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00:00hi campers who's ready to have some fun we are that's the spirit hey can we go
00:11outside and play it's really hot in here it sure is Trevor it's very hot
00:30just a little touch
00:36I was like my grace is feeling flirtatious
00:41you could be a motherfucker get on up and show some trust we like shopping at boys are us
00:52we feel like touching you and we're gonna cover up the truth I said it's really hot up here
00:59so get out of your clothes we are getting so hot we wanna take your clothes off
01:06it's really hot up here so get out of your clothes we are getting so hot we wanna take your clothes off
01:14come on kids it's time for truth or dare it let's get naked you're smooth or bearish
01:20we get loose we don't get hairish we get moved to another parish looking for the right time to
01:25loosen my collar type of nigga twister everybody holla let's play a horse and get me all right it
01:31oil a play down slip and slide it time to some castle let's deep rock it want some candy such a round in
01:37my pocket church will cover up so we can't lose we got secrets can't leave this room just a little
01:43touch it so get out of your clothes we are getting so hot we want to take your clothes off
02:00it's really hot up here so get out of your clothes we are getting so hot we want to take your clothes off
02:09so hot
02:13it's mad tv
02:16dress here
02:21it's mad tv
02:26it's mad tv
02:27older
02:30it's a fan
02:31it's mad tv
02:33it's mad tv
02:34it's mad tv
02:37Jo-Michelle Villan, Gary Spears, Stephanie Weir, Jethro Wilson, featuring Ike Barron-Holtz and Josh Byers, guest starring Jackie Chan.
02:59If you like The Osbournes and The Anna Nicole Show and The Real World and MTV Diary, and if you think you'll like Celebrity Boot Camp, don't miss the next episode of The Jackie Chan Show.
03:18Jackie Chan, you're the best.
03:21Jackie Chan, you're the best.
03:22And your smile's the best.
03:24Your soul's the best.
03:26Jackie Chan.
03:27Yo, Jackie, what's up?
03:31Yo, Jackie, wait, wait, wait, man.
03:32I saw you on entertainment tonight, man.
03:35You know what?
03:36You only mentioned my name twice.
03:37It was all Owen Wilson-ness and Owen Wilson-natt.
03:40What's up with that, man?
03:41Chris, you know I love you.
03:43Yeah, aight, man.
03:44Aight, man.
03:44Give it up.
03:45Come on, man.
03:47What?
03:49What?
03:50Just...
03:51Oh.
03:52This is why we bowed.
03:55So, you know, where you headed to now, man?
03:57I have to pick on my dog.
03:59Why?
04:00You hungry?
04:01You gonna walk your dog?
04:06Oh, hello.
04:07Hey, Jackie Chan.
04:12Oh.
04:14Hey, Jackie.
04:14Me and my sugarplum just had a good old time chasing squirrels.
04:17I love you, baby.
04:20Oh.
04:20Yo, yo, yo, yo, yo.
04:21What's all this?
04:22Owen Wilson, huh?
04:24Yo, man, what you doing with that dog?
04:25I bought Jackie that dog, man.
04:27I'm sorry.
04:28I can't understand you.
04:29I don't speak outer space.
04:31Yeah, well, at least my nose goes in one direction.
04:34Why don't you get that thing fixed, huh, Mr. Royal?
04:35Turn it by, I'm home.
04:37Why are you so irritable?
04:38Did something crawl up your butt and lay eggs?
04:41You know what, man?
04:42Don't make me get ghetto on you, because I can get ghetto.
04:45I can get ghetto on you.
04:46I'm good.
04:46I'm confused here.
04:47How do you get ghetto?
04:49See, I just don't understand that.
04:50I don't even know how to break that down.
04:51You know what?
04:52I'm gonna break you down, Shanghai.
04:54See, I know karate, kung fu, all the other Japanese words, man.
04:59Bravo.
05:00That's from third grade.
05:01You got anything from junior high?
05:02All right, let's go.
05:03Come on.
05:03Hey, hey, hey.
05:05Hey, stop, stop.
05:05No violence, okay?
05:08I know.
05:09I know.
05:10Eating contest, okay?
05:12Eating contest?
05:13Yeah, as long as it ain't.
05:14Sugar plum, man, it's awesome.
05:23One, two, three, ciao.
05:28Oh, eat.
05:35Oh, eat.
05:53Oh, oh!
06:01Oh, eat.
06:02Oh, eat!
