Demotivation
I lost my own way, and her heart is truly drained as fuck.
CAN I LEAVE AND START ENJOYING MY SLEEP WITHOUT ANY DISTURBANCE?
Do you think you become bored with seeing anything? You are preventing yourself from moving forward without any excuse. That’s definitely me. Beginning with so much joy and excitement to carry out my activity leads to an uncomfortable feeling of not being able to do anything for no reason. WHAT A PITY><
I’m still dealing with my thesis, and yez oh wow oh lord, GODDD!!!! I had changed many variables in a month and was obsessed with doing it swiftly, even staying up late had already become my boring habit since then. Hello, laptop! You’re my soulmate 24/7, and it seems like a love-hate relationship with it. If I can tell you politely, making thesis was enjoyable, to be honest, I love to do it (nope, I mean, slightly pressure haha) but, I don’t know why sometimes it could intimidate me, especially when I reread my thesis each per paragraph slowly, it became as a disaster because I think, “Why these paragraphs didn’t flow? What if my writing didn’t pretty much clear?” After all these happened, demotivated hit me up unconditionally without any permission.
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I declared to myself that I’m officially 100% already BURNED OUT!
For me, being demotivated was something that always happened to everyone in different pathways. I realized that a thesis is one of the most stressful things to stay focused on. As a final-year undergraduate, this is the final step to achieve a bachelor’s degree — it’s more than just a path to a job or validation; it’s an academic legacy. You’re trying to be more critical to elaborate the topic precisely as well as you write, proving your opinion through articles in journals and reality based on the data you found. Imagine still struggling with your thesis, only to be told to rearrange the variables and methods five times? T_T YOU DIED! DAMN
I was stressed even thinking about it. Due to this situation, I don’t want to see any type of laptop, especially mine — it has become truly awful to look at. I had gotten angry when my mind was full of thoughts. You can’t balance your heart and mind in the same period. Hence, you were only full of frustration, trying to break what you don’t have to chase it. How about my feelings? Crazy-ass.
I always wondered if a thesis is done, will I be totally free? Stupid boss, stupid me for thinking it was over. There is a revision. But the art of gratitude comes to me when you believe in yourself that God will always guide you as a navigator, then it has already happened. After my dedication to work and putting my efforts into finishing the proposal research with puffy eyes, I did my proposal, and I’m satisfied. Thank you, my advisor and examiner!
You know, I’m still dealing with my thesis, but I’m committed to putting in the effort to try my best. (Maybe with a little bit of matcha and a lot of prayers).
I love the process, but the pressure is real and intimidates me.
