Easy, Easy Love
“Tapi pernah mikir gitu?” He asked her, looking slightly at her and putting his gaze back to the scenery that goes before them. The city lights that shine beautifully, grasping all the busy sounds from up here.
“Mikir gimana? Kalo ga akan ada yang mau sama gue? Kalo gue akan end up single seumur hidup? Atau kalo gue ga akan pernah jatuh cinta lag?” She answered and laughed dryly.
“All of them,” He said, still fixated on the city view.
“Pernah, sekarang juga lagi mikir gitu” She answered truthfully with the same dryness everytime anyone asks about the same thing.
“Even sama gue?”
With that question she turns her body, facing him.”Maksudnya?” She is now eager to know and will hunt him down with an answer that will satisfy her curiosity. Her little curious mind.
It was hot in Jakarta, as always, but standing 30 floors up here gives them a good amount of airflow. Although now it feels like it being sucked out from Kaia’s lungs with Seth’s question.
“Even setelah kita udah ngobrol panjang, sering pergi bareng, sering ngobrol di rooftop kayak gini, practically we know a lot of things about each other. Masih mikir kalau being loved is not in the cards for you?”
Then there’s silence. Kaia can not exactly pinpoint what Seth is talking about. Is he confessing to her? Is this some sort of trick where people eventually feel like Kaia is so hard to break through and they give up on here, again? She just froze in his position, and couldn’t even look Seth in the eyes.
“Ga cuma sama lo, Seth. I never think love is for me generally. Does not have to be romantic. I just think maybe I am here in this world to give all of me yet I am too hard for people to handle. I am too much, don’t you think so?” Finally she blabbers out her thoughts. Her truth.
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“Kalo jawaban gue engga? You are not too much”
Again, silence.
“Boleh gue jelasin gak, Ya?” Seth is asking her permission. Kaia just nodded.
“Liat gue dulu” It’s not a request, it was a firm command that he wants her to look into his eyes when he says whatever he’s going to say next. He wants her to understand that it’s the truth. His truth.
“You are never too much. Hell, I enjoy standing beside you for 5 minutes when you are busy looking at the ingredients and composition for every product you want to buy in the supermarket. I find it amusing how you always find a time to buy flowers for yourself and put it prettily in your apartment just to remind you that life can always be that colorful. I find it fun to hear you blabber about the book you’re currently reading. I find it hella cool how you put yourself together to be the glue and to bear the responsibility that your family put upon your shoulder. I find myself looking at you full in admiration and adoration how you always choose kindness despite everything. I find it funny and interesting how you always forget things 3 minutes later. So no, Kaia. My life has been better, you painted colors I’ve never seen before and I don’t take it as handling you because hell no, you don’t need anyone to ‘handle’ you” He stops for a while, taking his hand to hold her tiny hands. No words coming out from her mouth, hence he continues,
“You are a whole force on your own. To be fair you don’t need me even, but I want to be there. Gue mau nemenin lo biar ada yang ingetin lo kalo ketinggalan charger, ada yang lo ajak diskusi soal novel-novel lo itu. Gue ga minta sekarang atau detik ini juga buat kita pacaran, Ya. Gue justru mau minta lo to let yourself be loved. Let people come to love you, celebrate you the way you always deserve. I am not saying that I can give that perfectly to you, I still need to learn but can we at least try?”
Kaia is lost for words. She just stands there with her hands holding to Seth’s dearly and her eyes full of tears. She never felt this way before, it’s exhilarating. Freeing. For once she feels calm and for once she wants to give Seth a chance.
She really can’t form a word to say, so she lets her body take control. She takes a step forward and place a soft peck in his cheek,
“You’re making falling in love sounds so easy”
Seth laughs so hard at her statement and pulls her into his embrace.
“One at a time, Ya. I promise I will let you land easily. Bareng-bareng ya?”
She nods again against his chest, feeling the warmth filling her heart and suddenly the dryness disappears.