06:03Oh, eat!
06:05The roof is on fire.
06:35The roof is on fire, yet we're still celebrating.
06:40Doesn't that seem like an oxymoron?
06:42No, man, there ain't no oxymoron.
06:44That's a contradiction.
06:46Confusing.
06:47See, I'm not getting any of this either.
06:49Sort of like a radio and the frequency keeps fading in and out,
06:52and all of a sudden I'm hearing, like, Spanish folk songs,
06:55and then the traffic report, and static, and you...
06:59Now, what the hell are you saying?
07:01Do you understand the words that are coming out of my mouth?
07:04Promise, you know what I'm saying?
07:05You try to act like you a dictionary man.
07:06You ain't no dictionary man.
07:07You ain't no dictionary man.
07:08I don't know who you think you are
07:09or what you think you're doing.
07:10And little black kids like me going through the fort...
07:11Jackie, where are you going?
07:12You scared them away.
07:13What?
07:14Jackie!
07:15Jackie, man, come back here.
07:17Well, this is a day in the life of Jackie Chan.
07:21Tomorrow, chiropractic.
07:23Bye.
07:24Bye.
07:25Hey, Jackie, where are you going?
07:27In it.
07:28You can't leave.
07:29You were in the middle of an eating pot.
07:30What's that about, man?
07:31No, no, no, no.
07:32Jackie, Jackie, Jackie, Jackie, Jackie, Jackie, Jackie, Jackie.
07:37Is your son ready for his lesson?
07:40Of course.
07:41Start!
07:42Your substitute piano teacher is here!
08:03Well, you must be Mr. Tuttle.
08:05Uh, yes.
08:06Is your son ready for his lesson?
08:07Of course.
08:08Start!
08:09Your substitute piano teacher is here!
08:11Yes, Mama, you don't have to shut the house down.
08:32Mister, where did you get that hole?
08:34It was a gift from Uncle Forever.
08:38Now, sir, I will not have you lying to me.
08:41What does Mama say about the liars?
08:43Tell a lie and your life will be a living hell
08:48with a dominary mother and an absent father.
08:54That's right.
08:55What else does Mama say about the liars?
08:58Men are liars.
08:59No more liars.
09:00That's right.
09:01And you know what, sir?
09:02You're just not a man yet, so just no more lying, okay?
09:05Can I start lying when I get hair on my dentures?
09:09Oh!
09:14Stuart Douglas, you are fresher than Brad.
09:17Now just get your buns over here to the piano bench
09:20and get ready for your lesson, or I tell you what,
09:22that's gonna be the last ho-ho you ever have!
09:24You understand me?
09:27Ultimatums are abusive.
09:32Well, he's all yours, Mr. Tuttle.
09:35I'll be upstairs drying and styling my hair.
09:38Well, Stuart, have you been doing your practicing?
09:46Mm-hmm.
09:48You're not lying to me, are you, Stuart?
09:50If I said I did it, I did it!
09:57Okay.
09:59Let's hear your scales.
10:08Stuart, that's amazing!
10:12I know.
10:13I'm a genius.
10:16Stuart, this is only your second lesson.
10:18Mrs. Larkin!
10:19Mrs. Larkin, come quickly!
10:21Oh!
10:22What is it?
10:27Well, now, Stuart, did you bite your teacher?
10:31If I did, he'd know it.
10:36Go on, Stuart.
10:38Play for your mother.
10:39Ah.
10:50I'm tired.
10:54Well, Mr. Tuttle, I appreciate you trying to give Stuart some positive feedback, but honestly,
11:00I have heard chickens play better than that at the county fair!
11:04Oh, what's the matter?
11:06As they say, he's right there!
11:08Clack, clack, clack, clack, clack, clack, clack, clack!
11:13Oh...
11:15And, uh...
11:17Stuart.
11:18Why didn't you play for your mama like you played for me?
11:22Were you nervous?
11:24No, when I'm nervous, I usually just pee.
11:29Stuart, I'm going to tell you something.
11:32You're a very talented young man.
11:37That's okay.
11:38That's okay.
11:39Artists of your caliber are extremely temperamental.
11:42I'm not temperamental.
11:44I'm not temperamental.
11:44Oh, please, listen to me, listen to me.
11:48If you play piano like you did for me, for your mother,
11:51then I'll become your permanent piano teacher.
11:53And then I can charge her top dollar.
