Lost
When I lost him, a part of me had gone.
“Have you ever lost someone that you love the most?”
“Have you ever felt hope that he/she can be changed in a good way?”
“Have you ever felt exhausted by someone?”
“Have you ever had no spark or lost connection with someone?”
If you had those kinds of situations, you might be down. You had doubts about making a decision, either to go or to stay.
From my perspective, I realized that, fortunately, being hurt was a nightmare; it changed swiftly. No one wants to be in a heartbreak stage. Hence, they struggle after getting loose. It’s an unavoidable moment to handle.
I want to share a little story with you: meeting him at orientation became something I never expected. My initial feelings toward my friends whom I met felt awkward, because most of them were strangers. Long story short, we committed as a couple to support and rely on each other undoubtedly. During our commitment, unfortunately, we crashed, likely an ordinary relationship; something happened to us, and it ended. Yes, we’ve already broken up.
I declared to myself that I should go, even though I was too hurt to lose you. But it was a good decision for us. If you knew what I felt, I still love you, but there was so much disappointment; I felt fed up with his behavior, which mixed my feelings into the disrespect. He burned that bridge. I have no idea how to process many things; we had been together for 2 years. I should start my journey alone and push myself to erase you from my path.
“Have you already moved on to me?” He asked.
“Yes.”
You can only choose either to end things with pain or continue the cycle with deeper pain.
Honestly, I lied to him and hadn’t totally moved on yet, but there was something that happened – eternal disappointment — that ultimately ended with him. Because when we remain stuck in our relationships, it hurts us more.
“I’ll keep pretending to swim, when really all I’m doing is floating. Barely keeping my head above water.” – Colleen Hoover
If I could have said it any louder back then, I would have told you I loved you.
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I don’t want to know you again, not even all the little things from you.
Did you think I was happy for this? No, I didn’t.
ARE YOU KIDDING ME? for all of those memories which we’ve already been through together? OH, C’MON DUDE. That was truly awful, the most extreme nightmare for me, because it was my first time dealing with romantic heartbreak.
“Preventing your heart from forgiving someone you love is actually a hell of a lot harder than simply forgiving them.” – Colleen Hoover
Well, we are just being people who eventually do bad things, something about hurt, inconsistency, and lack of emotion.
I remember when we were at the talking stage, you accompanied me to Periplus and bought one of my wishlist of books, ‘It Ends With Us’ by Colleen Hoover. Yes, it happened 2 years later, inevitably, just ebbs and flows, in and out, it stops here, you and I seems like the title of the book, being as Atlas and Lily Bloom.
I healed by myself, there is no third party or new someone, not because I ain’t ready to open my heart or trying someone new. NO AT ALL! Talking to myself is the best way to be naturally healed, digging up what I need without any pressure, and asking myself to find peace.
Having the courage to think for yourself is a good start to exploring what you genuinely think, because not everyone can do this. We must find and break down each part you want to evaluate.
Gratefully, I’m done dealing with it without any thoughts of revenge or blame. It’s all about sincerity and embracing that valuable meaning. I settled to say I’ve already moved on in a deeply positive way.
“All humans make mistakes. What determine a person’s character aren’t the mistakes we make. It is how we take those mistakes and turn them into lessons rather than excuses.” – Colleen Hoover
For everyone who is still dealing with a breakup, it is okay to say that you’re not healed; don’t pretend to own yourself. You need to heal, learn the process, take the lessons, and accept. Your self-reliance will cultivate one step at a time. Don’t be afraid, you have self-compassion for yourself. The whole universe doesn’t sleep.
My greatest wish was for you to become my soulmate, yet you only ended up teaching me a painful lesson.
I hope we both find ourselves in a good place on the separate paths we have chosen, not as partners but as individual human beings (as I wrote in the first black book that I had given to him).
