:29I think he really thinks it's going to sweep the nation spraying your crisps.
37:35In Wiltshire.
37:36You do crack in Ireland, but in English we have a sense of humour.
37:41And one of the things we like to do is to do teasing.
37:44Giles and his wife, Mary.
37:47Teasing.
37:47I don't want you to touch me.
37:49I want nothing further to do with you.
37:52I'm going to catch a taxi back to London.
37:55Now.
37:56Stop it.
37:57Christmas spirit.
37:58It's not.
37:59This is Christmas spirit.
38:00Stop it.
38:03It's the Christmas spirit, Mary.
38:05I don't want you to tell me that there were...
38:07Ding dong, mirrily on high.
38:11This week, an all-time classic had us in the mood for a festive sing-song on Disney+.
38:17Boom.
38:18Pedders.
38:20Dropper Bailey's.
38:22Sound of Music.
38:24What a combo.
38:25What a combo.
38:26Never seen it.
38:27Really?
38:27Yeah.
38:28What's it about?
38:29Hub Numb.
38:30Actually, Rich T.
38:31Screw that.
38:31Yeah, Rich T.
38:32Classic.
38:32What I do know is it's Judy Andrews.
38:35Julie.
38:37And that.
38:38Julie Andrews.
38:38So, Judy and Julie were in this.
38:47Rodgers and Hamsterers.
38:52This is my favourite film of all time, Nutty.
38:55Yes.
38:56You're very sentimental.
38:57I just have to think of it.
38:59Just have to think of it.
39:00It set you off, hasn't it, Mary?
39:02Yes.
39:04It reminds me of when people were nice.
39:06Steady.
39:07Steady, Nutty.
39:08Steady.
39:10What do you have to do?
39:10Do you remember when the average person was really nice?
39:13Well, they're still nice, Mary.
39:15They're all watching video nasties now.
39:17They're not all watching.
39:18She gets taught ballet.
39:25Yeah, she does.
39:26Well, she should.
39:27She should.
39:31I've never seen this.
39:32That's insane.
39:33Oh.
39:34It's just joyous.
39:39Oh, spin.
39:41Spin, Julie.
39:42Could you not?
39:49I don't know that I can resist.
39:52Right.
39:52With songs they have sung.
39:54For a thousand years.
39:59My heart wants to sing every song.
40:03I hate musicals.
40:04It's so.
40:06Do you know there's your favourite thing?
40:08There's singing kids.
40:10Oh, God.
40:10Okay, when that happens, I have to leave.
40:13With the sound of mew.
40:17I literally can't watch this without smiling.
40:19No.
40:19It's a very, very fun film.
40:21I think I might make all our children's clothes out of our curtains.
40:24Sing one small.
40:35All right, show off.
40:37They don't make films like this anymore.
40:39Thank God for that.
40:41Later, after Maria had met the Von Trapp kids.
40:44Lisa.
40:46Friedrich.
40:48Louisa.
40:49Pedro.
40:52Die.
40:53We found ourselves at a fancy party.
40:58He looks a bit like David Cameron.
41:00Ladies and gentlemen.
41:01Oh, the elegance and the days before junk food.
41:06Everyone slim and exquisite.
41:08The children of Captain Von Trapp wish to say goodnight to you.
41:12Oh, how charming.
41:13Oh, I like this one.
41:14Oh, I know, too.
41:15This is where they come down the stairs, isn't it?
41:17Yeah.
41:17Huh?
41:17Oh, what is this surprise?
41:25Oh, great.
41:26Time for the children to perform.
41:28Does it turn out that the one in the middle is actually their mother?
41:31That would be the EastEnders version.
41:33There's a sad sort of clanging from the clock in the hall and the bells in the steeple too.
41:42And up in the nursery an absurd little bird is popping out to say cuckoo.
41:48He's so moved.
41:49Poor kids.
41:50Cuckoo.
41:52Cuckoo.
41:52Cuckoo.
41:53You'll recognise this.
42:04Here we go.
42:05So long.
42:06Farewell.
42:07Auf Wiedersehen.
42:08Goodbye.
42:09I hate to go and leave this pretty side.
42:16Each one goes.
42:21Oh, I see.
42:22I'll be the same adieu.
42:24Adieu, adieu, adieu, adieu.
42:26To you, adieu, adieu.
42:27Okay, he knew that part.
42:28Yeah.
42:32Who are they saying goodbye to?
42:33Just the adults.
42:34This is the kind of shit you pull when you don't want to go to bed.
42:37Yeah.
42:37To get another ten minutes.
42:39Yeah.
42:40He's burst into song and dance.
42:43So long.
42:44Farewell.
42:45I'll be the same goodbye.
42:47Just go to sleep.
42:48I'll be the same goodbye.
42:48And leave a sigh and say goodbye.
42:51Goodbye.
42:53Wow.
42:54You had a beautiful high note there.
42:56So long.
42:57So long.
42:58Goodbye.
42:58I can't.
43:00I'm going to get a snack.
43:05This is the best bit, though.
43:06Oh.
43:06The sun has gone.
43:12She's scratching her arse up the stairs.
43:14Oh, my God.
43:14Now the little one's singing.
43:16Yeah, but she's really cute.
43:18Yeah, that helps.
43:19Goodbye.
43:25Isn't that lovely?
43:27Like, oh, six spots.
43:28Mercifully.
43:28Please tell me there's not more.
43:30OK.
43:30No more kids, right?
43:32I'm glad Jimmy's not watched this, because you know what'll be coming next, don't you?
43:35Oh, God, yeah.
43:36Full performance every night.
43:37Yeah.
43:39Up and down the stairs like a yo-yo.
43:41It's bad enough as it is.
43:42Give it a cuckoo.
43:43Cuckoo.
43:44Go to bed!
43:45In a perfect world, in a perfect world, in a perfect world, in a perfect world, in a perfect world, in a perfect, perfect world.
44:15You
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