11:57What's in it for Stuart?
12:02All the ho-hos you could ever dream of.
12:09Ho-hos are delicious.
12:14That was incredible.
12:29Mrs. Larkin!
12:30Mrs. Larkin, come quickly.
12:31Oh.
12:34But this had better be good, Mr. Tuttle,
12:36because I am having a bad hair day.
12:39Please.
12:40Please come with me.
12:42I think your hair looks great.
12:45Ah, what happened?
12:46Bill.
12:51Stuart?
12:52Is there something you'd like to play for us?
12:55Okay.
13:00This man comes to the dance.
13:02Play it.
13:03How's that?
13:23Sir, why are your pants off?
13:28If you got it, blow on it.
13:31Don't you think I could just behave
13:42and get through this piano lesson?
13:45Please be patient.
13:47God isn't finished with me yet.
13:51Oh.
13:53Oh.
13:53Oh.
13:55Man.
13:56Ma.
13:56Do you know what I think, Stuart?
14:06What do you think, Mr. Tuttle?
14:09I think that you're messing with my mind.
14:13I don't know what you mean, Mr. Tuttle.
14:15I think you know exactly what I mean.
14:21Because you might have your mother fooled,
14:23but you don't fool me.
14:24You want to know why?
14:25Because I'm a man.
14:26And men are smart.
14:29That's why we lie.
14:31Now, look.
14:32I'm going to call your mom down here,
14:34and you're going to play just like you're playing for me right now,
14:36or else I'm going to give you the spanking of a lifetime.
14:38Do you understand me?
14:39Well, I will.
14:46Okay?
14:48Catapult launch.
14:54Come here.
14:55I'll make you cry.
14:56You might just be a little boy,
14:58but I'm not afraid to hear a little boy.
14:59Do you hear me?
15:00Do you hear me?
15:01Oh.
15:04How dare you threaten
15:06my sweet, simple-minded little boy?
15:09Well, he's not sweet.
15:11He is diabolical.
15:12Do you hear me, Mrs. Larkin?
15:14Diabolical,
15:15and he is messing with your mind
15:16and my mind.
15:17Oh, that's it.
15:19I want you
15:20out of my house.
15:23With pleasure.
15:24March!
15:25Yes.
15:33Stuart, promise me
15:34you'll never grow up to be a man.
15:37I have a feeling I never will.
15:39George!
15:47There really are a genius!
15:54Mr. Tuttle!
15:57Mr. Tuttle!
15:59Whoa, whoa, whoa!
16:00Whoa!
16:01We are here at the Emmy Awards.
16:07Which one?
16:08Yes, the 54th Annual Emmy Awards.
16:09Yeah, we're going to talk to some people
16:10if they'll have us.
16:11Yes, oh, they better
16:12because I didn't get dressed up for nothing.
16:13I'm telling you.
16:14That's right.
16:14And if they won't talk to us,
16:15we'll make fun of them on our show in a week.
16:17I don't see one, though.
16:18We'll make fun of them on our show in a week.
16:24We'll make fun of them on our show in a week.
16:27We'll make fun of them on our show in a week.
16:28We'll make fun of them on our show in a week.
16:29Fatty, fatty, fatty, get your school lunch here.
16:32Fatty, fatty, fatty, get a big old rear.
16:36Come on, big fat fatty, get your school lunch here.
16:39It's full of grease and you'll get a week's crummy.
16:42Then looking at it, fatty, fatty, fatty, get your school lunch here.
16:47Come on, get your fatty crappy school lunch here.
16:50Anything you eat, dear, will make you gain 50 pounds of beer.
16:57Nutrition is a word, a really big word, that we have never heard.
17:03Oh, we heard it.
17:03We just don't like it.
17:05Because it costs us too damn much to give you veggies and such.
17:09And so we load you up with Pizza Hut and help you supersize your butt.
17:13Fatty, fatty, fatty, fatty.
17:15Hi, kids.
17:16Donald McRunnell here.
17:18Guess what?
17:19We own your school.
17:21Say, do you ever wonder how we make your school lunches?
17:23Well, here's our mixed secret.
17:25We take parts of the animals that nobody else wants.
17:28Then grind them up with some sawdust and lard, deep fried, and dip it in mayonnaise.
17:33That covers your five basic food groups.
17:35Fat, sugar, fat, gristle, and fat.
17:38And you can wash it all down with a Red Bull from one of the over 300 vending machines found all over the school.
17:44Whee!
17:46Public schools can afford good food.
17:48Or sports programs.
17:49Or band.
17:50Or book season.
17:51Hell, they can barely afford to pay for the school board's new BMWs.
17:55So dive on in.
17:57The lard is fine.
17:59Get your school lunch here.
18:01Hi, this is the lovely Debra Wilson.
18:14And this is the very handsome Michael McDonald.
18:16And we are here at the Emmy Awards.
18:18Which one?
18:18Yes, the 54th Annual Emmy Awards.
18:20Yeah, we're going to talk to some people if they'll have us.
18:21Yes.
18:22Oh, they better.
18:22Because I didn't get dressed up for nothing.
18:23I'm telling you.
18:24And if they won't talk to us, we'll make fun of them on our show in a week.
18:27I don't see one, huh?
18:28It's hot out here.
18:29I'll tell you one thing.
18:30Yeah, how hot would you say it is?
18:31It's so hot that my sweat tissue has deteriorated.
18:35I have a small river of sweat running down my butt crack.
18:38Really?
18:39Hi, Mom.
18:40Michael, who's that over there?
18:41That woman over there.
18:42Uh, I believe that is a whore.
18:46Let's see who's cracked up enough to talk to us.
18:58He wouldn't talk, but...
19:00But, you know what?
19:01Oh, I'm sorry.
19:02I'm sorry.
19:02Debra, you're insane.
19:03Stop it.
19:04Hey, stop it.
19:07It's a trick.
19:08Does somebody have some medication?
19:10Hey, Mr. Benjamin.
19:11Hey, MTV, what's up?
19:13Mad TV, not it.
19:14Mad TV, I'm sorry.
19:15That's all right, baby.
19:16You're looking good.
19:17Wow, I can smell the liquor.
19:18Did you know that Mad TV was nominated three years ago for best titles?
19:21No, I didn't.
19:22What did you win this show?
19:24Nothing.
19:24We've won nothing.
19:25Do you watch the show?
19:26No, I don't.
19:26Hello, Mad TV rocks!
19:28Question, are you ever going to get the rent money together with Chrissy and Janet?
19:31You have a very big wallet.
19:33No.
19:33He just grabbed my ass.
19:34No, I...
19:35Hey, everyone looks beautiful.
19:37So, why not have a good...
19:38Yeah, but you know what?
19:39All that beauty underneath?
19:40Fake teeth.
19:40Fake boobs.
19:41Fake back.
19:42Speaking of fake boobs, Deborah, how are yours doing?
19:45Great.
19:45I don't match you.
19:46Brother, I'm sweating like a Coke bottle on a summer day.
19:48I hear that.
19:49A Coke bottle on a what?
19:50It's black talk, everybody.
19:52Yeah, we're speaking black right now.
19:53Hello, my favorite, favorite, favorite people in the whole entire world.
19:56Now, you're known as an incredibly tough critic, so that means a lot to me.
20:00Biggest whore in Hollywood.
20:02Biggest whore in Hollywood.
20:03It's Simon Cowell.
20:04Simon Cowell.
20:04There it is.
20:06Go to hell, buddy.
20:07Oh, wait, wait.
20:08I'll just...
20:09F*** you.
20:09Hey, man.
20:10F*** Brian Krantz.
20:11No, no.
20:12I'm going to win.
20:13How are you?
20:14And you look fabulous.
20:15By win, do you mean, um...
20:17I don't care what Raymond says.
20:18One more at the same time.
20:19I don't care.
20:20I'm going to win.
20:20You're doing an aggression to Brad Garrett.
20:22I'm going to win.
20:23You're going to win the biggest whore in Hollywood.
20:25Oh, well, I don't know.
20:27Did you see what Joan of the Wies was wearing today?
20:29I saw.
20:30I saw.
20:31I was...
20:31You know, I can't diss on Joan.
20:34She was awesome to me.
20:35Yeah?
20:35I can't do it, man.
20:36She was too good to me to...
20:37I wasn't asking you to.
20:38It sounds like you want to, but you won't.
20:40No, but you...
20:41No, it sounds like you're asking me to, but I can't.
20:44I didn't know you were so easily manipulated.
20:46No, no, I don't think so.
20:48I'm getting frustrated with you.
20:49You know, he's like it.
20:50Would you plan us a quick interview for MADtv?
20:52You're supposed to...
20:53I'm supposed to be rehearsing.
20:54You're too drunk.
20:56Who do you think is going to win for biggest whore?
21:00Biggest whore?
21:00Well, I'm up for it, so...
21:02Biggers will cross.
21:03He's so psyched.
21:04He's a great gig.
21:05Yeah, you got to do things like movies,
21:06and we get to do this.
21:08You don't have to hold it, Jane.
21:10We know it's a baby.
21:11This is Brad Whitford, Jane Kaczmarek,
21:13and their baby and the ring.
21:15And the borrowed ring.
21:16The baby's ours.
21:17Okay, if West Wing wins a lot,
21:19or Malcolm in the Middle wins a lot,
21:20are you going to name your baby Emmy?
21:23Well, it would go with Oscar and Tony,
21:26which are two sons now.
21:27And, of course, your mom would be Grammy.
21:30And ours will be has-been.
21:33The biggest, fakest breasts in Hollywood.
21:37You sure you don't want to touch that one?
21:39No, I don't want to touch that one.
21:40That's why I touch them both.
21:42You can borrow these anytime.
21:43They screw off.
21:44Are you John Cheadle?
21:46John Cheadle.
21:46I said John.
21:47You said John Cheadle.
21:48No, I said John, but I stumbled.
21:50I stumbled.
21:51You don't know the man's work?
21:52It's wise, because he black?
21:53I said John Cheadle.
21:53Is it because he black?
21:54You don't know?
21:55You don't know what it's going to be?
21:56What do you think is going to be the first new show
21:58of the fall to get canceled?
21:59Who cares?
22:00Oh, to get canceled.
22:02It could be any number of them.
22:05I learned a lot about showbiz tonight.
22:08What did you learn, Michael?
22:09I learned that celebrities like to talk on camera.
22:13Yeah, a number of them do that, too.
22:15A number of them do that.
22:16Wasn't that wonderful that a lot of them came over,
22:18especially Oprah?
22:19Yeah, especially when we forced her.
22:25Hey, welcome to the 50s diner.
22:28I'm Rocco.
22:29What can I do for you, Stu?
22:30A couple of cool cats like you
22:32deserve the best seat in the joint.
22:34Oh, thank you.
22:41Hey, welcome to the 50s diner.
22:44I'm Rocco.
22:45What can I do for you, Stu?
22:47Well, actually, we need a table for four.
22:49We're meeting another couple here.
22:50Right this way.
22:51A couple of cool cats like you
22:53deserve the best seat in the joint.
22:55Oh, thank you.
22:56Have a seat.
22:57There you go.
22:58Hey, anything else you need,
23:00you ask for Rocco.
23:02Hey.
23:05Isn't this place a riot?
23:07Oh, yeah.
23:08It must have been such a blast
23:09to live in the 50s
23:10with all those wacky characters.
23:11I know, I know.
23:14There's Will and Beverly.
23:15Will, Beverly, right over here.
23:16Hey, hey.
23:17Wow, this place is wild.
23:19Yeah, isn't it?
23:20I can't believe you guys
23:21haven't been here before.
23:22It's so much fun.
23:23Look.
23:24Hey there.
23:27I'm Bobby Jean.
23:28I'm your waitress.
23:29So what you drinking?
23:31You first, sugar.
23:32Oh, wait a minute.
23:38All right, so what's it gonna be?
23:40I ain't gone all day.
23:41I'm gonna have a, uh, just a Coke.
23:45Uh, Diet Coke for me.
23:46All righty.
23:48Uh, miss, you forgot to take our orders.
23:51Yeah, and we need some menus, please?
23:52Oh, that ain't gonna be happening, dark stuff.
23:58Wait a minute, wait a minute.
23:59That's crazy.
24:00Did you guys see that?
24:01It said no colors.
24:01I mean, what is that all about?
24:03Well, I don't know.
24:04I mean, it's supposed to be the 50s, so.
24:06Yeah.
24:06You know?
24:09Just, you know, I don't know.
24:11Roll with it.
24:11Yeah.
24:11See what happens.
24:13Well, we're not gonna roll with it, okay?
24:15This is totally unacceptable.
24:16Yes.
24:17All right, there you go.
24:19All right, you folks had a chance
24:20to look at the menu?
24:21Uh, no, thanks to you.
24:22I wasn't talking to you, Brownie.
24:26What'd you just call me?
24:28Wait a minute.
24:28I know you didn't call him Brownie, Marshmallow.
24:32Hold on, hold on.
24:33I'm Milton, the manager.
24:34What seems to be the problem?
24:35Well, I was just serving drinks here,
24:37and then Ooga Booga started in with...
24:39What?
24:40Just, they're having trouble getting into the spirit.
24:42You know, they're a little sensitive, so.
24:44I'll tell you what, Lauren.
24:46Why not take you outside
24:47and show you a little sensitive?
24:48Huh?
24:51Now, I see.
24:52This is a total misunderstanding.
24:54Please accept our apologies.
24:56It's just this being a 50s diner and all.
24:58Sometimes we just get a little carried away.
25:00Yeah, well, all right.
25:01Don't make me...
25:01Go ahead, man.
25:02Okay, so you two Negroes
25:03are just gonna have to move along.
25:06What?
25:06Let me tell you something, man.
25:07We ain't going nowhere, all right?
25:08We demand some respect,
25:09and we're gonna stand here
25:10till somebody get us some food.
25:12A sit-in?
25:13That's what you want, huh?
25:14Well, if you guys insist on staying here,
25:16I'm gonna have to follow
25:17what's in the policy manual.
25:18Yeah, well, you do that,
25:19because we know our rights.
25:19That's right.
25:20Okie dokie, McSkokey.
25:21Oh, oh, boy, a sit-in.
25:26Would you guys just lighten up?
25:28I mean, it's their theme.
25:30You know, can't you just go along with it?
25:32Yeah.
25:33You're really kind of making
25:34a federal case out of it.
25:37That's because it was a federal case, stupid.
25:39Oh, hell no, uh-uh.
25:43Hold on, water.
25:44You know what?
25:44This is a bunch of bull.
25:45This might be a theme restaurant,
25:46but your theme sucks.
25:47It's the 21st century, man.
25:49You can't treat people that way.
25:50It's illegal.
25:51Besides, one phone call from me,
25:53and I have Johnny cocking up in your ass.
25:56You know what?
25:56I've had enough of the 50s.
25:58I'm gonna crack your ass like an egg later.
26:01And you know what?
26:02In 10 years, I'm gonna come back here
26:03with the Black Panthers,
26:04and we're gonna burn this mother down.
26:09That's a threat.
26:11You can't threaten me like that.
26:11Yeah, you're damn right it's a threat.
26:12And I'll tell you something else, too.
26:13For somebody that likes their 50s,
26:15let me show you a little bit of something
26:16I saw on I Love Lucy.
26:26Well, that was weird.
26:30You know, I don't remember
26:31the Blacks being so angry in the 50s.
26:36I'm so glad things have changed.
26:38Oh, excuse me.
26:44Is this a Diet Coke?
26:46Oh, sorry.
26:46It's regular.
26:47This is the 50s.
26:48They didn't have diet.
26:50Ew.
26:50Ew.
26:51Oh, I don't know if I want to eat here.
26:53No Diet Coke.
26:54Yeah.
26:56Because the 50s weren't as great
26:57as I thought they were.
26:58No, you said it.
26:59Hey, I'll tell you what.
27:00Why don't we go eat at Sambo's?
27:01Oh!
27:01Oh!
27:01Oh!
27:01Oh!
27:02Oh!
27:02Oh!
27:02Oh!
27:02Oh!
27:03Oh!
27:03Oh!
27:04Oh!
27:04Oh!
27:05Oh!
27:05Oh!
27:06Oh!
27:07Oh!
27:07Oh!
27:08Oh!
27:08No!
27:09Throw it!
27:25Oh!
27:26Oh!
27:26Man, I hate detention!
27:28Oh, my God!
27:28So do I.
27:29But not nearly as much as I hate working in the cafeteria.
27:32Only nerds work in the cafeteria.
27:34Oh!
27:34Oh!
27:34I do it for financial reasons!
27:36oh you guys make awesome sloppy joes
27:42hey you can't be out of your chair i'm not gonna sit in my chair all day but mr fritch
27:53clearly stated that we were to mr fritch is clearly sitting in his car right now blowing
27:57a doobie with mr lieberman the arts teacher you can do whatever you want homes i suppose
28:03a chalkboard could use a good cleaning hey shirmer it's raining it's not rain it's my spit
28:14you look so stupid right now what a douche
28:19i've seen you around before what's your name well salutations my name's albert brockmeyer
28:29i'm the founder and the manager of the math elite team here at school radical 36 minus radical 25
28:35solve that equation we're number one
28:37and i know who you are steve wellington how do you know that because my first week in school you
28:49shoved me into the girls locker room and i was trying to get out but you were holding the door
28:52shut saying my name's steve wellington don't you forget it steve wellington right god this place
29:00sucks it's your first time here yes i'm popping my proverbial detentionary cherry
29:08is it yours it's like my 200th wow congratulations on your bicentennial achievement what'd you do to
29:19receive this particular detention i made a couple of freshman guys make out
29:26were they gay they are now hey do you want to know why i'm in here no
29:32wow today in chemistry i figured out how to make crack wow
29:39come on time move faster i got stuff to do
29:45sometimes i wish i could make time go faster too
29:48i'd keep it going till my acne was gone yeah your face looks like my back
29:54my mother calls them handsome sores dude it's just the two of us in here
30:05i have to give you a wedgie really it's my duty duty okay
30:16so are you planning on going to university yeah with a little bit of luck arizona state
30:21what's your safety stay here teach jim
30:28sorry about that that's okay i mean steve i've endured your wedgies on an almost weekly basis for
30:34the last few years are you going to the prom the theme is mid-90s me and a few of the linemen are
30:39gonna go as hooting the blowfish i don't know i was thinking about it but social events are always
30:48awkward for me yeah i know what you mean everyone expects me to do something crazy it's all hey
30:55steve spike the punch or hey steve punch the chaperone or hey steve take the jv wrestling team
31:02and duct tape their nutsacks and play rope-a-dope
31:08sometimes i feel like like what steve like i do things for others but not for myself
31:18but steve i mean everybody likes you okay you're the most popular guy in school i'd give anything
31:30for that but you're right i work in the cafeteria so i'll always just be a nerd hey man don't say that
31:40all right listen to me you're a nerd but like in ten years you're gonna make a lot of money doing
31:48math and then you're gonna get all the tail you want you think yeah i do think and you'll know how
31:54to make awesome sloppy joes you want to hear a secret well of course i do i didn't really make
32:04a couple freshman guys make out no no i made it up because i thought it was cool oh well then i guess
32:11i have a secret to share as well what's that well i made up that crack stuff because i thought it was
32:15cool so why are you here this morning in the cafeteria when i was making the mix for the sloppy joes
32:21i took a dump in the ground beef
32:35i love the thought of working with rob williams in alaska i mean this guy that one movie did
32:56brilliant stuff cheeto what can i say man's a legend what an amazing range you can play four
33:05different cops in the same year you know what i like to see him do play a keystone cop wallowing
33:10around getting hit the nuts oh oh so sorry robin can make a joke out of anything we had a rat on the
33:16set and people were scared i'm like come on think about it it's martha stewart little hey little
33:20okay and we're dancing we're dancing we're dancing every once in a while you break into a morgue voice
33:28nanu nanu earth to al earth to al it's not that he's not funny but he starts to zig just when you
33:35think he's gonna zag he zigs again he just keeps digging too much zigging alaska it's too cold for that
33:44frostbite forming on my testicle the guy talks about his unit more than anyone i've ever met speaking
33:52of logs i felt like paul bunyan in the bearing strats like help me he just doesn't let her
34:01you've killed her hail to dorothy the wicked witches let me tell you something when you're freezing on a lake
34:08you don't want to hear about munchkins you don't want to hear help me i'm a fly when your bulls are
34:16freaking blue you don't care who's a good witch or a bad one oh my lord i got scoffies mad at me scoffies
34:23is mad at me help me lord help me lord someone should tell the guy and we're dancing again come on a
34:30five six seven eight this crap is tired cappuccino mr patino why not hold on a second i had a thought
34:41are you good for a bunch i'm a sandwich lady would you like to take about michael michael
34:45corleone freddo i know it was you you broke my heart you broke my
34:53and we're dancing we're dancing we're dancing oh doing more of a sound but now oh
35:01what a brilliant film he's running through the water got the pipe in his mouth god i believed it
35:09and suddenly it's like oh my god what incredibly wonderful place but who the hell does your
35:13decorating silence whoa taco bell for lunch listen i was just out in kansas hamming up with the pigs
35:20bacon bacon you know what i mean i've always wanted a stand-up comedian who says two jews walk into a bar
35:28that's where i get stuck
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